Age difference for best married life

[Raji Ram]

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.......... My children did not know about caste until they joined anna univ.They asked him whether he is forward

caste? He had to fill a form indicating his caste. ........

That is so Krish Sir!

But your children are smart enough to get Iyer partners! :hug:
:yo: to them!!

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

This is flashed in today's Hindu

Christian couple embrace Hinduism at Srirangam temple

What will be their caste?


http://www.thehindu.com/todays-pape...-couple-embraces-hinduism/article18349437.ece

 

[Vaagmi]

Dear vaagmiji

My upvote for your post.

Your frank views on the bureaucratic crowd running the central govt in delhi noted. There is some truth in them.

The next generation need not be taught anything about caste. My children did not know about caste until they joined anna univ.They asked him whether he is forward

caste? He had to fill a form indicating his caste. Tamilnadu is highly polarised on caste lines. Also it has an unreasonable reservation policy sidelining all brahmins in

education and jobs. We in delhi did not face this until recently when OBC reservations started after 1991.One does not face caste issues much.We do not look at many

things through the prism of caste.

Most higher level ,well off send children to either convent schools or those schools such as sanskrithi -floated for civil servants,modern school or DPS. These are top

tier schools known for excellence.There are no caste issues there.

For higher education it is the IITs or IIM and abroad.

Since in all these places, acxademic excellence only counts , not any caste card.

So our children are not poisoned with this caste issues.

When it comes to marriage , what matters is edu qualifications, job excellence ,language and location issues. Most compromise on caste to some extent atleast.

Same caste preferable or else some close to it in terms of food habits , family status similar -say another civil servant family. Good chances these understand each

other way of living and they have common friends.They understand the local culture and habits.

Brahmin is just one more caste for me and I happen to belong to it due to accident of birth.

I neither hate or love my caste.It is just a tag. Along with is my vegetarianism and language.

I have given up on rituals and do not miss them.

Only on occassions like marriage, death these get remembered .

I am a go getter.

If it means matching kundlis [I know to cast and match horoscope by myself],fix a ritualistic marriage to get a good match, I am for it. If the other party wants to go

to a registered office instead ,along with tying of knot, sapthapadhi due to caste or other consideration , so be it.

No one hugs someone from another religion for marriage by choice. But if it happens due to choice of girl or boy , I think wisdom lies in accepting with grace.

Being liberal is a mindset. Drinking , partying are personal choices of some to beat job and other life stresses. As long as one can hold a drink[that comes thru sadhna ]

lol] then it is OK . This is dignified drinking . Everyone who drinks is not alcoholic.

We have compromised a lot for good living.

We shall not allow casteist and narrow minded to disturb our living unduly.

Dear Krishji,

A straight question to you without beating around the bush.

Will you actively advise and insist on your children/grand children to fall in love, date, and ultimetely marry only boys/girls from other castes exclusively? Will you discourage and actively prevent them from marrying from the brahmin community? Straight answers please. No vazha vazhaa kozha kozhaa answer filling the space with alphabets. Please tell us here and now.

The number of bytes that you have hogged here writing the greatness, usefulness and advantages of IC/IR marriages has made me ask this question to you. When I asked this question to Mr. Nara long back he did not reply and I drew my conclusions.

Thank you for that thums up. LOL.

 

[Vaagmi]

This is flashed in today's Hindu

Christian couple embrace Hinduism at Srirangam temple

What will be their caste?


http://www.thehindu.com/todays-pape...-couple-embraces-hinduism/article18349437.ece

What was his caste when he was a christian?

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

What was his caste when he was a christian?

The Hindu is silent on his caste as Christian Assuming he was SC what will be his status now?

 

[krish44]

The Hindu is silent on his caste as Christian Assuming he was SC what will be his status now?

He would be a dalit christian.

One can change religion and not owns caste.

Nadars community has both christian and hindu nadars.

They marry mostly within the community.

If the girl is a christian marrying a hindu, she adopts hindu religion and vice versa.

Caste is more important than religion.

 

[krish44]

Dear Krishji,

A straight question to you without beating around the bush.

Will you actively advise and insist on your children/grand children to fall in love, date, and ultimetely marry only boys/girls from other castes exclusively? Will you discourage and actively prevent them from marrying from the brahmin community? Straight answers please. No vazha vazhaa kozha kozhaa answer filling the space with alphabets. Please tell us here and now.

The number of bytes that you have hogged here writing the greatness, usefulness and advantages of IC/IR marriages has made me ask this question to you. When I asked this question to Mr. Nara long back he did not reply and I drew my conclusions.

Thank you for that thums up. LOL.

Dear Vaagmiji

Straight answer.

I am not a revolutionary out to change the world.

I am not not expecting my next generation or the generation after that to consult me before falling in love with anyone.

If they do so due to their incompetence to relate to anyone and choose their own mate,It would become an arranged marriage.

Here I will follow the the parameters I have mentioned in my last post. Caste would not be the first priority. Education, job, age, looks, location would be considered


primarily.Caste would be last criterion.It would choose my caste if easily possible or any other caste close to mine which values vegetarianism with decent financial status and has

a liberal mindset.

 

[Rudhran]

What youngsters do in social forums should be eye opener to all parents.

Many groups of facebook ,google ,whatsapp are busy exchanging info on get together, party venues and other avenues for pleasure.

They help people bond onsite which pave the way for meeting when they are in same city.

These online sites have brought close long distance strangers to bond with each other.

World is a large platform.

We have so many craving for relationships.

Some find love on these sites.

Many temporary hook ups and a few permanent.

China has banned all these american sites to protect their youngsters.lol

Yes...

When I searched 'Girl raped by Face Book friend', Google comes up with thousands of results.

Here are few...

Girl raped by ‘FB’ friend in Jodhpur

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...FB-friend-in-Jodhpur/articleshow/52017123.cms

FB friend rapes woman in Mohali

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...apes-woman-in-Mohali/articleshow/47848270.cms

Kota: 18-yr-old Dalit medical student raped by FB friend on pretext of marriage

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/nati...aped-by-fb-friend-on-pretext-of-marriage.html

22-year-old Gurgaon woman alleges rape by Facebook friend

http://www.hindustantimes.com/gurga...book-friend/story-DW8XulYfPtFbyT01LoIOCO.html


AND this is today’s news

Facebook friend rapes 13-year-old after luring her from Tirupur to Chennai

http://www.newindianexpress.com/sta...ring-her-from-tirupur-to-chennai-1600249.html

And there may be many unreported....

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

He would be a dalit christian.

One can change religion and not owns caste.

Nadars community has both christian and hindu nadars.

They marry mostly within the community.

If the girl is a christian marrying a hindu, she adopts hindu religion and vice versa.

Caste is more important than religion.

Similar to Mobile Number Portability - switch over from BSNL to Airtel - you change the network with the same number !

 

[krish44]

Dear Vaagmiji
I have answered all personal questions you asked.

Would you in all fairness answer some from me?

1. As a vaishnavite brahmin would you accept shaivite brahmins.How about vaishnavite brahmins from karnataka and andhra.

2 If your children , grandchildren like to marry intercaste,would you

a. counsel them to avoid

b.Threaten them or disown them

c. Accept and let them have their way.

3. What would you do if your children like north indian kayasth in good position or a punjabi arora or chopra.

Many tamil brahmin girls marry them in delhi. Boys are also not lagging behind.

4.How about Tamil christians or children whose one parent is christian and other tamil iyengar.

5.If your daughter or grand children who are working like to go to office parties where there is drinking and smoking , would you forcibly prevent them or tell them to be

careful and yield

6.Would you at all accept love marriage in your family ?

7.If you get a very good brahmin match [well educated and earning etc] from good family, but kundli does not match, what would you do

a. Drop the match

b. Do some parihara and go ahead

c. Say hell to kundli and go ahead.

.

 

[krish44]

Similar to Mobile Number Portability - switch over from BSNL to Airtel - you change the network with the same number !

In delhi, converted christians from tamilnadu [mostly OBC and SC }are not accepted by original christians of north who frequent church of jesus and mary.

They have floated a pentacostal order to service these christians.

There is caste and language bar also in christianity.

 

[Vaagmi]

Dear Vaagmiji
I have answered all personal questions you asked.

Dear krishji,

My questions were not personal but yours are. I only asked you to take certain steps to prove your sincerety in advocating enthusiastically the IC/IR marriages. But that is besides the point. I do not mind answering your questions. Let us see.

1. As a vaishnavite brahmin would you accept shaivite brahmins.How about vaishnavite brahmins from karnataka and andhra.

Accept into what? Friendship? Answer: Why not? I will accept anyone as a friend irrespective of caste, religion, race or gender. Friendship is just friendship and there can not be anything else there in it pulling it down.

2 If your children , grandchildren like to marry intercaste,would you
a. counsel them to avoid
b.Threaten them or disown them
c. Accept and let them have their way.

My children are married within the community and my grandchildren are yet to come into this world. Yet I can answer these hypothetical questions:

a) yes
b) No. I won't have to do that.
c) No. They will go their way. I will just bless them and forget them.

3. What would you do if your children like north indian kayasth in good position or a punjabi arora or chopra.

Same as answer given above.

Many tamil brahmin girls marry them in delhi. Boys are also not lagging behind.

This does not mean anything to me. It is like saying there are many people who prefer to take a peg of Gin with Lime Cordial than with orange juice. It is a general statement/alphabet soup which does not deserve a discussion.

4.How about Tamil christians or children whose one parent is christian and other tamil iyengar.

If the child grows up and wants to remain a vaishnavite, it would be welcome to do that. It has a right to do that and vaishnavism accepts such people into its fold.

5.If your daughter or grand children who are working like to go to office parties where there is drinking and smoking , would you forcibly prevent them or tell them to be careful and yield

They will be careful wherever they are. I have no worries.

6.Would you at all accept love marriage in your family ?

Yes.

7.If you get a very good brahmin match [well educated and earning etc] from good family, but kundli does not match, what would you do
a. Drop the match b. Do some parihara and go ahead c. Say hell to kundli and go ahead.

Ignore kundli, pray to Srimannarayana and move ahead. And face the consequences if any.

Krishji tell me my score. LOL.

 

[krish44]

Thanks . Vaagmiji

Questions 2,3 and 7 are answered clearly.

Q1 and Q4 relate to marriage relationship with persons belonging to iyengar families from karnataka, andhra,and tamil christian family or TB and christian intercaste

family.I am not talking of friendship alone.

Q6 Are acceptance of love marriages in your family subject to the person being only a vaishnavite tamil brahmin?

Answer to these will contribute to clarity of response and score will become 100%

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Parents should be facilitators and not push them to their way - எக்கேடு கெட்டு பாே - தலை முழிகிட்டேன் I will forget you - may not get you good CGP scores in spite of ' pray Srimannarayana ' grace marks one may hope!

 

[tbs]

I am 5 years younger than husband.

I like being younger..one can feel "pampered"!LOL

hi

really?...lah

 

[krish44]

Parents should be facilitators and not push them to their way - எக்கேடு கெட்டு பாே - தலை முழிகிட்டேன் I will forget you - may not get you good CGP scores in spite of ' pray Srimannarayana ' grace marks one may hope!

I was looking at only clarity of response.

I am not judgemental about him.

I would like to know where he stands and what he thinks of IC/IR marriages.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Krishji tell me my score. LOL.(#36)

There is a request for scored - suggestions to improve that There is no compulsion if happy with your score ignore them!

 

[krish44]

JJ ji

Jokes apart,We must learn from you how to make DILs great performers.

Your advise to engage the youngsters and be facilitaters instead of taking a stand ' ekkedum kettu po' may fall on deaf ears.

When will seniors change and become accomodative to needs of the younger generation?

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

One DIL with her family is in Thai enjoying her holidays The other is on pilgrimage to Vaitheeswaran Koil I have politely declined the invitation by both to join them - I don't want to be ' பூஜ வேள கரடி ' Enjoying Chithra festival here!

 

[Vaagmi]

Parents should be facilitators and not push them to their way - எக்கேடு கெட்டு பாே - தலை முழிகிட்டேன் I will forget you - may not get you good CGP scores in spite of ' pray Srimannarayana ' grace marks one may hope!

That is வைத்தால் குடுமி, சிரைச்சால் மொட்டை logic. Not mine.

1. I would refuse to facilitate something against my conscience and happiness. Why should I?

2. I concede the right of the individual to choose her/ his way despite my advice. My advice has the load of years of experience while their drive has none of it. It is just attraction. So I refuse to facilitate them reach their chosen destination. It is their choice and so they can reach it and be happy. There can neither be a emotional blackmail nor a saudha. I just say goodbye. That does not mean I have declared them my enemy. They can come and go. No stay please. Hope I am clear.

 

[renuka]

hi

really?...lah

But to be frank I dont feel 5 yrs younger..I feel as if we are of the same age cos of mental compatibility.

 

[krish44]

Vaagmiji

Ref point1 above, time is on the side of younger generation. When one grows old, you might need them more than their needing you.In two cases I know, it is the IC next

generation which looked after the parent who disowned them in last years of the parent.Your ego might be hurt that they made their own decision to marry not

abiding your advice without your approval.One can forget and forgive.One NB son in law even performed the last rites of brahmiin father in law besides looking after

him in his last days while his own son conventionally married refused to attend to him .

2.. you might believe that your advice based on years of experience is a better one. But the next generation has its own reasons for making their choices.Your stand is

ambivalent both no and yes.ie They can come and go . But you will not transact with them. This is not the rational thing to do IMHO.

I know more than one senior who has suffered immensely sticking rigidly to his point of view punishing himself and the the erring/defying couple of next generation.

In both cases after years , senior parent was looked after by the couple who got disowned.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Vaagmi Sir,

Your answers to Krish Sir are awesome.

But, disowning grandchildren because of their IC / IR weddings is much easier then disowning children!

 

[Raji Ram]

How come I C / I R weddings entered THIS thread??

 

[Rudhran]

How come I C / I R weddings entered THIS thread??

May be so contagious ...

May be some like to talk about this through out ... unminding the thread, topic, etc

Why the barrier... ? for some may think that it is so important...

Added advantage is that it is in 'Chit Chat'.

A thumbs up for breaking the barriers...

Another thumbs up for unifying ... no caste.. no colour.... no creed... we are all Indians...

Enjoy....