Beating and controlling wives ..

[Visalakshi Ramani]

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My brother is extremely considerate and never makes a vile comment about anyone.

But he told this of a lady whose husband had died young.

"அந்த மாமி பேசிப் பேசியே அந்த மாமாவைக் கொன்னுருப்பா!" :argue:

 

[Subhalakshmi]

Folks, especially dear ladies,

This is a very serious problem around the world.

When I was growing up, I remember liking a Shivaji Ganesan movie in which the hero hits his wife and sings 'Adikkara Kaithan Anaikkum'. I never gave a secong thought to it till my later years, when I heard it again, and it didnot make any sense to me.

Even in USA, where I live, there are quite a bit of instances of violence towards a wife - all because the predominant Christian religion practiced here tells a man that his wife and children are his property. Such teachings in any religion should not be tolerated.

But what I worry more about are the soft violence against women, like the guy here who posted about his wife having a Moolam nakshatram. I still often think about the fate of his unlucky wife.

I also know of an educated couple, whose mother of the son advised him that the way to keep his highly educated wife is to use physical force! Yes, this is happening today!

I only wish Sri Kunjuppu Ji is here to articulate this, as he chronicled a very poignant story about a friend who was abused!

As a community, I think, we need to hang our head in shame regarding this topic.

Regards,
KRS

KRS sir, like I mentioned, abuse sees no caste or creed or religion, it is the egotistic, self absorbed insecure human behavior, I know quite a few men in some families who were violent and later came to the wife and treated her nicely and other men who just were plain violent towards their wives and nobody questioned it.. and our generation ( I am assuming you are around 50 ) also go through this..

the moola nakshthiram is an excuse for abuse, today the mother in laws have to be nice, since the daughter in laws work and they give them best of both worlds, they travel abroad and are treated as guests all the time so it works..

and how about an adopted wife, the husband calls her names and tells her she is not a brahmin, in spite of her being a brahmin, what does it matter if she is or she is not when she is the best he had.. and moreover the mother in law, watches all even though sympathizes with wife, does not utter a word to her son, because of her own insecurity of being kicked out or the son getting upset with her, her ego will not allow it, so lets the daughter in law suffer and she does for the sake of the children, only because she is not highly educated,

I can go on with so many stories.. and this may be another topic, what about not trusting your spouse.. that is the worst abuse..

 

[renuka]

When I was in India I remember a friend telling me that she had a maid servant who used to be abused by her husband and MIL.. beaten till black and blue and also burnt with cigarette buds becos they havent had a child despite years of marriage.
He refused to go along with her to see any doctor for fertility treatment saying that he had a sperm count done and he was normal and kept on abusing her calling her barren woman.

One day the maid servant got so fed up with abuses from both husband and MIL over the years that she slept with another man hoping at least if she can get pregnant he wont hit her anymore.

Then she got pregnant and she was happy thinking all these abuse will stop but she was in a greater shock cos her husband confessed to her that he knew he will never able to father a child cos he had a zero sperm count and beat her up till she had fractures cos he knew that child could never be his.

Finally she ran away from home and started working as a maid and stayed single and brought up the child she was carrying.

 

[sarang]

If you want serials sans wife beating, your tv viewing will be considerably curtailed; you will have more free time to do better things.
Use of 'da' and 'di' is also very common and the tone of ordering servants and underlings is also harsh.
If a character dies on monday or tuesday, the funeral will happen on friday. You can miss the whole week's episodes without missing anything.

I know the title is disturbing ..

Some years ago when we subscribed to SUN TV I started watching off and on this serial called 'Metti Oli'.

I used to ask my children to watch with me if they are home so they continue to be very fluent in Tamil.

In many episodes it was common for a man to beat his wife and slap her. There was almost this unsaid edict that one is allowed to slap and beat his wife.

In one such episode with a bit too much beating , my daughter said " 'this show is by the Porukkis, of the porukkis and for the Porukkis' .. Do you still want to watch this nonsense .. "

She was expressing her disapproval in a humorous way.. My point here is not to offend any Metti Oli fans for I am sure there may have been other aspects that people may have liked about that show.

Are men in the world, especially India so insecure that they think beating wife is an accepted norm even today?

I was reminded of Metti Oli epsode (and I stopped watching the show) when I recently came across news about a new book selling in Canada.

It tells Muslim men how to beat and control their wives (titled 'Muslim couple').

This issue is not limited to Muslim men only but applies to insecure men across the globe.

I hope at a minimum we boycott those serials that further domestic violence ..
Call out when such a practice is validated by misguided few through extreme interpretation of a religious doctrine ..
Speak against those superstitious few among TB who put women down (like bad omen to see a women who has lost her husband ) etc

By putting women down we are putting our own self down ...

 

[sarang]

In a management programme, we were told to identify and eliminate the problem at the seed stage, instead of allowing it sprout into a bud or worse still into a flower. Costs incurred are more if the problem is not eliminated at the seed stage.

Like Lorena Bobbit???

 

[sarang]

இரட்டை தலைவலி
Irattai thalavali!

A new wife for him!!!(Sakkalathi)

 

[sarang]

You are right. See what is happening in the Norway child custody case of bhattacharyas. We are getting different versions of the story every day - couple want to separate, wife is mentally unstable, husband wants custody, husband's brother withdraws his offer of home for the kids - endless!

hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yes dear Renuka..So you re-iterate that in today's society we can not sympathize anyone (husband or wife) conclusively, without knowing what's really happening inside the four walls.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

irattaik kuzhal thuppaakki???

இரட்டை தலைவலி
Irattai thalavali!

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Proves that "Offense is the best form of defence."

Just to cover up his impotency, he had been thrashing his wife, along with his mother.

She should have run away earlier with the man with whom she slept.

At least her child would have had a father.

When I was in India I remember a friend telling me that she had a maid servant who used to be abused by her husband and MIL.. beaten till black and blue and also burnt with cigarette buds becos they havent had a child despite years of marriage.
He refused to go along with her to see any doctor for fertility treatment saying that he had a sperm count done and he was normal and kept on abusing her calling her barren woman.

One day the maid servant got so fed up with abuses from both husband and MIL over the years that she slept with another man hoping at least if she can get pregnant he wont hit her anymore.

Then she got pregnant and she was happy thinking all these abuse will stop but she was in a greater shock cos her husband confessed to her that he knew he will never able to father a child cos he had a zero sperm count and beat her up till she had fractures cos he knew that child could never be his.

Finally she ran away from home and started working as a maid and stayed single and brought up the child she was carrying.

 

[C RAVI]

You are right. See what is happening in the Norway child custody case of bhattacharyas. We are getting different versions of the story every day - couple want to separate, wife is mentally unstable, husband wants custody, husband's brother withdraws his offer of home for the kids - endless!

Yes!!! Recently couple of days before I read the new twist in the story of this couple, in "The Hindu". Much to my surprise, I started supporting the Norwegian Govt. Having the psychic issues of the wife exposed, Indian Government is trembling now, being unable to intervene effectively in support of Bhattacharyas to take out the kids from the Custody of Norwegian Govt.

Mr.Battacharya has narrated the awkward and scary behavior of his wife and has made the readers to feel sympathetic towards him and the kids.


BUT, what I could speculate is, his wife's anger and the resultant psychiatric behavior may be due to the Man's silent atrocities, inside the four walls, concealing his true colors from his neighbors. In the sense that, why a women should have such an issue unless there is some severe problems between the couples and husband is wrong? This is just my guess work.

But then, the lady's brother is the one who could know and understand his sister's (Mrs.Bhattcharya) psychiatric issues and stepped in to help Mr.Battacharya by referring to a psychiatrist.

Who knows?? Mrs. Battacharya may also come forward with her justifications in due course of time, at least at the time when the couple would file for Divorce.

My heart bleeds thinking about their two little kids.

It seem to me that, life would be far better being single for ever without any sort of relationship with any lady/guy and give no chance to kids to suffer right from their tender age.


Life is like that!!

 

[Subhalakshmi]

When I was in India I remember a friend telling me that she had a maid servant who used to be abused by her husband and MIL.. beaten till black and blue and also burnt with cigarette buds becos they havent had a child despite years of marriage.
He refused to go along with her to see any doctor for fertility treatment saying that he had a sperm count done and he was normal and kept on abusing her calling her barren woman.

One day the maid servant got so fed up with abuses from both husband and MIL over the years that she slept with another man hoping at least if she can get pregnant he wont hit her anymore.

Then she got pregnant and she was happy thinking all these abuse will stop but she was in a greater shock cos her husband confessed to her that he knew he will never able to father a child cos he had a zero sperm count and beat her up till she had fractures cos he knew that child could never be his.

Finally she ran away from home and started working as a maid and stayed single and brought up the child she was carrying.

I agree with Mrs. Visa, the lady should have run away sooner, nobody in my opinion has to put up with garbage.. whether the man is the victim or the woman, l agree with Sarang sir that even calling the servant maids in a derogatory manner is bad, why treat any human nasty way, when it all brings negative karma, instead we have to feel that all human beings deserve to be treated the same.. whatever goes around comes around....

 

[biswa]

Most husbands and wives are Ok I feel..after many years of marriage life becomes a reflex.

In a reflex, signals do not reach the brain but only go tru the spinal cord.
Its like the famous Pavlov Experiment.

So dont worry..none of us really think that much after many years of marriage.

Now, as you know, I am not a doctor - but isn't there such a thing called a cranial reflex? In other words the reflex goes through the unconscious brain and is used to control facial muscles etc.

I think a a smart man should develop a cranial reflex which involves his offering a smile whenever he sees his wife.

 

[biswa]

and how about an adopted wife, the husband calls her names and tells her she is not a brahmin, in spite of her being a brahmin, what does it matter if she is or she is not when she

Now I am very curious: who or what is an adopted wife?

 

[biswa]

It seem to me that, life would be far better being single for ever without any sort of relationship with any lady/guy and give no chance to kids to suffer right from their tender age.

Have hope now Mr. Ravi. But I do agree with you that the kids' interest should be paramount.

 

[renuka]

It seem to me that, life would be far better being single for ever without any sort of relationship with any lady/guy and give no chance to kids to suffer right from their tender age.

Dear Ravi,

Worry not..why be single? have you gone triples on motorbike before?
So same way in life..have someone to ride the bike and someone sitting behind you and you enjoy life in the middle.

BTW I like this verse..It describes life well for the single person...

Hum toh hai kabootar, Do pahiye ka ek scooter Zindagi
Jo Dhakelo toh Chale
Arre kismat ki hai kadki, Roti Kapda aur Ladki teeno hi
Paapad belo toh miley..
Yeh bheja garden hai, aur tension maali hai.. yeah..
Mann ka taanpoora, frustration me chhede ek hi Raag.. Raag Raag..
Bhaag.....

We're pigeons, life's a scooter with two wheels,
if you push, it moves (forward),
our luck is bad, food, cloth and girl all three (basic needs)
are achieved only when we work very hard
this mind is garden, and tension is the gardener,
the tanpoora (musical instrument) of heart, plays just one raaga in frustration,
run run....

 

[Subhalakshmi]

Now I am very curious: who or what is an adopted wife?

Sorry I should have mentioned adopted girl a person married we think faster than we write..

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

Vaayu vegam...mano vegam!!!

Sorry I should have mentioned adopted girl a person married we think faster than we write..

 

[renuka]

Vaayu vegam...mano vegam!!!

Reminds me of this:

Manojavam maruta tulya vegam, jitendriyam buddhi mataam varishtham
vaataatmajam vaanara yooth mukhyam, shree raama dootam sharnam prapadye.


Let me pray to the one who is swift as thought (manojavam-), the one who is more powerful than the wind (marut.tulya.vegam-), the one who has conquered his senses (jitendriyam-), the one who is supreme among all intelligent beings, the son of the wind-god (vaataatmajam-), the commander of the army of forest creatures (vaanar.yooth.mukhyam-), Let me find refuge in Lord Rama's Messenger, the incomparable Lord Hanuman. Please accept me and my prayers at your feet.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

According to Ian Fleming Memoirs, Dusan Popov, a Siberian born super agent of MI6, was the inspiration for James Bond. Born in a wealthy family in 1912, Popov was recruited by MI5. He worked as a double agent between 1940 and 1944!

Popov was famous for his playboy-lifestyle and the dangerous missions he performed. He spoke fluent German and had several well placed connections in Germany. He hated Nazis secretly for occupying his country.

He was signed up as a spy by Anti Hitler Abwehr agents early in the war. He offered his services to U.K. He became a double agent and came to live in London.

Popov was a ladies’ man! He lived in extravaganza in U.S and in London. He published his memoirs “Spy, Counterspy” in 1974.


A portion of my article on James Bond in the section
Fact and Fiction. <visalakshiramani.wordpress.com>

This man was popular for the tricycles he rode on bed!!!

I did not highlight it since it was not necessary for my topic!

Dear Ravi,

Worry not..why be single? have you gone triples on motorbike before?
So same way in life..have someone to ride the bike and someone sitting behind you and you enjoy life in the middle.

BTW I like this verse..It describes life well for the single person...

Hum toh hai kabootar, Do pahiye ka ek scooter Zindagi
Jo Dhakelo toh Chale
Arre kismat ki hai kadki, Roti Kapda aur Ladki teeno hi
Paapad belo toh miley..
Yeh bheja garden hai, aur tension maali hai.. yeah..
Mann ka taanpoora, frustration me chhede ek hi Raag.. Raag Raag..
Bhaag.....

We're pigeons, life's a scooter with two wheels,
if you push, it moves (forward),
our luck is bad, food, cloth and girl all three (basic needs)
are achieved only when we work very hard
this mind is garden, and tension is the gardener,
the tanpoora (musical instrument) of heart, plays just one raaga in frustration,
run run....

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

A smile is a simple curve that can set any thing straight.

Now, as you know, I am not a doctor - but isn't there such a thing called a cranial reflex? In other words the reflex goes through the unconscious brain and is used to control facial muscles etc.

I think a a smart man should develop a cranial reflex which involves his offering a smile whenever he sees his wife.

 

[Visalakshi Ramani]

How was the poor lady supposed conceive and deliver a baby?

Using Kunti's mantras???

I agree with Mrs. Visa, the lady should have run away sooner, nobody in my opinion has to put up with garbage.. whether the man is the victim or the woman, l agree with Sarang sir that even calling the servant maids in a derogatory manner is bad, why treat any human nasty way, when it all brings negative karma, instead we have to feel that all human beings deserve to be treated the same.. whatever goes around comes around....

 

[renuka]

A smile is a simple curve that can set any thing straight.

There is another curve that can set things straight but I am not typing it here!!!LOL

 

[DR.C.NARAYANI]

hi ,dr ,gud morning ,nice quote ,but a small correction ,its SHREE RAMA DOOTAM CERASA NAMAMI.this comes under lord hanuman stuthi .( u always give the required &nice quote at proper time.)

 

[renuka]

hi ,dr ,gud morning ,nice quote ,but a small correction ,its SHREE RAMA DOOTAM CERASA NAMAMI.this comes under lord hanuman stuthi .( u always give the required &nice quote at proper time.)

Dear Dr Narayani,

I have seen that version also before..Shree Rama Dootam Sirasa Namami.
Anyway thanks for the correction.

 

[sunkan]

The only way to control it is to nip it in the bud.
Wife is one's family.
Wife is one's friend.
Wife is not a slave.
Wife is not for beating and slapping.
If the woman makes it very clear that she will NOT stand quietly and take the thrashings, the husband will think twice before raising his hand again.
Man may be superior in physical strength but it is the woman who is spiritually stronger.

very correct i endorse your statement here, if she puts up then the show goes on otherwise it never gets ahead to more than threatening...sunkan