I am in mid fiftees. My son will be graduate within three to four years.ie he is in his teen age My daughters( married now) have also passed this teen age five to seven years back. But my son`s attitude fills fear in me. His indifferent attitude, his unwillingness to study his way of argument against my words. His arrogant approach towards his mother. I enquired with some of my friends (caste/religion no bar) everybody had more orless similar experience. Where is our next generation moving towards?
Is it our mistake that we have not cultured them properly?
Can we leave it as teen age problem with hope (eventhough dim) that in future it will be ok?
What will be position if we were forced to stay with them in old age(that alsowithout any income)
Can it be their overconfidence to face the life that these children have?
Is it the effect of lack of joint family approach now a days?
Shri krs,
Since you have raised an intrinsically personal and family problem, kindly bear with me if I too sound a bit encroaching into your personal and private province.
1. from your expressed fear of old age without income, I doubt whether your son is studying ina "high-profile" college. This is the aim of most parents, so nothing is wrong with that. But if your son finds that he is a 'below-par' சோடை among his peers, it can manifest the symptoms you write of. I had a very rich relative of mine, earning in lakhs and having assets worth crores, whose son studied in a college of the super-rich. Once that youngster told me about his college mates, their drug habits, girls, homo-sexuality and so on. He said one of his friends had a foreign car for his use; he did some drunken driving and got into a crash, luckily he escaped with minor bruises. Next morning another brand new car was delivered to him - his father's gift on hearing of the accident. My relative's son told me that among such super-rich kids he felt small!
2. If your wife is the one "who minds the store" in your house, there is a chance that your son, with his emerging masculine awareness feels sort of repugnance towards mother because he finds her bossing around the father, who is his reference point as the male in the family. If he had an elder brother, possibly the situation would differ. In households like this, the daughters get very much bonded with the mother, take after her also. But where the mother is a feeble member slightly better than a doormat, the son will feel compassion for her and may also distance himself from the father to some extent.
3. As Shri Raghy said, it is always necessary to be watchful about "drugs". Whatever our level of puritanism might be, it is no guarantee against our impressionable kids being led astray simply by peer emulation and peer pressure.
4. My feeling, as a 70-year old man having brought up 3 sons, is that your son is insecure and not satisfied with his surroundings. He is not over confident.
5. As to your old age, it is always better to look after yourself rather than go and stay with your kids. Shri Kunjuppu has given the best advice but I will caution you that in case the parent becomes bed-ridden or severely handicapped, even the daughters may start distancing கரிச்சுக்கொட்டறது as we say in Tamil. I see it in one current instance of a very noble lady, now widowed.
