dear kumar,
in addition to kinky sex, even how much sex is something in an arranged marriage an open question. the husband may want more and the wife just the bare minimum to satisfy procreation needs (1 or 2 max these days). sexual compatibility is not discussed, and considering that one is defaulted to be a virigin at marriage, one does not have the experience even to comment on it.
as raji says, there is a lot of adjustments. which in my case, because mrs K and i came from as similar a family as possible, with not only accents (palghat), cooking (palghat), house mores (palghat) and above all antecedents (palghat) - all this helped us make a home but even that involved lots of adjustments.
thankfully, there were only two of us, and hence could make out own rules, as we went along. that the fact we lived in canada, i was a liberated male as far as female equality was considered, and that too absolutely, that mrs K loved the freedom and the opportunities of the west, we have a good marriage.
would have been more tough, if there were parents involved, hers or mine. as i have seen it happen here, on several occassions. and girls going back to india or guys abusing their wives who sponsored them to canada in the first place. the indian male mentality in both instances, cannot or is unable to adjust roles and responsibilities as it reflects in the west. the indian girl comes with this expectation and is disappointed if the hubby is a traditional indian. in the other case, the husband cannot accept the westernized wife, even if it meant her going to work or wearing a lipstick
my own sister had a love marriage, tambram ofcourse. i have found that there is an additional oomph in their relationship. even after 34 years they have an oodal in their relationship, and the way my bil even addresses her, there is a fondness, that came out a classic movie like romantic story - he saw her in his cousin's house, her classmate, fell for her, and wooed there the typical tamil movie way. add to it, he looked dashing with pomaded hair and arumbu meesai, sharp dressing and the panache that went with it. my sis simply swooned, and my parents were faced a 'fait accompli' situation of a dashing young brahmin boy after their rather demure but pretty daughter.
then the parents took over, and along with it went the negotiations re jewels dowry and all such nasty stuff.
i find this common, even in indian marriages here in canada. the love initiative stops when the marriage initiative is taken over by the parents. recently a tambram girl married a gujju, with the gujju guy being the chaser. when it came to marriage, the gujju dad told the tambram dad, that it was the tambram dad who has to foot the bill, entire 70,000 dolla. i told this friend of mine to refuse but he did not have the guts.
in my own son's case, he and his beloved decided the dates, invited us on short notice, and surprised us conveniently, so that we did not have the knowledge or obligation to tell the whole world of relations. i like those type of weddings - simple, minimal cost and very personally informal.
congrats to you and mrs kumar on your 35 years of happy wedded life, and many many more years to come
