Woman's Days special
- Thread starter Janaki Jambunathan
- Start date
agreed, let girls decide their spouses,. and that leads to more separation as the boy listens to his parents, courtship is different and married life comes with lot of responsibilities, keeping the house in clean state, bringing up children , cooking, washing etc ., its a 24 hours job, Women have their untold miseries, is it that easy to get separated after marriage?? with small children and the society at large .....
no sir , shri.Krish44 not that easy, accept we celebrate womens day , but we dont give a helping hand to them.
no sir , shri.Krish44 not that easy, accept we celebrate womens day , but we dont give a helping hand to them.
Janaki Jambunathan
Active member
My take on this. Freedom has a cost and life an expire date . So the parents have to take the a decision - depending on their health ,mobility and financial viability! I have have 2 establishments one in Madras at a close distance to my son's flat in OMR Another Villa in Madurai I stay for about 3 months in each of them in an year and the rest of the periods It is locked. and for the 3 months my stay in Banglore I occupy my flat on rent since it is leased out as Service Apartment - It is occupied and generates income when I am not there - as per deed it is available for 3 months(maximum) in a year for my occupation on rent.
This may not be a possible solution for many Forget about the monetary loss - maintenance is a pain ! I can bear the cost of freedom but mobility and health is beyond my planning! When my health fails believe me I will move into their flats where there is a extra room is there kept ready for me!
I know my d in laws don't need my financial support but I am always available for their emotional support a shoulder for them to cry out !
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tbs
0
Women, if truly independent, should be able to take responsibility to manage their future on their own. But that is not what we often see in real life. In India, a man once married to a woman, is saddled with her for life. Even if she divorces him after, let us say, a month, or simply deserts him and starts living with another male (with or without divorcing her husband), the law as it is currently interpreted in India, states that the husband has to continue to provide maintenance to her until he is able to provide proof in court that she has formally married another male (when the baton shifts to that man). Just imagine the plight of a husband who has to provide maintenance (perhaps for years) to his wife of two weeks duration, now living in open adultery with her lover. This behaviour on the part of the woman, is perfectly in line with the law. But when we talk about "independent woman", this behaviour is far removed from true independence.
In fact the above 'baton shift', wherein a husband (even if divorced, whether due to his or her fault) has to maintain his ex-wife until she is saddled onto another man through a legal marriage, is simply a working out of what Manu stated in yore "Na Stree Swatantryam Arhati".
In fact the above 'baton shift', wherein a husband (even if divorced, whether due to his or her fault) has to maintain his ex-wife until she is saddled onto another man through a legal marriage, is simply a working out of what Manu stated in yore "Na Stree Swatantryam Arhati".
Similarly there are many other laws, ostensibly created for good reasons, but are blatantly misused by women in India. I do not blame the women for this. They are often misinformed. They forget that the law courts are there to ultimately benefit the one group whose livelihood is based on the courts - the lawyers. It is in the interests of the lawyer community that more and more cases get clogged up in the courts, but as for the litigants themselves, man or woman, it will be too late before they realise that they gain nothing, while they have wasted precious time and energy in the courts.
Kodukku
Active member
You are right sir, I agree with you.
It is nothing but misuse/exploitation of law by taking advantage.
As for alimony, it is gender neutral. As per the Hindu Marriage Act, both the husband and wife are legally entitled for alimony. It is to support the member who does not have a job or earning.
But in practice, it is mostly males who suffer because of this Act and penalized legally and financially.
If someone authors Books with title 'How to break a romantic marriage relationship in 30 days' or How to get divorce from husband soon, such books will be Best seller in the market. lol
Though someone said that there is no loneliness than that of a failed marriage, the population of divorcees is growing with the umpteen number of serials aired in different TV channels adding fuel to fire.
Here is an article on How Indian women misuse the law for divorce
Link: https://www.dailyo.in/politics/divo...n-section-498-a-dowry-cases/story/1/8766.html
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Janaki Jambunathan
Active member
I had 2 phone calls last night around 9 PM from my 2 D in Laws on the same topic காரடையான் நோம்பு! - exact time to perform this ritual - lead me to ponder -
we 3 (Me and my 2 D in Ls) have similar attitude - Woman's day is our commitment and K நோம்பு is our convention - No contradiction!
we 3 (Me and my 2 D in Ls) have similar attitude - Woman's day is our commitment and K நோம்பு is our convention - No contradiction!
Janaki Jambunathan
Active member
This short film full of sentiments about senior citizens & their needs for a roof that is sensitive to their sentiments and emotional needs!
yes I know about the plights as long as the boy remains a moms boy and do not listen to his spouse.
In US girls keep in the fridge monday, tuesday and so on marked boxes, yet they want fresh food at the dining table. girls working in IT companies, Team Leader does not differentiate between boy or girl. All he wants is completion of projects, coding etc.,
Yet cooking is the responsibility of householder, and raising of children, keep the house in spic and span.
tbs
0
hi
just to add....girl ONLY deliver the child......the husband has to carry CAR SEAT /STROLLER IN EVERY MALL/
EVERYWHERE in USA...including to temples...
Dear tbs,
Besh Besh, I was thinking wife is a lifepartner, and both will share and it seems she has to slog, taking the stroller with baby she has to carry??, Husband will not lift his little finger to help her?? already cooking, taking care of the children schooling, including the bathrooms , carpet cleaning etc, foregoing a lucrative job to take care of the children in bringing them up a showpiece of children to relatives upholding Hindu traditions etc, and husband is not in india to boss over the wife. why dont you learn from americans how they are helping their partners. Family is Father And Mother I Love You. Do you not vow to share during wedding??
MS
Besh Besh, I was thinking wife is a lifepartner, and both will share and it seems she has to slog, taking the stroller with baby she has to carry??, Husband will not lift his little finger to help her?? already cooking, taking care of the children schooling, including the bathrooms , carpet cleaning etc, foregoing a lucrative job to take care of the children in bringing them up a showpiece of children to relatives upholding Hindu traditions etc, and husband is not in india to boss over the wife. why dont you learn from americans how they are helping their partners. Family is Father And Mother I Love You. Do you not vow to share during wedding??
MS
Raji Ram
Active member
Naithru Sir,
Our girls are NOT like us, the older generation!
Even diaper change for babies is shared!! "I have done twice; you do the next two changes!''
First cleaning of utensils, loading in dish washer, floor maintenance,
cleaning the garden, maintenance of cars, showling the snow in winter
are all to be done by 'the man of the house'!
Only Indian oldies still think it below dignity to do household chores!
Our girls are NOT like us, the older generation!
Even diaper change for babies is shared!! "I have done twice; you do the next two changes!''
First cleaning of utensils, loading in dish washer, floor maintenance,
cleaning the garden, maintenance of cars, showling the snow in winter
are all to be done by 'the man of the house'!
Only Indian oldies still think it below dignity to do household chores!
Janaki Jambunathan
Active member
Before 'Whisper' periods women were happy to bleed! I remember my father managing the household gracefully by default though restricted for 3 days - Only Indian oldies did not think it below dignity to do household chores! The slogan 'No Whisper - Happy to bleed!' - is to get back their lost Freedom! |
JJ ji tks for your posting of #36 -Veedu ased on eepas story.
As a person with fond memories of life on banks of kaveri and a house in village agraharam near
kumbakonam [4 km from it] besides some fertile lands and settled in delhi now can relate to the story.
The house which belonged to my family had collapsed due to lack of maintenance and lands given away for a
pittance to local muslims .
Once every two years I used to visit kumbakonam every two years [declared as
home town for LTC] and visit the uppiliappan koil there besides visit the village
Now there are only memories of a byegone era from lantern in houses to electric
lights,dusty tracks to tarred roads and buses to city ,there has been a
transformation.
Now life has changed so much that I would not stay even overnight there and
return to delhi as soon as possible by flight from tiruchi to my home in delhi.
As a person with fond memories of life on banks of kaveri and a house in village agraharam near
kumbakonam [4 km from it] besides some fertile lands and settled in delhi now can relate to the story.
The house which belonged to my family had collapsed due to lack of maintenance and lands given away for a
pittance to local muslims .
Once every two years I used to visit kumbakonam every two years [declared as
home town for LTC] and visit the uppiliappan koil there besides visit the village
Now there are only memories of a byegone era from lantern in houses to electric
lights,dusty tracks to tarred roads and buses to city ,there has been a
transformation.
Now life has changed so much that I would not stay even overnight there and
return to delhi as soon as possible by flight from tiruchi to my home in delhi.
I seem to have stirred a hornets nest by my comment that senior citizens might end up in senior citizens home
{unwanted ,uncared for by their children.]
It appears to be a social reality-
So many senior citizens here responded to it stung by the comment,some saying they are there by choice not
by compulsion.
Recently in chennai, parents in seventies staying in a neighbouring flat would go every day to their childrens
flat nearby during
day and return home in the evening.
They were part time caretakers for their sons children and would go to their flat every day to return in the
evening.
Living by themselves is not a possibility they ever consider.
Becoming dependant both materially and emotionally is a disease they suffer from.
I really wish they would let go.
They are not old by todays standards-only in sixty something.They have lot of life left.
Life has lot to offer.
Retirement is not the end of living......
{unwanted ,uncared for by their children.]
It appears to be a social reality-
So many senior citizens here responded to it stung by the comment,some saying they are there by choice not
by compulsion.
Recently in chennai, parents in seventies staying in a neighbouring flat would go every day to their childrens
flat nearby during
day and return home in the evening.
They were part time caretakers for their sons children and would go to their flat every day to return in the
evening.
Living by themselves is not a possibility they ever consider.
Becoming dependant both materially and emotionally is a disease they suffer from.
I really wish they would let go.
They are not old by todays standards-only in sixty something.They have lot of life left.
Life has lot to offer.
Retirement is not the end of living......
LOL!
reading posts here makes me laugh.
Life isnt all that complicated though anyone can face problems at anytime in their lives.
But whats all this cock and bull of being liberated etc?
No one is caged or is a slave.
Everyone has their duties and jobs.
The problem is people started using the word career instead of job and started to measure success on a scale that is about live outside of house.
Lets be honest..life isnt about a job alone..oops career..its much more than that...it just seems to me that those who get carried away by a job or career might be having a very low self esteem that they need fulfilment only tru a job.
Thats totally an unbalanced way of life.
A job is just part of our life and even when i go to work..i keep counting the hours when i will go home..
So all this liberation etc are just confused individuals who dont seem to know that a balance in life is liberation.
Liberated women doesnt mean one who forgets her duties as a human and only focuses on her job or partying or socializing etc.
I feel people who just tasted stepping out to the world cant handle it.
Its the Behenji turn modern syndrome..they start to feel being modern is like a dog let loose and they go totally out of control.
Being modern is being intelligent and making the right choices.
Modern is a state of mind.
reading posts here makes me laugh.
Life isnt all that complicated though anyone can face problems at anytime in their lives.
But whats all this cock and bull of being liberated etc?
No one is caged or is a slave.
Everyone has their duties and jobs.
The problem is people started using the word career instead of job and started to measure success on a scale that is about live outside of house.
Lets be honest..life isnt about a job alone..oops career..its much more than that...it just seems to me that those who get carried away by a job or career might be having a very low self esteem that they need fulfilment only tru a job.
Thats totally an unbalanced way of life.
A job is just part of our life and even when i go to work..i keep counting the hours when i will go home..
So all this liberation etc are just confused individuals who dont seem to know that a balance in life is liberation.
Liberated women doesnt mean one who forgets her duties as a human and only focuses on her job or partying or socializing etc.
I feel people who just tasted stepping out to the world cant handle it.
Its the Behenji turn modern syndrome..they start to feel being modern is like a dog let loose and they go totally out of control.
Being modern is being intelligent and making the right choices.
Modern is a state of mind.
thanks madam ... The girls of such houses where husband helps them, must be rare,
The girls are lucky, Peace ...
tbs
0
hi sir,
sharing is different from demanding.....even USA boys are better than indian boys.....still they do....
PAANCH DIN NAUKARI....EK DIN GROCERY.....EK DIN LAUNDARY.....this is called life here...
yes tbs sir I agree. if it is wife its her duty, if it is her husband , it is help, is it not his child?? what is wrong in carrying the stroller?? is it unwritten law the wife has to carry out all house hold jobs>?? does she not scored 99+ and got seat in medical / engg. does she not slog to score from 9th onwards??
I would request you to see a short tamil film "meesai"( available in you tube). It is about smoking by ladies. In a house of all gents smoking she passively the smoke she becomes a smoker, husband ( who too is a smoker) complained where she learnt that practice. please see the end, she says if a man smokes it is affects his health. but a girl smokes it is cultural denigration, is it different yardstick??
I would request you to see a short tamil film "meesai"( available in you tube). It is about smoking by ladies. In a house of all gents smoking she passively the smoke she becomes a smoker, husband ( who too is a smoker) complained where she learnt that practice. please see the end, she says if a man smokes it is affects his health. but a girl smokes it is cultural denigration, is it different yardstick??
Life career balance is every womans dream. Not many achieve it.
Most get carried away having excess of either career or home life.
Most men have to put up with women who keep changing their stance depending on their evolving
preferances .
More and more marriages are under strain leading to temporary flings and living separately due to career
changes.
More seniors face an uncertain future having to put up with separation due to mismatches in needs and
actual fulfillment .
Ultimately most realise that it is a lonely journey each doing his/her own thing and wait for the inevitable
end
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