Dear Kunjuppu,
How are values built and become a value system of an individual in course of time? Right from childhood values are acquired and the system is built brick by brick throughout one's life. Many values picked up earlier in life are taken out periodically and are validated or discarded and replaced with new values. This is a continuous process going on. This is what is said about value system by behavioral scientists. So a value system of an individual is a thing of beauty painstakingly sculpted over a long period. To destroy it to build a new one is a mindless act. But that is one of the tragedies of human life. There are many other tragedies like what somebody said about human life that it remains an unfinished painting for ever. Particularly for women such tragedies occur frequently. In no other living species sacrifices are taken for granted from females. Just some thought.
Cheers.
very well put raju.
we probably dont ever realize in the past years, when the girls on marriage, have to give up their own homes, and go to live with in laws, 'trained' per the new household habits, and then passed on to the husbands place of domicile.
my own aunt, got married to an orthodox palghat family. in 1957. soon after marriage, for 6 months, she spent in palghat, with the in laws. only after this regimentation, she was permitted to join her husband in chennai. again it was koottu kudhithanam there with a multitude of brother, of whom only 2 others were married.
it was like a chathram, with people constantly going in and out, the stoves always on, because someone needed a coffee, lunch or tiffin. for example the dinner started at 730 to accommodate the school going children, and ended at 1030, when the last of the brothers doddered in, after closing the retail shops they owned.
my aunt, who was brought up in rural north malabar, put up with this.
but the next brother, married a girl from mylapore madras. she immediately put her foot down, and did thani kudhithanam between herself and hubby. taking the cue, one by one the other married brothers, slowly moved out. barring the eldest one, who was now saddled with 3 young unmarried brothers, a couple of school going sisters. and his poor wife, now the sole cook to feed 9 mouths, including her own two kids.
nobody asked whether these women had any ideas or ambitions of their own.
so, indeed, we have come a looooong way. giving our women not just word respect, but in action. so when i see the type of list that your friend produced to vet the husband, i am very happy that she has taken an interest in her life, and knows exactly what she wants.
kudos to these who are the true daughters of bharathiar. may their tribes increase.
for our men, if they are alone, i think, they can adjust and handle this very well. i had an orphan male cousin, who married in early 1970s. his wife was also working. so happy was he to get a working earning wife, that by the time she came home, he would have already started the evening dinner, by boiling the paruppu, cut the vegetables, and the decoction ready for a hot coffee. on the way from his own office, he would also daily purchase fresh snack and sure enough that is one of the happiest marriages i have ever seen.
a little gentleness and empathy on the part of men, goes a long way, in getting rewards multiple times from their spouses.
