Dear PV,My Mistake
Things are clearing up a bit. It was my mistake. I had gotten carried away with the promise of Assam. I wanted to have as close as possible to a normal life that I could achieve. I also wanted to have a family and good kids. So I did the most asinine thing for a person in my position to do.
I stopped my 100mg of Amisulpride (lowest possible and therapeutically insignificant in the doctors words)
I thought that I had been well for more than 5 years and would probably fly away with it. But nope.
I had stopped my meds in Feb 2020. As early as 1st week of April 2020, my relapse occured (yarrawoonga - you can check my posts) and I was overwhelmed with paranoia that the americans are watching me all the time. All the posts between then and now should show this tinge and a hint of anger. Although all the posts are true representations of what happened and are facts, the import or understanding of how things happened is different between you and me. I think that the americans influenced everything. But to you, it might seem interesting that it happened.
I somehow tried to find help by myself and found a doctor and proper medication again. So as of July I am on 400mg of Amisulpride and a lot more stable than in April.
Unfortunately, Assam was on the phone with me during the initial stages of my relapse and realized that the paranoia was a bit much for her to take. She has now left.
I cannot blame her for her choice. She had said that she will be miserable for life if she were to marry me. All the nice things that had happened and our talks all disappeared into thin air in the space of 3 months. But just like a beggar can only feel hunger, I, a prodigy of paranoia, can only feel pain and hurt.
Its my mistake.
You are right. I have now reduced my goals to just spend the next 8 years in australia so I become eligible for age pension in australia and I dont have to beg when I am senile. After 8 years, I intend to go to srirangam and try to learn the vedas. Have already identified a guru for myself and he has also accepted that he will take me as his sishyaIt is better one help oneself first. Without a good foundation thinking of building to higher level will be futile and one may not go far. About vedic education to the young ones or new generation, there are many groups already operating. The least one can do is support these groups.
Many will be aware the process was started at least one from family learn vedas and this was set in motion by the maha periava. In many areas not only youngsters but the office goers attend these veda classes regularly. In chennai one Sharma Shashrigal is very active and also helps in establishing veda patsshalas and there are other groups
Dear Mr Krishnan - Between your mental condition requiring medications with side effects and your life experience of suffering you have shared over the years, what I say may not make sense to you.Ei Sandaali
Things are going on. I came to melbourne and started my security job. Have requested them that i will be travelling to india for my mothers karyam throughout the first year. They were accommodative and agreed. Have been working night shifts for the past two weeks. Will be travelling back for 25th day and 1st maasyam with this saturday night flight. My mother keeps coming in my dreams. She seems to be searching for something. I keep asking her what she wants but she does not answer and is busy searching or reading something. A voice similar to that of our comedian actor santhanam says with a sarcastic voice that she is searching for a girl. I dont know what to do.
Had another argument with assam. She now says that we both agree on our differences and she cannot be a brahmin girl like my family wants. I got angry. we stopped chatting. I downloaded some adult dating apps.
Ei Sandaali song..
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