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I am Iyer Boy, in Love With a Non Brahmin Girl

vinodh_sr

New member
I am Iyer Boy (Vadamal) in love with a Non Brahmin girl for Past 4 Years, Met her in College , Slowly liked her and she also liked me. I am not exactly sure of her Caste may be Pillaimar , since I never looked into Her Caste side, I fell in love with Her Character and Activities. She Helped me to Evolve in Many good ways. Now We are Working in Same Office and Same team, I don't Want to lose Her from my life, Not Speaking with her for Few Hours or Days has a Negative Impact in my Day to Day Activities.I have involved in Physical intimacy with her upto a certain level and now I feel guilty when i think of sitaution of leaving her. I have slightly opened my love in House, My father is against it as he wants Girl from same caste and Rich so that I can be Financially Good. I am Strongly Against it because marrying for Money is not good. the same situation in her house her parents are getting older. . My father also black mailing me that I wont be allowed to Thithi for my parents. We wish to marry with our parents' blessings, So please Suggest ways to make our Marriage a Success

Thanks in Advance
 

sravna

Well-known member
It depends on how adamant your father is. I think since you mentioned he wants a rich girl and of the same caste it is more of irrationality. Also you love the girl for the right reasons. The right thing is to go ahead with marriage and pacify your parents after that.

All the best!
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
My father also black mailing me that I wont be allowed to Thithi for my parents. We wish to marry with our parents' blessings, So please Suggest ways to make our Marriage a Success

Thanks in Advance
So who suffers in the end? for who do we do Thithi?
If your father is pitting your happiness against his happiness, he is not looking out for you.
If you have been stringing this girl for 4 years and still can not stand on your own convictions, i think you are NOT good husband material. Cut her loose. She will be happier with someone else who has some backbone and you are not that person.
 
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sravna

Well-known member
One emotion is pitted against the other here making it a difficult to come to a decision. Sometimes choices in life are not black and white. Emotions cloud them. But as a disinterested person my advice is what I spelt out in my post and would agree with what Prasad says.
 

renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am Iyer Boy (Vadamal) in love with a Non Brahmin girl for Past 4 Years, Met her in College , Slowly liked her and she also liked me. I am not exactly sure of her Caste may be Pillaimar , since I never looked into Her Caste side, I fell in love with Her Character and Activities. She Helped me to Evolve in Many good ways. Now We are Working in Same Office and Same team, I don't Want to lose Her from my life, Not Speaking with her for Few Hours or Days has a Negative Impact in my Day to Day Activities.I have involved in Physical intimacy with her upto a certain level and now I feel guilty when i think of sitaution of leaving her. I have slightly opened my love in House, My father is against it as he wants Girl from same caste and Rich so that I can be Financially Good. I am Strongly Against it because marrying for Money is not good. the same situation in her house her parents are getting older. . My father also black mailing me that I wont be allowed to Thithi for my parents. We wish to marry with our parents' blessings, So please Suggest ways to make our Marriage a Success

Thanks in Advance
Honestly you should be brave enough to marry the girl..that too you had some amount of physical intimacy.
My advice to you is to stop all physical intimacy right away and dont touch a girl unless you intend to marry her.

I can understand if your dad wants same caste as most Indians prefer same caste but asking you to marry a rich girl seems odd.

Any girl wants a man who will provide for the family with his own hard work and money.
Even if he doesnt earn as much but his effort counts instead of just using father in law's money.

At least you are againts marrying for money..thats good of you.

Decide yourself.
Btw is the girl's side ok about an intercaste marriage?
Better find out.
Otherwise you would have two sides to deal with.
 

indianassault

Active member
She is already your wife. There is no point in creating drama about "parents blessings " etc. Did you seek your parents blessings before getting close??
 

Tkudi

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am Iyer Boy (Vadamal) in love with a Non Brahmin girl for Past 4 Years, Met her in College , Slowly liked her and she also liked me. I am not exactly sure of her Caste may be Pillaimar , since I never looked into Her Caste side, I fell in love with Her Character and Activities. She Helped me to Evolve in Many good ways. Now We are Working in Same Office and Same team, I don't Want to lose Her from my life, Not Speaking with her for Few Hours or Days has a Negative Impact in my Day to Day Activities.I have involved in Physical intimacy with her upto a certain level and now I feel guilty when i think of sitaution of leaving her. I have slightly opened my love in House, My father is against it as he wants Girl from same caste and Rich so that I can be Financially Good. I am Strongly Against it because marrying for Money is not good. the same situation in her house her parents are getting older. . My father also black mailing me that I wont be allowed to Thithi for my parents. We wish to marry with our parents' blessings, So please Suggest ways to make our Marriage a Success

Thanks in Advance
Your question is quite amusing. After moving with the girl quite closely, you want to take an opinion poll now to decide on marriage. Something is wrong with you which only a trained psychologist can find out.
 

a-TB

Well-known member
I am Iyer Boy (Vadamal) in love with a Non Brahmin girl for Past 4 Years, Met her in College , Slowly liked her and she also liked me. I am not exactly sure of her Caste may be Pillaimar , since I never looked into Her Caste side, I fell in love with Her Character and Activities. She Helped me to Evolve in Many good ways. Now We are Working in Same Office and Same team, I don't Want to lose Her from my life, Not Speaking with her for Few Hours or Days has a Negative Impact in my Day to Day Activities.I have involved in Physical intimacy with her upto a certain level and now I feel guilty when i think of sitaution of leaving her. I have slightly opened my love in House, My father is against it as he wants Girl from same caste and Rich so that I can be Financially Good. I am Strongly Against it because marrying for Money is not good. the same situation in her house her parents are getting older. . My father also black mailing me that I wont be allowed to Thithi for my parents. We wish to marry with our parents' blessings, So please Suggest ways to make our Marriage a Success

Thanks in Advance
A few of the responses in my view are not helpful. At issue is your ignorance and your parent's ignorance.

I assume you have talked to her about getting married. Did she talk to her parents? I think Ms Renuka asked the right question - are they OK with it?

Now I applaud you for trying to think about making your parents happy. In the long run it will be helpful if they are onboard. Let us talk about your ignorance first.

You cannot make anyone happy, but you can educate them at best. People choose to be happy because of happiness is an inner thing. So do not think you can ever make your parents happy whether you marry or not marry this woman.

Are you sure you love this woman. Getting infatuated and engaging in physical intimacy is not love. You are way too attached and such a thing has capacity to turn into hatred. Be very clear that you both love each other and it is not based on dependency. If you are feel not OK just because she is not around, that is not love. That is just ignorance.

You have to let go in your mind all kinds of identifications - like I am Iyer, I am vadama etc. She has to let go all identifications that she is a Pillar or non-brahmin. It does not matter what you tell others, first shed those identity fully. Then you will not be blackmailed into any customs like doing Shraddhams etc

Now your parents are probably a typically ignorant south indian caste brahmins fully into superstitions and wrong ideas. They are not wise and hence they are saying what they are saying,

You first read what Gita says about the definition of a Brahmin and learn that enough to ask if you or your parents live to its standards. They obviously do not know based on what you have shared. You tell that they are trying to stop you from the woman you want as wife due to their ignorance and for being cowards with what others may say. Be firm and tell them that you want to be a dutiful son and will always love them even if they disown you

Then after assuring you truly love this woman and not for selfish reasons, go ahead and marry. See if your parents will come to the ceremony, If not get it done and after the event go and fall on their feet. My guess is that they will not throw you out. Over time they will accept you.

Make sure your friend's parents are OK , if not fall on their feet also

Hope this helps
 
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You mentioned that you both work in the same company/same team; isn't that a matter of conflict of interest? It all boils down to what do you want to prioritise. Your self-happiness or that of your parents. Wish you the best.
 
You asked for free advice and you are served. Here is my 2 cents. Your life, you lead, your decisions. If you succeed every one will give a grim smile, if you fail, every one got their own life to lead
 
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