Thanks for the kind response to my post . She is into meditation etc . She is quite calm as well . May god take care of her .
Nothing much can be done ,when her own family considers her as a burden. I feel it is safe for her also to be in her home at this stage of life. She has every right to stay in her home . She is healthy and not financially dependent on her siblings atleast for her basic needs.
The truth is, everyone (every identity) in this world has come in alone and will go alone. The said woman had the opportunity to realise it early on. Probably some others around her will come to realize this over a period and she will have the opportunity to help them through that.
Your body cannot be taken care of by others. It can only be taken care of by you. In between the time your identity rises and falls, the luckiest thing one could have is a healthy body on which this identity resides. Seems this woman is lucky in that way.
One of my grandma's (elder sister to my grandma, vembu ammal) became a widow even before her marriage was consummated at some 15 or 16 years of age. She remained all alone in our village, protecting our lands, shaving off her head and wearing brown saree, while we would keep visiting her every month. She used to send Rs.5 to TTD every year of my examination from 6th standard, with a wish that I become an engineer. I did not know what it meant, but simply did engineering because she wanted me to do it.
She was always independent, extremely skilled in doll-making, reciting samskrt and tamil slokas, stories etc. If she visited us, she would not stay for more than 2 or 3 days. Even if it rains heavily, she will leave claiming she can walk between the raindrops and will go back to the village. When we became bit older, we tried to force her to stay with us and not go to village. But she will always escape.
I have seen her only as loving grandmother. So I have no idea of what pains and sufferings she might have gone through. But I am sure she must have felt lonely . But as my granma, granpa aged, my parents aged, I could see that they went through the same loneliness process that vembu paati experienced. Vembu paati was used to this loneliness for long. But my grandparents and parents were not used to. It was tough adapting for them.
Shankara wrote that in moha mudgaram (bhaja-govindam), centuries back
yāvad-vittopārjana saktaḥ
tāvan-nijaparivāro raktaḥ |
paśchājjīvati jarjara dehe
vārtāṃ koapi na pṛcChati gehe
யாது வரையோ செல்வம்சேர்சக்தியும்
போகுமவ்வரை சுற்றங்கள்பந்தமும்
தவிப்பார் வாழ்வில் மூப்பெய்ய தேகம்
வார்த்தைகளும் கூட கேட்டிலர் வீட்டினில்
As I offer tarpanam to vembu paati in this period, could not help recollecting the memories of that strong and brave woman who taught us many things. Just that, if the past society has been more just to her, more enabling her, more open with their ideas, she might have lived a more beautiful life. Maybe I would not have had that loving, adamant patti who pushed me into engineering. But that's fine. She might have lived a life more on her terms.
But yes the positive side is, such people are independent and adapted to loneliness early on. If they have good health, then nothing like it. Every one of us have to face and adapt to this loneliness, but will find it mentally torturing at later years.