Dear PV,My Mistake
Things are clearing up a bit. It was my mistake. I had gotten carried away with the promise of Assam. I wanted to have as close as possible to a normal life that I could achieve. I also wanted to have a family and good kids. So I did the most asinine thing for a person in my position to do.
I stopped my 100mg of Amisulpride (lowest possible and therapeutically insignificant in the doctors words)
I thought that I had been well for more than 5 years and would probably fly away with it. But nope.
I had stopped my meds in Feb 2020. As early as 1st week of April 2020, my relapse occured (yarrawoonga - you can check my posts) and I was overwhelmed with paranoia that the americans are watching me all the time. All the posts between then and now should show this tinge and a hint of anger. Although all the posts are true representations of what happened and are facts, the import or understanding of how things happened is different between you and me. I think that the americans influenced everything. But to you, it might seem interesting that it happened.
I somehow tried to find help by myself and found a doctor and proper medication again. So as of July I am on 400mg of Amisulpride and a lot more stable than in April.
Unfortunately, Assam was on the phone with me during the initial stages of my relapse and realized that the paranoia was a bit much for her to take. She has now left.
I cannot blame her for her choice. She had said that she will be miserable for life if she were to marry me. All the nice things that had happened and our talks all disappeared into thin air in the space of 3 months. But just like a beggar can only feel hunger, I, a prodigy of paranoia, can only feel pain and hurt.
Its my mistake.
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