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I am an iyer girl and can i marry an iyengar boy?

prasad1

Well-known member
Generally it doesn’t work well. Marriage between Iyer girl - Iyengar boy (Vadakalai) should not be encouraged. The loser will be the Iyers. This must be explained to Iyer girls explicitly well in advance. It is nothing but conversion within the religion and caste.
I think this is a harsh position and without merit.
It is personal bias and misunderstanding of today's culture. It might have been valid ib 18th century, but in the 21st century it is totally out of place and is not valid.

The younger nuclear family do not adopt the culture of their parents, they evolve their own culture according to their conveniences and convictions.

Krish44ji, posts are to the point.

iyeraathuponnuji, disregard the negative comments, go with your gut feelings. If the boy agrees with you and has the BACKBONE to stand by you, you will have a successful union.
Wish you all the best.
Of course, my opinion is based on my observation in metro cities, I have no experience in Rural village life or joint family.
 
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pbkhema

Active member
Hello. I am an iyer girl from chennai. The guy I like is an iyengar. Though he is someone who strictly follows his home traditions, he isn't willing to get into a relationship now. As far as my parents are concerned, they don't have an issue with me marrying an iyengar. But I want to know how it is with the iyengars? Is it nearly impossible?
And well, we have 5 or 6 more years to go. It is just that I don't want to get my hopes up. Please help me. Thank you
As per the ancient traditions and confirmed by the late His Holiness Abhinava Vidyateertha Maha Swmugal of Sringeri Iyer Ayyyangar Vdama Vadakalai Thenkalai Brihacharnam etc are not the criterion, But the Sutra to which you belong.You can marry with the same sutra person
 

usaiyer

Member
This is difficult question to give a perfect reply,
The fact that you raised the question shows that you have
some skepticism about marrying into Iyengar family.
Iyer family and Iyengar family daily customs and habits
are completely different,
It is difficult to generalise from others examples.
Much depends on the boys family,how liberal they are and
how much they respect boys freedom and love life.
Best wishes
 

tbs

Well-known member
hi

we discussed a lot this in this forum....this is the same ARACHA MAAVU.....its individual choice.....no meaning

of discussing .....our gals are ready to marry muslims/christians....so anybody can anybody...the law says...

ALL ARE QUAL....
 
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CHANDRU1849

Well-known member
I think this is a harsh position and without merit.
It is personal bias and misunderstanding of today's culture. It might have been valid ib 18th century, but in the 21st century it is totally out of place and is not valid.

The younger nuclear family do not adopt the culture of their parents, they evolve their own culture according to their conveniences and convictions.

Krish44ji, posts are to the point.

iyeraathuponnuji, disregard the negative comments, go with your gut feelings. If the boy agrees with you and has the BACKBONE to stand by you, you will have a successful union.
Wish you all the best.
Of course, my opinion is based on my observation in metro cities, I have no experience in Rural village life or joint family.
If u don’t know the reality, it is your mistake. Iyengars, especially Vadakalais, are following their customs strictly, irrespective of centuries, rural or urban and I have come across couple of instances during my employment, which was neither 18th nor 19th century.

How many Iyengars are naming their children with names of Shaivite Gods. Practically none.

As far as I am concerned, there are no liberals. They are either Right or Left, like Kamalhassan, Hindu Ram etc
 

krish44

Well-known member
Renukaji, Iyer girl can run off with iyengar boy and get married and it would be then be jhatka not halal for

boys parents.

Living at a safe distance from either parents is wise and less problematic.

These well educated employed youngsters have got so individualistic that each listens to themself alone and

do their own thing.

They walk from a relationship if it turns toxic and hope the next one is better,

We are going towards an open and freer society.
 

iyeraathuponnu

New member
From the discussions, I can get the feeling that Mami is stronger than Mama. Now this can be seen by you when you visit a perumal kovil. This should prompt you to excel in CA, have a stronger mind over body( you possess this skill set), Feel confident ( Being cautious is good but don’t worry too much),
At this age it is important for you to carve out a unique distinctive place for yourself, and you are pursuing a noble profession, put your heart and soul in this . Allow 30 % of your time for others.
My father became a FCA ( father of a CA) when I was 21. He was more happy than me. I am not boasting, this is mentioned to you to make you feel the satisfaction is immense in all the things around us.
The confidence you get in this is far more greater. Since you would be in the same field, you have to be more stronger and also supportive. Have an open mind, ups and downs are part of life just like heart beat 😊.
Have faith in yourself and everything will work for you.
God bless.
Hello Sir.
Mami is obviously stronger than Mama. That's what made him in believe in me that I'd somehow make through everything Haha! Thank you for your points and you're right for what I should give importance now. I totally get that the more we make our parents happy, all the wishes will be fulfilled. The personality lifts way higher when a student is pursuing CA and we need not even mention on how it is after we're done. All that we are really worried about is, as we are in the same office premises and get to see each other everyday, we end up getting extra feelings day by day. If there is no future, there needs to be no breaking of hearts is what we have personally discussed and it hurts to even talk like that. Well, though for now I have to be practical and let things take place on their own. Thank you!
 
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iyeraathuponnu

New member
I think this is a harsh position and without merit.
It is personal bias and misunderstanding of today's culture. It might have been valid ib 18th century, but in the 21st century it is totally out of place and is not valid.

The younger nuclear family do not adopt the culture of their parents, they evolve their own culture according to their conveniences and convictions.

Krish44ji, posts are to the point.

iyeraathuponnuji, disregard the negative comments, go with your gut feelings. If the boy agrees with you and has the BACKBONE to stand by you, you will have a successful union.
Wish you all the best.
Of course, my opinion is based on my observation in metro cities, I have no experience in Rural village life or joint family.
We belong to a metro city and we're a nuclear family. Thank you so much for the support. :)
 

aravaram

Member
People are writing as if they are still in the 19th or 20th centuries. Take note of this: there are Iyengar boys marrying non-brahmin girls and some Iyengar girls are marrying Iyer boys. Marrying within the Brahmin community of any subcategory or region when the parties know each other is far better than jumping the ship totally. Unlike what some have pointed out the modern Iyengar families are not that orthodox any longer. So, it is up to the individuals to choose and decide, and I would suggest going happily with any Brahmin tradition. Only some adjustments might be needed in such cases. However, prior knowledge of the families involved on both sides would be needed.
 

ekaputra

Member
4 of my cousins (male and female) are married to Iyengars of which 1 is a completely arranged marriage - my aunt and the girl's mother were friends and this was at a time when there was no internet for the boy (cousin) and girl (sister-in-law) to even get to know each other. All of them (4 cousins and their spouse) have found acceptance on both sides right from day 1!
 

prasad1

Well-known member
4 of my cousins (male and female) are married to Iyengars of which 1 is a completely arranged marriage - my aunt and the girl's mother were friends and this was at a time when there was no internet for the boy (cousin) and girl (sister-in-law) to even get to know each other. All of them (4 cousins and their spouse) have found acceptance on both sides right from day 1!
Thank you for busting this myth of "orthodox" Iyyangars.
 

mraghavan

Member
Vadakalai Iyengars share a lot in common with Iyers, so marriage between the two communities is easy.

Tenkalai culture is radically different in some of its views of rituals and traditions. There may be some tension between the two families.
 
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