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Age difference for best married life

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tks

Well-known member
There is a study released recently that people who marry within the same age have the most successful marriage statistically (read as without divorce) in USA.

I know the Indian conditions are somewhat different and TB household may be even more different in the views of many.

However, based on my limited observation with some relatives and friends, it is my conclusion that many more TBs from upper middle class families are trying to ape the west in a frenzied hurry in the last couple of decades or so.

Many parents are totally unaware that their dear children are 'living together' with others, especially in cities. Many have their own dubious value systems and the children do not share their transgressions openly.

Most TB children in India (in their 20s and even early 30s) cannot even speak Tamil properly. I am reminded of the saying

அற்பனுக்கு மவுசு வந்தால் அர்த்த இராத்திரியில் குடை பிடிப்பானாம் when I think about how many bad habits many have picked up from the west instead of the good habits.

With this adoption of western culture the number of divorces in India seem to be on the rise..

TB families and Indian families are not doing that great in the west either. They are not trying to ape but they still go after whites to marry by and large. That may not happen but the effort is there. This has to do with fascination with white skin

Given all these the study that I will share in the next post may have some relevance...
 
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tks

tks

Well-known member
For a Lasting Marriage, Try Marrying Someone Your Own Age

Even a five-year age difference makes a couple 18 percent more likely to get divorced, compared to a couple born on or around the same year.

Source:

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/...someone-your-own-age/382520/?utm_source=atlfb

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There are many predictors of the success of a marriage, among them the having of money, the having of children, and the length of time a couple spends dating before they tie the knot. Another big predictor, though, is age: The closer a couple is when it comes to their respective birth years, the greater their chances of avoiding divorce.


That's according to a study that compiled polling data from more than 3,000 recently married and divorced Americans. The study—the overall findings of which my colleague Olga Khazan highlighted last month—used a multivariate model to calculate the factors that seemed to best predict the marriage's chances of success. (Or, at any rate, its chances of not ending in divorce.) Its results were visualized by the data scientist Randy Olson, who created a series of charts to illustrate the study's findings.

Today, Olson released another set of visuals—the most intriguing of which focuses on the matter of the age gap. A one-year discrepancy in a couple's ages, the study found, makes them 3 percent more likely to divorce (when compared to their same-aged counterparts); a 5-year difference, however, makes them 18 percent more likely to split up. And a 10-year difference makes them 39 percent more likely.


Once you enter large-gap territory—the 20-year difference, the 30-year difference—the odds of divorce are ... almost never in your favor.


If your partner happens to be 15 years older or younger than you are, that's not automatically a bad omen: Statistics, of course, are not destiny. But, as predictors, the study's findings stand to reason. Marriage is, above all, about 50-50 partnership; differences in ages also mean differences in life experience and cultural reference points. Generations may be an invention, but they are meaningful nonetheless. So, with all the necessary caveats about love's vagaries and mysteries, if you want a marriage that lasts, you should probably try to marry someone your own age. Due apologies to Aaliyah.
 

renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am 5 years younger than husband.

I like being younger..one can feel "pampered"!LOL
 

Raji Ram

Gold Member
Gold Member
Same age? :nono:

Actually, females in 30s look like males in 40s! So, if the wife wants to look younger than her spouse,

the best difference is between 5 and 8. :)
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
Many females look for their father in mate[Electra complex?]

So with age difference of seven or so with a balding or greying male is the best guarantee for successful marriage.

Late twenties for females and mid thirty for boy[overgrown]

Most TBs think so
 

sravna

Well-known member
Respect for age is something that in my opinion is important for a lasting marriage. An age difference of at least 5 years brings in that respect for age and reduces the ego factor. From the point of view of husband he sees himself as a protector than as a competitor for importance.

The reason that same age marriages seem to succeed is due to the psychology of present times. People want to be around with their peers even in a marriage relationship. But it would be only a relative success and there are a lot of problems especially the ego problem because of the very same psychology of the present times.
 
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tks

tks

Well-known member
The world is changing all the time which is its nature.
Today in many parts of the world two incomes seem to be required to maintain the lifestyle people desire looking at lifestyles of others (including those rich and famous). Raising two or three children has gotten complicated since basic needs such as education seem to cost so much.

Marrying age for boys and girls have gone up significantly in the past few decades. Modern lifestyles has created enormous stress worldwide.

If one views the news story in post #2 with frozen thoughts of yesteryear it may not make sense. If one tries to project into the future say 30+ years from now it may make more sense.

When girls married at the age of 16 or 17 the matching was with someone who is at least 5 years older because girls tend to mature lot sooner than boys. Those issues do not apply anymore.

So there may be some validity to the news story that marrying closer to one's age has a value even in Indian condition (when looks into the future)
 

rishikesan

New member
Dear 'tis/ Krish/Mrs Raji, We, elders can feel proud that we have really old)the age differences in the age difference m over 5 Decdades.if in Relations age is not a real consideration.It prvailed during 50s and 60s. all the .reother than relatives was bet 6 & 9 depending on the practice followed almost all Brahmins considering lots of practical aspects, including the willingness of the Ywo. That was the Best time. We speriod Bet. 1965 to 1985
I am sure that elders must be belonging to this group, & they try to inculcate the educated Br. Youth mentioning about practical married, conjugal life in the long run of 2/3 decades, when Man & woman both would be ( bet 70 plus & 80 .
Life may pose insurmountable problems & no son/daughter ,at be nearer for much needef Solace.
I feel indebted to God/ my parents Not only that My 3 married children are also fallen on Line . We, old couple get full assistance We are really most Blessed
( Rishikesan) A.Srimivasan
 

biswa

New member
Women are already 5 years ahead of men in their emotional maturity. Women are ready to have kids at 25 while men are still unwilling to shed their bachelorhood at 30.
 

renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
Respect for age is something that in my opinion is important for a lasting marriage. An age difference of at least 5 years brings in that respect for age and reduces the ego factor. From the point of view of husband he sees himself as a protector than as a competitor for importance.

The reason that same age marriages seem to succeed is due to the psychology of present times. People want to be around with their peers even in a marriage relationship. But it would be only a relative success and there are a lot of problems especially the ego problem because of the very same psychology of the present times.

Respect is both ways...we need to respect all ages.

So if spouse is older or same age or even younger than us, mutual respect is important.

I have friends ranging from 9 years younger to 10 years older and I get along fine with all cos respect is very important in any friendship or relationship.

Yes..we females love to feel protected..an older male plays that role well.

Ego is more of a male problem...we females if we love a man we surrender to him but males are fragile..at anytime their ego can rear its head.

You see even you wrote about the ego factor here...a female wont write about ego factor in a marriage.
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
I think what works best is not think too much about ego or respect.

Boys in india sex starved,if they see a beautiful girl , they simply say yes to marriage

Girls more circumspect find out about job and earnings and say yes compromising on age difference and looks [they get balding or greying male around 30 years]
 

Raji Ram

Gold Member
Gold Member
Beautiful girl? I have seen at least a dozen of boys in my circle of friends and relatives,

who say that they will say OK to ANY girl, who is willing to marry them! :peep::peep::nod:
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
Beautiful girl? I have seen at least a dozen of boys in my circle of friends and relatives,

who say that they will say OK to ANY girl, who is willing to marry them! :peep::peep::nod:
There are boys who have many to choose from.

Then there are others starved for company.

In addition to education, job , boys require social graces to attract girls.

Some cannot maturely transact with girls .

They require the help of families to get married.

These days for most girls it is a status symbol to have a boyfriend,by the time they cross school.

One cannot expect girls to go on thru education and initially job upto 24-25 years ignoring the physical needs and warmth of a relationship with a boyfriend.

Virginity is a concept evolved by a paternalistic order to keep girls on a leash .

Most try to break this man made code to experience freedom to desire and love whom they want.

Sticking to an disappearing order is only cheating oneself.

We are in a far open society.

Our girls are winning this freedom to choose and experiment in india.
 
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Raji Ram

Gold Member
Gold Member
The percentage of the girls of your description is NOT yet alarming.

The western influence is not that much in tambrahm girls. :nono:
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
Rajiramji

You can choose to believe differently and say TBs are exceptions.

Denial is a form of escapism.

Dig deeper.

Look at thousands of TB girls seeking to escape tamilnadu for bangalore, pune, foreign countries and stay single and taste the joys of a liberated society with freedom

to work and make new relationships .

These would not like to get into the traditional marriage market to hunt for grooms and wait for parents to choose whom they desire to have as son in law.

It is an insult to their self respect that others should help decide who is best suited for them.
 

Vaagmi

Well-known member
Rajiramji

You can choose to believe differently and say TBs are exceptions.

Denial is a form of escapism.

Dig deeper.

Look at thousands of TB girls seeking to escape tamilnadu for bangalore, pune, foreign countries and stay single and taste the joys of a liberated society with freedom

to work and make new relationships .

These would not like to get into the traditional marriage market to hunt for grooms and wait for parents to choose whom they desire to have as son in law.

It is an insult to their self respect that others should help decide who is best suited for them.

krishji,

Your thousands of TB girls go to work in Bangaluru, Pune and foreign countries because they get jobs of their choice and liking in those cities. It is not as if they are waiting for a chance to escape from a stressful society to enjoy freedom in a liberated society. You have assumed too many things. They are all wrong assumptions.

Self respect is a nice word. Self respect is respect for self. Here self means body and soul. When the girl or boy respects her/his soul he/she carefully preserves himself/herself. The values which he/she has picked up from childhood are preserved, the culture and habits in which he/she has grown is preserved for their uniqueness and meaningfulness and usefulness. Those youngsters who have not learnt to preserve themselves lose to temptations.

Self respect also means preserving the body in which the soul is housed. Holding on to age old wisdom, values and culture and not giving in to temptations, harmone induced deviations etc.,

A TB youngman or a girl keeps away from liquour and drugs because they defile the body. They keep away from casual sex because it again defiles their bodies. They hold on to their values because they are all time tested in this karmabhoomi and found to be meaningful and useful.

They do not think that their parents choosing a boy/girl for them is a disrespect to them. They accept and make the best of the situation. If they have found someone of their liking they still go to their parents and seek acceptance for obvious reasons. It is a system which is working well and meets all the demands of times.

You have a tendency to think in terms of extremes only. And there lies the problem of perception.
 
R

Rudhran

Guest
But talking more about logic and reasoning in his postings may remind one about Joseph Goebbels. :)
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
krishji,

Your thousands of TB girls go to work in Bangaluru, Pune and foreign countries because they get jobs of their choice and liking in those cities. It is not as if they are waiting for a chance to escape from a stressful society to enjoy freedom in a liberated society. You have assumed too many things. They are all wrong assumptions.

Self respect is a nice word. Self respect is respect for self. Here self means body and soul. When the girl or boy respects her/his soul he/she carefully preserves himself/herself. The values which he/she has picked up from childhood are preserved, the culture and habits in which he/she has grown is preserved for their uniqueness and meaningfulness and usefulness. Those youngsters who have not learnt to preserve themselves lose to temptations.

Self respect also means preserving the body in which the soul is housed. Holding on to age old wisdom, values and culture and not giving in to temptations, harmone induced deviations etc.,

A TB youngman or a girl keeps away from liquour and drugs because they defile the body. They keep away from casual sex because it again defiles their bodies. They hold on to their values because they are all time tested in this karmabhoomi and found to be meaningful and useful.

They do not think that their parents choosing a boy/girl for them is a disrespect to them. They accept and make the best of the situation. If they have found someone of their liking they still go to their parents and seek acceptance for obvious reasons. It is a system which is working well and meets all the demands of times.

You have a tendency to think in terms of extremes only. And there lies the problem of perception.
Interesting post.Thanks.

Children do not think of soul and preservation of soul.

Think of their body and how to beautify it or make it better toned to make it attractive to themself and their peer groups.

Parents expectation might be to have children respect their traditions and so called values.

Children leave the stranglehold of parents grip to taste freedom from a atrocious order biding them to rituals and conventions making them slaves to their harsh

discipline.

They breathe fresh air in a free environment and transact in an uncontrolled environment making their own choices and deciding their own priorites.

Sooner than later, they find someone whose views match theirs for a relationship.

Then they go to parents only as a courtesy and perhaps the thinking that it might be required as a back up later in case of a mishap.

It is like buying insurance for future and nothing more.

I see it without bias and as it exists.

Others I think imagine how it ought to be from their point of view.
 

rishikesan

New member
Dear Vaagmi. I am happy ,you have properly explained to Mr Krish , though he, himself is ful
y kmowledgeable/& also aware , because he has the experience , having lot of relations , both in India & abroad.Sometimes ,I feel, he writes differently, reason he only knows.of late our girls , depending on circumstances,fall for NBs& parents okay the same & get the marriage done a& also not grudge to keep positive relations with them( my close relatives have accepted the Boy & tr he family & have a grand child All are reasonably happy & attend all functions frre
y & we should Accept the trend homoursnly,
A.Srinivasan
 
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