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Marriage expenses of Tamil Brahmins

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Though Brahmins are considered intelectuals, the community in general suffer
from a common malady. The first is dowry, called as Varadakshinai. Of course with the girls become literate the social evil is slowly disappearing.

The other malady with which suffer is that of extravaganza in marriage expenses. The entire load of expenses fall on the brides father. It takes away a life time chunk of his earning. Let us think whether we can reduce this. A progressive community should think of reducing the marriage expenses.

The expenses on Pattu pudavi,(which are hardly used after marriage on any social occasion) could be avoided. Let us think is it so necessary that you spend three days or extravaganza of Janvasam, and reception and book hall for 3 days, especialy when the halls are becoming extremely costly and the shastri, the vadyar charge exorbitantly.

The Vadyars have forgotern their holy role and have become commecialised to the extent of including even catering in their profession.
A normal middle order brahmin family had to shell out not less than 5 lakh for a moderate marriage, the lowest budget for a poor mans family.

The vadyars charge not less than Rs.50,000/-the hall not less than Rs 30000/- per day, the caterers charge minimum of Rs.400/- and for500 persons it will cost notless than Rs.2,00000/-. A substantial chunk of life time earning of the father is just spent on this extravanza. Can,t we not make the marriage simple and use the money effectively.

Let us adopt a simple way of marriage and save the poor father from browing and remain perinialy indebted.

A.R.Sathyanarayanan.
 
S

SANDHYAV

Guest
the focus is on the bride's father i take it.

can he not negotiate with bridegrooms father for let us say a temple malai ceremony?
he will spend 5 thousand only if he has savings more than 7 thousand.

THE NULL HYPOTHESIS IS - assume he has spent 5 lacs, he is just making a big anna - dhanam thats all, good for him and his family.

will be interesting to know what the younger bride and groom think of this food feast??
 
Though Brahmins are considered intelectuals, the community in general suffer
from a common malady. The first is dowry, called as Varadakshinai. Of course with the girls become literate the social evil is slowly disappearing.

The other malady with which suffer is that of extravaganza in marriage expenses. The entire load of expenses fall on the brides father. It takes away a life time chunk of his earning. Let us think whether we can reduce this. A progressive community should think of reducing the marriage expenses.

The expenses on Pattu pudavi,(which are hardly used after marriage on any social occasion) could be avoided. Let us think is it so necessary that you spend three days or extravaganza of Janvasam, and reception and book hall for 3 days, especialy when the halls are becoming extremely costly and the shastri, the vadyar charge exorbitantly.

The Vadyars have forgotern their holy role and have become commecialised to the extent of including even catering in their profession.
A normal middle order brahmin family had to shell out not less than 5 lakh for a moderate marriage, the lowest budget for a poor mans family.

The vadyars charge not less than Rs.50,000/-the hall not less than Rs 30000/- per day, the caterers charge minimum of Rs.400/- and for500 persons it will cost notless than Rs.2,00000/-. A substantial chunk of life time earning of the father is just spent on this extravanza. Can,t we not make the marriage simple and use the money effectively.

Let us adopt a simple way of marriage and save the poor father from browing and remain perinialy indebted.

A.R.Sathyanarayanan.

Shri Satyanarayanan sir,

I get the feeling that you are writing from memory — of tabra marriages of some decades past at least. Condition/s have changed very much today. Items like dowry, jaanavaasam, etc., have practically disappeared because these are no longer demanded or celebrated. But the expenses on silk sarees, gold/diamond jewellery, catering expenses, costly marriage halls, etc., are required today by both sides (the bride's and groom's) today and quite often it is the bride's side which insists on an extremely lavish marriage for displaying their wealth.

Our Vaadhyaars have also adjusted to today's realities only. Personally I feel that if the koorai pudavai could cost about Rs. 1 lakh, the vaadhyaar charging Rs. 50, 000/= is not unreasonable. Marriage halls with daily rent of Rs. 2 or 3 lakhs is nowadays quite common and even (otherwise) middle class households fix such very costly halls for their daughter's marriage. We must keep in mind that today, in many tabra homes the parents and the daughter who is getting married are all earning very well and their loan repayment ability is very high. (Most houses have at least two cars — one for the parents and one for the IT-employed daughter — and the average household income (take-home pay) is of the order of at least 1.5 lakhs (18 lakhs per year).

So, it is as though our tabra society itself has given shape to what marriages today are. It is impossible for any individual to change the society. But, thanks to our independent democratic set-up it is possible to perform a registered marriage at a very insignificant cost. But how many of us will be ready to follow this reform? That is what we have to consider, in my humble view. Are we even now ready to dispense with "fire-witness" (agni saakshi) concept?
 
S

SANDHYAV

Guest
Prof Sangom has set the bar very high. minimum 5 digits in the amounts he has mentioned. and also prof has generalised it to the entire TABRA family.

to be honest i dont agree (sorry if i wounded some sensitive souls reading this, but it is my personal opinion thats all).

any witness is in ur MIND!!
 
Though Brahmins are considered intelectuals, the community in general suffer
from a common malady. The first is dowry, called as Varadakshinai. Of course with the girls become literate the social evil is slowly disappearing.

The other malady with which suffer is that of extravaganza in marriage expenses. The entire load of expenses fall on the brides father. It takes away a life time chunk of his earning. Let us think whether we can reduce this. A progressive community should think of reducing the marriage expenses.

The expenses on Pattu pudavi,(which are hardly used after marriage on any social occasion) could be avoided. Let us think is it so necessary that you spend three days or extravaganza of Janvasam, and reception and book hall for 3 days, especialy when the halls are becoming extremely costly and the shastri, the vadyar charge exorbitantly.

The Vadyars have forgotern their holy role and have become commecialised to the extent of including even catering in their profession.
A normal middle order brahmin family had to shell out not less than 5 lakh for a moderate marriage, the lowest budget for a poor mans family.

The vadyars charge not less than Rs.50,000/-the hall not less than Rs 30000/- per day, the caterers charge minimum of Rs.400/- and for500 persons it will cost notless than Rs.2,00000/-. A substantial chunk of life time earning of the father is just spent on this extravanza. Can,t we not make the marriage simple and use the money effectively.

Let us adopt a simple way of marriage and save the poor father from browing and remain perinialy indebted.

A.R.Sathyanarayanan.


1. Nowadays most Bridegrooms from ******* are against accepting Dowry.

2. Most Boys feel that their side should also share a part of marriage expenses and they actually bear the entire cost of Dinner Meals.

3.Regarding buying Silk Sarees, Bride's side is not bearing the cost of Bridegroom's side Purchases.

4. Sasthirugal Charges are not more than Chatram Charges as you stated!! one can always bargain with Sasthrigal and bring down their Dhatchanai amount!!

5. Many are restricting the number of Invitees, skipping away Reception or doing it by Bridegroom's side at a later date.

Every thing depends upon the affordability of both sides.
 

Raji Ram

Active member

There are a few tambrams who take loans and suffer with the 'after effect' of conducting their daughter's wedding!

Since parents want their daughter to be married in to a rich family, they consider the wedding expense as one time investment!

The 'kudumi' of the groom mostly comes in the bride's hands and she will take care of her parents easily! Of course, there are rich

tambrams who lavishly spend money, just to show off their wealth.
 

tbs

0
hi satya,

it happened in my personal life....boy's mother wanted very simple marriage....but girl's parents told that we like grand marriage

for our daughter.....they went to kanchipuram from delhi to get silk sarees.....the boy's parents agitated....the boy's

mother told NO DOWRY....the gal's parents suspected abt the boy and their family.....if a poor boy wants a simple marriage.....

it never going to happen.....all gals parents want ONLY PROFESSIONAL BOYS....ESPECIALLY IT AND RELATED FIELD.....

common man...wake up....NOW BOYS PARENTS ARE SO ADJUSTED THAN OLDEN DAYS...ONLY GALS PARENT WANT SHOW OFF...
 
tbs sir

nowadays if any boy from ******* demand dowry , then the girl will report it to Police, then both mother and son will have be behind bars !!! but they don't arrest boy's father normally..!!
 
hi satya,

it happened in my personal life....boy's mother wanted very simple marriage....but girl's parents told that we like grand marriage

for our daughter.....they went to kanchipuram from delhi to get silk sarees.....the boy's parents agitated....the boy's

mother told NO DOWRY....the gal's parents suspected abt the boy and their family.....if a poor boy wants a simple marriage.....

it never going to happen.....all gals parents want ONLY PROFESSIONAL BOYS....ESPECIALLY IT AND RELATED FIELD.....

common man...wake up....NOW BOYS PARENTS ARE SO ADJUSTED THAN OLDEN DAYS...ONLY GALS PARENT WANT SHOW OFF...


You have very much reflected the Ground Reality!
 

tbs

0
tbs sir

nowadays if any boy from ******* demand dowry , then the girl will report it to Police, then both mother and son will have be behind bars !!! but they don't arrest boy's father normally..!!
hi paddhu sir,

generally boy's father AMMANJI now a days.....generally girl's father and boy's father are same.....more similar....BOTH ARE

MERE SPECTACTORS IN ALLI RAAJYAM.....the same dialogue in many households in tambram families......NEENGA KONCHAM

SUMMA IRUKKELA....ONGALUKKU ONNUM THERIYATHU...ELLAM NAAN PAARTHUKKAREN......NEENGA SUMMA KANYADANAM PANNI

KUDUTHA PODUM.......ONGALAI KALYANAM PANNINATHE NAAN SENCHA PAAVAM....ENGA APPA/AMMA THERIYAMA ENNAI

PAAZHUM KINATHILE THALLI POTTUTTA,...NAAN ENNA SEYYARATHU..ELLAM ANUBHAVIKKA VENDIYATHU THAAN.....these

are common comments abt father during daughter's/son's marriage ....
 
OP
OP
S
Thanks for all those participants who replied positively. Me too not negative. But what i wanted to impress is that though we consider ourselves to be highly intelligent breed and with lot of rationality in thinking, such rationality is clouded when it comes to personal level.

It is a personal choice to spend or not and that depends upon their earning capacity and the will to spend. But what i aim at to project the irrationality in our approach.the marriage ceremony is most concerned with show of wealth. There in no nexus between the earning capacity and the expenses.

Even Mahaperiava has advised that the pattu pudaivai should not be used. But who hears.

Every one spending grumbling and this is very obvious. The anguish of the brides parent is only seen to be believed. He hides his anguish in smile. Let us take for example. A chrisitna priest or, a Muslim moulvi do not charge as heavily as that of our vadyar. Let us look at our own religion. I have attended many mariages of Keralites (Nairs) The entire ceremony is so simple and mostly performed in temple and not hall. I am advocating and radical step. But i only would like to emphasize, the huge amount that is just spent so lavishly could be usefuly spend for the welbeing of the new couple. Instead of spending aournd 20laksh in marriae just to show off , why one rationaly think of purchasing a shelter for the new couple to live.

I am not against vadyars making money, but let one justify the uge dakshina to be paid to vadyars who now a days look at marriage in commercial way . Why cant we donate to create veda padashala. an think positively in this direction\

Why cant we think about spending for education of poor whycant we think about spending for the marriage of poor.

My thoughts may not be palpable. But i heart of heart feel that we should move towards progressive society.

sathyan.
 
From what I hear, it's not just the girl's side who spend lavishly.The boy's side also do their part in the spending. They too buy the bride-to-be many sets of gold/diamond jewelry, designer saris, etc. It's as if both sides want to show off!
Anyways, I have no issues with this. If someone wants to flash their wealth, let them! I don't think this is possible to change at all,unless we go through something like the "Emergency" of Mrs. Indira Gandhi's time, where the guest list was reduced to just twenty-five people.No way! I prefer our democratic ways of today, so splash and flash your wealth, and if you have vulgar taste, so be it! :)
 
Dowry?whats that?Now a days most of Brahmin womens expectations are just like foreigners.No MILS,FILS,separate family, sending elders to homes,not caring about family etc. Have seen my relatives claiming that she is not able to look after her father as she had to look after her son and hubby,so she sent him to home.

I dont say boys are perfect.Many lost their culture too. Now a days getting married to a good partner is utmost important thing for many,not dowries. If girl doesnt have high expectations like house,car etc(which really high expecatation for many average ppl) its a big thing
 

Raji Ram

Active member

Dear Padmini,

Showing off the money power is the order of the day! How else will the kalyANa mandapam owners, silk store owners, florists,

decorators, beauticians, caterers, printers, tailors and sAsthrigaLs earn huge money? People are ready to spend 4.5 lakhs just

for flower decorations on the reception stage! :dizzy:

It is the lower middle class that suffers a lot because of these high rates!
 
V

V.Balasubramani

Guest
IMHO, nowadays most of the girls are employed and do earn. They tend to go for big dreams, may be due to influence of various factors. They are in search of fast track to improve their economical status/enrich their life in no time. Marriage is such an opportunity and I can see matrimonial advts with conditions:' only H4 visa holders please apply'.

In the process, may be, such acts like the tamil proverb says: தூங்கிறவன் தொடையிலே திரிச்சமட்டும் கயறு do happen. And for some the dream may be, to go for a wealthy guy like 'புடிச்சாலும் புடிச்ச அவ புளியங்கொம்பா புடிச்ச'

BTW, is it a crime to have a big dream and stipulate conditions?

Boys on their part while looking for a குணவதி, are also supposed to compromise on such demands.

Above all, the groom is a VIP only on the day of his marriage. After wards please ref.posting no.11.

After all, one can chew only what he can. It is a choice. Parents do exercise this option only after weighing the pros and cons.

Good day.


P.S: RR Mam, please ignore if there are any spelling mistakes in tamil proverbs
 
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How about the gifts that relatives and friends shower on the couple...Earlier even close relatives do not spend more than Rs 5 when Gold was at Rs 100 per savaran...If we expect gifts around Rs 1000 now, the gifts are in thousands can go up to 25K also

But there are a few people who will not part with more than Rs 100 packed in the same invitation letter with "Best Wishes" scribbled...They are the butt of jokes as the Elai sappadu nowadays cost nothing less than Rs 300-400
 

tbs

0
How about the gifts that relatives and friends shower on the couple...Earlier even close relatives do not spend more than Rs 5 when Gold was at Rs 100 per savaran...If we expect gifts around Rs 1000 now, the gifts are in thousands can go up to 25K also

But there are a few people who will not part with more than Rs 100 packed in the same invitation letter with "Best Wishes" scribbled...They are the butt of jokes as the Elai sappadu nowadays cost nothing less than Rs 300-400
hi

in USA....i attended three weddings recently.....no more box type gifts.................ONLY GIFT CARDS/CHECKS ALLOWED....
 
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V

V.Balasubramani

Guest
Sir,

As for these gifts, the trend is that, it is considered only as a Bonus. Whoever shower gift, it is our convention and tradition to return these Gifts on some other happy occasion. So, if the Gift is minimum, our reciprocation will be in proportionate and if there is no Gift, it is well and good. It can also be looked in other way. With the gift offered, you can meet out some immediate expenses and need to repay it as Gift, at later date, in piecemeal.

With regards
 

Raji Ram

Active member

The servant maid of one of my relatives asked for an advance of Rs. 5,000/ to conduct her daughter's wedding.
She is confident of returning the amount, once she receives the 'moy paNam' on the wedding day! :popcorn:

It is an unwritten rule that 'moy paNam' we receive is a kind of debt, which we have to repay!
 

Raji Ram

Active member

It is also a fashion to present a silver sheet in the size of a hundred rupee note which is worth Rs. 1,000/ of silver.

So, as the price increases (it is never believed to reduce in the future) the value of the sheet also increases! :thumb:
 

Raji Ram

Active member

Here is the photo of the silver note worth Rs. 1,000/-

P1070407.jpg
 

It is also a fashion to present a silver sheet in the size of a hundred rupee note which is worth Rs. 1,000/ of silver.

So, as the price increases (it is never believed to reduce in the future) the value of the sheet also increases! :thumb:

The only reason why precious metals increase in value is because the paper currency is constantly getting devalued. So the perceived increase in value is somewhat illusory.

Silver of course is slightly different because it actually has industrial uses unlike gold which is purely decorative in nature.
 
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