Vgane:
The issue is basically the way the children are brought up. The kind of value time parents spend with children right from the childhood when the child starts going to school. When my school going daughter showed signs of disinterest and resistance to the usual morning prayer recitation before the kuththuvilakku in the perumAl sannidhi along with her mother, it took a good one hour of conversation with her for me to know what was happening. Her teachers and some of the class mates were repeatedly asking her why we have so many gods. One god for getting wealth, two for getting good education, one for health etc etc., The girl was unable to find an answer. Once the problem was understood by us the parents, we told her how to handle these questions. As she moved further and reached the secondary school level there was this idea thrown at her that everyone has the same color blood running in their veins and so everyone is equal. When this question was handled we could show her how much of a simplistic assumption has gone into this assumption. The anxiety vanished once things were explained.
When I was going through the archives here i found some one had suggested a class for every girl and boy just after they finish their college education to be addressed by 1)learned elders who will speak to them about our culture, values, religious faith etc., how and why they are superior 2)Doctors/consultants/counsellors who will talk to them about their physical system including the changes that occur as they grow, the impact of hormones, dangers of a casual but intense relationship etc.,They will teach even what a handshake which lingers for a few seconds too long means, how to identify a casanova and handle a working relationship with him in the work place etc.3)Experts in finance about savings and investments. This will be on the lines of a finishing school. They will learn essentials to face life. It is a good idea and can be tried.
If brahmins, wherever they are can organize such classes every year to the eligible youngsters through their numerous, sabhas, kalakshepa goshtis, samajams, bhajanai matoms, temple committees and through the ******* they can save many girl/boy going in the wrong path. Forget about the diaspora as they are deeply mired in the heady stupor of alien cultures. They have to gain a lot of energy to reach an escape velocity which is just next to impossible. They will come like they do here and offer quickfix solutions which are suitable only to their children living in those countries. Politely listening to them and quickly forgetting what they said and keeping away from them is the best option.
Another most important point is that you(the parents) should yourself live a decent and good life. If you smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning, nurse a peg of whiskey before dinner, forgot completely that piece of thread called poonal, never go anywhere near the perumal sannidhi, has no sense of what brahmins call எச்சில் or பத்து and go about mixing everything around freely, do not express restraint with your language and emotions then you lose not only your right to expect anything from your children, you also lose a lot of esteem and your advices and words will be treated with the contempt that they deserve. You can cover up the absence of real love and respect for you by flowery language like "my love for my children was just unconditional" like my india born(he was born in coonoor in the Nilgiris) Anglo Indian friend who had never visited England used to drop the words "back home in London" every now and then in the conversation to cover up the abject poverty in which he lived.
If inspite of all your efforts, IC/IR marriages do happen stoically put up with them without accepting them as normal. It can not be business as usual after an IC/IR marriage because the basic fabric of understanding,trust, love and affection are all irreparably damaged. If the IC marriage is a success let them live happily. If it fails let them handle it. Don't take it on your head as a problem to be solved by you. If help is asked for extend it. The other children in the family will atleast learn necessary lessons. Thanks.
Cheers.
