I am Iyer Boy (Vadamal) in love with a Non Brahmin girl for Past 4 Years, Met her in College , Slowly liked her and she also liked me. I am not exactly sure of her Caste may be Pillaimar , since I never looked into Her Caste side, I fell in love with Her Character and Activities. She Helped me to Evolve in Many good ways. Now We are Working in Same Office and Same team, I don't Want to lose Her from my life, Not Speaking with her for Few Hours or Days has a Negative Impact in my Day to Day Activities.I have involved in Physical intimacy with her upto a certain level and now I feel guilty when i think of sitaution of leaving her. I have slightly opened my love in House, My father is against it as he wants Girl from same caste and Rich so that I can be Financially Good. I am Strongly Against it because marrying for Money is not good. the same situation in her house her parents are getting older. . My father also black mailing me that I wont be allowed to Thithi for my parents. We wish to marry with our parents' blessings, So please Suggest ways to make our Marriage a Success
Thanks in Advance
A few of the responses in my view are not helpful. At issue is your ignorance and your parent's ignorance.
I assume you have talked to her about getting married. Did she talk to her parents? I think Ms Renuka asked the right question - are they OK with it?
Now I applaud you for trying to think about making your parents happy. In the long run it will be helpful if they are onboard. Let us talk about your ignorance first.
You cannot make anyone happy, but you can educate them at best. People choose to be happy because of happiness is an inner thing. So do not think you can ever make your parents happy whether you marry or not marry this woman.
Are you sure you love this woman. Getting infatuated and engaging in physical intimacy is not love. You are way too attached and such a thing has capacity to turn into hatred. Be very clear that you both love each other and it is not based on dependency. If you are feel not OK just because she is not around, that is not love. That is just ignorance.
You have to let go in your mind all kinds of identifications - like I am Iyer, I am vadama etc. She has to let go all identifications that she is a Pillar or non-brahmin. It does not matter what you tell others, first shed those identity fully. Then you will not be blackmailed into any customs like doing Shraddhams etc
Now your parents are probably a typically ignorant south indian caste brahmins fully into superstitions and wrong ideas. They are not wise and hence they are saying what they are saying,
You first read what Gita says about the definition of a Brahmin and learn that enough to ask if you or your parents live to its standards. They obviously do not know based on what you have shared. You tell that they are trying to stop you from the woman you want as wife due to their ignorance and for being cowards with what others may say. Be firm and tell them that you want to be a dutiful son and will always love them even if they disown you
Then after assuring you truly love this woman and not for selfish reasons, go ahead and marry. See if your parents will come to the ceremony, If not get it done and after the event go and fall on their feet. My guess is that they will not throw you out. Over time they will accept you.
Make sure your friend's parents are OK , if not fall on their feet also
Hope this helps