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Marriage expenses of Tamil Brahmins

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tbs

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hi

in USA..many weddings including tambrams had MEHNDI NIGHT AND BRIDAL SHOWER NIGHT...i dont really understand....its kind

of 3 day celebration of weddings in USA...original wedding ceremony less than one hour..party and cocktail more than 3 hours

in all weddings irrespctive of caste /color......its sad waste of dollars...but what to do?....really i like malayali nair weddings...

very simple ceremony in the nearest temple...nice food....less dress/jewwlley expenditure.....less ppl too...not too much crowd..
 
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renuka

Well-known member
hi

in USA..many weddings including tambrams had MEHNDI NIGHT AND BRIDAL SHOWER NIGHT...i dont really understand....its kind

of 3 day celebration of weddings in USA...original wedding ceremony less than one hour..party and cocktail more than 3 hours

in all weddings irrespctive of caste /color......its sad waste of dollars...but what to do?....really i like malayali nair weddings...

very simple ceremony in the nearest temple...nice food....less dress/jewwlley expenditure.....less ppl too...not too much crowd..

I also dont like these pre wedding get together..It invades the privacy of the bride.

I remember hating to sit through some pre wedding ritual that my mum forced me to go through where some elder ladies were putting some green and red glass bangles and my parents putting gold bangles for me!

Right after the ceremony I removed all those bangles and went to sleep and my mum was so angry that I removed all those bangles..how on earth to sleep with all bangles on?
 

Raji Ram

Active member
Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

​The only dhAnam during gAlA wedding ceremonies is that some goodhearted caterers send the left over food to some

orphanages / destitute's homes. In many wedding feasts, the food is served on the banana leaf before the guests occupy

their seats. The crowd is unmanageable and each 'pandhi' has to be finished within 10 minutes! With the first round of items

already served, the rest follow like a goods train coaches and dumped on the leaf without asking whether it is liked or not!

And more than 50% of the food is wasted by the guests and just rolled along with the paper spread below the leaves and

thrown in to trash! We usually avoid such pandhis for two reason:

1. Food served before the leaf is cleaned by us. 2. Most of the servers are rude to guests!
 

Raji Ram

Active member
A new trend has also started in some of our families - Give the gift dresses to the invitees along with the invitation card! My

cousin sister has already given dresses to Ram and me for her daughter's wedding which is to be celebrated in mid December.

I told her that it is not necessary because I am not her sibling. She giggles as if I told some joke! Ram's sister in law went one

step ahead by adding 'anju vagai bakshaNam' packets too! :hungry:


My friend faced an embarrassing situation. Her sister's daughter spoke too much on the cell phone gifted to her by her would-be

hubby after their engagement. Wedding preparations were in full swing and dresses were given along with the invitations, as per

the new trend. In the last minute, after the girl's party occupied the 'chathram', the wedding was called off. The reason?? The

girl refused to cook for about 30 relatives who are likely to assemble in the groom's house on every Sunday! My friend and her

husband had a tough time to ask for apology to each and every guest who was arriving from different places! Luckily the girl

got another prospective groom and the wedding went on smoothly without giving new sets of dresses again!! :cool:
 
OP
OP
S
the custom of giving gift originated from the genuine concept of sharing the expenses of the father on the bride. In tamil there is a proverb, Even the king who has got five daughters will become proper. it indicates the extent of expenses that one has to incurr

Let us think rationally. I don't say do spend but i say avoid those expenses that could be avoided

expend within one own means. don't copy other on the presumption of false prestige.

think positively.

sathyan
 
The tendency to show off started with everyone trying to match the typical Punjabi wedding in style and substance! The Punjabi marriages are loud, garish and bluster! Most of Bollywood follow the Punjabi culture!
 
Very soon, there will be bachelor and bachelorette parties. If not happening already.

There are bachelorette parties in the guise of mehendi nights already for ages. Like TBS garu said partying and cocktails/mocktails for hours is pretty much the norm for upper middle classes anyways. Any excuse to party eh? So why not for a wedding?!
 
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So why are the TBs aping Punjabis for wedding customs eh? Not only the much admired Vidya Balan who had a well publicised Mehndi ceremony. But it looks like any regular Tambrahm settled in Delhi or Mumbai tries to ape Punjabi weddings with Mehndi and Sangeet. Maybe because the Punjabis take the crown for ostentation? I have yet to see a Punjabi have a south Indian wedding.
 

tbs

0
So why are the TBs aping Punjabis for wedding customs eh? Not only the much admired Vidya Balan who had a well publicised Mehndi ceremony. But it looks like any regular Tambrahm settled in Delhi or Mumbai tries to ape Punjabi weddings with Mehndi and Sangeet. Maybe because the Punjabis take the crown for ostentation? I have yet to see a Punjabi have a south Indian wedding.
hi biswa sir,

I have yet to see a Punjabi have a south Indian wedding.


we are just follow other's steps.......nobody follows us.......any western/punjabi trend....we are the first followers....

these is our genetical problem.....

 
So many of you said and put so many suggestions and ideas to bring down the marriage expenses. The villains are only the girls parents and their relatives and not any outsiders. They vie with each other to celebrate their daughter's marriage in a grand scale compared to any other marriage held in their own family circle. Thus the marriage expenses are going skyhigh in thambras families. Who is to bell the cat? Will somebody come forward?
 

renuka

Well-known member
hi biswa sir,




we are just follow other's steps.......nobody follows us.......any western/punjabi trend....we are the first followers....

these is our genetical problem.....


TBS garu,

I am afraid of Punjabi weddings..its kind of loud and noisy.

I remember one of my relatives wedding..I could not stand the ladies sangeet.

That way I like a South Indian Tamil wedding..its quiet except for the sound of Nadaswaram..

If only south Indian weddings could do away with the Nadaswaram..it would be better.

But whatever said and done..registration wedding is still the best..just sign and buzz off!LOL
 

Raji Ram

Active member
By the grand gala weddings, people in many fields have reached high earning capacity.

1. The beautician starts her 'package' even months before the wedding.

2. The silk cloth shops flourish by selling the one-time-wear nine yards sarees and gift sarees to relatives.

3. Decorators charge in lakhs for different kinds of stage decorations.

4. Mehandhi artists mint money even during reception, keeping a 'mehandhi counter' at the entrance of the hall.

5. Bangles are given (new fashion) to all ladies and the bill sent to the girl's parents!

6. Portraits are drawn by artist for some of the interested guests and of course bill is sent to girl's parents.

7. Caterers charge quite high with fancy menus and supply menu cards also during each meal.

8. 'Mappilai azhaippu' is slowly entering the celebrations and some grooms have chariot ride too!

9. KOlams are included in the package of caterers and efficient mAmis make huge money.

10. Since money is tossed everywhere sAsthrigaLs charge is also rocketing high.

11. Musicians mint money by performing concerts which many of the guests don't wish to listen!

12. I saw a gold plated (100mg of gold used) wedding invitation card, recently!
If people opt for simple weddings, how can people in various fields make money? :popcorn:

 
S

SANDHYAV

Guest
Very nicely organized compartmentalised spendings. If the Mr and Mrs Money is black, then the business will be apt and flourishing. Many of these spendings are without receipts. Well drama drama!!
 

Raji Ram

Active member
A grand galA wedding is to be celebrated in Jan 2014, with some VVIP guests, including ministers!

Groom's relatives who attend the wedding are requested to travel either by I class AC coaches / flight,

since a group from bride's side will receive the guests and take them to a 5 star hotel. :car:
 
It is not just the girl's parents, it is often the girl herself. Her attitude is, "I am only getting married once (presumably), so why not make it a big once-in-a-lifetime occasion?" Or "My sister had a big wedding, so I should have a bigger wedding!"

And of course not just girls to blame. For the wedding of my brother-in-law, they (the boy's side) employed 4 photographers and 2 videographers! Not a joke! And that too for a middle-class family.
 
hi biswa sir,

I have yet to see a Punjabi have a south Indian wedding.


we are just follow other's steps.......nobody follows us.......any western/punjabi trend....we are the first followers....

these is our genetical problem.....


Ok I have to correct myself. I do remember seeing some pictures of Dharmendra in a suit, marrying Hema Malini who was sitting on some relative's lap. But supposedly before that, both of them had converted to Islam to accommodate his second marriage, so not quite sure if that qualifies.

Hema Malini's daughter Esha had a regular Punjabi mehendi/sangeet wedding (somewhat strange for a Muslim) but clearly the south Indian influence had vanished.
 
S

SANDHYAV

Guest
my grand ma used to say, nalu per kekkanum, security u see !! paian ponnu nallavana nallavala? then do the engagement, then do the invitation, then do the gnavasam, roadla pona yara vadu edha vadu mappillai mela thappu kandu pudicha then we will know immediately!! so we can stop the wedding before it is too late. i dont think it is realistic these days. people spend loads of money on investigating about the quality of the boy/girl with PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS. the rest is drama drama.

Now i realise why registration of marriage did not have a strong political will then. at one end the country might have wanted to flourish the cultural drama which is nice, at the ether end the government had enough thing to register like birth death, polio etc....and hence no infrastructure.

at an individual level, the marriage is registered in his or her memory, but at a soceital level, with the present floating population, i think it is a must.

registered or unregistered, with mr and mrs black money around, there can be severe problems even during or after divorce!! which makes me pose a question: such extravagant marriage scares the couple?
 

prasad1

Active member
hi biswa sir,

I have yet to see a Punjabi have a south Indian wedding.


we are just follow other's steps.......nobody follows us.......any western/punjabi trend....we are the first followers....

these is our genetical problem.....


I have seen North Indian weddings where they have used Talli, which is typical Tamil ritual.
 

renuka

Well-known member
It is not just the girl's parents, it is often the girl herself. Her attitude is, "I am only getting married once (presumably), so why not make it a big once-in-a-lifetime occasion?"

Exactly!

Dumb right?

And girls get so excited over their wedding!LOL

Actually marriage is not always a once in a life time affair..only funerals are.

That is why I make sure I do not miss any funeral cos you only die once in a life time.

Marriage?? well its up to us!LOL
 

Raji Ram

Active member
............ For the wedding of my brother-in-law, they (the boy's side) employed 4 photographers and 2 videographers! Not a joke! And that too for a middle-class family.
Oh yes! I forgot the photographer in my list!! :)
 

Raji Ram

Active member
........... registered or unregistered, with mr and mrs black money around, there can be severe problems even during or after divorce!! which makes me pose a question: such extravagant marriage scares the couple?
No Sandhya! After deciding to go for a divorce they usually say, 'second innings nallA irukkumO ennamO'!! :becky:
 
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