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is love marriage acceptance

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Dear Vikrama,

Thank you so much for helping me refresh my literary knowledge. I found the phrase in 'Aganaanooru', as you had mentioned. Here, such people are stated to have cut shells and made bangles. (Even the 'Nakkeeran' is supposed to have been engaged in this activity or profession, though he was a brahmin).

I compared that with 'Tholkappiam' and 'Silappadhikaaram'. for any comparable references.

In Tholkaappiam, under 'Agaththinaiyiyal' of 'Porul Adhikaaram', I found this.

Stanza No. 27 - Reasons for 'Thalaivan' leaving 'Thalaivi' -

"Odhalum, Thoodhum uyarndhor mena" - which means for learning (kalvi) and for going as a reprsentative/ambassador of somebody, usually the king, uyarndhor (uyar kudiyai cherndha andhanar) leave their sweetheart. Here, 'odhuthal' means learning by recital and teaching (payitruviththal) by recital. I get an additional meaning of conducting rituals, by reciting mantras or vedas (not necessarily homams/velvis)

Silappadhikaaram talks about different functions/roles of 'maraiyor' / 'maamudhu paarppaan', repeatedly on so many occasions, in various contexts. Several words are used by Ilango Adigal to describe the brahmin community. Each of them does not contradict each other.

Therefore, I say 'Velap Paarppan' refers to one sect of 'parppans' who do not conduct homams (yagam has a different connotation), in their routine life.

Even today we see not all brahmins are engaged in the profession of 'purohitam'.

So, where is derisiveness in this phrase?

I am eager to continue this interesting debate.

Shri Vikrama Ji,

Is there any info in Tamil sources that these Vela Paarpans were brahmins of a seperate sect or were associated with the non-vedic or non-ritualistic vedanta or upanishadic side of hinduism? Please could you share more info on them from Tamil sources? Is it possible that they were Jain?
 
Dear Pannvalan,

Thank you for your response. Mine is below in 'cyan':


Dear KRS,
I beg to reiterate my views that are contrary to yours. My detailed reply is given beneath.
You say:
"Closed endogamous social groups invariably develop more susceptibility towards genetic induced diseases and so are deleterious".
I say:
1. I do not feel that Tamil Brahmins are fit to be described as closed groups.
The definition of a 'closed' group is that the overwhelming majority within the group intramarry. Does this not apply to TB community?

2.They are not endogamous either. ‘Endogamy’ means ‘the custom forbidding marriage outside one’s own group’. In other words, it is a practice of promoting ‘inbreeding’. Can anyone say with certainty that all Tamil Brahmins or most of them encourage and practice ‘inbreeding’?

If somebody wants definition for ‘inbreeding’ also, it is ‘pollination between two flowers on the same plant’; ‘the union of female gametes’. All these do not happen in Tamil Brahmin families, wherever they live.
It is a well accepted FACT within scientific communities that TBs practice endogamy. Please read this one sample paper:
"Tamil Brahmins are an endogamous group among whom not only subcaste endogamy is practised but also the divisional (within sub castes) endogamy is maintained. This was also evident in the present group when their


marriage pattern was studied.
"

http://www.krepublishers.com/02-Jou...Anth-07-1-069-070-2005-232-Saraswathy-K-N.pdf
This is just from one study. There are numerous other scientific papers who describe TB community as endogamous. Yours is an opinion, mine is based on how the scientists view our community.
3.Again, what is a ‘group’? A number of people or things together.
Here, the word ‘together’ means either viewed or taken together. Can all the Tamil Brahmins be bracketed in one group, this way?
Why not? Of course TBs are a social group. I don't understand your argument against this premise.
You say:
A very simple concept really, nay actually a truth based on modern genetic research. I also told you that denying this is against the established scientific truths.
I say:
“Multi-factor Theories”, being the best accepted today, acknowledge that both genetic-biological factors and the influence of life experiences as the causes for one’s susceptibility to certain disorders. Here also, it is pertinent to quote the results of a group of studies done with identical twins and fraternal twins with reference to ‘schizophrenia’.
In this group of studies, the concordance rates amongst the identical twins ranged from 16% to 60% and amongst the fraternal twins, the concordance rates ranged from 4% to 18%.
One noteworthy aspect of these studies is, they were conducted in different countries, in a time span of 9 years.
My question is:
1.What is the probability of any woman giving birth to ‘twins’? Then, what is the probability of any woman giving birth to identical twins? It may be less than 2 out of 1000.
So are you arguing that within a closed group, practicing endogamy, there is no evidence of increased chances of congenital diseases? Just because people use the twins for controlled studies, it does not follow that in the overall population such genetic factors do not apply.
2.In other cases, the researchers say, only the unlucky children inherit congenital disorders like ‘autism’, ‘schizophrenia’ etc. (However, we are unable to point out decisively the probability of such unlucky children).
What the lack of research in pinning down the exact probability has to do with the existence of such increased probabilty? Lack of measuring a fever in a person running a fever does not negate the existence of such a fever.
3.If one asks me, I would say Tamil Brahmins of today are not very keen about holding consanguineous marriages. On the other hand, most of them are very particular to avoid them, not fearing genetic problems the children may get, but because of a wide variety of reasons. (My understanding of consanguineous marriages is different from that of yours).

"The highest rates of consanguineous marriage in South India are usually reported in traditional rural areas and among the poorest and least educated groups. However, close kin marriage is commonplace even in Brahmin communities (Srinivasan and Mukherjee 1976)"
http://www.ias.ac.in/jgenet/Vol81No3/91.pdf
Consanguineous marriage is defined in scientific circles as the marriage between first cousins: there are 4 types: 1) Marriying father' sister's offspring 2) Marrying mother's brother's offspring 3) Marrying father's brother's offspring and 4) Marrying mother's sister's offspring. In our community we do not allow 3) and 4) and we DO PERMIT 1) and 2). (Other communities in TN permit all 4). By the way we also permit uncle niece unions. which also falls in to this category. The above is not my opinion in classification. Look it up in scientific journals. One study puts this practice at about 27% of the TN community.

4.Such being the case, why should we unnecessarily panic and raise an alarm, when the probability rate will be too low or even negligible, in case of non-consanguineous marriages, taking place in Tamil Brahmin community?
It is not just about consanguineous marriages (about quarter of the marriages). Even if we say this is a small fraction, the endogamous marriages, which are the overwhelming majority plus the practice of disregarding mother's gotra has put our community at risk. This is the scientific fact, not an emotional panic attack.
You say:
Yet, you continue to argue against the premise despite these evidences (which you seem to agree with). So, it seems to me that you are arguing from an emotional viewpoint.
I say:
You have not answered my counter question – “In case of inter-caste marriages, what is the guarantee that the probability of congenital disorders will be very less? Is there any study conducted in this regard?”
I have answered this question clearly (have you read this?):"Sir, my premise is not about establishing that marrying a NB will guarantee a progenie free of congenital defects. My premise was that a closed endogamous social group will have increased genetic disorders over time. See, how you have taken my premise and ask me to prove something that matters only to support your emotional stand?

However, let me answer you this way: One of the ways to reduce the chances for these genetic disorders is to choose partners that are far removed genetically from one."

So, what is your import here? That cross genetic marriages are not proved to have the same probability of genetic disorders? Sir, when one studies a closed group versus the general population, the 'general population' includes such cross cultural marriage populations.
Without knowing a convincing answer, how can we argue the other way, with total confidence and with 100% certainty?
You say:
I would not spend time arguing like this with anyone, but since you have been a valuable member here, I owe it to you to show why you are wrong.
I say:
You have every right to say/do that.
I have asked you several questions in my previous posting. You conveniently ignore answering them. How about answering my question under item #1 in my previous posting?
You say:
Again, please do not argue that science supports your pet theory without knowing the underlying facts. Please say that your theory is good on the basis of culture and sociology.
I say:
I do not have any ‘pet theories’. Whatever I have presented herein were from what I read from the sources known to me. These sources have nothing to do with culture, but include sociology among other fields.
Fair enough. Then why don't you give me references as to where from you get your ideas? I am eager to understand your sources.
You say:
I am very sorry to say that you have taken a very unsupportable position.
I say:
I am also sorry, if I am unable to convince you. This inability on my part may be construed as anything, as one pleases.
I am easily convinced if your 'opinions' are based on any credible research.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​



P.S: A humble request. Please do not address me ‘Sir’ or ‘ji’. Simply address me by my forum name.​
 
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Dear Vikrama,

In Tholkaappiam, under 'Agaththinaiyiyal' of 'Porul Adhikaaram', I found this.

Stanza No. 27 - Reasons for 'Thalaivan' leaving 'Thalaivi' -

"Odhalum, Thoodhum uyarndhor mena" - which means for learning (kalvi) and for going as a reprsentative/ambassador of somebody, usually the king, uyarndhor (uyar kudiyai cherndha andhanar) leave their sweetheart. Here, 'odhuthal' means learning by recital and teaching (payitruviththal) by recital. I get an additional meaning of conducting rituals, by reciting mantras or vedas (not necessarily homams/velvis)

Silappadhikaaram talks about different functions/roles of 'maraiyor' / 'maamudhu paarppaan', repeatedly on so many occasions, in various contexts. Several words are used by Ilango Adigal to describe the brahmin community. Each of them does not contradict each other.

Therefore, I say 'Velap Paarppan' refers to one sect of 'parppans' who do not conduct homams (yagam has a different connotation), in their routine life.

Even today we see not all brahmins are engaged in the profession of 'purohitam'.

So, where is derisiveness in this phrase?

I am eager to continue this interesting debate.

Is it not a forced interpretation to assume from the word 'othalum', the performance of rituals also?
The duties of a 'parppan' are defined as sixfold -learning, teaching, conduct of rituals, making others conduct rituals, giving alms and taking alms. When one follows only a few of them, he is deemed to have swerved from his duty. When one cuts shells for making bangles for a living, will he accept alms or will anyone give him alms? He himself does not conduct rituals. So he could not have made others do them.
There is no reference in the literature to a king who has deserted his duty, or a vysya who has given up his trade and so on. A specific reference is made to the 'parppan' who does not live upto his ideals. This made me infer the word as derisive.
 
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Shri Vikrama Ji,

Is there any info in Tamil sources that these Vela Paarpans were brahmins of a seperate sect or were associated with the non-vedic or non-ritualistic vedanta or upanishadic side of hinduism? Please could you share more info on them from Tamil sources? Is it possible that they were Jain?

To Sri Happy Hindu,
I am not well versed enough in Tamil literature to answer your query. One thing I know is that brahmins were held in high esteem in the sangam literature. Avvaiyar praises Athiyaman, "Your ancestors did not do anything that would offend the brahmins".
Among the poets of this period quite a few of them were brahmins.Clear traces of Jainism are not seen in Pathupattu and Ettuthohai, as far as I know. It is found in Thirukkural and other minor works known as 18 keezhkanakku. But these were actually of a later (kalabra) period. But the minor works are included in the sangam period literature. This classification was done only in the 8th century.
 
Is it not a forced interpretation to assume from the word 'othalum', the performance of rituals also?
The duties of a 'parppan' are defined as sixfold -learning, teaching, conduct of rituals, making others conduct rituals, giving alms and taking alms. When one follows only a few of them, he is deemed to have swerved from his duty. When one cuts shells for making bangles for a living, will he accept alms or will anyone give him alms? He himself does not conduct rituals. So he could not have made others do them.
There is no reference in the literature to a king who has deserted his duty, or a vysya who has given up his trade and so on. A specific reference is made to the 'parppan' who does not live upto his ideals. This made me infer the word as derisive.

Shri Vikrama ji,

Thankyou for this info and for the above post to me.

Is there any reason why they left their designated path and sought an other profession? Apart from cutting shells for bangle-making, what were the other professions they went into at that point of time? Is tehre any idea of who was the king ruling at that time - and was he not serving his people well enough that they had to seek other forms of living?
 
Shri Vikrama ji,

Thankyou for this info and for the above post to me.

Is there any reason why they left their designated path and sought an other profession? Apart from cutting shells for bangle-making, what were the other professions they went into at that point of time? Is tehre any idea of who was the king ruling at that time - and was he not serving his people well enough that they had to seek other forms of living?

Sorry. I have not studied the literature so deeply as to answer your queries. I would like to know from you.
 
How big should a group be to consider that the marriages within that group are exogamous and not endogamous. Is there any scientific basis for fixing the size of this group?Will someone throw some light on this? Thanks.
 
Sorry. I have not studied the literature so deeply as to answer your queries. I would like to know from you.

Dear Sri Vikrama Ji,

Am handicapped because I do not know to read and write tamil, telugu, kannada, etc (except the devnagari script, i know no other script).

Most of the info i have is from speaking to academicians and librarians, who do quote that their info is from so and so book, inscription or manuscript. I find the whole area of sociology of how tribes change to caste, how cultures evolve and devolve, etc, as all really huge.

All i can say is that occupations have not been static. Within one tribe, some people may be functioning as warriors, some as traders, some as shamans, some as vaidyars or herbal doctors, some as farmers and so on. Its not always necessary that when tribes merge, then people of the same function will merge. It might force (or give an oppportunity for) a trader to become a warrior or a priest to earn a living thru trade. What we see today is the amalgamation of several changes in hinduism.
 
Dear Sri Pannvalan Ji,

Our conversation here has ended some time ago, with a detailed response on my part to your post. I am awaiting the research references you said you consulted to arrive at your conclusions.

Please let me know when I can expext you to post these.

Regards,
KRS
 
[FONT=&quot]MARRIAGES WITHIN TAMIL BRAHMINS COMMUNITY[/FONT]



[FONT=&quot]I thought I had already conveyed what all I wanted to, in this matter. That’s why I didn’t continue the discussions, from my side.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Anyway, let this be the last and concluding part of the discussions, as far as I am concerned, with regard to the subject matter.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]1. In the New Delhi University study you had quoted, the sample size was only 147 [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] and all of the respondents were from New Delhi only. Thus, the sample cannot be [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] called a ‘representative sample’, given the large size of Tamil Brahmins population[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] and also their spread over many parts of the country and the world.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]2. I enclose 6 pages from the book “Abnormal Psychology and Modern Life” written [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] by James C. Coleman of University of California, Los Angeles. (He is one of the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] renowned and well respected psychologists). I request you to go through them.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]3. I wish to highlight the concluding paragraph of his (Page #144), herein.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] QUOTE:[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“As a consequence, most investigators now take the position that only a [/FONT][FONT=&quot]predisposition to [/FONT][FONT=&quot]mental disorders can be inherited. Many genes, rather than just one, may be involved in such a predisposition. Here it is presumed that certain individuals are especially prone to develop schizophrenia or some other mental disorder, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]if placed under severe stress.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Given a favourable life situation, the individual’s inheritance may never show up.This position is bolstered by medical evidence concerning inherited predisposition to diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary heart disease and some forms of cancer (Kaiser Foundation, 1970; Bergsma, 1974)”.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]UNQUOTE:[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I wish to reiterate that the key words ‘endogamy’, ‘inbreeding’ and ‘closed group’ will not apply to Tamil Brahmins community, as a whole.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Similarly, keeping persons who married within Tamil Brahmins community as the controlled group and Tamil Brahmins who married outside their community (please note, I am using the word ‘community’ in place of ‘caste’ here) as the other, extensive studies have not been conducted so far, to my knowledge. If you have any knowledge, please tell me, so that comparisons can be made and fruitful and reliable conclusions reached.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Finally, I wish to state that I am neither for inter-caste marriages nor against them. Health, Intelligence etc. are not guaranteed by inter-caste marriages and everything depends so many other factors, with heredity being just one among them.[/FONT]
 

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[FONT=&quot]I wish to reiterate that the key words ‘endogamy’, ‘inbreeding’ and ‘closed group’ will not apply to Tamil Brahmins community, as a whole.[/FONT]

in genetic studies, TBs are considered an endogamous group which promotes inbreeding within members of the same sub-caste or sub-sect.
 
Love can be categorised into three types: "Lowest and the most commonly seen - Sexual Attraction is misinterpreted as Love. Acceptable form of Love - Liking based on other person's INterests, Qualities and Character. Highest Form of Love - Unselfish and Unconditional Love for all beings - Just like a MOther's Love for her child." - One more soul in God's Creation
 
Since this whole thread is about love marriage lets go back to the smritis and have a look at it as below.

1. Love marriage permissible for the brahmins, its also known as gandarva vivaha which is considered best among all the other types of marriage, second thing brahmin is allowed to wed a non brhamin when he already weded another 3 girls before of the 3 varnas respectively brahmin, khastriya, vaishya, and he can wed a sudra also, now this is not possible in this yuga, so only the first option remains wed a brahmin that makes it simple.

wed a brhamin and be happy to have a progeny to whom you can impart gayathri. now if you are still adamant be prepared for the below consequences.

1. your shraddhams will no longer be accepted by the pithrus.
2. one of the debt you have in life called as pithru Rhinam will not be fulfilled since you are not producing a brhamin son of the same varna.
3. since you married a mlecha or sudra your progenies would be of chandala quality. here comes all the genetics and stuff.
4. from real life experience I have seen many of the intercaste do not have children, obviously when the pithrus are angry where will you get a progeny.
5. now if you are ready to take all the risks and think about marrying someone since you love he/she, then read the final sentence. by taking this decision you are the most selfish person, you are considering only you, not your family, not the past 5000 years of tradition that your forefathers have preserved you are destroying them with your single act, and if they had thought like you , you many never exist, and if you still feel selfish I would say go ahead and marry another girl of a different caste, but life long you will have to remember of this selfish decision. Note: Varnam is what I believe in and not caste. no problems in marrying a north indian brahmin girl or any other brahmin even nepalese will do, but make sure that you marry a brahmin so that the progeny is a brahmin.

regards,
rakesh
 
Since this whole thread is about love marriage lets go back to the smritis and have a look at it as below.

1. Love marriage permissible for the brahmins, its also known as gandarva vivaha which is considered best among all the other types of marriage, second thing brahmin is allowed to wed a non brhamin when he already weded another 3 girls before of the 3 varnas respectively brahmin, khastriya, vaishya, and he can wed a sudra also, now this is not possible in this yuga, so only the first option remains wed a brahmin that makes it simple.

wed a brhamin and be happy to have a progeny to whom you can impart gayathri. now if you are still adamant be prepared for the below consequences.

1. your shraddhams will no longer be accepted by the pithrus.
2. one of the debt you have in life called as pithru Rhinam will not be fulfilled since you are not producing a brhamin son of the same varna.
3. since you married a mlecha or sudra your progenies would be of chandala quality. here comes all the genetics and stuff.
4. from real life experience I have seen many of the intercaste do not have children, obviously when the pithrus are angry where will you get a progeny.
5. now if you are ready to take all the risks and think about marrying someone since you love he/she, then read the final sentence. by taking this decision you are the most selfish person, you are considering only you, not your family, not the past 5000 years of tradition that your forefathers have preserved you are destroying them with your single act, and if they had thought like you , you many never exist, and if you still feel selfish I would say go ahead and marry another girl of a different caste, but life long you will have to remember of this selfish decision. Note: Varnam is what I believe in and not caste. no problems in marrying a north indian brahmin girl or any other brahmin even nepalese will do, but make sure that you marry a brahmin so that the progeny is a brahmin.

regards,
rakesh
Shri Rakesh,

First let me express my happiness in finding that a young brahmin has so much respect for our heritage and scriptures.

As to your observation that "Love marriage permissible for the brahmins, its also known as gandarva vivaha which is considered best among all the other types of marriage,..." please note that the smriti position is different. Only the brahma type of marriage is recommended for the brahmin and the gAndharva type is fraught with as much impropriety as marrying a SUdra woman about which you write; The smr^ti candrika and the parASara mAdhaveeya state that when a woman is married in one of the four forms, brahma &c., she passes into the gotra of her husband, becomes a sapinda in the husband's family and so she is severed from her father's family (as to gotra and sapinda relationship); but when a woman is married in the asura, gandharva and other forms, she does not pass over into the gotra of her husband, but remains in the gotra of the father and her sapinda relationship with her father and brother continues.

So, a love marriage (gAndharva) looks to me as not sanctioned by the smr^tis. You may have this verified since you hail from a vaideeka family.

Coming to pitr^s, even SUdras has a group/class of pitr^s called sukAlin as per Manu III-197. Further, the way pitr^kAryam including SrAddha are done nowadays (particularly in common venues like maNDapams) no pitr^ at all will be satiated if we look at the stipulations of the smr^tis; all pitr^s will most probably be wandering without food, like people in some of the endemic-famine stricken countries of Africa. Please see my post

http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/ritual...thru-karyam-performance-home-4.html#post55988


I, therefore, feel that any brahmin boy who considers our SAstra/smr^ti to be valid, should not think of love-marriage even to a brahmin girl. He should marry a brahmin girl of his parents' choice only.

In regard to purity of the brahmin's genes, I find there were many posts in this forum itself (and the web) indicating that there has been mixing of blood between all classes/castes of people (including brahmins/dalits/mLEcchAs) in the Indian sub-continent from ancient times onwards. I cannot say any opinion on these since I am not knowledgeable in these matters. However, it appears to me that in this context it is quite relevant to note the oblation/s given during SrAddha with the mantra starting with the words, "yanme mAtA pralulobhA bhavanti..."

From actual observation around me, I find people who had love marriage with other castes, religions (including muslims) have had no problem in getting children and grandchildren. On the other hand we have cases
of couple, married strictly according to our customs - horoscope-matching, பெண் பார்க்கறது, நிச்சயதாம்பூலம், etc., who are without children.(There is an increasing trend nowadays, I feel this may be because of pitr^SApam because the parents do not perform the SrAddhams properly, and do it as a routine in maNDapams and all that.) So, it may not be convincing to many when you say that love-marriage with NBs will increase the chances of infertility of such couple.
 
Hi Sangam,

I am a person who does not memorize these scriptures, anyways since you asked here it is.


Shadanu poorvya viprasya kshatriyasya chaturo avaraan manusmriti 23 verse chapter 3

for the brahmin the first 6 types of marriage is dharmmam
ie, brahmam, daivam, aarsham, prajapatyam, aasuram, gandarvam,

now verse 32,

icha yanyonena samyoga kanyascha varasya cha
gandharva sa thu vigneyo maithuanasya kamasambhava

since our new generation wants a girl friend and a lover I think it far better for them to make a brahmin girl girl friend and lover than any other caste. also the scriptures in those situations ie, gandharva vivaham, even does sanction maithunam before marriage, so in the larger context and present generation I have pointed this as an option and probably more suitable for our neo brahmins, so that atleast they dont become a pathitha, now verse 19 same chapter

vrishalee phena peethasya niswasopahathasya cha
thasyam chaiva prasoothasya nishkrithirnna videeyathe

one who does the panam of lips of a sudra sthri and has her breath in his body there is no prayaschitha told for him. he becomes a pathitha, since I am also a young boy and I understand the exposure to media and all other things put forward in our current environment, where a normal boy would be subject to a feeling and need of a companion, now you could say he needs to be in control, but lets accept the truth, he is seldom in control, i dont want to go in detail, so accepting the truth and I wanted to see is there a way where our scriptures have a solution and there is gandharva vivaha, you do not need to see this horoscope matching in gandharva vivaha, neither other customs, only varna needs to be matching and I still believe if there is a brahmin boy and he desperately wants to love someone , let him go and find a brahmin girl, let be open to our own hearts there is no better spirituality than being honest and admitting what we are , our rishis never advocated control, samayamanam does not mean control it means sama yamanam, do what is needed dont over do and dont do less, the withdrawal of indriyas should happen automatically not with force , if you try with your will power and force it becomes a nightmare, it becomes the story of the sage when who left a cow and family to forest to get a greater family in the forest, i hope everyone would have heard the story,

now psychologically, one falls in love with another woman i meant he disregards the traditional way, because there is a need for him, without need nothing arises, the parents were not able to give enough love to the their son or daughter and they started searching outside thats the crux, now dont come and argue that i have given all facilities bla bla, facilities do not make love, love is divine, what you are doing is mamata and not love, and loving is all being understanding, and when that is done, no daughter or son would go out and seek love,

second part is that, current generation of parents have no idea what is our tradition, its quite
obvious their children also does not know, so if there is something wrong with their children it is the complete responsibility of the parents no one else can be blamed.





Shri Rakesh,

First let me express my happiness in finding that a young brahmin has so much respect for our heritage and scriptures.

As to your observation that "Love marriage permissible for the brahmins, its also known as gandarva vivaha which is considered best among all the other types of marriage,..." please note that the smriti position is different. Only the brahma type of marriage is recommended for the brahmin and the gAndharva type is fraught with as much impropriety as marrying a SUdra woman about which you write; The smr^ti candrika and the parASara mAdhaveeya state that when a woman is married in one of the four forms, brahma &c., she passes into the gotra of her husband, becomes a sapinda in the husband's family and so she is severed from her father's family (as to gotra and sapinda relationship); but when a woman is married in the asura, gandharva and other forms, she does not pass over into the gotra of her husband, but remains in the gotra of the father and her sapinda relationship with her father and brother continues.

So, a love marriage (gAndharva) looks to me as not sanctioned by the smr^tis. You may have this verified since you hail from a vaideeka family.

Coming to pitr^s, even SUdras has a group/class of pitr^s called sukAlin as per Manu III-197. Further, the way pitr^kAryam including SrAddha are done nowadays (particularly in common venues like maNDapams) no pitr^ at all will be satiated if we look at the stipulations of the smr^tis; all pitr^s will most probably be wandering without food, like people in some of the endemic-famine stricken countries of Africa. Please see my post

http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/ritual...thru-karyam-performance-home-4.html#post55988


I, therefore, feel that any brahmin boy who considers our SAstra/smr^ti to be valid, should not think of love-marriage even to a brahmin girl. He should marry a brahmin girl of his parents' choice only.

In regard to purity of the brahmin's genes, I find there were many posts in this forum itself (and the web) indicating that there has been mixing of blood between all classes/castes of people (including brahmins/dalits/mLEcchAs) in the Indian sub-continent from ancient times onwards. I cannot say any opinion on these since I am not knowledgeable in these matters. However, it appears to me that in this context it is quite relevant to note the oblation/s given during SrAddha with the mantra starting with the words, "yanme mAtA pralulobhA bhavanti..."

From actual observation around me, I find people who had love marriage with other castes, religions (including muslims) have had no problem in getting children and grandchildren. On the other hand we have cases
of couple, married strictly according to our customs - horoscope-matching, பெண் பார்க்கறது, நிச்சயதாம்பூலம், etc., who are without children.(There is an increasing trend nowadays, I feel this may be because of pitr^SApam because the parents do not perform the SrAddhams properly, and do it as a routine in maNDapams and all that.) So, it may not be convincing to many when you say that love-marriage with NBs will increase the chances of infertility of such couple.
 
Hi Sangam,

I am a person who does not memorize these scriptures, anyways since you asked here it is.


Shadanu poorvya viprasya kshatriyasya chaturo avaraan manusmriti 23 verse chapter 3

for the brahmin the first 6 types of marriage is dharmmam
ie, brahmam, daivam, aarsham, prajapatyam, aasuram, gandarvam,

now verse 32,

icha yanyonena samyoga kanyascha varasya cha
gandharva sa thu vigneyo maithuanasya kamasambhava

since our new generation wants a girl friend and a lover I think it far better for them to make a brahmin girl girl friend and lover than any other caste. also the scriptures in those situations ie, gandharva vivaham, even does sanction maithunam before marriage, so in the larger context and present generation I have pointed this as an option and probably more suitable for our neo brahmins, so that atleast they dont become a pathitha, now verse 19 same chapter

vrishalee phena peethasya niswasopahathasya cha
thasyam chaiva prasoothasya nishkrithirnna videeyathe

one who does the panam of lips of a sudra sthri and has her breath in his body there is no prayaschitha told for him. he becomes a pathitha, since I am also a young boy and I understand the exposure to media and all other things put forward in our current environment, where a normal boy would be subject to a feeling and need of a companion, now you could say he needs to be in control, but lets accept the truth, he is seldom in control, i dont want to go in detail, so accepting the truth and I wanted to see is there a way where our scriptures have a solution and there is gandharva vivaha, you do not need to see this horoscope matching in gandharva vivaha, neither other customs, only varna needs to be matching and I still believe if there is a brahmin boy and he desperately wants to love someone , let him go and find a brahmin girl, let be open to our own hearts there is no better spirituality than being honest and admitting what we are , our rishis never advocated control, samayamanam does not mean control it means sama yamanam, do what is needed dont over do and dont do less, the withdrawal of indriyas should happen automatically not with force , if you try with your will power and force it becomes a nightmare, it becomes the story of the sage when who left a cow and family to forest to get a greater family in the forest, i hope everyone would have heard the story,

now psychologically, one falls in love with another woman i meant he disregards the traditional way, because there is a need for him, without need nothing arises, the parents were not able to give enough love to the their son or daughter and they started searching outside thats the crux, now dont come and argue that i have given all facilities bla bla, facilities do not make love, love is divine, what you are doing is mamata and not love, and loving is all being understanding, and when that is done, no daughter or son would go out and seek love,

Shri Rakesh,

smr^ticandrika and parASaramAdhaveeyam are as much authority as manu. Can you cite any authoritative pronouncements in our scriptures or by any of our reverred AcAryas (not the new-age gurus) to the effect that manu overrules all other smr^tis? Only if you can produce such an evidence, gAndharva type of marriage will be acceptable and not otherwise.

In total, you are now laying down your own dharmaSAstra, it seems to me; what authority or qualification have you to sit over the rules laid down by the ancients? Of course, selectively you prohibit certain things like SUdrastree etc. In my view none of us except our reverred AcAryas are at present qualified and authorized to do such pronouncements. If I can have access to some dharmaSAstra books, know Sanskrit, I do not think I can lay down general rules for the brahmin society as a whole; at best I can reproduce what the SAstras have prescribed and leave it at that. There are many members here more qualified, knowledgeable and elder to us and when they do not try to make such pronouncements based on scriptures, I do not think any one should do so.

You allow lust to the extend of loving a "brahmin" girl (even a Nepali brahmin girl) but some brahmin boy may find it difficult to forego his love for a girl with whom he comes into contact daily and finds her suitable for living a life with.

If the norms laid down by smr^ticandrika and parASaramAdhaveeyam can be flouted as insignificant, I wonder why people should not flout manu III. 32 as well. While it is your complete and unfettered freedom to decide which dharmaSAstra to follow and how far, let us be balanced while seemingly giving general advice to all.
 
Shri Sangameswara,

The above are my views entirely. I have never said this can be a general advice as such. I do not plan to make any advices. with regards to Gandharva vivaha, or love marriage as such, personally my view is restricted only that the same varna should be applicable. Now if the families are ready, they can go ahead and make that aarsha by giving them their consent. But since even the aasura and paisachika vivaha are allowed because the smritikaran had thought that the children out of those marriage should not be abandoned. now all these are exceptions, and dharma needs to be decided on context and on circumstances, so there is no general advice as such but there are exceptions and will continue to be there,

My whole point is that I am against so called views, where if an iyer boy loves an iyengar girl we all start opposing, now that opposition I could not find any point to validate neither in Smriti nor in sruthi in my search, you are welcome if you could find any reference,

The only reference is about varna and not about caste, it does not matter if its a nepalese brahmin or its a sindhi brahmin as long as it is brahmin I think it should be fine, now this is to decide on an exceptional case, not as general advice, its not that everyone should go ahead and marry a nepalese brahmin tomorrow, but since in this world there is an increased concept of finding your own partner, my view is that atleast varna needs to maintained , although there is a cost attached to it, its far better than marrying a sudra atleast the race continues in the future,


now as in geetha krishna said to arjuna, vamrisheth thatha aseshani yatha ichasi tatha kuru,

you may analyze everything and adopt whichever you may feel is correct,

I am not going to gain anything neither going to loss anything
 
...
My whole point is that I am against so called views, where if an iyer boy loves an iyengar girl we all start opposing, now that opposition I could not find any point to validate neither in Smriti nor in sruthi in my search, you are welcome if you could find any reference,...

Shri Rakesh,

Regarding the quoted portion I am also in full agreement and I would go further and permit any love marriage.

But as far as I have seen during the last few months in this forum, no one has expressed any objection to Iyer-Iyengar marriage, though I think there was one person insisting on his Iyer/Iyengar identity and requesting matrimonial responses from his group only and that was suitably replied to by a veteran member. (This is from memory pl.)
 
thanks for the agreement. now here is my second question, now this has to be decided on context and is an exception, but worth mentioning,

" if an iyer boy plans to marry a sindhi brahmin" is there an issue of dharma here???
does the smriti or sruthi prohibit such a thing??? in my search I have found only reference to varna and not caste !!!! You are welcome if you could find any other reference ............
 
thanks for the agreement. now here is my second question, now this has to be decided on context and is an exception, but worth mentioning,

" if an iyer boy plans to marry a sindhi brahmin" is there an issue of dharma here???
does the smriti or sruthi prohibit such a thing??? in my search I have found only reference to varna and not caste !!!! You are welcome if you could find any other reference ............

To my knowledge nothing prevents the marriage of two adults a Man and a Woman, if they conduct the marriage as per the provisions of The Hindu Marriage Act 1955, the present day Smriti. It is an accepted fact that unlike Sruthi, the Smriti can be modified according to the prevailing demands of Yuga Dharma. Even otherwise Gandharva Vivaha, equivalent to present day love marriage, is one of the Eight types of approved marriages as per Manusmriti.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
By Vedic belief, the birth of the children of the love marriage is dependent upon the caste of the male. So, in the case of the Brahmin man marrying a non-Brahmin girl, the children should be raised in the Brahmin traditions of the man.

The same is true of the wife, so a woman should take on the responsibility of Brahmin life if she marries a Brahmin man.
 
You are right. According to traditions, if a girl from Brahmin community marries a non-Brahmin she loses her Brahmin identity. Similarly, if a so called pariah girl, marries a Brahmin, she becomes Brahmin. While at this, I just remembered an anecdote quoted by a Mangalorean. Please read this in a lighter vein. An aged boy unwittingly joined another who invited him to a hotel which was serving 'hardware' stuff. This 'breach' somehow reached the boy's father. The boy was thrashed very badly. The father wondering himself asked the boy how could he go to the hotel in the first place when he had not given him any money. Wailing and weeping the boy feebly told him he had no money but another Brahmin boy was with him who paid the bill. The father castigated the boy for not telling this before. Had he known this, he would not have given him the thrashing but exonerated him as he was in the company of a Brahmin! That is the effect of the Company you keep! The value is correct and let us not under-value it.
 
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