• Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

My Pursuit - 2 (Redefining what I thought needs to be done)

prasad1

Well-known member
i liked the eloquent post but flawed at many levels.

No idea why one is proud of their faith.

Christians and even politicians boast "i am a person of faith"

translation : I cannot reason, i do not know but i believe whatever i am told in the religion i am born. It must be correct because i was born in that religion. Oh by the way i am proud because my identity is due to my faith.

This means giving up the capacity to think in the name of god. That is a sad commentary.

Please perceive !

Lol.
lol
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Well, it made your nitpicking self to participate did it not? If it was all good then you would not have said 'hi'.. Just like a good sambar needs spice and salt.. I thought I will let people like yourself to post too...

hehehe...
It is nice when others are laughing with you, but not nice to be laughed at.

Now I understand your brother POV.
 
It will be nice to listen to what is accomplished. But talking about a dream for many years publicly in this forum is not a winning approach to life.
unlike the comment here. It is not entirely been only talking about a dream. I have been connecting to a lot of people in real life. Just like some true Samaritans who commented on my thread earlier, I have also received support in the real world. Irrespective.. comments from people who did not mean to help in the first place is not all that disheartening.. I will be continuing my quest.
 
As we all know the ultimate need in this hour of kali yuga for everyone is money.. I am no different.

I do need money to realise my dream of a Vedic school.

So the pursuit of the oil well idea which I have said earlier.. The last date for bidding-December 18th is still a good 20 days away. I still have not found a sponsor for my 7.5crore bank guarantee. If you know of someone who can show bank guarantee.. it will be helpful.. I really do not need cash of 7.5 crore.. I just need to show the balance in my company account. Like in the case of applying for US visa where u need to only show a particular amount in your bank.

Meanwhile.. the sharing of idea of a Vedic school near major temples has brought about additional ideas nd thoughts. If we need space near major temples, the easiest solution is to lease temple land. But to do this we need to apply to HR&CE through a lawyer. This brings us to the problem that there are not that many brahmin lawyers who are strong enough to take on HR&CE.

So I am currently searching for lawyers who will petition the HR&CE.

If you know of any strictly theist brahmin lawyers who are willing to form a group, please let me know. This could be of use even outside of petitioning the HR&CE for land for schools.
 

a-TB

Well-known member
unlike the comment here. It is not entirely been only talking about a dream. I have been connecting to a lot of people in real life. Just like some true Samaritans who commented on my thread earlier, I have also received support in the real world. Irrespective.. comments from people who did not mean to help in the first place is not all that disheartening.. I will be continuing my quest.
No one stopping you from your quest. Now building Veda school has morphed into asking money for some oil exploration. You may have made connections but there is nothing concrete for you to share here so far. I doubt any reader is ready to invest crores of Rupees in your business quest. We all are arm-chair discussion champions here.

I know it is a harsh message on your posts (but not against you). Truth can hurt.

Food for thought here for you. Losers talk about what they want to do endlessly over a long period of time (like years) and winners talk about what they have actually accomplished.
 
Thank you for reiterating my thoughts about our society in the current time frame. We only want to point out what is wrong with the situation rather than suggesting what can be done to move forward.

Irrespective.. I still have my goal.. .which is to improve the state of veda patashalas and make more people join veda patashalas.
 
I am starting a law firm this vijayadhasami. Their main focus is to try and release temples from government grasp. Instead of taking up the huge responsibility of realising veda padashalas nourishment all over, I have decided that it would be easier if we take one temple at a time, liberate it from govt control and establish a trust to handle temple activities and properties. These trusts can be worded in such a way to include maintenance of a veda padashala, a school for commoners where vedic syllabus is taught and a college giving degrees in sanskrit for the progeny of temple priests.

Hopefully, the law firm will also be able to take up normal cases to fund themselves. I hope to fund them for the first 1 year. Let us see.. I also started a basic website (not a forum) of my own.. www.pvkrishnan.com

FYI for the armchair critics and pessimists, please stick to the shadows and continue sulking. Only those with something positive to contribute are invited to add to this thread.

Thank you for reiterating my thoughts about our society in the current time frame. We only want to point out what is wrong with the situation rather than suggesting what can be done to move forward.

Irrespective.. I still have my goal.. .which is to improve the state of veda patashalas and make more people join veda patashalas.

Thank you for reiterating my thoughts about our society in the current time frame. We only want to point out what is wrong with the situation rather than suggesting what can be done to move forward.

Irrespective.. I still have my goal.. .which is to improve the state of veda patashalas and make more people join veda patashalas.
 
Well.. To be truthful.. the reason I started on this website was because I was trying to get people who were interested in my ideas and thoughts to come together and maybe do something in the physical world.

But I see that the people here are only here for akkapor.. so I have decided to feed fodder to your chats..

Herein I start chronicling my life and thoughts.. as mattu theevanam to you lot..
 
Maybe if I share my story, some of you will understand why I am doing this. I must warn though that you might have to have great patience to read through all that really happened to understand the depth of the pain which eventually led me to pursue the Mythili initiative.

As already stated in this website, I am a south indian thenkalai iyengar brahmin. I was brought up in the warmth of near and dear from all of my extended family. I had decent schooling, did well in my education. Scored top 95% in All india level in English in my Xth Std. I also got nominated to stand in the school pupil leader elections, became a house captain and also led my house (Brilliance) to 2nd place in overall points for the year to lift the cup for the 2nd place in the year 1996. In the midst of hormones, teenage and fights with my parents I got only 80% in my XII std exams. So I got only a payment seat in a college far away from Chennai. I still performed decently in college and everyone liked me. All through I was devout and firmly believed in god who I called perumal. I had quite a few muslim and christian friends but was never worried about caste issues or problems in my youth.

After I finished my BE (ECE), I wanted to become a fighter pilot and wrote the All India Civil Services exam for defense which was the CDS exams three times. I passed in all attempts but was never shortlisted at the end of the 5 day selection process at the air force camps. In those days, Information Technology was just starting to take root and jobs were still a bit hard to come by. I tried my hand at door to door sales, software sales and also working in a Antenna manufacturing company without a salary. I also took up an entrepreneurship class which was free of charge and a embedded systems programming class where I got a 70% scholarship based on an entrance test they had conducted. Around this time, my niece gently introduced to my mother to the idea that I was only good at reading and so should try to do MS degree. That eventually forced me to write GRE and TOEFL and apply for US universities. I got top 98% marks in my GRE and TOEFL and was also gifted with a scholarship from a university in the US.

I left for the US in September 2002. I was probably the only guy who cried when his Jet airways flight to the US took off. I had really wanted to be a fighter pilot, I had been too damn patriotic and had wanted to be part of the defense forces. And instead of sitting in the cockpit, I was sitting in the passenger seat. I did not want to go to the US. But there I was on my way out of the country I loved.

Things did not go so well in the university for me. What immediately struck me was that the classes had no windows and when the classes started, all the lights were switched off so the presentation could be visible. The drone of the professors language and the dimly lit classes always put me to sleep. It was incredibly hard to concentrate. I barely passed in my subjects. To top it, I also got distracted. Unlike colleges in India, US universities had a lot to offer.. they had gyms, swimming pools, sports teams, and such.. I really wanted to try my hand at sports and signed up for the rowing team. That started a enjoyable period of my life, we trained everyday for two hours and took to rowing in the river and also travelled to surrounding universities on road trips to participate in boat races. But this also affected my performance in my studies and I totally lost sight of the need to do a thesis. I only realised my folly when my friends started on their thesis and also started to get jobs. At this point, I turned my focus around back to studies and did my thesis on patch antennas. I did it sincerely and submitted it to be published online in the university catalogue. At that time, I did not realise that my work was good enough to attract a german publisher. In 2011, approximately 6 years after my thesis, I had completely left the antenna field and was into embedded systems. So when I was offered the chance to publish my thesis as a book at no cost to me in exchange for its copyright, I happily signed on the dotted line. The book is now available on Amazon.com as of Feb 2011. The title of the book is "Mutual Coupling in Patch Antennas".

In the midst of all this, I also had time to fall for a girl of ebullious beauty. Now, having been in a sports team, that too water sports, where girls usually do not come attired in the traditionally demure saree and bindhi, I had the opportunity to come upon a few of the better female specimens. But sanja (pronounced sanya) was special. She with her gap in her front teeth could possibly have no match except maybe for keisha grey whose face looks vaguely similar. Oops. But yes, I did not fall from the skies. I was/am just another guy with his fair share of testosterone driven thoughts. Unfortunately when I did gather up my courage to go and profess my love to her, the most unexpected thing happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. That day evening, she was having a run in the football ground and I just walked up to the side of the tracks and hailed her.. 'Hi Sanja'. She stopped, smiled and walked towards me. With a straight face and clear voice I told her ' I wanted to see if I can ask you out sanja. Would you like to go somewhere tomorrow evening?' To my utter surprise, her eyes widened for a slight bit and she started laughing. I did not quite know how to react. She was clearly laughing but she was not laughing at me. it seemed more like I was expected to laugh too but did not get the joke. I waited for her to calm down a bit, which she did and with glittering eyes she said.. "I am flattered krishna.. I really am. But I have other men in my life and I dont want to confuse our relationship and theirs" For some completely unknown reason, that reply did not hurt me, I did not feel any pang of great pain like the heros in our tamil movies seemingly experience. Instead, I surprised myself as I continued in the same clear voice.. " Its ok sanja. I had always liked you and I did not want it to be that I never took a step forward for you. I will see you around.." and I started walking away down the track. As I started to walk away, I noticed she was starting to enter another bout of mirth through the corner of my eye. So I looked straight ahead and started to walk. Within a few steps, I noticed another girl walking towards me with this biiig smile on her face. Her eyes were rapidly switching between looking at me and looking at sanja. She obviously derived quite a sumptuous amount of happiness from whatever she thought had just transpired between me and sanja. I could not understand the reactions of both sanja and that girl. But that was the last time I saw sanja.

After graduating, I knew that getting a job was going to be tough so I took the next flight to california where my undergrad college friend had joined a software consultancy and was now successful at his work in the software industry. I too joined the software consultancy and studied Siebel CRM and Siebel Analytics. I was also looking out for a full time job in the engineering arena at this time.

I met Adam in one of the Job fairs that was held at San Jose. He was the engineering manager at a probe card company based out of Livermore and he suggested I apply on the company website. I did so and was duely invited for an interview. After I was selected as a project leader in my first job out of college, I worked hard to impress one and all at work. Eventually I made my presence felt in the design team as an intelligent Project Leader. There were only 4 other people in my position in the company and we basically were the lynch pin of the entire design of probe cards - being responsible for everything from the initial feasibility analysis to see if the company can build the card to creating design files once the customer request comes in to getting all the approvals from all the departments to monitoring the progress of the design through all the departments and finally providing test instructions to the test team. Before the end of the year, I had made a name for myself as intelligent and hardworking. Unfortunately for me there was an incident 6 months into my working as a Project Leader when I made a silly but serious mistake of forgetting to connect the ground to the appropriate PCB layers. This resulted in the probe card being manufactured and delivered to the customer and it was only found at the customer site that the card was not working. This resulted in me being put on a 3 month performance improvement plan.

I must say that I ended up surprising myself and also all around me when before the end of the 3 month period, I had completed all the assigned design studies and we had basically run of work to allot to me. At this time, I was alloted work to study why some of the designs failed - something which was usually the R&D's cup of tea and not the work of production team. After the performance improvement was done and dusted, I was encouraged to take up designs which were based on the latest technology that the company R&D was trying to push into the production environment. At first, it was just like any other design.. just that it was slightly more complex to fit all the requirements into the chipset area. But when I finished it, almost everyone acknowledged that it was quite a piece of work. It seems it was the first design solution that we had been able to create for texas instruments. All previous attempts at providing a solution to them had failed. I was quite happy and continued with my work. After about 4-6 weeks, the bomb dropped.

At first, there was an email from the test team that one of the pins seemed to be too close to violating design requirements when physically inspected through a microscope. There was a picture attached. I did not know why I was copied on the mail and so ignored it. The next day there was a bunch of replies to the email with the final one being from the R&D department mentioning that there was indeed a design violation and that this was not approved by them. After a few more emails, someone wrote in bold capital letters my name and said that I was the project leader for the design. I was totally shocked and looked at the design which was being discussed. It was the texas instruments design that I had been responsible and praised for. Immediately I took up the design files and all the approvals from R&D, electrical, mechanical and testing groups. On verifying that all was as things should be, I bluntly replied that it was not a design problem. After a small flurry of emails, the R&D department again sent an email with two pictures of what was approved by them and what was designed in real time. It was for sure shockingly different. I immediately pulled out all the design files and started going over them. Thats when I realised that the design that I had completed and got approved was not the one which was sent for production.

In the ensuing fear, confusion and surprise I suddenly remembered how my co-worker had informed me with a non-chalant, cheerful smile that I had missed a feature called ABF in one of my designs and that she had added it when reviewing the design. (All designs were reviewed by a co-project leader). Now this ABF feature did not affect the functionality of the probe card at all, its only use was to point out which was the top end of the card because once the cards were used for sometime, it would eventually become difficult to recognize which side was up and which side was down. But when this ABF was added, it immediately violated the distance requirement between pins by a good 5 nanometers. This would have caused the pins to eventually brush against it and fail when put to work. Although it was a bit of a relief that I can fall back on emails noting that my design was actually approved and the ABF was added later, I could not actually put this down in an email. That would have meant pointing the finger at my colleague who had only meant to help. So as the issue escalated and more and more senior members were added onto the email chain, I feverishly tried to work out a solution. By the time I had worked out a solution, the senior management was already watching the progress simply because it was the first design to TI using our company's latest T3 technology. I quickly drew up pictures and steps to take to help correct the parts that were already at the end of production, at the start of production and those that were currently being manufactured off-site at our partner concerns. I provided 3 possible solutions.

Before I understood what was happening, I ended up in a meeting discussing what to do with the different parts in different stages of production and manufacturing. I was all of one year old in the company and was a bit overrawed by having the management as part of my meeting. I just blustered my way through it before finally accepting I was not upto it. I therefore requested one of the program managers to handle it and left the room.

After sufficiently satisfying myself that I have done all that I could, I reclined in the heated seats of my cadillac. Sat there for a bit before driving off to the perumal temple in livermore where I always spent my evenings. When I came back to work the next day everyone congrajulated me.

Suddenly.. I was a star.

And that.. was the exact point in time when the world around me started to fall apart.



The letter


For a very long time, I was quite happy that she had married someone else. It was my belief that I was seriously ill and she did not have to suffer along with me. I felt I was just a broken chinese bowl, a limping horse which could not do much in life going forward.

It still pains me to think about how I felt about her. All the sweet nothings that she had told me after our engagement. She had actually told me that she does not care about my work or how much I earn and that she will manage the house with whatever I earned. After spending close to 6 years in the US where girls don't quite think like that.. I suddenly remembered I was indian and a brahmin and this is what is expected. It was now my duty as a brahmin to set up family and studiously protect my wife and progeny.. I had so many thoughts.. so many dreams when I boarded the flight back to SFO in November 2007.. Would you believe I cried when I saw the song Kaise mujhe tum mil gayee from Ghajini the hindi version. Now, I can only grate my teeth.


When I opened my eyes one day after my heavy medication was lowered and asked my mother what happened, my mother said simply " Don't talk about her. She is already engaged to someone else"

After I wrote this letter to Human Rights Watch in the US and the Lawyers Association in the US, I cried to my father.. About everything.. about the job, my car, the girl.. thats when he said.. "I dont know about ur car or ur job because I saw neither but I saw the girl. She and her family could not wait to get a move on. They did not visit in the hospital and even wrote a letter to prove legally that they wanted to annul the engagement."

The pain...

This letter was written when I flipped again in 2009.


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Krishnan
Date: Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 7:56 PM
Subject: Really Need Your Help - pertaining to Fremont, CA: Nov - Jan 2007
To: hrwsf@hrw.org
Cc: hrw.ba.network@gmail.com, krishnan.vp, sridharang@yahoo.com


My name is Krishnan Parthasarathy. I am copying my uncle Sridharan on this email. I was in the US from 2002 September till January 2008. I am currently employed as a C programmer in Coromandel Infotech India, Chennai, India.

My social security number was 26985548. I am a graduate of University of Cincinnati. I was employed at Formfactor, Livermore, CA as an electrical design engineer / Project Leader till I left the US. I have a clean record during my stay in the United States.

I left the US in January 2008 under 'questionable' circumstances. I was later diagnosed with extreme stress and hospitalized in a psychiatric home. I may be completely mistaken or maybe I am not. But I need closure on this for me to move forward with my life.

My last entry into the US was on November 28th 2007 at 2 PM at San Francisco Airport. At the immigration counter, the officer on duty entered the wrong date on my passport (date according to the H1B visa issued to me). I politely pointed this out to him. He sneered at me, changed it and handed it back to me. The date was still wrong. I again pointed it to him and he replied "what's wrong? I gave you an extra day to stay in the united states". I realised he was having a long day and smiled at him. I took my passport back and started walking to the entrance.

The police officer directing people immediately after the immigration, was saying out loud - " This way for trains to Pleasanton". I walked in that direction, used a pay phone to activate my cell phone connectivity and proceeded to the SFO station.

I had to go to Fremont and so did not take the first two trains which were going to pleasanton (per the display boards), then I took the next train which was also intended to go to Pleasanton but got down at San Leandro to switch trains and go to Fremont. I came home and slept. In the evening I presented myself at the Fremont Court to submit to a red light violation. I accepted my violation and paid my fine using my credit card. I then slept the entire night and called my manager the next day morning to tell him I will not be able to come to work on that day. My Phone number was 513 6526133. My carrier was AT&T.

Different circumstances forced me to believe I was being followed and in the resulting confusion, I left for India. One of these was that on one day I found that the glove compartment on my catera was open and my car manual was removed and clearly placed in such a way that I cannot close my glove compartment by simply pushing it up. I got out of my car and checked the lining on my windows, they were perfect. As I maintained my car in good condition, any marks made by a slim jim would have been noticeable. The condition of my car can be vouched for by anyone from the design team at Formfactor.

I had tried to reach out to the police on two occasions - a call was placed by me and then I went to the Fremont Police Station one morning and personally talked to an officer. But by this time, I had started to correlate everything happening around me and thought that things were been manipulated. Therefore, I must have come across as stupid to the Police.

On the day of my return, I noticed that BART does not have a direct train from SFO to Pleasanton. If this was changed on Nov 28th then please let me know so I can sleep knowing that everything was my fault and no one else's.

I had talked to my uncle Sridharan - sridharang@yahoo.com in further detail regarding this. He was constantly beside me when I was at the psychiatric institution and helped me recuperate.

I left SFO by Singapore Airlines Flight SQ1. I request you to look into my case and see if it does require your action.

If you need further information, Please contact me at krishnan.vp

My home address is

3
Triplicane, Chennai,
India - 600005.
Phone: 91-93810926


Thanks & Regards,
Krishnan P

If you want heavenly justice... Die.
 

Vaagmi

Well-known member
Maybe if I share my story, some of you will understand why I am doing this. I must warn though that you might have to have great patience to read through all that really happened to understand the depth of the pain which eventually led me to pursue the Mythili initiative.

As already stated in this website, I am a south indian thenkalai iyengar brahmin. I was brought up in the warmth of near and dear from all of my extended family. I had decent schooling, did well in my education. Scored top 95% in All india level in English in my Xth Std. I also got nominated to stand in the school pupil leader elections, became a house captain and also led my house (Brilliance) to 2nd place in overall points for the year to lift the cup for the 2nd place in the year 1996. In the midst of hormones, teenage and fights with my parents I got only 80% in my XII std exams. So I got only a payment seat in a college far away from Chennai. I still performed decently in college and everyone liked me. All through I was devout and firmly believed in god who I called perumal. I had quite a few muslim and christian friends but was never worried about caste issues or problems in my youth.

After I finished my BE (ECE), I wanted to become a fighter pilot and wrote the All India Civil Services exam for defense which was the CDS exams three times. I passed in all attempts but was never shortlisted at the end of the 5 day selection process at the air force camps. In those days, Information Technology was just starting to take root and jobs were still a bit hard to come by. I tried my hand at door to door sales, software sales and also working in a Antenna manufacturing company without a salary. I also took up an entrepreneurship class which was free of charge and a embedded systems programming class where I got a 70% scholarship based on an entrance test they had conducted. Around this time, my niece gently introduced to my mother to the idea that I was only good at reading and so should try to do MS degree. That eventually forced me to write GRE and TOEFL and apply for US universities. I got top 98% marks in my GRE and TOEFL and was also gifted with a scholarship from a university in the US.

I left for the US in September 2002. I was probably the only guy who cried when his Jet airways flight to the US took off. I had really wanted to be a fighter pilot, I had been too damn patriotic and had wanted to be part of the defense forces. And instead of sitting in the cockpit, I was sitting in the passenger seat. I did not want to go to the US. But there I was on my way out of the country I loved.

Things did not go so well in the university for me. What immediately struck me was that the classes had no windows and when the classes started, all the lights were switched off so the presentation could be visible. The drone of the professors language and the dimly lit classes always put me to sleep. It was incredibly hard to concentrate. I barely passed in my subjects. To top it, I also got distracted. Unlike colleges in India, US universities had a lot to offer.. they had gyms, swimming pools, sports teams, and such.. I really wanted to try my hand at sports and signed up for the rowing team. That started a enjoyable period of my life, we trained everyday for two hours and took to rowing in the river and also travelled to surrounding universities on road trips to participate in boat races. But this also affected my performance in my studies and I totally lost sight of the need to do a thesis. I only realised my folly when my friends started on their thesis and also started to get jobs. At this point, I turned my focus around back to studies and did my thesis on patch antennas. I did it sincerely and submitted it to be published online in the university catalogue. At that time, I did not realise that my work was good enough to attract a german publisher. In 2011, approximately 6 years after my thesis, I had completely left the antenna field and was into embedded systems. So when I was offered the chance to publish my thesis as a book at no cost to me in exchange for its copyright, I happily signed on the dotted line. The book is now available on Amazon.com as of Feb 2011. The title of the book is "Mutual Coupling in Patch Antennas".

In the midst of all this, I also had time to fall for a girl of ebullious beauty. Now, having been in a sports team, that too water sports, where girls usually do not come attired in the traditionally demure saree and bindhi, I had the opportunity to come upon a few of the better female specimens. But sanja (pronounced sanya) was special. She with her gap in her front teeth could possibly have no match except maybe for keisha grey whose face looks vaguely similar. Oops. But yes, I did not fall from the skies. I was/am just another guy with his fair share of testosterone driven thoughts. Unfortunately when I did gather up my courage to go and profess my love to her, the most unexpected thing happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. That day evening, she was having a run in the football ground and I just walked up to the side of the tracks and hailed her.. 'Hi Sanja'. She stopped, smiled and walked towards me. With a straight face and clear voice I told her ' I wanted to see if I can ask you out sanja. Would you like to go somewhere tomorrow evening?' To my utter surprise, her eyes widened for a slight bit and she started laughing. I did not quite know how to react. She was clearly laughing but she was not laughing at me. it seemed more like I was expected to laugh too but did not get the joke. I waited for her to calm down a bit, which she did and with glittering eyes she said.. "I am flattered krishna.. I really am. But I have other men in my life and I dont want to confuse our relationship and theirs" For some completely unknown reason, that reply did not hurt me, I did not feel any pang of great pain like the heros in our tamil movies seemingly experience. Instead, I surprised myself as I continued in the same clear voice.. " Its ok sanja. I had always liked you and I did not want it to be that I never took a step forward for you. I will see you around.." and I started walking away down the track. As I started to walk away, I noticed she was starting to enter another bout of mirth through the corner of my eye. So I looked straight ahead and started to walk. Within a few steps, I noticed another girl walking towards me with this biiig smile on her face. Her eyes were rapidly switching between looking at me and looking at sanja. She obviously derived quite a sumptuous amount of happiness from whatever she thought had just transpired between me and sanja. I could not understand the reactions of both sanja and that girl. But that was the last time I saw sanja.

After graduating, I knew that getting a job was going to be tough so I took the next flight to california where my undergrad college friend had joined a software consultancy and was now successful at his work in the software industry. I too joined the software consultancy and studied Siebel CRM and Siebel Analytics. I was also looking out for a full time job in the engineering arena at this time.

I met Adam in one of the Job fairs that was held at San Jose. He was the engineering manager at a probe card company based out of Livermore and he suggested I apply on the company website. I did so and was duely invited for an interview. After I was selected as a project leader in my first job out of college, I worked hard to impress one and all at work. Eventually I made my presence felt in the design team as an intelligent Project Leader. There were only 4 other people in my position in the company and we basically were the lynch pin of the entire design of probe cards - being responsible for everything from the initial feasibility analysis to see if the company can build the card to creating design files once the customer request comes in to getting all the approvals from all the departments to monitoring the progress of the design through all the departments and finally providing test instructions to the test team. Before the end of the year, I had made a name for myself as intelligent and hardworking. Unfortunately for me there was an incident 6 months into my working as a Project Leader when I made a silly but serious mistake of forgetting to connect the ground to the appropriate PCB layers. This resulted in the probe card being manufactured and delivered to the customer and it was only found at the customer site that the card was not working. This resulted in me being put on a 3 month performance improvement plan.

I must say that I ended up surprising myself and also all around me when before the end of the 3 month period, I had completed all the assigned design studies and we had basically run of work to allot to me. At this time, I was alloted work to study why some of the designs failed - something which was usually the R&D's cup of tea and not the work of production team. After the performance improvement was done and dusted, I was encouraged to take up designs which were based on the latest technology that the company R&D was trying to push into the production environment. At first, it was just like any other design.. just that it was slightly more complex to fit all the requirements into the chipset area. But when I finished it, almost everyone acknowledged that it was quite a piece of work. It seems it was the first design solution that we had been able to create for texas instruments. All previous attempts at providing a solution to them had failed. I was quite happy and continued with my work. After about 4-6 weeks, the bomb dropped.

At first, there was an email from the test team that one of the pins seemed to be too close to violating design requirements when physically inspected through a microscope. There was a picture attached. I did not know why I was copied on the mail and so ignored it. The next day there was a bunch of replies to the email with the final one being from the R&D department mentioning that there was indeed a design violation and that this was not approved by them. After a few more emails, someone wrote in bold capital letters my name and said that I was the project leader for the design. I was totally shocked and looked at the design which was being discussed. It was the texas instruments design that I had been responsible and praised for. Immediately I took up the design files and all the approvals from R&D, electrical, mechanical and testing groups. On verifying that all was as things should be, I bluntly replied that it was not a design problem. After a small flurry of emails, the R&D department again sent an email with two pictures of what was approved by them and what was designed in real time. It was for sure shockingly different. I immediately pulled out all the design files and started going over them. Thats when I realised that the design that I had completed and got approved was not the one which was sent for production.

In the ensuing fear, confusion and surprise I suddenly remembered how my co-worker had informed me with a non-chalant, cheerful smile that I had missed a feature called ABF in one of my designs and that she had added it when reviewing the design. (All designs were reviewed by a co-project leader). Now this ABF feature did not affect the functionality of the probe card at all, its only use was to point out which was the top end of the card because once the cards were used for sometime, it would eventually become difficult to recognize which side was up and which side was down. But when this ABF was added, it immediately violated the distance requirement between pins by a good 5 nanometers. This would have caused the pins to eventually brush against it and fail when put to work. Although it was a bit of a relief that I can fall back on emails noting that my design was actually approved and the ABF was added later, I could not actually put this down in an email. That would have meant pointing the finger at my colleague who had only meant to help. So as the issue escalated and more and more senior members were added onto the email chain, I feverishly tried to work out a solution. By the time I had worked out a solution, the senior management was already watching the progress simply because it was the first design to TI using our company's latest T3 technology. I quickly drew up pictures and steps to take to help correct the parts that were already at the end of production, at the start of production and those that were currently being manufactured off-site at our partner concerns. I provided 3 possible solutions.

Before I understood what was happening, I ended up in a meeting discussing what to do with the different parts in different stages of production and manufacturing. I was all of one year old in the company and was a bit overrawed by having the management as part of my meeting. I just blustered my way through it before finally accepting I was not upto it. I therefore requested one of the program managers to handle it and left the room.

After sufficiently satisfying myself that I have done all that I could, I reclined in the heated seats of my cadillac. Sat there for a bit before driving off to the perumal temple in livermore where I always spent my evenings. When I came back to work the next day everyone congrajulated me.

Suddenly.. I was a star.

And that.. was the exact point in time when the world around me started to fall apart.



The letter


For a very long time, I was quite happy that she had married someone else. It was my belief that I was seriously ill and she did not have to suffer along with me. I felt I was just a broken chinese bowl, a limping horse which could not do much in life going forward.

It still pains me to think about how I felt about her. All the sweet nothings that she had told me after our engagement. She had actually told me that she does not care about my work or how much I earn and that she will manage the house with whatever I earned. After spending close to 6 years in the US where girls don't quite think like that.. I suddenly remembered I was indian and a brahmin and this is what is expected. It was now my duty as a brahmin to set up family and studiously protect my wife and progeny.. I had so many thoughts.. so many dreams when I boarded the flight back to SFO in November 2007.. Would you believe I cried when I saw the song Kaise mujhe tum mil gayee from Ghajini the hindi version. Now, I can only grate my teeth.


When I opened my eyes one day after my heavy medication was lowered and asked my mother what happened, my mother said simply " Don't talk about her. She is already engaged to someone else"

After I wrote this letter to Human Rights Watch in the US and the Lawyers Association in the US, I cried to my father.. About everything.. about the job, my car, the girl.. thats when he said.. "I dont know about ur car or ur job because I saw neither but I saw the girl. She and her family could not wait to get a move on. They did not visit in the hospital and even wrote a letter to prove legally that they wanted to annul the engagement."

The pain...

This letter was written when I flipped again in 2009.


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Krishnan
Date: Tue, Nov 3, 2009 at 7:56 PM
Subject: Really Need Your Help - pertaining to Fremont, CA: Nov - Jan 2007
To: hrwsf@hrw.org
Cc: hrw.ba.network@gmail.com, krishnan.vp, sridharang@yahoo.com


My name is Krishnan Parthasarathy. I am copying my uncle Sridharan on this email. I was in the US from 2002 September till January 2008. I am currently employed as a C programmer in Coromandel Infotech India, Chennai, India.

My social security number was 26985548. I am a graduate of University of Cincinnati. I was employed at Formfactor, Livermore, CA as an electrical design engineer / Project Leader till I left the US. I have a clean record during my stay in the United States.

I left the US in January 2008 under 'questionable' circumstances. I was later diagnosed with extreme stress and hospitalized in a psychiatric home. I may be completely mistaken or maybe I am not. But I need closure on this for me to move forward with my life.

My last entry into the US was on November 28th 2007 at 2 PM at San Francisco Airport. At the immigration counter, the officer on duty entered the wrong date on my passport (date according to the H1B visa issued to me). I politely pointed this out to him. He sneered at me, changed it and handed it back to me. The date was still wrong. I again pointed it to him and he replied "what's wrong? I gave you an extra day to stay in the united states". I realised he was having a long day and smiled at him. I took my passport back and started walking to the entrance.

The police officer directing people immediately after the immigration, was saying out loud - " This way for trains to Pleasanton". I walked in that direction, used a pay phone to activate my cell phone connectivity and proceeded to the SFO station.

I had to go to Fremont and so did not take the first two trains which were going to pleasanton (per the display boards), then I took the next train which was also intended to go to Pleasanton but got down at San Leandro to switch trains and go to Fremont. I came home and slept. In the evening I presented myself at the Fremont Court to submit to a red light violation. I accepted my violation and paid my fine using my credit card. I then slept the entire night and called my manager the next day morning to tell him I will not be able to come to work on that day. My Phone number was 513 6526133. My carrier was AT&T.

Different circumstances forced me to believe I was being followed and in the resulting confusion, I left for India. One of these was that on one day I found that the glove compartment on my catera was open and my car manual was removed and clearly placed in such a way that I cannot close my glove compartment by simply pushing it up. I got out of my car and checked the lining on my windows, they were perfect. As I maintained my car in good condition, any marks made by a slim jim would have been noticeable. The condition of my car can be vouched for by anyone from the design team at Formfactor.

I had tried to reach out to the police on two occasions - a call was placed by me and then I went to the Fremont Police Station one morning and personally talked to an officer. But by this time, I had started to correlate everything happening around me and thought that things were been manipulated. Therefore, I must have come across as stupid to the Police.

On the day of my return, I noticed that BART does not have a direct train from SFO to Pleasanton. If this was changed on Nov 28th then please let me know so I can sleep knowing that everything was my fault and no one else's.

I had talked to my uncle Sridharan - sridharang@yahoo.com in further detail regarding this. He was constantly beside me when I was at the psychiatric institution and helped me recuperate.

I left SFO by Singapore Airlines Flight SQ1. I request you to look into my case and see if it does require your action.

If you need further information, Please contact me at krishnan.vp

My home address is

3
Triplicane, Chennai,
India - 600005.
Phone: 91-93810926


Thanks & Regards,
Krishnan P

If you want heavenly justice... Die.
Dear Sri Krish,

Your post makes interesting reading. Though I have lived in foreign countries, I have no experience with your university of Cincinnati.

I have a relative, a boy who has cleared his BE and wants to join a university in US. He is slightly autistic. Would you recommend the Cincinnati university to him?

He is brilliant, otherwise healthy and very balanced.
 
Dear Sri Krish,

Your post makes interesting reading. Though I have lived in foreign countries, I have no experience with your university of Cincinnati.

I have a relative, a boy who has cleared his BE and wants to join a university in US. He is slightly autistic. Would you recommend the Cincinnati university to him?

He is brilliant, otherwise healthy and very balanced.
Yes University of Cincinnati is a good place to study.

The university usually offers a scholarship to all the people they accept. But the part to note is that they usually only accept students who are interested in research going on in the uni. That means you already should have sent an email or two to a professor in the uni expressing interest in their research. I did not send any emails but my SOP was clear in the interest I had in a specific area of research in cincinnati.

Its a great place.. unlike a lot of universities which are now only a bunch of buildings.. UC has good set of open spaces and traditional buildings giving an old school, peaceful feeling to the students.

I wish you would not say autistic.. or in your words slightly autistic.. Nowadays, doctors make a big issue of a mole. Things which would never have even been noticed in the past, say, even in 1980s are a big child development issue now.. its like even an average everyday splinter coming of a woodden branch is considered to be thorns growing on the tree.

I am saying the above because I was only initially treated for extreme stress.. but the issue they made out of it and the medicines they gave me ballooned my illness into the monster called schizophrenia.. Now, I am paying the price.
 
Last edited:
Today





I just finished replying to an advertisement which was hawking a brothel for sale in Melbourne. The business broker told me that the property cost 1.2 million AUD and the business cost 300k AUD. I was trying to engage him in a deal where I will pay 70% of the earnings back to the owner for a certain period to pay off the cost of the business and later buy the property. It was not working. The broker was clear that this will have to be a cash deal. I have decided to let him get back after discussing with his client.



Its now 10 years since I first wrote the letter to Human Rights Watch and the Lawyers Association ILA in America. Have spent time in asylums atleast 3 more times. And ended up in Melbourne after a stint in Singapore and a brief hiatus in india. I now have met a girl who seems to understand. Met her on *****.com, a pint sized teddy bear. She tells me we can get back all that has been lost. We will scale new heights. Thats where she and everyone else doesn't seem to connect with me. Its not that I lost something. Its the experience, the pain, the medicines and the madness.. these should never have been. There is no way that is going to disappear just because I am suddenly a big shot tomorrow. Not that I am going to be a big shot tomorrow. And I told her.. in as many words.. these things drive me.. they drive me to want to fuck women.. somehow cause their degradation.. is it some messed up psycho reaction to my first engagement? Maybe it is.. I dont know. I also created a profile on tinder to meet random women. I know this is the wrong time given that I have the teddy bear wanting to join me in matrimony. But the bitterness just will not go. I am hoping that I will let go once she joins me in Melbourne like we are planning. Maybe bring my parents too. I cannot tell her to her face that I am having such thoughts and doing such things because I know she likes me. But I know that she will read this and know for herself. Instead of this information coming through to her from some unknown source, I feel it is better to man up and be straight forward.. because for some incomprehensible reason I do not want her to leave me.. inspite of the hatred from the first engagement.. I somehow am beginning to hope again.. that it is going to work out.



I tried to dig into what really happened in Fremont. Requested two of my cousins in the US to hire a private investigator to look at what happened to a healthy, ambitious and successful person called Krishnan Parthasarathy in the last three months of 2007.. was there really a train to pleasanton from san francisco airport on Nov 28th 2pm? Nobody wants to do it.. The constant retort is that its in the past, let it go. I wonder if they will let it go if it were their past..



Since this june, I am also working on the Mythili Initiative. Trying to help push society back to vedic leanings and hoping this will make people start to fear god again.. It is my belief that fear of god is the only thing that can cure us of corruption and put us back on the path towards happiness/progress. sheesh.. answering to brothel business sales and also talking about vedic and religious renaissance.. what a mind job I must be.. Hmmm.. I have not yet shared how the mythili initiative was born have I.. It will be answered in due time..



Since I am updating my story online, I decided to check my old mails to AILA and Human Rights Watch in California, USA... Guess what.. Google has now clearly listed a denial message on top of the email I had sent to AILA (American Immigration Lawyers Association).. Now there might just be something wrong with this email.. I still am not sure.. but whatever I said in email is true.. most of those things are etched in my memory like it was written with hot iron.



Screenshot goodness - Go figure it out..

fremont_gmail_denies-png.7825 My Pursuit - 2 (Redefining what I thought needs to be done)
 

a-TB

Well-known member
Dear Mr Krishnan,

It takes great courage to share your life events in an open forum. A gentle suggestion is that in the future you may consider deleting personally identifiable information.

Mental disease is no different than physical disease though society is more accepting of the later.

I hope you really get well fully. From your writing and experience it is clear that you are very intelligent. In fact there is honesty in your writing which is refreshing.

Though you are not looking for advice my suggestion is this.

Veda Patashals and temples need not be your goal at this point. . Just continue in a steady job, find meaning in a relationship and do something to help some cause (with humility). Grow a pet. And do see a competent Psychiatrist. Finally meditate on the Permual everyday.

I wish you all the best.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Dear Mr Krishnan,

It takes great courage to share your life events in an open forum. A gentle suggestion is that in the future you may consider deleting personally identifiable information.

Mental disease is no different than physical disease though society is more accepting of the later.

I hope you really get well fully. From your writing and experience it is clear that you are very intelligent. In fact there is honesty in your writing which is refreshing.

Though you are not looking for advice my suggestion is this.

Veda Patashals and temples need not be your goal at this point. . Just continue in a steady job, find meaning in a relationship and do something to help some cause (with humility). Grow a pet. And do see a competent Psychiatrist. Finally meditate on the Permual everyday.

I wish you all the best.
My very thought.
 

krish44

Well-known member
Why is it that this forum attracts only dysfunctional youngsters?

We should do something to attract normal youngsters .

Senior TBs here are becoming nannies to service abnormal youngsters who are increasingly posting here.
 

a-TB

Well-known member
Why is it that this forum attracts only dysfunctional youngsters?

We should do something to attract normal youngsters .

Senior TBs here are becoming nannies to service abnormal youngsters who are increasingly posting here.
It is better to say kind things or be neutral rather than say unkind things about anyone. Such messages reveal prejudices. Mental illness is just like any other illness. They can be cured but the illness of a prejudiced society is not easy to cure.

There is no such thing as 'normal youngsters'.

Even the idea of youngster is a relative term. You may be old and hence may think someone who is in their late 30s as youngster.

I am not a senior TB, just a-TB LOL.

You may be senior all right but have a lot to grow up based on your prejudicial message.

I wish you all the best.
 

krish44

Well-known member
No sense in glorifying any sickness -mental or otherwise.

Society has all manner of people.

When health treatment resources are limited to service crores of young and the not so young, better to treat

what is easily treatable first.

I wish I do not grow up to be an all knowing wise man doling out sundry misplaced advice .

Better they are referred to health care specialists and psychiatrists who are in abundance .

They charge a bomb and most get cured paying them fancy sums in dollars if they are abroad.

In india where population grows by leaps and bounds it is survival of the fittest.
 

a-TB

Well-known member
No sense in glorifying any sickness -mental or otherwise.

Society has all manner of people.

When health treatment resources are limited to service crores of young and the not so young, better to treat

what is easily treatable first.

I wish I do not grow up to be an all knowing wise man doling out sundry misplaced advice .

Better they are referred to health care specialists and psychiatrists who are in abundance .

They charge a bomb and most get cured paying them fancy sums in dollars if they are abroad.

In india where population grows by leaps and bounds it is survival of the fittest.
Please re-read the thread. There is no glorification of any sickness in this thread.

However our maturity lies in our kindness noting that maturity does not always accompany age.

If someone shares they hurt their legs in an accident or fell ill, they are not asking for help. Only professionals can help. But empathy and kindness is easy to offer once it is discovered in us. In this instance the suggestion was to seek professional help. So the above response is illogical and not based on what is written in this thread.

Prejudices are actually worse mental sickness. We become happier when we do not carry prejudices towards others. I am being polite in rebutting to your statements earlier. So before talking about who is norrmal and who is not, it is best to watch oneself first.

The Millennial generation is actually very broad minded and they are much more accepting of people. Senior TBs can learn a lot from them
 

a-TB

Well-known member
To both Mr Krishnan and Mr Krish44,

Here is an inspirational story of kindness for both of you. The story of Sidhutai is a real one and there are wikipedia page as well as a TEDx talk.

 

Follow Tamil Brahmins on Social Media

Latest posts

Top