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Intercaste marriage is it possible?

Priyanka

New member
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
 

tbs

Well-known member
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
whether he is good for me?......you decide ur life.....ur age is enough to understand about him....otherwise

ask ur parents.....better option.....LIFE IS CHALLENGE...BETTER TO FACE IT...IF U WANT TO ACHIEVE...

U HAVE TO LOOSE SOMETHING...there is in hindi....KUCH PAANE KE LIYE KUCH KHONA PADTA HAI...

KUCH KHOKAR HI KUCH PAATE HAI...even this is the answer for my own daughter too....no difference..
 

prasad1

Well-known member
If you doubt yourself Do not do it without the parent's approval.
If you are sure and ready to accept the consequences do it.
I wish you well.
Pyar kiya to Darna Kya?
 

renuka

Well-known member
legally you can marry anyone you like.
If you actually asking whether he is good for you..you should also ask yourself if you are good for him?

Cos from your question itself it shows that you do feel he might not be good enough for you.

If this question has risen that means you do not view him to be your equal.
So in your eyes you and him are not Ardhanareeshwara or Lakhsmi Narayan...therefore best for you is to marry a man your parents choose for you..that would be the best for you.
 
whether he is good for me?......you decide ur life.....ur age is enough to understand about him....otherwise

ask ur parents.....better option.....LIFE IS CHALLENGE...BETTER TO FACE IT...IF U WANT TO ACHIEVE...

U HAVE TO LOOSE SOMETHING...there is in hindi....KUCH PAANE KE LIYE KUCH KHONA PADTA HAI...

KUCH KHOKAR HI KUCH PAATE HAI...even this is the answer for my own daughter too....no difference..
Not everyone knows hindi TBSji. Provide translation to your bits of wisdom.
 

tbs

Well-known member
Not everyone knows hindi TBSji. Provide translation to your bits of wisdom.
hi

thanks sir....the meaning of my quote is like this.....to achieve in something in life...we have to loose something...

after loosing something ...we gain something in life.....the translation of prasad ji like...Pyar kiya to Darna Kya?...

meaning like this....why are you fearing about love?....when you love somebody...
 
hi

thanks sir....the meaning of my quote is like this.....to achieve in something in life...we have to loose something...

after loosing something ...we gain something in life.....the translation of prasad ji like...Pyar kiya to Darna Kya?...

meaning like this....why are you fearing about love?....when you love somebody...
Very nice. Thank you TBS ji.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
If you love then there is nothing to fear.
None of us know you two (then again no one knows others), so we can not judge the situation, We can give our opinion.
A union is only possible with adjustments and managing your expectations.
No marriage is a bed of roses, there are always hiccups. If you are ready to add an additional twist accept it, and marry the person you love. Or else stay single.
 

Lotusinsanskrit

Active member
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
who decide this about the caste. Your title and content has no coherent way of approach to life.
 

Jaykay767

Well-known member
Priyanka,

First off, you are still very young to marry. At this age, most people are not sure what they want. They are still planning their careers, relocation to other cities, countries as past of their careers, next plans, etc..

My advise, don't rush into anything. I am not against inter caste marraigee, but you need to be sure if this is what you want. If you parents are very conservative be prepared to face a lifetime of backlash, bitterness, fighting, etc..

This is why I said, you are too young to make this decision.

JK.
 
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
Sow.Priyanka,
If your statements are reviewed, it’s clear that being an Iyengar girl (if brought up in a typical Iyengar culture) you have preferred a BC boy outside your clan. This shows, subconsciously, you are prepared to break the tradition. Ok. If it’s not merely infatuation or gender attraction, and you have good reasons to justify to select the boy, please go ahead. However, your option to take opinions from third party and the boy’s decision that he will marry only if your parents agree (an excellent gesture from him) reveals that some corner both of you are NOT serious about the relation. If so, better quit it. Earlier the better.
Now the problems you both have to face are because of total variation in foods, habits, language (slangs), and inter family relations and rituals.
Of all problems, the food is the sole and main problem. Being a Brahmin if you can prepare non-beg or eat non-veg or sit next to non-veg eating relatives and have no issues of non-veg, excellent. 90% of problems between you two are solved. If not, it’s going to be hell for you, after the shine of love post marriage start vanishing. Next comes, inter and intramural family relations. Some one or the other in either community may prick you on a wrong side and may even defame or give pungent remarks on Brahmins and their age old culture. Yes, you have to digest or swallow it. Else, will become an issue. Also,your parents (if they are strict followers of brahminism) voluntarily never like to share the same dining table or kitchen or Fridge having non-veg and problem comes when they refuse to eat or share food items and start saying today is such and such a day and please avoid xyz.
So, you may have unwilling visits of parents and they may keep silence, not because they agreed your actions but for your family harmony.
Next issue is your children and their food habits. You cannot insist on vegetarian food nor anyone including your BC husband will like to hear you or your parents saying his mother was a Brahmin. Please note: Once you marry outside Brahmin culture - I will not say Caste, you loose your own identity as a Brahmin from the day one of marriage. You are neither a Brahmin or BC to the core of your own self consciousness and for the society. You have to be prepared for such un expressible inner emotional turmoils. This may lead to depression or frustration or self deceptive attitudes, which are not good for one’s life.
Finally, I would like to say & conclude more as an elderly (Sr.Citizen), socially aware & self-experienced, Iyengar Individual than as a highly placed scientist (technocrat and professional), widely travelled throughout India and foreign countries (but very strictly following Iyengar traditions & Culture besides being absolutely true vegetarian, no smoking, no drinks, etc): It’s your life, your preference, your freedom of living, etc. But, remember, Veda says, Brahmin, like Hinduism, is not a caste but a highly refined Culture. It takes centuries and multiple births to acquire a real Brahmin culture. On the contrary, If you, as an Iyengar girl marry a BC or any other less fortunate boy/family to learn Veda and inculcate the best points, rituals and traditions of brahminism to that family than that’s a great achievement and your so called inter-caste marriage becomes a boon of your life.
Please remember, nothing is correct, nothing is wrong, and it all depends on how one visualise one’s own action and reaction. Think twice and whatever you have taken you are only responsible and you should not regret later in life. Please note, hardly few Vedic sages were Brahmin and many became sages “Brahmin” by their deeds and enlightenment. May lord Narayana bless you both for a meaningful divine life ahead, as partners or as individuals. God bless all. V.Rajagopalan.
 

vgane

Well-known member
Being a Brahmin is a bhagyam...As it is our community is in doldrums because of single child, late marriage, unmarried boys...We were 4% of the population in the 50"s...We have become half of that in the last 70 years and most likelt to vanish in the 22nd century...You are what you are because of being a Brahmin family with some customs and traits...Leave it to you to take a community conscious decision...

If you want to read more, read this...One thread started by me is here:
 

jaythakar

Member
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
With the changing times, I would think that caste should be of less significance in marriage. It is the character and education should be of foremost consideration. As long as the counter part is a good person with capacity to support the spouse and the future family, there should be no objection in accepting him or her as a marriage partner.
 
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
Dear priyanka...
Falling in love at this age is common. But selecting the boy for your entire future life... ur age is not appropriate for that... you have gained some maturity. In this 22 years of age 16 years went away as a small innocent girl. Within 6 do.u think u have gained experience in selecting a boy fornthe rest of ur life ???... and.more over cast. Religion and sub cast everything is so important because if there is any difference in these categories its a life time problem. Because brought up will be different. Mind set will be different. Leading the way of life will be different. Habits and rituals will be different... will make u mad within 1 year of ur married life... NOT AT ALL ADVISIBLE. you are thinking and rising a question here. That itself shows u r a sensible girl. Be positive. Be cool. Think wise and take a.decision. All the best my child.
Regards
 

Vikram Balaji

New member
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
From a shastric point of view, it is not advisable to do varna sankara(intermixing of varna/caste). If u do so, u will lose your caste and take up the caste of your boyfriend. since gotra and kula are determined by father/husband.
But beyond this i u want to marry him u can definitely go ahead.
 
Many things w
Many things will appear different. First cleanliness, second most important food habits , third behaviour of various people their relatives finally the boys behaviour change significantly after a year so also yours. So generally unadvisable as these pay heavily in the long run negatively. As initial age Romance and sex matters But more heavily life style start after pose non compromising problems. I advise strongly against it. Now a days divorse case are seen high in intercaste marriage, especially Brahmins marry others, that too Brahmin girls married to others
 
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
The moment backward caste boy mention from your end appears that mind of yours think differently and unadjustable. Avoid is the best for future happiness. In fights and argument the caste mention will appear heavily and will lead to heavy mind getting overstressed. Better to change, plenty of your caste boys available as you are young
 

Brahmanyan

Well-known member
I am iyengar girl (22) . I am in love with backward caste boy (24)for a year we know each other very well . He said if my parents agree he will marry me definitely. Can you people guide whether he is good for me?
This subject has been discussed many times in the Tamil Brahmins forum.
Legally nothing prevents you to marry a person of your choice.

Be sure it is the "love" drives you to marry a person of different community. Or it is the infatuation which is common at this age, that wants company to fulfill the natural urge of companion ship.
Life does not end with a marriage, rather it is the beginning of most important phase in the our life, which requires a lot of adjustments and support for smooth sailing.
It is a fact no one can be supportive at the time of need than our parents.
It is my experience in our own family, which has liberal views, I have seen many love marriages in the extended younger generation living inside and outside India. Statistically I should admit many of them failed in the long run. Main reason is the failure of compatability due to economic independence. As a class we have lost the family hierarchy,
which allowed members to communicate with each other and make decisions about how to move and grow as a family. The most typical and healthy structure that existed in our families of the past.

Being good friends is different from good husband and wife.
Think about this, discuss with your parents or well wishers and take a good decision.

wishing you well,
Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
 

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