I am an iyer girl and can i marry an iyengar boy?

[krish44]

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Renukaji, Iyer girl can run off with iyengar boy and get married and it would be then be jhatka not halal for

boys parents.

Living at a safe distance from either parents is wise and less problematic.

These well educated employed youngsters have got so individualistic that each listens to themself alone and

do their own thing.

They walk from a relationship if it turns toxic and hope the next one is better,

We are going towards an open and freer society.

 

[iyeraathuponnu]

From the discussions, I can get the feeling that Mami is stronger than Mama. Now this can be seen by you when you visit a perumal kovil. This should prompt you to excel in CA, have a stronger mind over body( you possess this skill set), Feel confident ( Being cautious is good but don’t worry too much),
At this age it is important for you to carve out a unique distinctive place for yourself, and you are pursuing a noble profession, put your heart and soul in this . Allow 30 % of your time for others.
My father became a FCA ( father of a CA) when I was 21. He was more happy than me. I am not boasting, this is mentioned to you to make you feel the satisfaction is immense in all the things around us.
The confidence you get in this is far more greater. Since you would be in the same field, you have to be more stronger and also supportive. Have an open mind, ups and downs are part of life just like heart beat ?.
Have faith in yourself and everything will work for you.
God bless.

Hello Sir.
Mami is obviously stronger than Mama. That's what made him in believe in me that I'd somehow make through everything Haha! Thank you for your points and you're right for what I should give importance now. I totally get that the more we make our parents happy, all the wishes will be fulfilled. The personality lifts way higher when a student is pursuing CA and we need not even mention on how it is after we're done. All that we are really worried about is, as we are in the same office premises and get to see each other everyday, we end up getting extra feelings day by day. If there is no future, there needs to be no breaking of hearts is what we have personally discussed and it hurts to even talk like that. Well, though for now I have to be practical and let things take place on their own. Thank you!

 

[iyeraathuponnu]

I think this is a harsh position and without merit.
It is personal bias and misunderstanding of today's culture. It might have been valid ib 18th century, but in the 21st century it is totally out of place and is not valid.

The younger nuclear family do not adopt the culture of their parents, they evolve their own culture according to their conveniences and convictions.

Krish44ji, posts are to the point.

iyeraathuponnuji, disregard the negative comments, go with your gut feelings. If the boy agrees with you and has the BACKBONE to stand by you, you will have a successful union.
Wish you all the best.
Of course, my opinion is based on my observation in metro cities, I have no experience in Rural village life or joint family.

We belong to a metro city and we're a nuclear family. Thank you so much for the support.

 

[aravaram]

People are writing as if they are still in the 19th or 20th centuries. Take note of this: there are Iyengar boys marrying non-brahmin girls and some Iyengar girls are marrying Iyer boys. Marrying within the Brahmin community of any subcategory or region when the parties know each other is far better than jumping the ship totally. Unlike what some have pointed out the modern Iyengar families are not that orthodox any longer. So, it is up to the individuals to choose and decide, and I would suggest going happily with any Brahmin tradition. Only some adjustments might be needed in such cases. However, prior knowledge of the families involved on both sides would be needed.

 

[ekaputra]

4 of my cousins (male and female) are married to Iyengars of which 1 is a completely arranged marriage - my aunt and the girl's mother were friends and this was at a time when there was no internet for the boy (cousin) and girl (sister-in-law) to even get to know each other. All of them (4 cousins and their spouse) have found acceptance on both sides right from day 1!

 

[prasad1]

4 of my cousins (male and female) are married to Iyengars of which 1 is a completely arranged marriage - my aunt and the girl's mother were friends and this was at a time when there was no internet for the boy (cousin) and girl (sister-in-law) to even get to know each other. All of them (4 cousins and their spouse) have found acceptance on both sides right from day 1!

Thank you for busting this myth of "orthodox" Iyyangars.

 

[mraghavan]

Vadakalai Iyengars share a lot in common with Iyers, so marriage between the two communities is easy.

Tenkalai culture is radically different in some of its views of rituals and traditions. There may be some tension between the two families.

 

[Mani_Chennai]

This is a two year old question. But my finding is Vadakalai and Iyers use their Gotras similar to each other and follow Vedic rituals. The Thenkalai Iyengars are those converted by Ramanujar and usually follow Alwars and Pasurams. Pallandu Pallandu Plakodi nUrandu.. can be heard from them. But both worship Vishnu but again Y namam used by Vadagalai and U nanamam is used by Thenkalai. If a girl comes from Mysore- Bangalore-Mandiya they don't mind marrying Iyers.

Now excepting for some minor religious differences and food preparation, nothing is difficult to adjust. If the couple move out of South all problems vanish. I know at least 10 such families in Delhi and their use of Kalaiparuppu sambhar is very delicious, while typical Iyers will use Tuvar dhal(Bengal Dhal or Dove dhal).

Since Vishnu is the brother-in-law of Shiva according to our religion, there goes the intermixing!.

Thazh chadaiyum, neel mudiyum, on mazhuvum chkkaramum, suzh aravum ponnanum tondrumal, tondrum tirandu aurvi payum Tirumalaimel irandu uruvm onrai Inainthu.

தாழ் சடையும் நீள் முடியும் ஒண் மழுவும் சக்ரமும் சூழ் அரவும் பொன் நாணும் தோன்றுமால், தோன்றும் திருமலைமேல் எந்தைக்கு இரண்டு உருவும் ஒன்றாய் இணைந்தே

At Tirupathi both Shiva and Vishnu are merged into one.

So, the main question is compatibility like education, value in life and so on, and if they match about 86%-90%, rest will work out in about two years according to research study. I met a very beautiful and highly qualified Iyengar girl and wanted to marry me, but I had asked about two years time to finish my commitment. Her parents hurried and married her to some one else. I could not help, but still think about her.

 

[Mani_Chennai]

If the girl is allowed to follow Iyengar tradition, it is nothing but conversion, which is equally bad.

Is it based on your personal experience(ow many) or hearsay. Indian Brahman and Iyengars girls marry Americans and UK guys and are fine with many children and happily married for a long time. Once she has a child, she will not bother about her formalities and will not insist that she will do whatever she wants.

Being religious does not mean being stubborn and stupid and sacrifice happily married life for some intangible imaginary religious goals. I know a total of over 10 families who are married thus and happy. Hema Malini married Dharmendra (a Jat from Hariyana) and agreed to be his 2nd wife and still happy.

So, if the two have heart to heart talk and agree on most important things, rest will slowly workout. If she worship Vishnu, Iyers to worship Krishna(Yadava) and will refuse to participate with her. Is she strong willed and really love the boy? Whether she weaars her sari from right to left or the other way around, or moves on to Salwar Kamij does not matter. Food, music, etc., are there matching for them. If she cooks well, he will become her slave!. Heart via food and stomach. Only the girl knows all the facts.