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Advice to Parents - Arrange for Inter-Brahmin marriage

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Respectable members (and Sri.Sankara Sharma),

I said:-

The policy of Hinduism is 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam'. This is what we are saying to the westerners. If we are not not just providing 'lip services', then we should live up to that claim. We should extend our [COLOR=#5EA0C3 ! important][COLOR=#5EA0C3 ! important]relationship[/COLOR][/COLOR] to the whole humanity.

(Since often I am not included in the conversations, I think, I should quote myself and continue to talk). It is quite possible that members here think that I am writing something for the sake of writing something controvertial. If that is the opinion, nothing can be further from the truth. I lack imaginations; I write from exxperiences, mostly. It seems as far as this forum is concerned, 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam' is just a 'lip service'. But it is not so for me, though. My wife's cousin has 3 sons. 1st son married a Gujarati girl (Don't know about caste); 2nd son married an Iyengar girl; 3rd son married a white American girl (I was browsing the wedding photos of the 3rd son..the marriage took place recently. His father in law was taking part in the ceremony with 'thiruman', 'veshti' and the works! The bride was wearing the customary 'arakku colour' saree and the works). My close relatives also have followed their heart (I can think of atleast 3 of them).

So, 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam'...when agnostic/ atheists like me follow that principle, don't you guys think you should be leading the way?

(I sincerely hope to get a reply from you guys...)

Cheers!
 
Respectable members (and Sri.Sankara Sharma),

I said:-



(Since often I am not included in the conversations, I think, I should quote myself and continue to talk). It is quite possible that members here think that I am writing something for the sake of writing something controvertial. If that is the opinion, nothing can be further from the truth. I lack imaginations; I write from exxperiences, mostly. It seems as far as this forum is concerned, 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam' is just a 'lip service'. But it is not so for me, though. My wife's cousin has 3 sons. 1st son married a Gujarati girl (Don't know about caste); 2nd son married an Iyengar girl; 3rd son married a white American girl (I was browsing the wedding photos of the 3rd son..the marriage took place recently. His father in law was taking part in the ceremony with 'thiruman', 'veshti' and the works! The bride was wearing the customary 'arakku colour' saree and the works). My close relatives also have followed their heart (I can think of atleast 3 of them).

So, 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam'...when agnostic/ atheists like me follow that principle, don't you guys think you should be leading the way?

(I sincerely hope to get a reply from you guys...)

Cheers!

Sri Raghy,

Practices prevailing elsewhere, particularly outside India and within India, particularly within Tamilnadu are totally different.

Once you move out of India, nobody thinks about the caste and invariably the religion and nationality only comes in the front.

As Sri Sankara Sharma wrote earlier, it is the brahmin hatred prevailing in Tamilnadu particularly forcing all of us to look within the community. Caste system in India has legal sanction and hence giving up caste is not all that easy.

If a brahmin boy marries a girl from some other community, the child is still considered as a brahmin and denied all the reservations whatever it is worth. If a brahmin girl marries a boy from some other community, the child inherits the caste of the father and probably because of the advantage more brahmin girls are getting attracted to the other communities.

Unless if a brahmin moves out of India, there is no advantage in marrying girls from other communities.

It is the Government made mess for which none of the Brahmins living in this country to be blamed.

Brahmins as such have become selfish due to the hatred policy of the Government and other agencies which personally I don't like. But it is inevitable in the present circumstances as there is nobody to support the poor of our community except well to do members of our own community.

The above are the main reasons why our community is not looking beyond its own.

All the best
 
Sri.RVR,

Thanks for your reply. I fail to see the reservation policies going away in the foreseeable future. But you rightly said, the reservation policies not withstanding, about 80% of the community is doing reasonably well. That is a lot of acheivement for a community, in my opinion. Reservation based disadvantages are applicable to backward community too. The degree may differ slightly, but, it is there. Persons living in overseas also go through this. There is one consolation though...irrespective of the caste, all the Indians collectively go through. After all the struggles we go through, it is so relieving to hear of our children's progress.

I don't think the bramin community is hated. Taking unfair advantage in a competition should not be seen as hatred, in my opinion, please. Actually in my observation, the brahmin community is respected; we have to reciprocate the respect with a smile and cordial enquiries about the people around us. I like to mention an example...In our home in India, there is a கொய்யா, சப்போட்டா and mango trees in the backyard with good yields..I asked my brother how he manages to look after the fruits...his reply made me think..'I don't look after them.. I just share the yields amoung all the families around us..so, everyone of them look after the yields! How is that? We just need to extend our hands in friendship, treating the others as our equal.....

Cheers!
 
Sri Raghy,

You are right in saying that we should extend our friendship to all. I wish our community members in Tamilnadu do more social work so that the goodwill is earned for the entire community.

All our community members of my native village assembled in the village twice in the last six months and decided to pursue development activities involving all the communities. It has created lot of good will and I am sure we shall really do some good work so that it benefits the entire village.

I wish our members in this forum start some social work in their native villages so that it serves both village development as well as goodwill for our community.

All the best
 
....Most of the parents in Tamilnadu doesn't even want to get out of sub-caste syndrome. Suggesting inter-caste marriages is not going to work at this point of time since there are few takers of the proposal.

RVR sir, this sounds like the proverbial chicken or egg question. Here is where I think the Brahmin leadership, both religious and secular, are failing the common people. More than 70 years ago Bharathiyar who did not reject the Varna system advocated inter-caste marriage between vegetarian castes. Now, 70 years later, we are still stuck in the same rut, people will never be ready unless the stigma of inter-caste marriage is eradicated through enlightened leadership.

There is brahmin hatred among a section of DK, no doubt. But it is not widely shared. TNBs normally show deference to Brahmin practices as long as they don't interfere with their lives or their sense of self-respect.

Cheers!
 
* Am not talking about politicians and political parties. If you give someone 100 ruppes to shout somehting for 10 min, he will do the job for the politician. .

Sorry to interfere in your discussion. But RVR is indicating that a lot of discrimination against Brahmins is also encouraged by government policy, not just a few drunks shouting slogans. It is undeniable that brahmins are being targeted by all parties and it has seeped into the society at large. There was a another thread recently by a school teacher about the attitude of children towards brahmins. The number of movies mocking brahmins is beyond count.

*I do not think TBs are emigrating specifically bcoz of the reasons you have given. If that were the reason, why are NBs emigrating? Obviously it is the enticement of the dollar, better opportunities and a better life..

Yes, TB are emigrating due to state encouraged witch hunt. It is no surprise that TB emigration became prevalent in the 60's with the rise of the DKs and has increased tremendously since then. Any community across India wants to emigrate abroad. That is not the issue. For TB the difference between TN and abroad is too vast and they do it almost out of compulsion.
 
Prof Nara Sir,

Is there any brahmin leadership prevailing at this point of time? My answer is a firm `No'.

Tambrass which is suppose to be an umbrella organisation is not representing the entire community.

The individual sects have their own Acharyas or No Acharya.

There is no political leader worth mentioning here who can command respect from the entire community.

Only through this forum we can share our views but lot of people in India doesn't have access to both computers and internet.

Under these circumstances, people take decisions on their own individually.

During our Swayamvaram functions also it is difficult to force any thing on the community and we leave it to individual choices . But the participants doesn't want to deviate from the accepted path and we cannot do anything further to it. Our purpose of starting swayamvaram is just to bring our community people closer which we are doing it effectively. Some marriages are getting settled and we are very happy with that.

My village people belonging to our community, dispersed globally now, re-assembled recently in my village but most of them are managing to get married within the community itself. We had sixty five houses in our agraharam earlier and I am surprised that in spite of geographical split, they are following the same practices when it comes to marriage or alliances. In fact I received unsolicited advice from some elders that I should see to it that my children marry within the community.

When such is the case prevailing at ground level, it is difficult to think beyond the accepted practices.

All the best
 
Respectable members (and Sri.Sankara Sharma),

I said:-



(Since often I am not included in the conversations, I think, I should quote myself and continue to talk). It is quite possible that members here think that I am writing something for the sake of writing something controvertial. If that is the opinion, nothing can be further from the truth. I lack imaginations; I write from exxperiences, mostly. It seems as far as this forum is concerned, 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam' is just a 'lip service'. But it is not so for me, though. My wife's cousin has 3 sons. 1st son married a Gujarati girl (Don't know about caste); 2nd son married an Iyengar girl; 3rd son married a white American girl (I was browsing the wedding photos of the 3rd son..the marriage took place recently. His father in law was taking part in the ceremony with 'thiruman', 'veshti' and the works! The bride was wearing the customary 'arakku colour' saree and the works). My close relatives also have followed their heart (I can think of atleast 3 of them).

So, 'Vasudeva Kudumbakam'...when agnostic/ atheists like me follow that principle, don't you guys think you should be leading the way?

(I sincerely hope to get a reply from you guys...)

Cheers!

My family has always believed in Vasudeva Kudumbakam. At least we have been forced to believe in it because there are very few male members of the family who are married to Indians leave alone a Tamil Brahmin. Jews, Muslims, Americans, Colombians, Russians. We have them all thanks to the younger generation.We are struggling to ensure that at least a few of them stay in India and get married to Brahmins.

The recent problem is converting stay in marriages to proper marriages.

But these are love marriages. We accept these marriages. But not approve them. Not that anyone asked for our approval.

We can not talk about Vasudeva Kudumbakam to a community where retired professors who have spent their entire life time in a Bungalow in T. Nagar migrate to Australia and wash vessels in their sons house. All for Kolli. The sons have a strangle hold on their parents because of this Kolli/Pindam business.

We should learn to walk before running. Baby steps. My idea is a step in the direction towards Vasudeva Kudumbakam.

As has been pointed by Kunjuppu, RVR and others even thinking about this is itself a very big step.
 
.... During our Swayamvaram functions also it is difficult to force any thing on the community and we leave it to individual choices .

RVR, I would count you as one who can provide this leadership. Perhaps vegetarian NBs can be invited as observers or something like that and allow interested people to take it to the next step, no compulsion on any one, just an opportunity. Once it is done a couple of times, more and more people will accept it. The difficulty is in getting started.

Cheers!
 
rvr,

perhaps, the folks who attend the swayamvaram are among the most traditional minded of our community?

long time ago, when TBs were crossing the ocean in large numbers, there was some unease among the traditionalist fathers (not perhaps their sons or daughters who did the kala pani crossing).

if i remember right, there was an edict issued by the kanchi mutt, that modern day kala pani would not remove one from the brahmin caste, and caste the person into the netherworlds of thirusanku logam. i mean the real one as per our traditions, and not the 3 star haven in kerala :roll:

humour aside, for those folks of the traditional types, someone could request the similar type of edict from the mutt, that it is ok to marry within castes across states (i cannot imagine they will marry outside of brahmins, much to nara/self disappointment).

i am thinking of a practical way to break this impasse. all it takes, is a few to venture the first few marriages and the herds, i think, will follow. :blabla:
 
rvr,

perhaps, the folks who attend the swayamvaram are among the most traditional minded of our community?

long time ago, when TBs were crossing the ocean in large numbers, there was some unease among the traditionalist fathers (not perhaps their sons or daughters who did the kala pani crossing).

if i remember right, there was an edict issued by the kanchi mutt, that modern day kala pani would not remove one from the brahmin caste, and caste the person into the netherworlds of thirusanku logam. i mean the real one as per our traditions, and not the 3 star haven in kerala :roll:

humour aside, for those folks of the traditional types, someone could request the similar type of edict from the mutt, that it is ok to marry within castes across states (i cannot imagine they will marry outside of brahmins, much to nara/self disappointment).

i am thinking of a practical way to break this impasse. all it takes, is a few to venture the first few marriages and the herds, i think, will follow. :blabla:

Kunjuppu ji,

I also know that those brahmins who crossed the ocean were termed as out castes long back. But now it is a dead issue and probably people want alliances from only those who are working in a foreign country. In spite of objections from the Mutts, it is happening now on a more regular basis.

Now a days mutts doesn't have much of influence and it is the boys and their parents to take the call. I have been advocating this wherever possible since it doesn't have immdediate objection. May be some triggering point is required and all will fall in line without any hesitation. If we have to do something seriously for our boys, we have to act fast.

If sufficient number of boys and their parents are willing, we can organise a swayamvaram in Delhi inviting north indian brahmin girls.

All the best
 
Kunjuppu ji,


If sufficient number of boys and their parents are willing, we can organise a swayamvaram in Delhi inviting north indian brahmin girls.

All the best

rvr,

what a great idea.

the problem maybe to get our boys to go to delhi to attend the function. maybe video conferencing can be arranged - not the best but better than nothing, and this takes very little effort these days.

repeat, good idea.

how about andhra pradesh - not hyderabad, but places like vijayawada, gudur or machilipatnam of the old coromondel coast. apparently, the a.p. brahmin community is impoverished and much in tune with the sankarabaranam style of living. there may be some fresh crops to harvest from there ?

all these small andhra towns also has pockets of tamil brahmin community, many of them running small scale restaurants or coffee shops. not exactly poor, but not wealthy either. i have found that many of these children are teluguised - and marry with the telugu brahmins. maybe it is time to bring these also back to the fold?
 
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Kunjuppu ji,

Today I got a call from Coimbatore informing me that marriage of a 32 years old boy got settled through our swayamvaram. I was really happy to listen to that.

If parents of our community boys take some bold steps, we can improve our performance further.

I am willing to take our boys not only to Vijayawada, Vizag or Hyderabad but also to Mangalore/Udipi and other areas. Definitely our boys can pick up Konkani/Tulu/Kannada speaking brahmin girls also. Most of these places were under Madras Province during British days.

All the best
 
Kunjuppu ji,


I am willing to take our boys not only to Vijayawada, Vizag or Hyderabad but also to Mangalore/Udipi and other areas. Definitely our boys can pick up Konkani/Tulu/Kannada speaking brahmin girls also. Most of these places were under Madras Province during British days.

All the best

precisely rvr. poverty drove many pattar families from palakkad to the erstwhile telugu areas of madras presidency. i have 3 relatives through marriage from there.

these many have become isolated in andhra, as whole families of brothers/sisters moved to the neighbouring small towns next to each other, opened a coffee shop.

their kids have identified more with andhra than tamil.
 
rvr,

i wish to let you know of my appreciation, not only of the work that you do here, but also your 'get on with it' & 'can do' take on things.


in my experience, i have found many parents of boys, wringing their hands and beating their breasts. giving vent to anger and venom at the girls' parents. despising current day 'materialism', forgetting utterly that it was only the past 10 years that the tables have been turned.

one of the bright young lads in this forum, much to my hidden anxiety, was still single at an age when i felt it would be nice for him to get hitched, formally or otherwise. to my pleasant surprise, i received a p.m. invite for his wedding. true enough, he married a north indian.

i think where there is a will, there is a way. going to the astrologer, and waiting for the stars to set right, will be, i think, just that, WAIT. a perpetual one too at that.

the boys should take the matters into their own hands, and apply in ematrimony or shaadi for girls outside our group. better get hitched before your seeds are dried.
 
Kasi Yatra to get married !!!

If we want to make a statement and also get Brahmin Brides, the ideal place to conduct such a swayamvaram would be Varanasi, our spiritual headquarters.

It is also the place where there are many Brahmins.

Kanchi Mutt has a good place there. If we could rope in the Tamil Brahmin Pundits there, it can become a huge success.

A pilgrimage cum Bride searching trip. Even if one does not get a Bride he can have the Punya of Ganga Snanam and dharshan of Viswanathar and Annapurani.

A real Kasi Yatra to get married!!! In Kali Yuga எல்லாமே தலைகீழ்
 
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Arrange for Inter-Brahmin marriage

Though we have brahmins all over the country, the social, religious and other customs and beliefs among them vary so widely that what is considered auspicious by one group is the worst thing for another! Additionally, each group considers itself superior to all others. Hence a marriage relationship among such disparate people ends up most often in hard feelings and estrangement between the two families, even if the boy and the girl get along, particularly if they are of the modern type and are settled abroad. So, a more practical solution will be a marriage alliance between different castes from the same areas who share more or less similar customs and values.

Another aspect which is relevant to today's situation is that even brahmin girls from poorer family circumstances aim for a very well-placed boy, preferably from the IT field, so that they would ultimately 'ecape' from all the native restrictions and enjoy the freedom and glamour available overseas. It is therefore very difficult to get girls for boys engaged in not-so-glamorous and not well-paying ordinary jobs like private sector small units, aided schools and colleges, "vaideekam" etc. Parents are therefore now agreeing for alliances of brahmin boys with girls from goldsmith families, Saiva Pillais etc., the most attractive aspect being vegetarianism and some similarity to customs and beliefs.

It is my feeling that such inter-caste alliances will increase as time passes unless something unforeseen happens to drastically reduce the employment opportunities in IT field, especially for girls.
 
Though we have brahmins all over the country, the social, religious and other customs and beliefs among them vary so widely that what is considered auspicious by one group is the worst thing for another! .

Very innovative! I am sure you will provide many innovative examples as well.

Additionally, each group considers itself superior to all others. .

Very original. And each caste does not have superiority feeling and considers everybody else with perfect equality.

Hence a marriage relationship among such disparate people ends up most often in hard feelings and estrangement between the two families, even if the boy and the girl get along, .

Wow! I am sure you have tons of scientific data considering all the different variables to come up with this gem.

So, a more practical solution will be a marriage alliance between different castes from the same areas who share more or less similar customs and values. .

Eureka! And they will live happily ever after with perfect equality and no hard feelings. We got it! And we will always wonder why people didn't think of that before you did.
 
...It is my feeling that such inter-caste alliances will increase as time passes unless something unforeseen happens to drastically reduce the employment opportunities in IT field, especially for girls.

Dear sangom, your views are a breath of fresh air. Unfortunately, there are some here who are given to mocking than having any meaningful discussion. I hope you will ignore these baits.

Cheers!
 
Very innovative! I am sure you will provide many innovative examples as well.



Very original. And each caste does not have superiority feeling and considers everybody else with perfect equality.



Wow! I am sure you have tons of scientific data considering all the different variables to come up with this gem.



Eureka! And they will live happily ever after with perfect equality and no hard feelings. We got it! And we will always wonder why people didn't think of that before you did.

iyest,

if i may comment on the above post of yours.

sangom is a new comer, and this post of his is mild enough with an opinion (i have not read his other posts so far).

i think, as veterans to this forums, it behooves well of us, to invite and at the very least be courteous to a newcomer.

please read through your note again. there is only sarcasm and disbelief of sangom's post.

to disagree is another matter, but to pen such a mocking note, is not worthy, i think, of mature folks like you.

would you rather not have sangom here? would you silence him from further posting? is that your aim?

with the same breath, i ask you, would you have liked someone to have posted a sarcastic and mocking note to you, on your first sojourn here?

sorry sir, i wish to say that i am not at all comfortable at the behaviour of our well established members like you, when they meet new folks with somewhat of a contrary opinion.

pray start again re your comments on sangom, and i am quite sure, you will come up with remarks more in tune with the calibre of some of your erstwhile excellent posts.

thanks
 
to disagree is another matter, but to pen such a mocking note, is not worthy, i think, of mature folks like you.

I never intend to mock anyone but I don't wish to argue with your personal opinion.

would you rather not have sangom here? would you silence him from further posting? is that your aim?

Is that all that occurs to you? I am saddened. It could also be that I believe him to be far more capable and come up with substantial posts.

with the same breath, i ask you, would you have liked someone to have posted a sarcastic and mocking note to you, on your first sojourn here?

They still do. You have.

sorry sir, i wish to say that i am not at all comfortable at the behaviour of our well established members like you


Ok. I will stay away.
 
I never intend to mock anyone but I don't wish to argue with your personal opinion. .

iyest, perhaps you did not intend to mock, but your statements appear definitely derisive. i do not think it is my opinion that counts. it is your words as they appear to me.

if it is not meant to mock, what do think the tone of your post is meant to be?


Is that all that occurs to you? I am saddened. It could also be that I believe him to be far more capable and come up with substantial posts..

sorry, i could not detect your sorrow or regret. i am remiss. however, i feel, by your brusque messge, you have not indicated any sign of welcome or any incentive for him to post something more substantial. nor have you given him any chance to prove his higher capability, as you state that he possesses.


They still do. You have..

i will be the first person, i agree, to break rules and etiquettes. i wish to apologize for the same. probably i did it to you. i do not need any proof of such malbehaviour.

i respect you enough. your statement will do. i am sorry, as that was not a nice thing for me to have done to you.

if others did the same, please provide the instances, and in the same spirit, we can help them improve on their carriage and courtesy.


Ok. I will stay away.

this is not right. why should you stay away. this forum is as much yours as mine or other members. only the moderators can force you to stay away. you should not opt a way out of a situation, but stay and help us maintain not only the decorum here but raise it higher standards.

i believe the purpose of my kaizen corrections applies to me more than anyone else. but to keep quiet, while is the easiest path, did not appear to me to be doing the right thing. hope this explains.

thank you.
 
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.....i will be the first person, i agree, to break rules and etiquettes. i wish to apologize for the same. probably i did it to you. i do not need any proof of such malbehaviour.

I have watched couple of Tamil forums for a little while now and I was invited to another forum dedicated to the glory of Hindu Darma. The two Tamil sites are rabidly anti-Brahmin and often engage in exchanges that are little more than குழாயடிச் சண்டை.

The Hindu Darma forum is a mutual admiration society where a posse will come after you like a pack of mad dogs if anyone dares to voice a discordant view.

In this take-no-prisoner landscape, our forum is a veritable oasis and I think it is our collective responsibility to keep it that way.

Open and free exchange of ideas depends upon basic civility and respect for those who hold different views. This can be done through moderation, but it is too onerous a time burden for any single person to handle. Also, moderation decisions often get viewed as capricious by those against whom those decisions go. This is why I think keeping the need for moderation to the rarest of rare occasions is very important. In my earnest opinion, the less our forum is moderated the better it is, and that can happen only if all of us buy into a code of common civility.

As Jesus is supposed to have said, I am cognizant of the log in my eye to point out the dust in my brother's eye. In this spirit, I would like to join K and offer my apology to Iyest for the times I have slipped up when arguing with him. I also offer my apology to Dr. Jambu for getting upset with him.

I hope we can go back to vigorous arguments about everything under the sun without generating any heat. Working together, we can let the moderators remain unseen and unheard, which is the way they like it most as well, I think.

Cheers!
 
I have watched couple of Tamil forums for a little while now and I was invited to another forum dedicated to the glory of Hindu Darma. The two Tamil sites are rabidly anti-Brahmin and often engage in exchanges that are little more than குழாயடிச் சண்டை.

The Hindu Darma forum is a mutual admiration society where a posse will come after you like a pack of mad dogs if anyone dares to voice a discordant view.

In this take-no-prisoner landscape, our forum is a veritable oasis and I think it is our collective responsibility to keep it that way.

Open and free exchange of ideas depends upon basic civility and respect for those who hold different views. This can be done through moderation, but it is too onerous a time burden for any single person to handle. Also, moderation decisions often get viewed as capricious by those against whom those decisions go. This is why I think keeping the need for moderation to the rarest of rare occasions is very important. In my earnest opinion, the less our forum is moderated the better it is, and that can happen only if all of us buy into a code of common civility.

As Jesus is supposed to have said, I am cognizant of the log in my eye to point out the dust in my brother's eye. In this spirit, I would like to join K and offer my apology to Iyest for the times I have slipped up when arguing with him. I also offer my apology to Dr. Jambu for getting upset with him.

I hope we can go back to vigorous arguments about everything under the sun without generating any heat. Working together, we can let the moderators remain unseen and unheard, which is the way they like it most as well, I think.

Cheers!

Dear Nara

Forget the past Tread on to future You have taken it in right spirit. I am sorry had I hit you (I know I did) Let our argument be vigorous not venomous To err is human we are human only Jambu:closed_2:
 
There has been a view that the customs and traditions of the Brahmins are different in different parts of the country.

Yes. True and Not true.

Customs and traditions differ not only between North and the south. It also differs from Thriunelveli, Palghat, Tanjore and Arcot Brahmins. They did not inter marry in the good old days.

Sometimes people are shocked when they see the differences. Attend a marriage of a Jaimuni Samavedi family. They are there spread all over Tamil Nadu in small numbers. You will be shocked. But people do get married because who listens to the marriage Mantras.

This is one of the major blocks in the way of inter-Brahmin marriages.

But there are other practical problems which I would enumerate in my next posts.

These are from my experience in trying to implement this idea. Not mere theory. Not recent experience either. But an effort which is more than 10 years old.
 
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