Attitude towards wife beating in TN

[KRS]

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I could not believe this when I read it. Can this be true?

Regards,
KRS

The New Indian Express - Best of South India News, Entertainment, Cricket, Business, Lifestyle
More TN women than men want wife-beating

​

Nalini Ravichandran
First Published : 23 Sep 2009 03:13:00 AM IST
Last Updated : 23 Sep 2009 08:26:03 AM IST



CHENNAI: A study by International Institute for Population Sciences reveals 51 per cent young men and 56 per cent young women in Tamil Nadu justify wife-beating. Around 8,000 youngsters responded to queries posed in the study conducted between May 2006 and January 2007. The study will be given to the State Health Ministry on Wednesday.
Youngsters from both the sexes justify wife-beating under four circumstances — if a man suspects his wife’s fidelity; if a woman disagrees with her husband’s opinion; if a woman goes out without telling her husband; if a woman refuses to have sexual relations with her husband.

Among unmarried youth, about 31 per cent men believe they will be right in assaulting their wives if they go out without informing them or disagree with their opinion. Beating men in the opinion stakes, 38 per cent women believe they deserve to be beaten if they do not agree with their husbands.

About 36 per cent women feel beating is justifiable when women go out without telling husbands. About 33 per cent married men believe they can hit their wives if they are unfaithful or disagree with them. Among married women, 43 per cent justify being beaten if they fail to inform their husbands while going out.

In the study, more than a quarter of women admitted to being victims of physical violence and about 34 per cent men said they had perpetrated it.

 

[happyhindu]

shocking.

but looks like one must not be really surprised with such things.

if a section of women themselves want to be treated as 'status objects' fit enuf to be purchased with dowry like cattle, then i suppose one must reconcile to the fact that a section of women will not mind wife-beating as well.....wonder if its the same section of women who beleive both dowry and wife-beating is ok.....

beats me how can some ppl be like that...but well, what can one say...this world is made up of all sorts of people...

 

[RVR]

I am not at all surprised. More than one fourth of the Tamils are unable to read and write. Even among the remaining three fourth, most of them may just meet the basic requirement of literacy as per the norms.

Liquor is flowing like anything. Every village has got a Government run liquor shop. As Happy Hinduji said some women still think that the dowry is a status symbol.

Under these circumstances, it is not surprising that a survey has revealed more women prefer beating by their husbands.

It is a shame on the entire state

 

[Brahmanyan]

Though I have my reservations in accepting the authenticity of the findings given in the news item, I am aware of the prevalence of Wife beating among our population. But this shameful act is not confined to Tamil Nadu alone, but widely prevalent in other parts of the Country mostly among the illiterate population and tribals. But when it happens to a literate person in cities it is reported widely by the Media. The main reasons for wife beating is intoxication and poverty. Surprisingly the Law closes its eyes to such happenings ignoring it as a family quarrel between husband and wife. Neither the neighbors nor the so called NGOs take interest in these quarrels. I found only some Christian Priests take interest to set right this malady among their flock in their parish.

Regards,
Brahmanyan.

 

[RVR]

Women liberation is the best solution to the problem. In our TB community, we are talking in the same forum but in some other thread- our girls are highly educated, self centered, don't want to marry a brahmin boy etc. Some of the elders have expressed fear about their Daughter in law. This forum is not fully male dominated but majority may be men folks only.

The survey may hold good for the entire state but not for our TB community.

Can we have a confidential survey among our TB community members? Just a simple question `have you ever beaten your wife?' or `have you ever experienced the other way?'. Moderators please decide

 

[drsundaram]

incredible. Could there be mistake in survey!!!

 

[kunjuppu]

i will go along with brahmanyan's statement, and doubt the veracity of this study.

atleast the excerpt here does not give details of how many women were selected, was it across the spectrum - re age, religion, urban, rural, matric, college educated, illiterate and so on, as to represent the broad population.

we have sun tv of late, and every day, thanks to my wife, i am forced to watch bits and pieces of tamil movies.

one thing common in these movies, atleast what they show in sun tv, is woman beating. there is atleast one scene where some woman is slapped on the face.

to date, i have not seen the woman slap back. too bad.

i wish the censors ban such blatant show of violence against women.

while our values are fairly rigid re sexual morality, i feel, that under no circumstances, violence against women should be tolerated, for whatever reason.

venkat, sorry we cannot undertake surveys here. you might want to start a thread, and solicit responses.

i would suspect that the men here would claim never to have indulged in violence against their wives (my guess)...

 

[Nara]

if a woman goes out without telling her husband; if a woman refuses to have sexual relations with her husband.

Even though the Varna based oppression is still prevalent throughout Tamilnadu, and throughout India as well, at least it stands discredited in theory. Unfortunately, gender issues have not received the same scrutiny. If the intellectuals deify women for their capacity to endure suffering, is it then a surprise that a common man feels he can inflict suffering with impunity? In Tamil society, the woman who suffers all the indignities that the husband dishes out, that too in silence, is the one who receives the utmost respect. Any woman who dares to complain, does so at the risk of her kaRpu getting questioned.

The present day Tamil society has no problem with prominent people openly touting multiple wives, it may even serve to promote his popularity. At the same time, a prostitute, who is, in most likelihood, trying to eke out a living, is condemned. Why is she the scum of the earth, but the client is just fulfilling his natural urges?

It is coded into our religious psyche. We have one Rama against a range of gods not content with just one. Arjuna, the best among men, is supposed to have had one wife from each country he visited. Even today, in this very forum, we have people suggesting that boys should try and get married to girls with lesser education and status. Why? So the husband can dominate the wife?

When the actress Kushbu made a sensible suggestion to the youngsters of the state, the state that leads in the incidence of HIV infections, it is the women of TN who led the protest against her which included throwing shoes at her. The indoctrination is so complete that it is women who are primary enforcers of this stupid outrage.

Sorry, I am now off the soap box; if there is one issue I am more passionate about than caste, it is gender.

In the study, more than a quarter of women admitted to being victims of physical violence and about 34 per cent men said they had perpetrated it.

This seems strange, unless women in this sample have multiple husbands!!!

Cheers!

 

[RVR]

Sorry, I am now off the soap box; if there is one issue I am more passionate about than caste, it is gender.

`While the national literacy level is 64%, the male literacy level is 75% and the female level is 54%.' - Kapil Sibal, Union HRD Minister.

The main reason for gender in equality is very low literacy level of Indian Women. Nearly half the Indian women are illeterate. At this level of literacy among women, I fear, the survey may be correct. Even among the remaining 54% of Indian women who are suppose to be literate, it is just mediocre literacy without any specialised skills.

Mahathma Gandhi's vision of Panchayat raj has failed. There is no shortage of money at panchayat level now. If the local panchayat raises one rupee, they get one rupee each as grant from Centre and State. It means they will have three rupees. But Panchayats have become totally corrupt, inefficient in Tamilnadu. Only rowdy elements are getting elected to panchayats. Amount of money spent for getting elected to a panchayat ward member or president is very high since amount of money they can recover after getting elected is many more times than they spend.

It is panchayat's responsibility to run primary schools. There is no proper primary school in most of the panchayats. When people don't get primary education, how can they think of higher education? Child labour is a crime. But most of the girls work as child labour. They are deprived of their rights at the young age.

It is a very pathetic situation prevailing in Tamilnadu.

 

[venkatpasupathy]

Dear Mr Nara,
There is no varna in the true sense of the term. Varnas have died long ago and castesor jatis have taken thier place. I agree with you that gender disparity and oppression are more serious than the jati tangle.

 

[seenuh]

I am somewhat surprised but not shocked at these figures for wife beating. We have only a thin veneer of civilization, but a large and hard core of selfishness mixed with insensitivity and bigotry, not to speak of gender arrogance. Our whole culture and tradition exalts suffering woman as the paragon, subordinate woman as the ideal and silent woman as the model of virtue. Beating up helpless women and children is considered normal and not despicable behaviour. Eve teasing of the worst sort by our gods is described at length with great relish and enjoyment by all. What else can we expect. Our movies showing the male gender jingoism at its worst actually truly reflect our true swarupa. The brahmin community as a whole is not very different, except that they may not openly expound the virtues of wife beating.

 

[RVR]

TV programs particularly serials are the worst. Domestic violence is exhibited regularly. The producers of the program will not allow any mother in law and daughter in law to have peaceful relationship.

Violence against women is portrayed regularly. It is high time, some psychologists filter these programs before display.

Children will also get affected to a great extent.

 

[Eastern Mind]

Social change happens person by person. One person at a time. So one thing you can definitely do is totally stop this practice yourself. Don't even speak harsh words. And if you have the guts, shun those who do partake in such cruel actions. Let them know why you are shunning them.

Its not about the television. (When violence comes on, flip the switch, or don't bother owning one at all.)

I often think, "Do these people believe in karma or not?" Obviously not. Surely in a future lifetime it will be your turn to be the beaten one!

The most impressionable age for children is young, between 2 til 6 or 7. Be a role model.

Aum Namasivaya

 

[KRS]

Thanks for all the opinions expressed.

My take on this is, there is definitely abuse and the survey is probably correct.

I also think that it is not just a matter of education that will eradicate this social evil. I think like other evil expressions of following customs blindly, this practice has roots in our culture.

If our scriptures are to be believed, once upon a time - I do not know when - our women were accorded equal if not higher state of veneration in the society. But I think, over time this has eroded away and today we see rampant misogynous behaviour among our youth and the public in general.

Any woman traveling alone anywhere is not treated well. Eve teasing has become common place.

This attitude seems to have crept in to all sections of the society. Even in our community, whiere I would have thought that such a behaviour would not exist, I was shocked over the past few years hearing about wife beatings in a few instances involving my own relatives/friends. In a couple of those instances, I was more shocked to find the parents of the boys advising their own sons to employ this practice to 'keep her in line'.

But there is only one saving grace. I think that China is worse than us in this regard. I saw some evidence when I was there.

Regards,
KRS

 

[vijisesh]

Perfectly right, Shri RV ji....

When most of the time of our thaikulams are spent on watching TV serials , there is undoubtedly an induced impact from these serials in the behaviour of women of our society.
The producers of mega serial are enjoying a joy ride by attracting the women folk through emotional twists and turns and many women pay money to weep and shed galons of tears watching serials.



And for all the women beaters , believe me there will always be a pay-back period and whenever it happens , it will be heavy ! More likely the pay back ( retaliation ) from the women will be after the retirement of the hubby ! when he gets old he gets paid back with compounded interest .

TV programs particularly serials are the worst. Domestic violence is exhibited regularly. The producers of the program will not allow any mother in law and daughter in law to have peaceful relationship.

Violence against women is portrayed regularly. It is high time, some psychologists filter these programs before display.

Children will also get affected to a great extent.

 

[pannvalan]

As far as I could see, there is still male dominance in our society. In many number of cases, it is male chauvinism too. But there is one interesting 'other side' to this.

I have myself noticed that those males who dominate their wives in their youth, slowly begin to be dominated by their wives in the later part of their lives. Such husbands do not feel embarrassed even if they are chided, pulled up or insulted in public, by their better half! Quite interesting, isn't it? Is it tit for tat?

 

[KRS]

Dear Sri pannvalan Ji,

Your theory is very interesting. I also have witnessed the same phenomenon.

I have noticed that this happens in households where the husband was dominated by his mother and after her passing away the wife assumes the role.

In fact, in my own family, there is a close relative who I think is almost abusing her daughter in laws. When I asked her why, her answer was that she treated them much better than how she was treated by her mother in law.

This is how abuse starts. And stays.

Regards,
KRS

 

[pannvalan]

This is a sort of rationalization and self-deception. Even in an office environment, I have heard seniors complaining that the present generation (juniors) is not ready to undergo the kind of ordeal they (seniors) were forced to undergo in their youth (in the same organization).

 

[vijisesh]

Quite Interesting !

Good Day Shri Pannvalan / Shri KRS ji,,

And from your msg about " Male Chauvinism " which may be still prevalent in the society , we need to get into details of why the society lets this happen ??

There are a few WHY?'s to ponder upon !!

In the adopted hinduism that is predominantly practised in TB households , the elders in the house teach the women to be soft spoken , teach them to be humble with their pathi dev's - and still in some household's , the pathi dev due to his proximity to GOD by virtue of his practice of sandhyavandhanam and rituals ( a myth ) is the ultimate decision maker of his family . May be they are scared that if they disobey him , he may give a curse turning them to a stone ( like the old rishi's) whilst the secret truth is he can't even control the gas spurts from his own body !

A sorry state of affairs - Women should learn to take a lead in their own homes , which is happening only in cities - their conservative passive nature is more often exploited !

As far as I could see, there is still male dominance in our society. In many number of cases, it is male chauvinism too. But there is one interesting 'other side' to this.

I have myself noticed that those males who dominate their wives in their youth, slowly begin to be dominated by their wives in the later part of their lives. Such husbands do not feel embarrassed even if they are chided, pulled up or insulted in public, by their better half! Quite interesting, isn't it? Is it tit for tat?