I think this is a harsh position and without merit.Generally it doesn’t work well. Marriage between Iyer girl - Iyengar boy (Vadakalai) should not be encouraged. The loser will be the Iyers. This must be explained to Iyer girls explicitly well in advance. It is nothing but conversion within the religion and caste.
It is personal bias and misunderstanding of today's culture. It might have been valid ib 18th century, but in the 21st century it is totally out of place and is not valid.
The younger nuclear family do not adopt the culture of their parents, they evolve their own culture according to their conveniences and convictions.
Krish44ji, posts are to the point.
iyeraathuponnuji, disregard the negative comments, go with your gut feelings. If the boy agrees with you and has the BACKBONE to stand by you, you will have a successful union.
Wish you all the best.
Of course, my opinion is based on my observation in metro cities, I have no experience in Rural village life or joint family.