A Tamil Brahmin Dilemma

[Raji Ram]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) WhatsApp Email Share Link

The so called orthodoxy has shirked its responsibility...The daughter marries a Christian and the son not to be left behind is marrying a Jain...When asked father retorts this is modernity & I cannot question my son....

Sadly very true!!

Either the parents accept the decision or keep away from the son / daughter. out:

But in most cases, after a child is born, the differences are patched up!! :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

It is my observation that in an alliance between TB and a north Indian, there always exists a superiority complex of the north Indians; this perhaps does not reveal itself as long as they remain neighbours, friends, etc. Hence, the TB boy or girl will have to get completely transformed into the north Indian's culture, language, customs, etc., etc., sooner than later if the marriage has to be saved. Net result is that we TBs lose one boy or girl to the northies.

Even after all the above, the north Indians generally look down upon southies and so once in a while this facet may come out in inter-family dialogues. .........

I totally agree!

Even the cousins settled in North India think they are superior!!

 

[Raji Ram]

Recently a girl in our family circle married a tambrahm guy from Mumbai.

She answers in Hindi when that guy asks something in Tamil.

 

[krish44]

No. A traditional Iyengar/Iyer priest and a traditional Iyengar/Iyer will not give a girl in marriage to such families nor will he accept a girl from such a family. Period. There goes your ice arrow shot at the sun. LOL.



You are judgmental and arrogant. I do not accept your Naattaamaiship here. Period. LOL.

There is no end to name calling.

This tu tu main main can be avoided for a healthy dialog and personal attacks can be avoided for a meaningful dialog.

There is no single path or way to find a good match.

There is no match without compromises as there is nothing called a perfect match.

Then the issue is what to hold dear and what to dilute on.

It is clear that education,job and economic well being is the highest priority.

This is what makes tamil brahmins a nomadic clan moving from mid india with telugu lineage to deep tamilnadu as a agrarian community with tamil language instead.

When it was better economics , they shifted to metros to adopt an urban avahar ,learning english and became wage earners in british regime.. When it got bad again

due to political changes, they drifted to north, west india. Later with technology revolution, they have gone abroad in droves for a better living.

With every movement, they got rid of some of their traditinal baggage in terms of dress, looks, , eating habits and rituals and retaining some which were convenient.

To say those who retained more of what their fore fathers practised and they are better human beings is open to challenge.Those who rode change giving up more to

become affluent are objects of both jealousy and derision.

When someone makes a choice from another community it is normally well thought out. No one allows or supports children to jump into any other beds in the name of

marriage without coldly thinking out the pros and cons.If marriage turns out to be successful , Then one can take pride.

 

[krish44]

Recently a girl in our family circle married a tambrahm guy from Mumbai.

She answers in Hindi when that guy asks something in Tamil.

Ha ha

I was missing your wise cracks.

Keep it up.

It will pour cold water on hot emotions

 

[CHANDRU1849]

If the mother is tamil brahmin, she would still push hr son/daughter towards south brahmins.

If father is Tamil brahmin, then there is a possibility that he will go out of south indian fold.

Every where women rule.

One should not fear losses. It depends on who makes the deal and who is the ultimate winner

It is not so. TB boys may be serious in following the customs and conventions and try to teach if he enters an IC/IR marriage. Whereas in the case of TB girl, she will completely change to the adopted caste or religion. This is more pronounced in the case IR marriages.

 

[yesmohan]

Yes. Well said. Most of the TBs are not getting suitable brides for them. Well educated and employed boys can easily get a suitable bride. But think about the boy with low and middle income group boys. They are being denied by the young uneducated home living girls. Some TBs are now in pursuit of other non Brahman girls also. What is the remedy?

Pathamadai Sankar ji,

Being in areas like "Pathamadai" if Brahmin boys are in pursuit of other non Brahmin girls, then non-brahmins will not

offer area famous " Pathamadai pAi"(mat);but take out area specific "aruvAL" in their hands. Is it not?

 

[tbs]

Recently a girl in our family circle married a tambrahm guy from Mumbai.

She answers in Hindi when that guy asks something in Tamil.

hi

mostly TB boys/gals prefer hindi than tamil in north india.....i know in my circle in delhi....even they like to talk hindi at home...

 

[asadu]

Most of the TBs realise what grave mistake they did tresspassing into Other's territory after some years. But it is always too late and they curse and suffer the onslaught. In my opinion TB culture/custom/tradition is the best for human being and you can never expect others to follow these traditions/rituals continuously or adopt to other's traditions. Is it not difficult to make a crow into swan. It is now 5116 years into Kaliyug and everything stands to deteriote further.

 

[vgane]

Most of the TBs realise what grave mistake they did tresspassing into Other's territory after some years. But it is always too late and they curse and suffer the onslaught. In my opinion TB culture/custom/tradition is the best for human being and you can never expect others to follow these traditions/rituals continuously or adopt to other's traditions. Is it not difficult to make a crow into swan. It is now 5116 years into Kaliyug and everything stands to deteriote further.

We can easily shrug off by alluding to Kaliyug and shirk from our responsibility as a parent or sister or brother....This vacuum is leaving our kids at the mercy of strangers!

 

[Vaagmi]

The so called orthodoxy has shirked its responsibility...The daughter marries a Christian and the son not to be left behind is marrying a Jain...When asked father retorts this is modernity & I cannot question my son....

Stupid father stupid children.

Stupid parents beget stupid children.

 

[Vaagmi]

When someone makes a choice from another community it is normally well thought out. No one allows or supports children to jump into any other beds in the name of marriage without coldly thinking out the pros and cons.

If marriage turns out to be successful , Then one can take pride.

Parents who have never bothered to teach brahmin's values culture etc., to their children have no options. the children decide and parents just have to agree or get lost. The pros and cons become all pros because it is convenient. It is better than nursing a deep would inflicted on the parents.

There is nothing to take pride. It is a treasure/ a precious inheritance lost for ever.

 

[Vaagmi]

TB parents, besides pursuing a career with enthusiasm should find and make time for their children.

Every day the Dinner should be taken together as a rule.

The Dad and Mom should find through friendly conversation what is troubling the minds of youngsters besides what they are happy about.

If they do not do this they are not parents. They are just Rakshasas in whose hands the innocent children are just dolls.

 

[auh]

Stupid father stupid children.

Stupid parents beget stupid children.

...And stupid individuals post stupid inferences, as proof of their stupidity.

 

[vgane]

...And stupid individuals post stupid inferences, as proof of their stupidity.

Dear Auhji,

I have deep regards for you...What are your thoughts on the IC & IR marriages happening in the TB community..Do you recognize this as a problem facing the community...What should we do individually & collectively to stem the rot!

 

[auh]

Dear Auhji,

I have deep regards for you...What are your thoughts on the IC & IR marriages happening in the TB community..Do you recognize this as a problem facing the community...What should we do individually & collectively to stem the rot!

Dear Shri vgane, thanks for your appreciation.

I think the problem is lack of introspection. If we understand the whys and whats of a community, perhaps it would help us ease our burden. Are people from other caste or religion rakshasas or aliens. Agreed they have different customs and practices, and it is easy when two willing minds from the same group marry. But when a preference arises, parents, as responsible individuals, have to ensure that the climate for the marriage is made conducive. If I may so ask, how and why do you say, as a generalization, that ic & ir marriages are a rot?

 

[Vaagmi]

...And stupid individuals post stupid inferences, as proof of their stupidity.

Yes very true. Example post #39. LOL.

 

[krish44]

Dear Auhji,

I have deep regards for you...What are your thoughts on the IC & IR marriages happening in the TB community..Do you recognize this as a problem facing the community...What should we do individually & collectively to stem the rot!

They can offer their daughters to delhi tamil brahmin boys.lol

 

[mkrishna100]

Parents who have never bothered to teach brahmin's values culture etc., to their children have no options. the children decide and parents just have to agree or get lost.

True I have seen cases where the Children have gone so away from their parents and they now wonder what went wrong .

 

[mkrishna100]

TB parents, besides pursuing a career with enthusiasm should find and make time for their children.

Every day the Dinner should be taken together as a rule.

True and it applies not just to TB Parents . Anyone desiring a Healthy family relationship must see to it that all have their dinner or breakfast together .
Once I listened to an interview of Ace Tennis Player Vijay Amritraj and he said the same i.e though he is outside India , he sees to it that at least during Breakfast / Dinner times they have it as a family together and this value must be nurtured to develop a healthy family life .

 

[CHANDRU1849]

One member is rightly said that Tamil B community is a bottle of Marbles. Once it comes out, each and everyone takes its own route.

B community, especially Smarthas, is in a terrible mess. Already the community has multiplicity of Gods to worship. Added to this, each day one new God man arrives, creates his own group with PROs and chants namasankeerthanam non-stop. Though the community has permanent Acharyas, apart from numerous God-men, guidance is missing to follow a uniform pattern.

Unless Smarthas sit together and develop a common approach, including the God to be worshipped, the situation may not be rosy and we may expect more IC/IR marriages, both from boys as well as from girls side.

 

[vgane]

Dear Shri vgane, thanks for your appreciation.

I think the problem is lack of introspection. If we understand the whys and whats of a community, perhaps it would help us ease our burden. Are people from other caste or religion rakshasas or aliens. Agreed they have different customs and practices, and it is easy when two willing minds from the same group marry. But when a preference arises, parents, as responsible individuals, have to ensure that the climate for the marriage is made conducive. If I may so ask, how and why do you say, as a generalization, that ic & ir marriages are a rot?

IC & IR marriages is a consequence of our community members going astray..They do not follow any of the traditions & are a misfit in both the communities! They are not respected! I have seen a TB girl who was pushed into a flesh trade after she married a Erode based NB...Some are forced to cook NV food...Some do odd activities to sustain themselves (One of the TB girls is working in a crematorium burning dead corpses & her story was also published in this forum)...Such families hardly get support from fellow community members!!

The offspring of such union is not considered Brahmin...If they follow Hindu traditions well & good...At best most of the IR & IC couples are interested in getting their children married to a Brahmin thus creating more unholy unions!

There are a few cases (a rarity) who are happy & well settled...But 90% in India are interested only to break this union & come out! This is the true picture!!

Many of these couples run away to foreign shores under some pretext to escape the stigma!

If the IC & IR marriages are a minority then no one would notice..But with this becoming mainstay in 40 to 50% cases in the last 10 years, it is causing angusih in the community...

A day may come when Tamil Brahmins will be forced to stay separately to protect the community!!

 

[krish44]

Retired parents have all the time. Nkrishnaji give such sermons to children They have no time for sermonising types though

 

[krish44]

IC & IR marriages is a consequence of our community members going astray..They do not follow any of the traditions & are a misfit in both the communities! They are not respected! I have seen a TB girl who was pushed into a flesh trade after she married a Erode based NB...Some are forced to cook NV food...Some do odd activities to sustain themselves (One of the TB girls is working in a crematorium burning dead corpses & her story was also published in this forum)...Such families hardly get support from fellow community members!!

The offspring of such union is not considered Brahmin...If they follow Hindu traditions well & good...At best most of the IR & IC couples are interested in getting their children married to a Brahmin thus creating more unholy unions!

There are a few cases (a rarity) who are happy & well settled...But 90% in India are interested only to break this union & come out! This is the true picture!!

Many of these couples run away to foreign shores under some pretext to escape the stigma!

All this is hysterical drama .

I do not believe that anyone other than a brahmin is all evil

Recommend Masaan -a hindi film with varanasi backdrop.

Your view of brahmins and NBs will change

 

[vgane]

All this is hysterical drama .

I do not believe that anyone other than a brahmin is all evil

Recommend Masaan -a hindi film with varanasi backdrop.

Your view of brahmins and NBs will change

Why do you think I should be hysterical....I base my decisions only based on actual data (not anyone's figment of imagination)

Reality will strike when our tribe gets lost & in any case you & I are not going to see that! May be our dead souls can mourn or relish(as many of us do in this forum)!