Marriage expenses of Tamil Brahmins

[Raji Ram]

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Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

I don't have the picture of kattivarAhan but remember a joke in one of the weddings in our family circle.

During 'kannikA dhAnam', the sAsthrigaL was asking for 'ponnu kAsu', which the groom's father heard as

'poNNu kAsu' and was wondering whether there were male and female categories in 'kAsu' also!!

 

[renuka]

Out here for Tamil Non Brahmin marriages..girls side pays for engagement and boys side pays for the wedding.

Boy has to buy engagement and wedding saree for girl..buy her a jewelry set etc..buy her brother a gold ring and suit to wear for wedding.
Buy the bride's parents clothes and saree too.

Boy foots the bill for everything in the wedding.


Girls side pays only for engagement and buys the groom his attire for the wedding and a saree and gold ring for grooms sister.

Engagement does not cause that much..so out here if you have many sons..you will be left a pauper!LOL

Out here many females get over excited for their wedding day and get professional photography sessions done a week before the wedding..some even travel to overseas locations just for a photography sessions.

some even waste money just to order special rose petals to be strewn about the dinner table!LOL

That is why when I got married I told my husband..dont waste money on all these..just do the minimal to make sure the crowd gets good vegetarian food and gets back home..no need to spend too much on anything cos we would need the money when we start our home..,better spend the money for ourselves instead of wasting it for a 1 day event.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

There is a saying, 'aindhu peNNaip petrAl arasanum Andi AvAn!'

One boy used to calculate + or - each family has, when we were living in Vizag.

If there is one boy and two girls, family has one minus; Two boys => Two plus;

Two girls => Two minus and so on..........

 

[renuka]

Dear RR ji,

Recently my son asked me if there is a cheap less hassle way to get married..like for example just signing some document in some department?

I said yes..register marriage..all you need is 2 witness and be above the age of 21 for the guy and above 18 for girl.

Then he asked me to choose a name for his future son or daughter!

I said "why you want me to choose the name..that is for you to decide with your future wife".

He said 'yes I know but you choose and keep it ready now so that when I get married she wont know that you chose that name and I will tell her that I chose it cos I am afraid my future wife would believe in horoscope and choose one weird name for my child"


Actually recently he got to know from his friends that they all had their names chosen based on horoscope and some had not so nice sounding names so he was worried that his future wife will do something like that.

He knows I do not believe in horoscope etc so he wanted me to choose names now itself for his future kid!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

The bride in this picture wears a 'manjaL kizhangu' tied in a 'thAli kayiRu'.

Can anyone tell if it is a custom to wear like this?

I have not seen this so far except in the movies, where the hero takes the 'amman's thAli' with a

'manjaL kizhangu' and ties around the heroine's neck, in the temple, for an emergency wedding!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Your son has to choose a girl who does not believe in horoscope and that solves the problem!
You know, sometimes some weird predictions come true! :scared:

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

Your son has to choose a girl who does not believe in horoscope and that solves the problem!
You know, sometimes some weird predictions come true! :scared:

LOL!

I cant stop laughing with your last line..yes some weird predictions come true and really true!LOL

Actually cos he likes his name so much that he is under the impression that I choose nice names!

When I was pregnant I chose the name Varun Prashanth if it was going to be a boy and if it was going to be a girl I had chosen Varishta Kiran.


So I told him if he has a daughter in the future he can use the name Varishta Kiran!

Well he also asked me if he can actually find a girl who would want a register marriage and not a grand wedding.

I told him lets hope..actually I would like the idea of a registered marriage..its easier..then just have a dinner after that for friends and relatives..less hassle.

 

[renuka]

BTW Sweet cutey boy actor Bharath recently got married to a Non TB Christian dentist Dr Jesley Joshua.


He said it was Love Cum Arranged marriage.

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[sangom]

The bride in this picture wears a 'manjaL kizhangu' tied in a 'thAli kayiRu'.

Can anyone tell if it is a custom to wear like this?

I have not seen this so far except in the movies, where the hero takes the 'amman's thAli' with a

'manjaL kizhangu' and ties around the heroine's neck, in the temple, for an emergency wedding!

Yes, some 5 or 6 decades ago, many tabra ladies, including my maternal grandmother (who were all living
in utter poverty, those days) used to wear only a muttaa manjal tied to manjal kayiru as their "Thaalis".
Even today poor people including tabras who cannot afford gold thirumangalyam, wear only this முட்டா மஞ்சள்
right from the marriage (till they become capable of making a gold Thaali).

 

[Raji Ram]

Thank you very much Sangom Sir, for your prompt reply.

What I was wondering is why this rich appearing girl wears one!

Is it a sort of 'vEndudhal'?? :noidea:

 

[sangom]

Thank you very much Sangom Sir, for your prompt reply.

What I was wondering is why this rich appearing girl wears one!

Is it a sort of 'vEndudhal'?? :noidea:

Where is the image, RR?

 

[SANDHYAV]

lets focus on the so called BRIDES/GROOMS parent who is not 100% happy with conducting the whole thingi, let us also assume that the BRIDEGROOMS PARENT have agreed to share 50% of the expenses.

who checks with the the actual couple involved that they are happy to stick to the schedule and all of the rituals? Most younger gens would only want bits and piecces of the rituals lasting a total of 1 hour spanning over 1-3 days like they show on NAMMA VEETU KALYANAM.

 

[tbs]

Thank you very much Sangom Sir, for your prompt reply.

What I was wondering is why this rich appearing girl wears one!

Is it a sort of 'vEndudhal'?? :noidea:

hi
it generally happens in EMERGENCY COURT MARRIAGES.....or some intial years of marriage with manjal kizhangu with manjal kayiru....

then after one year they change into gold thali......sometimes in the movies...we can see like this...

 

[Raji Ram]

Where is the image, RR?

This one in the ad. that I posted earlier! Can you see it now, Sir?

 

[Raji Ram]

............or some intial years of marriage with manjal kizhangu with manjal kayiru.... then after one year they change into gold thali.......

May be it is the practice in some families?

P.S: Surprisingly the same model girl appears for both Iyer and Iyengar marriages with the same outfit!

 

[biswa]

No wonder other communities are eager to marry Iyer/Iyengar girls if they are handed off in this gold-plated fashion.

 

[Raji Ram]

All the jewels do not belong to that girl, Biswa Sir!

Many of these decorative gold plated jewels are hired from some shops for the special day!

 

[vgane]

I recently attended a wedding which was IR....Girl was TB...Boy is Roman Catholic from Kerala..Whatever the girl side presented to the girl as Gold, the groom side matched it

This is something that I was pleasantly surprised..

Our Tambrahm marriages can take a leaf from this

 

[Raji Ram]

In a few IC / IR weddings, I have heard mothers of tambram brides say with a bright smile, to her friends,

'nammaLavA kooda iththanai nallavALA irukka mAttA!'. :angel:

 

[kunjuppu]

I recently attended a wedding which was IR....Girl was TB...Boy is Roman Catholic from Kerala..Whatever the girl side presented to the girl as Gold, the groom side matched it

This is something that I was pleasantly surprised..

Our Tambrahm marriages can take a leaf from this

It would have been more impressive, if the boy's side matched the amount, and gave the money to charity!! Wouldn't THAT be something!!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

A simple marriage and a good amount of money to charity would be a good step to improve our society. But when people want

grand gAlA weddings with prices of stuff rocketing sky high, who thinks of charity? The three day wedding is slowly entering

the tambram community, which for some period of time was restricted to one and half days event - Vradham in the morning;

nichiyathArtham to follow; reception in the evening; wedding next morning and pack off after early lunch! But now, the groom

arrives the day prior to Vradham and leaves only after the pAligai event and lunch on the third day. So the hall has to be booked

for full three days. The hard earned money is used ONLY for the wedding expenses and people hardly think of any charity! :tsk:

But, I know one Malayali girl who refused to wear gold jewellery other than a simple thAli chain, two thin bangles and simple

ear studs and donated the cost of about 50 sovereigns of gold, her share, to an orphanage which she was helping regularly. :thumb:

 

[tbs]

hi
i think malayali weddings always very simple and short too.....they are very foward and bold outlook always..especially nair and other

castes....simple temple weddings and nice SADYA.....

 

[Raji Ram]

Can any one help by replying on what are the details of marriage expenses including Gold, silver etc at today's cost of living

Dear Sir,

I am sorry that no one has answered to your post. May be because you have raised a very difficult question!

The simplest way to conduct a wedding is to have it in a temple with only the first circle of relatives and give a lunch.

Gold and silver items to be purchased depends on the demands of the families of the bride and the groom.

I have seen nonbrams celebrate the wedding at Vadapalani temple and give coupons for lunch at the nearby Saravanabhavan!

 

[Raji Ram]

A girl from our close family circle married an Iyer guy born and brought up in the U S of A. He was afraid of the smoke emerging

from the hOmam during the tambram weddings and requested for simple wedding rituals. Hence we were asked to conduct the

Arya samAj type wedding which has the main rituals for the duration of one hour. Very tiny hOmam fire with almost no smoke!

Only 25 persons from each side were invited for the wedding. Light break fast and heavy lunch were arranged before and after

the wedding respectively. In the evening, dinner was given to 400 friends at Hotel Woodlands. No gift sarees / dhotis to any

relative and only two six yards sarees for the bride and two sets of sherwani for the groom. :thumb:

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

A simple marriage and a good amount of money to charity would be a good step to improve our society. But when people want

grand gAlA weddings with prices of stuff rocketing sky high, who thinks of charity? The three day wedding is slowly entering

the tambram community, which for some period of time was restricted to one and half days event - Vradham in the morning;

nichiyathArtham to follow; reception in the evening; wedding next morning and pack off after early lunch! But now, the groom

arrives the day prior to Vradham and leaves only after the pAligai event and lunch on the third day. So the hall has to be booked

for full three days. The hard earned money is used ONLY for the wedding expenses and people hardly think of any charity! :tsk:

But, I know one Malayali girl who refused to wear gold jewellery other than a simple thAli chain, two thin bangles and simple

ear studs and donated the cost of about 50 sovereigns of gold, her share, to an orphanage which she was helping regularly. :thumb:

dear raji, good lady,

i agree with you 101% if that is ever possible. in the past 8 years i have been to weddings and i cannot believe the money spent. all these are willingly and boastfully spent - there is no demand from any one side. it is all ego. and not a penny towards charity.

self made men appear to have this penchant to show off. sad. how much better a show off would it be, if they had a registered marriage and announced the gift 50 lakhs towards educating our own poor and footing the medical bills of our elderly indigents. so sad.

the irony of it, is that they started asking me, when it was our 'turn'. inspite of warnings from mrs K, i tell them loudly and clearly, my children's wedding are their business. i would only be a participant. sure enough, my first son got married to his beloved, with only her parents and me, mrs K and our twins attending. then we went to lunch at a local eatery.

5 months later, at a time convenient to us, we invited 50 of our closest friends to our home, to meet the couple. it was a jolly good time all of us had with a lot of honest merry making. without breaking the bank.

stuff like mehendi function which was not even heard of 20 years ago, is now a must, in some weddings like nalangu and kasi yathrai!