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Woman CAN keep a secret!
- Thread starter Raji Ram
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renuka
Well-known member
Dear RR ji,
I really hate to see such movies everyone in a household gets so freaking excited about a couples nuptial night.
It makes the Indian society look sex starved!LOL
Especially the scenes where the next day the tell tale signs are looked for..for example a smeared pottu and crushed flowers.
I feel there should be some amount of decency to leave the first night to the couples and others in the house should not get excited about it.
I have noticed conservative cultures tend to get over excited over the nuptial nights.
Once my neighbour got married (she is from a conservative non Indian community) and as I walked into my house from over the fence..(mine is a link house) she was telling me 'doc I am newly married..so if you hear any sounds coming from my bedroom at night and that wakes you up I hope you understand" and she was giggling non stop.
I was thinking " why is she so excited about getting scr**d?"
But communities that are modern and open about sex respect the privacy of newly weds couples and do not get over excited about nuptial nights.
Sometimes I feel conservatism is just a form of bottled up desires.
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No No! Some people lead such wretched lives that they may have NOTHING to think about.
...caused by 5 or more people including the gentlemen participating in this thread!
Men like to boast about their real (or imaginary) prowess and powers!!! :blah:
A traditional society is supposed to be sex starved
with the girl being a virgin and the boy a brahmachaari
both in the real sense of the terms.
That is why the nuptial is aptly called SHAANTHI MUHOORTHAM
since it pacifies the long starved people from their physical needs and cravings.
The floral decoration add a holy and aphrodisiac atmosphere.
The fruits and sweets are kept in case the couple get hungry due their over indulgence.
The saying in Tamil is "kaanja maadu kambule paanjaa maathiri!"
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renuka
Well-known member
Dear VR ji,
Then what is the use of being a virgin or brahmachari is one keeps thinking about sex all the while?
It is the same as person who has had multiple sexual encounters prior to marriage cos one is physically indulging and the other(the fantasizing virgin/brahmachari) is mentally indulging.
Karma is formed by Thought,Word and Deed.
There is no harm remaining a virgin/brahmachari till marriage provided one does not mentally over indulge in sex.
I feel most movies show the whole family or village fantasizing about a couple's nuptial night!Yucks!!!
In the movie Roja there was a song Rukkumani Rukkumani that was really obscene to the core!
Why does a whole village need to get excited???LOL
That is what I mean by sex starved...just like a lion kept hungry for a long time and the lion keeps thinking of food all the while and when it gets a prey it jumps on it.
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Dear Srimathi VR Ji,
In our traditional community, till about 80 to 100 years ago, we married our children even before their teen years. Getting married while in teens was looked at as 'late' marriages then.
Was there a 'Shanthi Muhurthum' in those marriages? I think not. I think, once the girl attained puberty, the in laws silently with wisdom, facilitated the boy and girl to naturally 'get to know' each other in other's presence at first, and then permitted them one fine day to be together. No big deal.
With the marriage age nudging upwards, in my opinion, and it is strictly my opinion with due respect to other's, the uncivilized practice of 'Shanthi Muhurthum' has come about.
I personally do not understand this practice, as, to me personally, I can not have any physical intimacy with a girl, if I don't love her. To me, the physical intimacy is a part of my expression of love to her, not the other way around.
But then, I also recognize that for a lot of folks, it works the other way around too. It is just that, for a lot of folks I know, that night was a disaster, and they had to recover from that. In my opinion, this concept goes against nature.
Sorry, if I have offended anyone. Just my pov.
Regards,
KRS
In our traditional community, till about 80 to 100 years ago, we married our children even before their teen years. Getting married while in teens was looked at as 'late' marriages then.
Was there a 'Shanthi Muhurthum' in those marriages? I think not. I think, once the girl attained puberty, the in laws silently with wisdom, facilitated the boy and girl to naturally 'get to know' each other in other's presence at first, and then permitted them one fine day to be together. No big deal.
With the marriage age nudging upwards, in my opinion, and it is strictly my opinion with due respect to other's, the uncivilized practice of 'Shanthi Muhurthum' has come about.
I personally do not understand this practice, as, to me personally, I can not have any physical intimacy with a girl, if I don't love her. To me, the physical intimacy is a part of my expression of love to her, not the other way around.
But then, I also recognize that for a lot of folks, it works the other way around too. It is just that, for a lot of folks I know, that night was a disaster, and they had to recover from that. In my opinion, this concept goes against nature.
Sorry, if I have offended anyone. Just my pov.
Regards,
KRS
Dear Renu,
None of us will know what kind of thoughts were in the minds of the boy and the girl before they got married. It might have been about anything under the sun.
Marriage is traffic regulation - at least in India. If multile, casual, random flings are O.K. without marriage why would anyone get married -especially IF children are nowhere in their plans?
Thought, word and deed is the right sequence. So stopping at the level of thought is much better than doing the act and contribute to the liberal and free spreading of S.T.D ans AIDS
In movies they make mountains out of molehills. How else to make a film based on abduction and terrorism interesting to the masses?
The LION is kept not hungry but waiting for the right lioness to come along and not start hunting every lamb it comes across.
dear Sri. K. R.S,
Life those days was simple. The boy and girl may be cousins or related in such a way that wedding was permissible between them.
The boy was not under any pressure to finish his higher education, earn a FAT salary, own a house (minus his parents) + every available gadget.
In ALL probability both families lived in the same village or nearby villages.
The baalya vivaah had its own merits and demerits.
The girl will be kept in her parent's house until puberty and then taken to her husband's house.
I am sure they were allowed to meet in privacy only on auspicious day.
The word used then was dharshaik kalyaanam. As a modification of dhrushti, we can easily guess the meaning of the word dharshaik kalyaanam.
If NO MAN wanted to have physical intimacy with an unknown girl, how did the oldest profession come in existence?
Today it remains the boldest profession also and as a corollary to many other professions and jobs.
THAT night WILL BE a perfect 100% disaster IF both the boy and the girl had remained pure virgin and brahmachari. I can assure that.
They will be so much excited and high strung that it HAS to end in a fiasco - they will remember all their life with sheepish smiles.
Nature needs no coaching. So things will develop in the best possible way after the initial fiasco.
I do not get offended if my ideas are dissected but I may if my family members are discussed about !
How to you support/ oppose the unwed child mothers of U.S.A?
What went wrong or how can it be prevented - except by popping in the birth control tablets down the throats of those little innocent girls???
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Sure.
So is the sentence now changed to "the real powers and the reel prowess" acceptable ???
OP
OP
Raji Ram
Active member
I agree with the view of K R S Sir. The wedded couple have to develop some liking for each other before the real
intimacy happens. Otherwise, the nuptial night will end up with the girl going in search of medical aid on the very
next morning! It has happened several times in our village, where my dad was practicing!
P.S: The mother will bring the girl wearing a lot of jewelry and clad in a nice silk saree! Poor things!! :tsk:
renu,
reminded me when i was about 12 or 13. one of my friends (male) came rushing one evening out of the house, shouting out that his mama ponnu (who was visiting them) had matured.
apparently he was egged on by a couple of his relations, as this guy, sae age as me, had no clue what it meant. neither did most of us, and we too shouted all over the street, that this guy's mama ponnu has matured.
the poor girl, must have been so embarassed. the family quietly slipped out that night, and afaik, never visited our street again. the guy involved, like me, is a sixty year. i dont know where he is, but i wonder, if he ever remembers these things.
no, he did not marry his mama ponnu.
சொல்லித் தெரிவதில்லை மன்மதக் கலை.
சொல்லித் தருவதில்லை மன்மதக் கலையை.
யானைக்கும், பூனைக்கும்
யார் சொல்லித் தருகிறார்கள்???
மயிலுக்கும், குயிலுக்கும்
மாஸ்டர்கள் தேவையா???
ஆணா? பெண்ணா? என்று கூட
அறிய முடியாத பெங்குவின்கள்
யாரிடம் சென்று கற்று வருகின்றன?
எப்படி இனப்பெருக்கம் செய்கின்றன?
சொல்லித் தருவதில்லை மன்மதக் கலையை.
யானைக்கும், பூனைக்கும்
யார் சொல்லித் தருகிறார்கள்???
மயிலுக்கும், குயிலுக்கும்
மாஸ்டர்கள் தேவையா???
ஆணா? பெண்ணா? என்று கூட
அறிய முடியாத பெங்குவின்கள்
யாரிடம் சென்று கற்று வருகின்றன?
எப்படி இனப்பெருக்கம் செய்கின்றன?
SHE would have never consented to married the boy
who made her most private affair a hot news item like a town crier!
Dear Srimathi VR Ji,
My views on 'Shanthi Muhurthum' are personal and I have acknowledged that they may not be universal, in my posting.
Yes, you are right - 'bala vivaha' might have worked the way you describe - except it looks like, in those days, such unions contributed mightily to the growth of Indian population.
I was unsettled about your statement on the union of virgins - are you saying that today, it is not so? If so, when did this come about?
Yes, the oldest profession exists, because a lot of folks in this world can detach emotion from the physical activity. FOR ME, it does not work. That's all. I am not passing any moral judgments there. However, I simply can not understand how one can separate love and lust, because to me, lust comes after love.
The single mother syndrome in the US is a complex issue. It is both cultural (mostly in minority communities), and studies have shown that the government welfare policies have contributed a lot towards encouraging this behavior.
But I hope sincerely that you are not trying to connect the implications of the 'oldest profession' and the single mother syndrome in the USA, to supporting the idea of our 'Shanthi Muhurtham' practice! Please, say it ain't so, Srimathi VR Ji.
Regards,
KRS
My views on 'Shanthi Muhurthum' are personal and I have acknowledged that they may not be universal, in my posting.
Yes, you are right - 'bala vivaha' might have worked the way you describe - except it looks like, in those days, such unions contributed mightily to the growth of Indian population
.I was unsettled about your statement on the union of virgins - are you saying that today, it is not so?
If so, when did this come about? Yes, the oldest profession exists, because a lot of folks in this world can detach emotion from the physical activity. FOR ME, it does not work. That's all. I am not passing any moral judgments there. However, I simply can not understand how one can separate love and lust, because to me, lust comes after love.
The single mother syndrome in the US is a complex issue. It is both cultural (mostly in minority communities), and studies have shown that the government welfare policies have contributed a lot towards encouraging this behavior.
But I hope sincerely that you are not trying to connect the implications of the 'oldest profession' and the single mother syndrome in the USA, to supporting the idea of our 'Shanthi Muhurtham' practice!
Please, say it ain't so, Srimathi VR Ji. Regards,
KRS
Sure. Vaadhyaar participated initially. He jumped on to the bed with expertise - giving a :shocked: to me and my husband!
We also burst out laughing at the agility of the vaadhyar. He recited long mantras seeking the blessing of gods for good children to be born.:blabla:
A tiny cousin had managed to hide under the cot (for what???) :suspicious:
So everybody was shown the door. Since it was a Monday the muhoortham was 6 to 7-30 A.M.
I had got up at 2-30A.M to take oil bath, dry my hair and get decorated for the wedding.
There were nalungu and reception in the evening so that by the time we were alone we had been awake for over 20 hours at a stretch.
It is anybody's guess how tired we must have been after a long, busy, noisy, eventful, DAY!!!
P.S. Even today when the kutties jump on the bed my husband would say
"டேய்! வாத்தியார் மாதிரி bed டுலே jump பண்ணாதேடா!" :rofl:
Dear Srimathi VR Ji,
My views on 'Shanthi Muhurthum' are personal and I have acknowledged that they may not be universal, in my posting.
Yes, you are right - 'bala vivaha' might have worked the way you describe - except it looks like, in those days, such unions contributed mightily to the growth of Indian population
I was unsettled about your statement on the union of virgins - are you saying that today, it is not so?
Yes, the oldest profession exists, because a lot of folks in this world can detach emotion from the physical activity. FOR ME, it does not work. That's all. I am not passing any moral judgments there. However, I simply can not understand how one can separate love and lust, because to me, lust comes after love.
The single mother syndrome in the US is a complex issue. It is both cultural (mostly in minority communities), and studies have shown that the government welfare policies have contributed a lot towards encouraging this behavior.
But I hope sincerely that you are not trying to connect the implications of the 'oldest profession' and the single mother syndrome in the USA, to supporting the idea of our 'Shanthi Muhurtham' practice!
Regards,
KRS
dear Sri. K.R.S,
The populations exploded since they started earlier and worked longer towards that goal. Also they were young and in their peak form.
If the fertility period of a woman was 40 years she would be pregnant almost all the time delivering a child once in every three years. It was quite common to have 12+ children in many houses.
Yes! MOST of the men can dissociate lust from love, love from marriage and sex from both love and marriage. I guess some women can also do these but may be in lesser numbers.
Welfare policies must be for helping the people in NEED and not encouraging the others to lead immoral lives - draining the hard money of the tax payers.
I am not connecting the practice of Shaanthi muhoortham with anything else in India or USA!
I hope it makes you feel better towards that word now.
Thank you for your reply.
I was wondering whether you too will keep silent!
Of course I should have known better.
OP
OP
Raji Ram
Active member
Supportive mother:
A daughter should have confidence in her parents, especially her mother to share her secrets with her easily.
The mother should understand and be support her and take her in the right path. If the mother happens to be
a nagging type, then the daughter tends to have more and more secretive person!
True friends:
It takes a few years for the friends to have confidence in us to share their secrets. This is because they want
to make sure that it will not be broadcast to all others! :director:
If the mother treats her daughter like angel fallen from the heaven
and allows her to behave the way she chooses to,
protecting her and covering up her faults from the others,
then also the daughter will end up doing everything she wants to do.
She may not say this orally but behave so as to say
உனக்கும் பெப்பே! உலகத்துக்கும் பெப்பே!
and allows her to behave the way she chooses to,
protecting her and covering up her faults from the others,
then also the daughter will end up doing everything she wants to do.
She may not say this orally but behave so as to say
உனக்கும் பெப்பே! உலகத்துக்கும் பெப்பே!
I kept a small secret - (contrary to my customary behavior)
And a thread was born out of it and is nearing the 100th post. :bump2:
If the secret was about me it would not have remained a secret.
But it is about someone who I care for and love.
But this participation is affecting the production pf my poems.
So I quit here but this thread will go on. :wave:
Who knows it may even be crowned soon!
with its impressive number of replies and views.
And a thread was born out of it and is nearing the 100th post. :bump2:
If the secret was about me it would not have remained a secret.
But it is about someone who I care for and love.
But this participation is affecting the production pf my poems.
So I quit here but this thread will go on. :wave:
Who knows it may even be crowned soon!
with its impressive number of replies and views.
OP
OP
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear Sis,
I do not know what you mean by this!!
This idea has been there in my mind, ever since I learnt about two of the secretive girls!
Please concentrate on your work and do not waste your precious time here!
After all, such threads are just for 'time pass' for people like me, who do NOT have any worthy job to do!! :becky:
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