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The Future of Hindu Matchmaking

prasad1

Active member
Arranged? Assisted? Love? Marriages are coming in many forms these days, each with its own challenges and rewards
By Rutvij Holay
As far back as I can trace my ancestry, everyone in my family, up till my own parents, has had an arranged marriage. Now, however, I am seeing my cousins having Western-style love marriages in ever-increasing numbers. This is not in my family alone—many school-age Hindus nowadays have boyfriends or girlfriends, and almost everyone has a crush of some sort.

Of course, none of this is happening without backlash from the older generation. Parents, grandparents, and even some sons and daughters fear that due to the increase in casual dating—often with no intention of forming a long-term relationship—arranged marriages, a key part of our culture, are gradually disappearing.

Arranged marriages aren’t necessarily a bad custom. In a culture where the word for divorce is nonexistent at best and a made-up or foreign loanword at worst, divorces are now on the rise. At the same time, however, many youth argue back that love marriages have always been a part of our culture, citing the popular love tale of Radha and Krishna as an example.

There are two questions we must answer. One, are love marriages good for society? Two, what is the future of marriage among Hindu youth? Especially outside of India, such as in the United States, it is crucial that we answer the latter question.


To find the answer, we will start with the eight types of marriages in Vedic India. These can be classified broadly into three types: arranged marriages, crimes and gandharva vivaha. Arranged marriages can broadly be classified as “good” (though this was never unanimously agreed upon), with the best of those being known as Brahma vivaha, meaning literally, “divine marriage.” In a Brahma vivaha, which may be done by any varna, consent is needed from both families, including the boy and girl, before proceeding. More notably, it doesn’t matter who finds the spouse, even if the couple does it themselves. As long as the families are actively and approvingly involved in the process, the marriage may be considered Brahma vivaha.

 
As a new 50 something year old Hindu TB member of the forum, my view of the future of arranged marriage is bleak. The reasons:
1) Lack of parental control- parents take ever decreasing role in parenting and most of kids' influences comes from their peers.
2) Decrease in religiosity- many if the gen z and millenials do not follow culture and traditions.
3) Dating App/hookup culture- many of the present generations are drawn to this app based culture in which their short term partners can be selected by simply "swiping right" from the parlance.
According to a youtuber Sugavanam Natarajan who appeared in a Tamil Youtube Channel, dating culture has affected the TB youths, especially the girls. In his estimates, 70 to 80% of the TB girls are into dating and love marriages and only 20% of TB men do the same. This mismatch severely disrupts the arranged marriage tradition as 80% of men would be competing for 20% of the women. From the large numbers of unmarried single men in most of our families it can be seen. No reliable figures are available from any statistics except for the guesstimate mentioned in the video.
 
As a new 50 something year old Hindu TB member of the forum, my view of the future of arranged marriage is bleak. The reasons:
1) Lack of parental control- parents take ever decreasing role in parenting and most of kids' influences comes from their peers.
2) Decrease in religiosity- many if the gen z and millenials do not follow culture and traditions.
3) Dating App/hookup culture- many of the present generations are drawn to this app based culture in which their short term partners can be selected by simply "swiping right" from the parlance.
According to a youtuber Sugavanam Natarajan who appeared in a Tamil Youtube Channel, dating culture has affected the TB youths, especially the girls. In his estimates, 70 to 80% of the TB girls are into dating and love marriages and only 20% of TB men do the same. This mismatch severely disrupts the arranged marriage tradition as 80% of men would be competing for 20% of the women. From the large numbers of unmarried single men in most of our families it can be seen. No reliable figures are available from any statistics except for the guesstimate mentioned in the video.
Young TB boys are the losers. Most of the younger TB girls in dating end up marrying InterCast, Inter-religion, Interstate, or International.
 
Parents of girls seem to be accepting of this trend and organise their intercaste/interfaith marriages happily to look progressive to their friends and magnanimous to their daughters. Only when their boys wind up single and unmarried they lament about the girls leaving the community. The girls after marriage completely forget their parents and cut off contacts.
 
Parents of girls seem to be accepting of this trend and organise their intercaste/interfaith marriages happily to look progressive to their friends and magnanimous to their daughters. Only when their boys wind up single and unmarried they lament about the girls leaving the community. The girls after marriage completely forget their parents and cut off contacts.
It may be due to parents are not very strict in forcing the children to follow the customs.
 
Parents of girls seem to be accepting of this trend and organise their intercaste/interfaith marriages happily to look progressive to their friends and magnanimous to their daughters. Only when their boys wind up single and unmarried they lament about the girls leaving the community. The girls after marriage completely forget their parents and cut off contacts.
hi

i agreed..this is present trend....its happening...many boys are single......many girls /parents expectations are

very high.....i think ..this is happening many communities too...
 
hi

i agreed..this is present trend....its happening...many boys are single......many girls /parents expectations are

very high.....i think ..this is happening many communities too...
So who are the boys marrying?
 
Why obsessed with whom TB boys and girls are marrying. If they marry within their community good for them. If not they will be facing the consequences of their decisions.
 

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