Non-brahmin cook

[kunjuppu]

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Pethavanga ponnukku samaika solli kodukkalanaa ippadi thaan kashta padanum.....

Innaikku irukkura paathi ponnungalukku, samaika theriyaathu, kola poda theriyaathu, sweets panna theriyaathu,
Dress iron panna theriyaathu, Ooruga poda theriyaathu, Madisar katta theriyaathu....

Yaaroda thappu... Amma antha antha vayasula ponnukku solli koduthu iruntha.. ippo kashta pada vaendiyathu illa la...

Hm.. ippovum kettu poidala... mudinja varaikkum, nammalae samaichu saapudarathu, nallathu.. sariyaa...
Sudha... ungalukku thaan sonnaen....

thanks and regards

(Please note, am not pointing any one here.... please avoid negative comments here)

swai, so good to hear from you. look at all the responses that you have.

pray, let me look upon your views a little differently.

swami, nowadays, we treat our girls same as boys. i think, it is equally important that we teach our boys how to manage a household including budget, cooking, cleaning etc - ie all the characterestics that you noted in your post - should be equally taught to girls & boys, as these are survival skills.

in these days of gender neutrality re jobs, i see no point in sharp division of labour. as parent of two daughters, while it is only proper that they are taught domestic management in addition to external survival skills, including how to chose their spouses.

swami, i think, parents should define parameter that THEY are comfortable with - ie only brahmin boys (if thats what is important), family values, honesty, goodness etc. and NOT job and how much money. in the long run, chasing money only brings unhappiness. unfortunately, neither in arranged nor in love marriages, the partners look for values. i think so anyway, in india, atleast.

hope we can see more of you in other threads too

 

[kunjuppu]

rvr,

the whole concept of whether we should have servants at all, is now, i think in india,is being taken to a different plain - affordability.

it is a sign of progress, when the human capital and service has a value which is beyond the middle class.

such is the case in the west, and this condition, has spawned the concept of 'self help' ie do the maximum you can, to maintain your own household and mess.

one primary benefit, is that it teaches one, the value of manual labour. we do not demean it anymore. cleaning the washrooms now becomes the task of the twice born brahmin.

it is good that minimum wage is being instituted in india for domestic workers. how it will be enforced i do not know. let us all be happy, that even though our purses may be pinching, the country as a whole, is progressing. & not practice the lament of some of my relatives, who think it is அந்நியாயம், the way it is for getting domestic servants or cooks.

 

[sangom]

Sri.Jambunathar,

I love songs from a 1935 movie, Thooku Thooki. That movie pre-dates me by few decades. (when I was in high school, I used sing 'ஏறாத மலைதனிலே..' song by rote, attracting mixed reactions in home. My sisters enjoyed the song; my grand mother comment was 'ஏண்டா பிரம்மஹத்தி! ரெண்டு ஸ்லோகம் தெரிஞ்சுக்க துப்பில்லை, டப்பாங்குத்து பாட்டு தெரிஞ்சுக்கோ! கலி முத்தி போச்சுடாப்பா!').

Thookku Thookki audio songs online | Download Thookku Thookki Songs mp3 codes | Thookku Thookki music review | Listen to Thookku Thookki songs - MusicMazaa.com

Cheers!

Dear Raghy,
தூக்கு தூக்கி is 1953, if I am right. I have seen it when it was released.

 

[sangom]

pray, let me look upon your views a little differently.

swami, nowadays, we treat our girls same as boys. i think, it is equally important that we teach our boys how to manage a household including budget, cooking, cleaning etc - ie all the characterestics that you noted in your post - should be equally taught to girls & boys, as these are survival skills.

in these days of gender neutrality re jobs, i see no point in sharp division of labour. as parent of two daughters, while it is only proper that they are taught domestic management in addition to external survival skills, including how to chose their spouses.

Dear Kunjuppu,

The equal treatment is already there even in comparatively poorer TB households. The girls are smarter and that is one of the reasons (as RVR has, time and again, pointed out in another thread) for a large number of TB boys remaining unmarried and searching for a bride even at 35+. The boys are either very good at studies or wasters during their adolescent years and in, either case, they do not think it their job even to assist their mothers in the kitchen; in some houses the girls also don't do citing why they should alone do such help if brother/s can't do.

But when the boy finally gets married - whether in a village or in a metro city in India - he thinks (still) that he is entitled to a life like what his father had (male superiority and female within the house only). Even when the wife also works this tendency remains to some extent. On the other hand some ladies (working women also) imagine the house and kitchen to be their sole possession and will not tolerate any small stain on the wall, blackening of vessels due to overcooking etc.) and this makes husbands to stay away from the kitchen as far as possible, though they may be willing to lend a helping hand.

All in all the couple have to find a modus vivendi till they are sufficiently mature.

swami, i think, parents should define parameter that THEY are comfortable with - ie only brahmin boys (if thats what is important), family values, honesty, goodness etc. and NOT job and how much money. in the long run, chasing money only brings unhappiness. unfortunately, neither in arranged nor in love marriages, the partners look for values. i think so anyway, in india, atleast.

hope we can see more of you in other threads too

I don't know how this is relevant to the subject of domestic help but I presume you are discussing the item of marrying within brahmin caste only.

In my view the youngsters today even in India, do not look to the advice or suggestion/s of their parents with so much importance, especially in regard to matters of heart. However much one may try (someone has said praanaayaamam, gayatri and vegetarianism will make them listen to you.) they will do what they want. I think parents can set good example by their lives.

 

[RVR]

Sri Sangom said,

"In my view the youngsters today even in India, look to the advice or suggestion/s of their parents with so much importance, especially in regard to matters of heart. However much one may try (someone has said praanaayaamam, gayatri and vegetarianism will make them listen to you.) they will do what they want. I think parents can set good example by their lives"

I fully agree with you. It is the responsibility of the parents to set good examples for the children. Guidance and support of the parents at the appropriate time of their children creates a good atmosphere for eternal relationship with mutual respect and admiration.

Once children grew to a certain extent, parents should voluntarily withdrew from interference on day to day affairs. Children doesn't like interference from the parents beyond a certain level.

We have to adopt live and let live policy

All the best

 

[Raghy]

Dear Raghy,
தூக்கு தூக்கி is 1953, if I am right. I have seen it when it was released.

Dear Sri.Sangom,

I have different informations.

http://movies.bollysite.com/movie/thooku-thooki-1935.html

Thooku Thooki (1954)

The 1935 movie was directed by R.S. Prakash. It also seems to have Sivaji Ganesan.
The 1954 movie was directed by R.m. Krishnaswamy. I checked the copy I have; it was directed by R.M. Krishnaswamy. The censor certificate is so old, I could not read make out the year from the certificate.
So, which is correct? Was there a movie in 1935? (1935 or 1954...still predates me anyway!).

Cheers!

 

[sangom]

Dear Sri.Sangom,

I have different informations.

http://movies.bollysite.com/movie/thooku-thooki-1935.html

Thooku Thooki (1954)

The 1935 movie was directed by R.S. Prakash. It also seems to have Sivaji Ganesan.
The 1954 movie was directed by R.m. Krishnaswamy. I checked the copy I have; it was directed by R.M. Krishnaswamy. The censor certificate is so old, I could not read make out the year from the certificate.
So, which is correct? Was there a movie in 1935? (1935 or 1954...still predates me anyway!).

Cheers!

Sivaji Ganesan was born in 1928. His first appearance was in Parasakti-1952. So the first website has typed 1953 as 1935, it would appear.

 

[Nara]

.... I never ever imagined that in a "tamil brahmin community" forum, people will pounce on me and call me a hypocrite for saying brahmin and non-brahmin.

Dear Srimati Sudha,
Of course you are entitled to feel distressed, who wouldn't, I would be if I am called a hypocrite.

But, let me assure you, and it may seem very hard to believe, it was not personal from my side, i.e. I was not trying to hold you responsible, or deride you, for the hypocrisy that is imbibed into all of us. You just happened to be holding the bag.

Further, please note that I did not enter the discussion until some grossly castiest views were expressed -- not by you.

Initially, I thought you were a poster hiding behind a fictitious moniker, posting this query with an intent to provoke -- I was wrong and for that I apologize. But, the hypocrisy of convenience driven bending of rules that we proclaim as dear to us is undeniable, and I don't hold you responsible for that, I see you more as a victim of the system that puts blinkers around our eyes preventing us from even seeing the hypocrisy.

peace and best wishes ....

 

[Raghy]

Sivaji Ganesan was born in 1928. His first appearance was in Parasakti-1952. So the first website has typed 1953 as 1935, it would appear.

I think I got it! 1954 movie was a remake! In the 1935 movie, Sivaji was not the lead actor; It was C.V.V. Bandulu. That Royal Talkies movie was directed by R.S. Prakash.

Tamil films of the 1930s - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Cheers!

 

[Dr.T.N.Jambunathan]

"I am in a huge dharmasankatam here".
"The main point is, that the mind does not allow me to hire a non-brahmin cook".

I think lot of people find themselves in similar dharmasnkadam and similar mind conditions in other communities also. See this for example During the annual meeting of our professional association at Kodaikonal in December last one of my best friend & colleague avoided meat during the Banquet opted to be a vegetarian and dined with me saying that was not" Halal ". I think the solution is to open up mind Jambu:hungry:

 

[T R RAMAMURTHY]

Mrs Sudha
Please, after all these discussions, say is there a change in opinion in your mind and whether you feel better - I know of a friend of mine who had to marry his daughter with a TNB and after the marriage had a heart attack - I could pity him but whether eating - whether in this 21st century does one feel that eating stuff cooked by NB is so difficult to consume. I am not trying to say that you explain the difficulties but as they say in management studies, change is the only constant and I see many changes in the offing amongst our community.
As I have watched all the comments, I think the people would be happy if you were able to recondition your psyche - as they say it is all in the mind and get the mind over the matter
However, a sincere, honest and plain query from you deserves the fullest sympathy. The cause is the breakage of joint family and the effect is the Dharma Sankatam but I am sure that one can live the life of a brahmin within four corners of your room (though others may contest and ask whether you live the life of a True brahman and take the debate elsewhere) One can decide upto what extent we can continue the practices - you wear what you like, you live in the way you like and when it comes to eating, you eat what is available in the circumstances
I tried earlier to post my comment but it failed. I was trying to quote the Taittreya Upanishad where it is said as "Annam na parichaksheetha" meaning "do not examine the food". They say in Hindi "Dhana Dhana mein likha hai Khanewala ka naam" meaning that the name of the person who eats the rice is pre-destined. Annam is brahman and feel one with it.
I am sure you would give your real heart
Best wishes
T R RAMAMURTHY

 

[rcscwc]

Hi,
I am in a huge dharmasankatam here. We are a husband and wife duo who are in our twenties. Both of us are working. I somehow manage to cook bfast, lunch and dinner inspite of going to office and coming back. Our work timings are pretty cool and we are in IT. Since the cooking was becoming slightly too much of a burden, we started looking out for a brahmin cook. We found one and we were very happy with them for 5-6 months. The cook maami had back pains and she could not continue. Now I am back to managing the cooking.

The main point is, that the mind does not allow me to hire a non-brahmin cook. Their way fo cooking is generally filled with garlic and the likes, and the thought that they would have probably cooked non-veg in their house and then they come to our brahmin household and cook for us, really makes it totally unacceptable. I tried a non brahmin cook for a day. Even though what she made was ok, we two felt very uneasy after eating the food both psychologically and we felt very sick. We do follow all our traditions religiously and do poojai everyday. Some how it does not feel right to have non-brahmin cook.

I do not know whether it is only our way of thinking(I am a typical mylaporean with staunch values and tradition imbibed by parents, uncles,aunts, and grandparents) or do other brahmin members also feel the same?

Now I heard about a non brahmin cook who works for 2 Iyengar households in our apartment. She said she prefers to work only in brahmin houses. I am still confused if this setup is ok, or if we would fall into the same psychological feeling as the previous cook. I am simply not able to decide if it is right on my part to have a non-brahmin cook. Sometimes, I feel I should just put in some extra effort and get the cooking done myself.

Just wanted to find out what our community thinks.

-Sudha

First off a personal comment. My wife too works. We had two children. We did have a part time help. But cooking was done by my wife. We managed it, so can you.

i am a pucca Brahmin from Punjab. But when I have to eat out, I do not enquire about the caste profile of the dhaba workers.

In my office there was ann sweepress. After finishing her works, she washed well, and then brought me a cup of tea. And I drank it too. I took her dedication and sincerity. If all if After if lord Rama could eat fruits bitten by a low caste woman, what is my problem?