would not a daughter be a natural candidate to spend the old age with?

[Brahin]

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The desire to love some one and be loved by that some one is a natural instict. Once a pair truely started loving each other, than there should not be a thought of second or multiple love, just to enjoy the feel of love making with many.


Love is not just a physical attraction/attachement but more meaningfully a emotional attachment and commitment by each other.

A love between husband and wife may have many minute details that, the couples in question can only realize and judge each other.

A wife may forgive the accidental sex of her husband, with other lady with mutual consent. But that husband will for sure have a wound in him till his death.

A husband may forgive the accidental sex of his wife, with other man with mutal consent. But that wife will for sure have a guilt consciousness till her death.

Both may forgive each other and still live together. But there may just exist a sense of higher level of love just similar to a love with God, owing to strong emotional attachement and commitment that the couples in question once had for a long time.

There are couples who have extramarital affairs for their different needs, both know as what the other is doing outside and still continue to live together with the same level of physical and emotional love. May be they are endorsed with a status of high level, elevated, eternal loving couples.

We have many a choise to live our life with our spouse. We can be considerate to our spouse and never cheat her/him, we can be having secret extra marital affairs and still love our spouse, we can be having a new love affair and leave the old one etc..etc..

In all, in my opinion, if love making is combined with emotional attachment and commitment, than one neither need to find onself guilty nor need to lead the rest of the life by killing once's true self just for a reason of one's great love and forgiveness towards the erring spouse.

Dear C Ravi,

I liked what you wrote but your thinking about Love is too ideal and its very difficult to find such kind of love in this Yug.

Regards,

Brahin Brahmanisth

 

[kunjuppu]

renu, you said,

Most man will divorce their wives if they find out their wife had an affair while she was away on a bussiness trip.
But a husband who had an affair while being on a bussiness trip citing examples that he was drunk,it was raining outside,there was thunder lightning and hence he crossed the lines here will expect wife to understand him and forgive him but how many man are willing to buy this story if wife says same thing to them?

why is it such? is not what is good for the goose, also good for the gander?

nowadays, colleagues of both genders go away on business trips together. barring a few, i think most companies atleast provide these with different rooms in a hotel ie segregate them by sex.

but there is nothing to prevent them from having a fling, except their own choice.

i have always felt that we need a ஸ்திர புத்தி to deal with life in general. it is easy to get distracted and attracted to novelty. there is probably excitement and novelty in having an illicit affair.

most people, in my opinion, are not drunk when they initiate extra marital sex. only in movies and story books we see that. in real life is is more likely a deliberate choice, done out of a continuum of contact and (il)logical conculsion to the development of a friendship.

depending on the marriage of the participating individuals, there will likely be impacts. not sure if there will be wounds to be felt lifelong. for within a marriage, there is more forgiveness and forgetfulness, than any other relationship. as self, and probably other married folks here, can attest.

once upon a time, i think, it was the female who was at the receiving end. not any more.

 

[renuka]

renu, you said,

Most man will divorce their wives if they find out their wife had an affair while she was away on a bussiness trip.
But a husband who had an affair while being on a bussiness trip citing examples that he was drunk,it was raining outside,there was thunder lightning and hence he crossed the lines here will expect wife to understand him and forgive him but how many man are willing to buy this story if wife says same thing to them?

why is it such? is not what is good for the goose, also good for the gander?

nowadays, colleagues of both genders go away on business trips together. barring a few, i think most companies atleast provide these with different rooms in a hotel ie segregate them by sex.

but there is nothing to prevent them from having a fling, except their own choice.

i have always felt that we need a ஸ்திர புத்தி to deal with life in general. it is easy to get distracted and attracted to novelty. there is probably excitement and novelty in having an illicit affair.

most people, in my opinion, are not drunk when they initiate extra marital sex. only in movies and story books we see that. in real life is is more likely a deliberate choice, done out of a continuum of contact and (il)logical conculsion to the development of a friendship.

depending on the marriage of the participating individuals, there will likely be impacts. not sure if there will be wounds to be felt lifelong. for within a marriage, there is more forgiveness and forgetfulness, than any other relationship. as self, and probably other married folks here, can attest.

once upon a time, i think, it was the female who was at the receiving end. not any more.

Hey Kunjs,
I was being dramatic when I wrote that.Its Filmi Ishtyle !!!
Off course in real life no one is ever drunk and its all well planned and projected.

 

[Haridasa Siva]

You are married!!!! and you still feel the emotion called love doesnt change???

See its like this..begining of marriage..we are in cloud nine..few years after marriage we feel we are on mountains and no more on clouds..then many years later we are at ground level and then we get used to the feeling of sharing our life with someone and we all mistake it as Love buts its Ok that mistaken notion is also nice..heheheheehehe

Thaththuva mazhaiya pozhiyireengale........... (both post 53 & 55)

 

[C RAVI]

Dear C Ravi,

I liked what you wrote but your thinking about Love is too ideal and its very difficult to find such kind of love in this Yug.

Regards,

Brahin Brahmanisth

Dear Brahin,

I not only have expressed the ideal love and my conceptions of what love is, love should be. But also the impacts on the erring spouse who are been forgiven and who have forgived.

Off course exceptions do exists in this world were humans dont realize how wrong were they though been forgived and the other side, how they have compramised with their life by forgiving. The later people are still appreciable for their love and care. May be the erring people are the lucky folks who can never have guilty consciousness and are the folks who are just concerned about themself.

 

[C RAVI]

See its like this..begining of marriage..we are in cloud nine..few years after marriage we feel we are on mountains and no more on clouds..then many years later we are at ground level and then we get used to the feeling of sharing our life with someone and we all mistake it as Love buts its Ok that mistaken notion is also nice..heheheheehehe

Anything can be felt mistaken, if we feel that we are bored of what we have and want a change to exite ourself with some one new... If we feel that we share because we love, than nothing is felt ridiculous. If we feel we are sharing as a day to day duty just without a sense of love towards each other than certainly there is no love.

 

[renuka]

Anything can be felt mistaken, if we feel that we are bored of what we have and want a change to exite ourself with some one new... If we feel that we share because we love, than nothing is felt ridiculous. If we feel we are sharing as a day to day duty just without a sense of love towards each other than certainly there is no love.

You do have a point but in reality almost everything is a Mistaken Notion..Snake and Rope Story.

 

[Brahin]

Anything can be felt mistaken, if we feel that we are bored of what we have and want a change to exite ourself with some one new... If we feel that we share because we love, than nothing is felt ridiculous. If we feel we are sharing as a day to day duty just without a sense of love towards each other than certainly there is no love.

Dear C Ravi,

You know dont have too high expectation of love and married life.Not safe to have high hopes.
If things dont go the way we imagined then can we take it?

 

[C RAVI]

Dear C Ravi,

You know dont have too high expectation of love and married life.Not safe to have high hopes.
If things dont go the way we imagined then can we take it?

Dear Brahin,

You are cent percent right in advising me. Thanks for the same. Any one, single like me will agree with you, without a single doubt. The expectations and the real life experiences in many cases are different, not just in love, but in anything of our life.

Having known where and how this world is going, if I have such a high expectaion, then there would be no fool other than me.

What all I told is, just what I feel as an indvidual and certainly would expect a like minded partner as any individual would just expect. I certainly don't have the intelligence to be prepared with the negativity, such a way that neither I would have disappointments nor I would miss out any good love chances outside my marriage. In fact, I am so stubborn that, I dont want to develop such intelligence, however one keeps advising me/suggesting me.

I have my own perceptions and I have the strength to accept myself to ever keep loving my future wife truely and emotionally ever attached to her, whom I got as per my destiney. After all she is a human, she is my wife, she is some one's sister, some one's daughter and a mother to her kids. Rest assured what's in store for me. "Man proposes, God disposes".

 

[sravna]

Brahin,

Ravi may be single. I have been married for almost 10 years. If I make a statement that love is something which is a constant, there should be at least some truth in it.

 

[C RAVI]

Many people tend to see the whole world in a same angle as they have personally experienced/experiencing. I would like to suggest such people, to not to conclude based on own experiences.

In many cases we refuse to identify and accept our own faults and keep blaming the other and then make a conclusion that love can not be constant/true/unconditional.

I myself have come across stories of many heartbreaking incidents among couples where either husband or wife was found guilty. There are cases where people have got seperated amicably without hatred/complaints towards each other. And many are the cases, that are not exposed. I had also come accross some couples who keep going with love and commitment towards each other with a little misunderstandings, arguments, fighting, not speaking with each other for a day or two, etc...etc..and than paching things up, making things up and be back to normalcy in their ture self without any secret vengence, considering all these just as spices of life, before things go absolutely worst.


People differ and our destiny differ. But Love in marriage can never be generalised as illusion/mistaken/just a duty/boring etc..etc..

 

[Brahin]

Brahin,Ravi may be single. I have been married for almost 10 years. If I make a statement that love is something which is a constant, there should be at least some truth in it.

Sravna,That way I have more experience.I have been married 13 years.So if I make a statement there must be some truth also na?See truth about love can be interpreted in many ways by us ignorant mortalsSo we can say " Ekam Prema Pamara Bahuda Vadanti"

 

[sravna]

Sravna,That way I have more experience.I have been married 13 years.So if I make a statement there must be some truth also na?See truth about love can be interpreted in many ways by us ignorant mortalsSo we can say " Ekam Prema Pamara Bahuda Vadanti"

No, No brahin. I was only trying to show that love can be constant

 

[renuka]

Dear Sravna,

I have been married 12 years(In fact my wedding anniversary is next week)..so that way Brahin and I are your seniors!!!
No problems Bro!!! This topic is fun.

 

[C RAVI]

A person with 30 or more years of marriage life experience can either covey negatively or positively about LOVE in a married life with his/her spouse.

But the fact is, its something that a particural person or couple have realized just between them, based on their love towards each other.

It may not be the same for other couples who have similar years of marriage life experiences.

Even if love in marriage life is conditional, and we continue to love, it is the decision that we have made up with a person whome we are married to and love.

When we say that in marriage life, two people living together under one roof, need to reasonably be considerate towards each other, should reasonably adjust with each other, than what does it means? Does it mean that we would then be living a false life? Does it mean that we are forced to live without a sense of love towards our spouse though we like him/her and decided to marry? Would it mean that we are not honest towards our own feelings of living a happy married life or not?

Love with a spouse is indeed constant and it just depends on the perceptions of a individual that can make him/her live upto it.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Whether living under one roof there is love between each other or not, we struggle to continue the age old traditions according to the axiom "kal aanaalum purushan and pul aanaalum pendaatti". Here the 'karma' is the king and not the 'love' for both.

 

[sravna]

Dear Sravna,

I have been married 12 years(In fact my wedding anniversary is next week)..so that way Brahin and I are your seniors!!!
No problems Bro!!! This topic is fun.

Best Wishes to you on your wedding anniversary! It only good that there are seniors to me in this regard and I would like to see many more of them. Only bolsters my argument in a way!

 

[Brahin]

Whether living under one roof there is love between each other or not, we struggle to continue the age old traditions according to the axiom "kal aanaalum purushan and pul aanaalum pendaatti". Here the 'karma' is the king and not the 'love' for both.

When I read what you wrote I thought I will share this with you guys.
You know someone once told me that the famous "kal aanaalum kanavar pul aanaalum purushan" has a very subtle sexual meaning actually.

Its a message for woman that when your husband is young and rock hard(kal)
or even when he becomes old and flaccid(pul) he is still your husband.

 

[Iyyarooraan]

I deliberately twisted the saying to show that man is a rock (which stays put) but woman is a grass which grows and adds too according to natural law, to humour our womenfolks.

 

[sravna]

Dear Folks,

Here's something for you to ponder upon:

While the topic is on true love let me say something related. While true love is considered a constant at least in definition, it therefore represents the spiritual. The other extreme which is purely physical is sex. The focus of sex is therefore constantly changing. While true love is as spiritual as it can get, sexual attraction is as physical as it can get. Now the interesting thing is the focus of true love and sex can be on one person being one's wife. A very interesting conflict indeed. In my opinion it represents the final stages or the climax of struggle between the spiritual and the physical in a soul. If spiritual has an upper hand one has a steady relationship which is as little dependent on anything as possible and true love happens. If the physical has the upper hand , physical attraction prevails and there is a tendency to keep looking for new relationships. One always feels the need for change.

One's capacity for unconditional love is a good measure to gauge one's spiritual development. People who are considered great mahatmas such as Buddha, Jesus , Gandhi etc. exhibited that quality.

 

[C RAVI]

Dear Folks,

Here's something for you to ponder upon:

While the topic is on true love let me say something related. While true love is considered a constant at least in definition, it therefore represents the spiritual. The other extreme which is purely physical is sex. The focus of sex is therefore constantly changing. While true love is as spiritual as it can get, sexual attraction is as physical as it can get. Now the interesting thing is the focus of true love and sex can be on one person being one's wife. A very interesting conflict indeed. In my opinion it represents the final stages or the climax of struggle between the spiritual and the physical in a soul. If spiritual has an upper hand one has a steady relationship which is as little dependent on anything as possible and true love happens. If the physical has the upper hand , physical attraction prevails and there is a tendency to keep looking for new relationships. One always feels the need for change.

One's capacity for unconditional love is a good measure to gauge one's spiritual development. People who are considered great mahatmas such as Buddha, Jesus , Gandhi etc. exhibited that quality.

Wonderful post Sri Sravna....I am extremely touched by your perfect write up. I am happy to find a married person being so affirmative about constant love and could define well how it has its role, by comparing the degree of prevailing true, emotional love and phisycal love.

Pleaple like you are my role models and it helps me to consider myself worthy of my perceptions.

Many a times I wonder how people could have differntiative feel of love towards God and one's own spouse? They claim that Love to God is true and Love to human/spouse can never be true because it's conditional.

My claim is, the whole life what we live here in this world, is some how some where condtional and that conditional aspects of life is the only factor that is making a true sense of being a human. Unless we behave like a true human with a fellow human/spouse, how can we expect ourself to be truely pious towards the God? How can we ignore our spouse some way and be close to God? Does religious philosophy says that, if you just be devoted and dedicated to God (ignoring your spouse/children/parents and others surrounding us), you will be considered as a great soul and would be liberated from human survival?

 

[Brahin]

Renu, i know Sarvajith gave u a hard time.Thank God moderator deleted all the threads he started.Anyway dont fear him cos I will defend you.

This song is for you.A neutral song to make you feel better.



YouTube - ‪Papa kehte hain‬‏

 

[sadasivam.sridharan]

I find that the discussion is drifting away from the topic of the thread

 

[renuka]

Renu, i know Sarvajith gave u a hard time.Thank God moderator deleted all the threads he started.Anyway dont fear him cos I will defend you.

This song is for you.A neutral song to make you feel better.







YouTube - ‪Papa kehte hain‬‏

Brahin..Thank you.

 

[sravna]

Wonderful post Sri Sravna....I am extremely touched by your perfect write up. I am happy to find a married person being so affirmative about constant love and could define well how it has its role, by comparing the degree of prevailing true, emotional love and phisycal love.

Pleaple like you are my role models and it helps me to consider myself worthy of my perceptions.

Many a times I wonder how people could have differntiative feel of love towards God and one's own spouse? They claim that Love to God is true and Love to human/spouse can never be true because it's conditional.

My claim is, the whole life what we live here in this world, is some how some where condtional and that conditional aspects of life is the only factor that is making a true sense of being a human. Unless we behave like a true human with a fellow human/spouse, how can we expect ourself to be truely pious towards the God? How can we ignore our spouse some way and be close to God? Does religious philosophy says that, if you just be devoted and dedicated to God (ignoring your spouse/children/parents and others surrounding us), you will be considered as a great soul and would be liberated from human survival?

Dear Ravi,

Modern life is driven so much by pragmatic thinking which to me is synonymous with caring only for self, that we really miss finer aspects of life. One's objectives are set by gross values and the results we get give us only shallow happiness. Ironically people are content with shallow happiness. The real problem is sometimes people do not even realize that a certain thing is possible.

I am happy that there are people like you who believe that people do possess the ability to be selfless in real life too.