I C and I R weddings!

[krish44]

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Pleasant News . One TB girl getting to a TB boy both in bangalore . Girl my cousins daughter.

Both vaishnavite iyengars.

Normal marriages within community are uncommon.

Is something going wrong somewhere?

 

[tbs]

hi

i think ..IC/IR marriage not only tambram problem but also NB/ WITH NB TOO...means i met a couple recently in USA..

both are NBs...love marriage...both parents never agreed...the boy is tamil naidu and the gal is mudaliar....the boy's parents

not accepting fully with gal...even boy's parents visited recently....but they are NOT happy with this love marriage...they

think naidu is upper caste and mudaliar is lower caste..

 

[Raji Ram]

Pleasant News . One TB girl getting to a TB boy both in bangalore . Girl my cousins daughter.

Both vaishnavite iyengars.

Normal marriages within community are becoming uncommon.

Is something going wrong somewhere?

So, you LIKE wedding within same community but SUPPORT I C and I R weddings!! :lol:

 

[krish44]

These days most marriages are of hybrid variety in one of the two ways

ie First love and involved in a relationship and later arranged involving both families

second arranged first then dating a few times after engagement and before marriage

In the first case both boy and girl have to make the effort to convince both families who may or may not accept. Pro in this case is both boy and girl have a comfort

level before meeting families and this goes a long way in ensuring an enduring relationship. Both learn how to sell each other to their families

In the second case, Parents and both families provide the glue to children to stick together at least until marriage. The boy and girl get a chance also to meet after

engagement which provides a chance to break up if one finds the other unsuitable for any reason.A broken engagement is much better than a broken marriage IMHO.

 

[krish44]

So, you LIKE wedding within same community but SUPPORT I C and I R weddings!! :lol:

I like all weddings . It relieves many seniors of the responsibility of childrens marriage if it takes place when they are in good health and fairly sane.

If they cannot find matches of their choice within their community, I see no harm in choosing the best out of what is available making compromises on caste or religion if need be.

I do not consider anything other than academic , job credentials, location, age difference and common language for communication ,looks..food habits. These are minimal.

The issue within our community is they harp on Horoscope, very narrow caste grouping,subsects , and miss the larger picture of suitability.

 

[krish44]

I went to Hindi film 'Badrinath ki dulhania'

Alia bhat vanishes from kalyana mandap where she is supposed to marry Varun in arranged match at the last moment as she feels she should not be trapped in a

marriage where she cannot pursue her career after marriage. She has an earlier understanding with varun that she would marry him if he helps in finding a match for

her elder sister which he does and also part finances that .However she ditches him after sisters marriage.He locates her in singapore and follows her there to take

revenge. In stead he lands into various troubles there with police and she rescues him.He ends up accepting her career aspirations and marries her.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Both my D in Laws are carrier oriented Both Vice President one in Infosys and the other in HDFC They are young and can raise further with their supportive spouses and in-laws ! .

 

[Raji Ram]

​You are great, J J ji!

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

The issue within our community is they harp on Horoscope, very narrow caste grouping,subsects , and miss the larger picture of suitability.(#129 of Krish)

I remember to have posted my experience on ஆயில்யம் & மூலம் the birth star of my D in L & my son It.will be interesting to get that from archives I am unable to do that!

 

[krish44]

I learnt astrology and horoscope casting and matching just to take care of issues relating to that.

I have some ayilyum in my family also .

That has not affected marriage prospects.

 

[Raji Ram]

Just one straight Q, now.

Do our members consider I C / I R weddings good or bad?

In most of the cases, if the wedding happens in the extended family, brahmins support it saying, 'After all, the children

should be happy with their choice!' But, they get upset when their son / daughter gets ready for such a wedding!

 

[tbs]

Just one straight Q, now.

Do our members consider I C / I R weddings good or bad?

In most of the cases, if the wedding happens in the extended family, brahmins support it saying, 'After all, the children

should be happy with their choice!' But, they get upset when their son / daughter gets ready for such a wedding!

hi

the straight answer is YES....but compromise for some....or children.....NOBODY CAN DENY....EVEN IC/IR PARENTS DOES NOT

BELEIVE IN LOVE OR IC/IC MARRIAGES...

 

[krish44]

What happens TBSji in case of children of IC/IR marriages, parents think of difficulties they have faced as IC/IR couple.

They would like their children to return to the caste of one of their grand parents.

They would like their children to live peacefully with one caste identity ,preferably which ever caste is considered higher in caste heirarchy.

Almost every caste has plus minus.

Members of two castes get tied in matrimony, if they are mature they will take the good and ignore the bad.

That hardly happens.

So many pressures that IC/IR couple face in day to day living with no back up from their own families[mostly parents] makes them realise that have paid a very heavy

price for entering into these relationships.

 

[Raji Ram]

hi

the straight answer is YES.......

Dear TBS Sir,

What do you mean by 'YES'? My Q was this:

Do our members consider I C / I R weddings good or bad?

So your should answer either 'Good' or 'Bad' !:decision:

 

[krish44]

RRji would feel bad if someone says good.

So I shall refrain from saying that.

This is her thread.

She has tolerated my postings.

 

[Raji Ram]

RRji would feel bad if someone says good.

So I shall refrain from saying that.

This is her thread.

She has tolerated my postings.

:nono: Krish Sir! Why should I feel bad for other's opinion? In fact, I want the straight answer from my friends!

BTW, we were forced to accept a few I C, I R weddings in our family! When it happens in the extended families, we are able

to easily accept it! By God grace (nothing else!), my son opted for our choice and we relaxed ONLY the subsect in Iyers!

So.......... your answer is 'Good'!!

 

[tbs]

Dear TBS Sir,

What do you mean by 'YES'? My Q was this:

So your should answer either 'Good' or 'Bad' !:decision:

hi

personaly i feel bad...i never say good....but still happens......generallly if it happens others....i never involve much....if

something happen to my close circle...i really feel bad...so NOW A DAYS...NO OPINION...NO SUGGESTION,

 

[Raji Ram]

.........so NOW A DAYS...NO OPINION...NO SUGGESTION,

... I agree. By doing so we will have eace:!

P.S: eace: = Peace

 

[vgane]

Just one straight Q, now.

Do our members consider I C / I R weddings good or bad?

In most of the cases, if the wedding happens in the extended family, brahmins support it saying, 'After all, the children

should be happy with their choice!' But, they get upset when their son / daughter gets ready for such a wedding!

Bad...

The married couple is not respected in inner circles of both sides..

An Iyer girl who said that she would not compromise her religion & will bring the children the traditional Hindu way after marriage to a Protestant Keralite has now got her 2 boys baptized...She did not have any say in her children upbringing..She is lamenting but it is too late

Another girl who married a Vanniar a few years back is without issues and her father in law chides his son for for being childless & curses his DIL for being fat!!

A third case where an Iyer girl married a Gounder in Erode...After several years of marriage, the boy's parents forced his son to remarry a Gounder so that they can get progeny from their caste

IC/IR is an albatross around the neck of TB's..Sooner they realize better it is for us!!

All the 3 cases involve Girls who are graduates or post graduates!!

 

[krish44]

There are good and bad stories on IC/IR weddings

All of us selectively look at issues based on our thinking.

The ones I know have been mostly successful.

Places like tamilnadu are highly polarised on caste /religion basis.

Caste polarisation is on account of dravidiam movement and the religion ones are because of missionaries and muslim agencies with foreign funding whose aim is

conversion first.

Delhi has lesser religion related issues due to partition after effects regards muslim conversion and less tolerance for conversions to christianity by christian missions.

The lowest strata of society -mostly dalits get targetted by missionaries .

Most care about economic well being and do not care about caste or religio.

IC/IR marriages take place in urban educated youth and most leave them alone

They get ignored in social circles.

Who has the time to care who marries whom ?.

In a social site , A white in US in a live in with indo american girl for some years was asking for advise on what to about to do about indian parents and other elder

relatives of the girl contacting his girl and asking her to leave her white boy friend and choose some indian instead for conventional marriage.He says he and her girl

friend are adult and know what they want.He feels embarassed by the attention his girl is getting

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

You are correct in saying:

There are good and bad stories on IC/IR weddings

All of us selectively look at issues based on our thinking.

Though the brahmin parents are against these weddings, many yield to the wishes of their son / daughter,

when it is a love marriage. If parents are supportive, the youngsters don't face much problems.

 

[krish44]

Brahmin parents are not supportive.

They at best tolerate for the sake of children.

They get forced to tolerate these intruders from other caste /religion.

Then there is a kind of apartheid where these entrants get kept out of all family discussions and they do not get the recognition they hope for.

Most such couple are told to live separately and get called for functions home . Most do not want to share home space with them

 

[vgane]

In my society we saw a Tambrahm mami wearing a light colored saree & was going out..But her face looked forlorn & dejected..Is there some death in the family...We wondered..But, when we enquired later, we realized she was going to attend wedding of her only daughter with a North Indian based boy.I really pitied her..But youngsters do not care for their parents likes & dislikes..They have overgrown..May be when they get wisdom it is too late in the day!!

 

[tbs]

Brahmin parents are not supportive.

They at best tolerate for the sake of children.

They get forced to tolerate these intruders from other caste /religion.

Then there is a kind of apartheid where these entrants get kept out of all family discussions and they do not get the recognition they hope for.

Most such couple are told to live separately and get called for functions home . Most do not want to share home space with them

hi

i agreed.. i know many....sometimes they show in front of others and give nice advices/opinions/suggestions...but finally...


ஊருக்கு தான் உபதேசம்....அது எனக்கு இல்லை....

 

[Raji Ram]

......... Most such couple are told to live separately and get called for functions home . Most do not want to share home space with them

This happens in almost all the weddings, whether I C or I R or NOT!

My friend who lives in a 2bhk apartment nearby, arranged for 'thanik kudiththanam' of her son, as soon as she got him

married to a girl of her choice. She says that only then she will not be burdened with additional kitchen work and the

youngsters will realize their responsibility. Joint family system has gone with the wind long back, Krish Sir! :nod: