questions wandering in my head

[ctfxc]

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why is marriage like business
it's like "they" have created this so-called perfect formula for marriage that doesn't require love.
it doesn't matter if there is love or not -- you and your partner need to be able to live together for a long long time that's all.
formula ----> your percentage= looks+salary+status+family background name+height+weight+education
maybe it works, but sometimes its sad to think that that's all that matters.
there isn't that ONE person that's right for you, but rather there are a variety of people that are workable as long as they fit into the same range (i.e. your percentage, according to the formula.)

 

[C RAVI]

why is marriage like business
it's like "they" have created this so-called perfect formula for marriage that doesn't require love.
it doesn't matter if there is love or not -- you and your partner need to be able to live together for a long long time that's all.
formula ----> your percentage= looks+salary+status+family background name+height+weight+education
maybe it works, but sometimes its sad to think that that's all that matters.
there isn't that ONE person that's right for you, but rather there are a variety of people that are workable as long as they fit into the same range (i.e. your percentage, according to the formula.)

The perfect application of above formula belongs to smart people. In human life majority of people wants to be happy with their choices. The more the check lists are met with, the more is the pleasure. If formula based pleasure is achieved than everything else can be achieved

So, this formula matters all and for all this formula matters.

Some time after marriage if couples find that there is no much compatibility between them, the gains through this formula keeps them going some what happily.

Lucky are the girls who could get all as per formula along with LOVE. Lucky, honored and respected are the guys who could offer all formula based pleasures to a girl along with sharing True Love.

 

[ctfxc]

The perfect application of above formula belongs to smart people. In human life majority of people wants to be happy with their choices. The more the check lists are met with, the more is the pleasure. If formula based pleasure is achieved than everything else can be achieved

So, this formula matters all and for all this formula matters.

Some time after marriage if couples find that there is no much compatibility between them, the gains through this formula keeps them going some what happily.

Lucky are the girls who could get all as per formula along with LOVE. Lucky, honored and respected are the guys who could offer all formula based pleasures to a girl along with sharing True Love.

and horoscopes are supposed to help this process right?

 

[C RAVI]

and horoscopes are supposed to help this process right?

I hear people saying in recent times that, if horoscope mismatches some way, smart people who could get the formula based deal, tend to ignore such mismatches.

Some people say that for some people true love strikes after marriage with another man/woman (other than husband/wife), probably as soul mates.

Present is the revolutionary and progressing society where smart people alone can survive sufficiently in a smart way. Formulas are logical and logical living is what seem to be the ideal way of life.

Love with other person after marriage as well seem to have some logic and so anything based on logic seems to be perfect.

 

[amala]

I have no idea what this smart people means. It seems its many traditional minded and the orthodox types who insist on horoscope matching and also a long check list for how a girl should be.

 

[ctfxc]

The formula bothers me. The fact that maybe these factors shouldn't matter bothers me.
but maybe it's a way of being frank about it all.
I wish I could say that love should matter the most and love isn't based on these factors, but I think I'd be wrong.

So the reason I'm working, educating myself, and keeping up my appearance, etc. is so that I can find the best possible groom for myself?
and I partake in hobbies such as carnatic music, veena, photography etc. so that I would be desirable, and bankable? so I can sell myself for the highest bid?
... because marriage is the most important event in a girls life -- that's what she LIVES for. (P.S. I'm being sarcastic)

This all is a bit too technical and too robotic for me to fully accept.

 

[biswa]

See nobody is forcing you to get married, or even to market yourself. However it seems to be statistically true that after a certain age, with the biological clock ticking, many men and women become desperate to get married. Not all, of course. But many do start looking for companionship, family, kids etc.

PS. I think you can easily get married without all the activities you mention. I hope you are doing them for yourself.

 

[biswa]

there isn't that ONE person that's right for you, but rather there are a variety of people that are workable as long as they fit into the same range (i.e. your percentage, according to the formula.)

Even if there was ONE person right for you, how would you find him or her? Don't want to get too technical, but in Mathematics, this is known as the Nearest Neighbor Problem Given an infinity of people (points) near you, you cannot guarantee the perfect match unless you test all of them. Most people (algorithms) resort to heuristics that look for a good-enough match.

 

[ctfxc]

See nobody is forcing you to get married, or even to market yourself. However it seems to be statistically true that after a certain age, with the biological clock ticking, many men and women become desperate to get married. Not all, of course. But many do start looking for companionship, family, kids etc.

PS. I think you can easily get married without all the activities you mention. I hope you are doing them for yourself.

Srry I didn't word that correctly. hmm I guess in a general scenario, parents would be forcing their children to get married.
I'm not against marriage, I agree that it's important to find companionship and have family, kids, etc.
but doesn't it FEEL technical? doesn't it FEEL robotic?
or maybe after a certain age you accept more ...and question less ... and just do as you're told.
oh and yes I'm doing the activities I mentioned for myself -- although I've realized that tho my voice is good I'm a terrible singer. BUT I'm pretty good at veena tho lol.

 

[amala]

Srry I didn't word that correctly. hmm I guess in a general scenario, parents would be forcing their children to get married.
I'm not against marriage, I agree that it's important to find companionship and have family, kids, etc.
but doesn't it FEEL technical? doesn't it FEEL robotic?
or maybe after a certain age you accept more ...and question less ... and just do as you're told.
oh and yes I'm doing the activities I mentioned for myself -- although I've realized that tho my voice is good I'm a terrible singer. BUT I'm pretty good at veena tho lol.

Gosh you could be my doppelganger what with the singing and the veena etc. But yes Indian arranged/planned or whatever one wants to call them is of course very robotic and mechanical like (rather than technical) very very calculative and so on. Falling in love and marrying takes away a lot of that i guess. I know exactly what you mean. Theres no emotion in all that arranged stuff. I always felt that it seems sooo business like. Oh well not everyone gets a love marriage...what to do. Thats life.

But one thing its also easy to say never just "settle" for someone, but with age many do just that. Its all very well to say nobody is forcing others to marry when they are already married but its a very normal, natural part of us that want to be married and have a family.

PS: Also if you don't market yourself, you don't get what you think you deserve. And thats the complaint here if I'm not mistaken. That our marriages are more like looking for a job/career, which it shouldnt be like.

 

[biswa]

I totally disagree with Amala (as usual). But moving on.

I know many, many Indian couples who had arranged marriages and now claim to be totally in love. Love can be arranged, I guess.

I don't really see ppl choosing a girl for her Carnatic singing or a boy for his sax playing. Those are just extra perks/hobbies, good to have for a well-rounded person.

I think it is still the age-old, age-old: looks qualify a girl and wallet qualifies a boy.

ctfxc without getting too personal: Have you ever thought that this person could be a perfect mate/match only to later rethink your decision? C'mon any girl can have a crush on Hrithik Roshan, but who knows what kind of husband he will turn out to be.

To paraphrase a saying: Love doesn't fill your stomach. ​

 

[biswa]

Marriage is a social contract, that's all. Note: no animals get married. It is also like a form of insurance.

People who are below 35 may not always feel about the necessity of getting married, just like young people may not think of getting life insurance.

The way people choose their spouses is very similar to how they choose insurance. If you are healthy and can quit smoking, you get a better rate. Similarly if you are good looking and well earning, you can get a "desirable" spouse.

All you are guaranteed is that somebody will open the door when you come home (believe me, that is a big deal). Or, like Steve Jobs, if you die, there is somebody to bury you.

By now I must have thoroughly depressed all of you. But seriously, look around: how many married couples (ie both husband and wife) do you see participating in this very forum? Neither love nor arranged marriage is a guarantee of similar personalities or even similar interests.

 

[renuka]

Dear Ravi,

You wrote:

Some people say that for some people true love strikes after marriage with another man/woman (other than husband/wife), probably as soul mates.

Copy right reserved by me...LOL!!! Just kidding.

 

[renuka]

Marriage is a social contract, that's all. Note: no animals get married. It is also like a form of insurance.

People who are below 35 may not always feel about the necessity of getting married, just like young people may not think of getting life insurance.

The way people choose their spouses is very similar to how they choose insurance. If you are healthy and can quit smoking, you get a better rate. Similarly if you are good looking and well earning, you can get a "desirable" spouse.

All you are guaranteed is that somebody will open the door when you come home (believe me, that is a big deal). Or, like Steve Jobs, if you die, there is somebody to bury you.

By now I must have thoroughly depressed all of you. But seriously, look around: how many married couples (ie both husband and wife) do you see participating in this very forum? Neither love nor arranged marriage is a guarantee of similar personalities or even similar interests.

I agree with you 100%.
In life there is no guarantee for anything.Now we also start to wonder What Exactly is Love?

 

[biswa]

Copy right reserved by me...LOL!!! Just kidding.

Yeah I think you should share your story again with ctfxc. If a doctor can have a "non-technical" arranged marriage, then surely there is hope for everybody!

 

[renuka]

Yeah I think you should share your story again with ctfxc. If a doctor can have a "non-technical" arranged marriage, then surely there is hope for everybody!

Ok I will share my story..here goes..I opted for an arranged marriage becos:

1)It saves time..parents do all the work and checking.

2)I know the guys intention..that he wants to marry me.

3)I was too busy working at the hospital..no time for romance.

4)I chose the guy who matched me most in education and in physical appearance.Didnt want some one way better looking than me or vice versa.

5)Most important I wanted a guy with a firm believe in God..most guys these days are almost Agnostic..No way man!!! to stay with such a creature.

6)Ok love comes at 1st sight sometimes..that time when I saw my husband( i was fond of actor Prashanth) and since my husband looked a bit like him so i said yes!!LOL..but I also liked his other qualities.

7)My husband was the only one who had no mustache.All other prospective grooms had mustaches.I like clean shaven look.

8)Well got married and now I am wondering..I think Marriage is just getting used to someone..Emotionally,Physically,Biologically,Spiritually
Wonder is that what Love is all about?....Well thats my Ashtakam(8 point story)

 

[Brahin]

renu read this.
20 reasons why you should date a doctor.Click on image to get bigger view.

 

[ctfxc]

I totally disagree with Amala (as usual). But moving on.

I think it is still the age-old, age-old: looks qualify a girl and wallet qualifies a boy.

ctfxc without getting too personal: Have you ever thought that this person could be a perfect mate/match only to later rethink your decision? C'mon any girl can have a crush on Hrithik Roshan, but who knows what kind of husband he will turn out to be.

To paraphrase a saying: Love doesn't fill your stomach. ​

I'd like to think I'm more than just a good looking or not good looking girl. And he could be the richest man in the world -- If there's no connection, there's no connection.

It's not about having a crush on Hrithik Roshan... It's about understanding and appreciating your partner so much that regardless of what they actually look like, they look beautiful to you, and you just appreciate their presence, and your time with them.

 

[ctfxc]

true love strikes AFTER marriage with ANOTHER man/woman (OTHER than husband/wife)???
that's depressing.

 

[renuka]

true love strikes AFTER marriage with ANOTHER man/woman (OTHER than husband/wife)???
that's depressing.

Dear...we are trying to expose you to all possibilities in life.Dont get depressed.We are actually cheering you up for a bright future.We are your seniors in Love and Marriage and the problems faced in life.
BTW havent you seen the Movie Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna?

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



P.S Dont get me wrong..I am not trying to lure you to the dark side but just telling you the facts of life.

 

[renuka]

I'd like to think I'm more than just a good looking or not good looking girl. And he could be the richest man in the world -- If there's no connection, there's no connection.

It's not about having a crush on Hrithik Roshan... It's about understanding and appreciating your partner so much that regardless of what they actually look like, they look beautiful to you, and you just appreciate their presence, and your time with them.

You know there is someone in this forum who thinks very much like you and that person is ???? Well you will find out soon.LOL!!

 

[sangom]

why is marriage like business
it's like "they" have created this so-called perfect formula for marriage that doesn't require love.
it doesn't matter if there is love or not -- you and your partner need to be able to live together for a long long time that's all.
formula ----> your percentage= looks+salary+status+family background name+height+weight+education
maybe it works, but sometimes its sad to think that that's all that matters.
there isn't that ONE person that's right for you, but rather there are a variety of people that are workable as long as they fit into the same range (i.e. your percentage, according to the formula.)

Shri ctfxc,

Marriage was not supposed to be pure business. But, unfortunately, some unwanted elements of business or profit-making got into marriage, may be from early days even.

Before the present times, when the boys were in great demand in the tabra community, and "dowry" was also rampant, marriage was essentially a means to an end. Two people joined to begin a new "family", bear children and bring them up in the security of a good family; for this purpose, it was expected that both the husband and wife (father and mother of the children) will agree to willingly forego some of their individual rights and freedoms and keep the family as their motto.

But today, due whatever influences we have had during the last few decades, marriage has come to be seen as the culmination of the mating efforts of an adult male and an adult female and there is a concept of "Love" which is kept in very high esteem by all concerned. Marriage today is thus a contract for living together as husband and wife and to enjoy unending conjugal bliss. Children are permitted to be born if and when the couple so wish; if a pregnancy happens without the couple wishing for it, the same can be terminated, subject to certain conditions.

In the latest type of marriages, therefore, the boy and the girl have to evaluate each other according to their expectations of a proper mate, and, in such an evaluation many more things than those you have listed, do become relevant, imo. In this wide world, there will naturally be many candidates satisfying the minimum criteria unless there is some filtering on some basis - like, say, religion, caste, region, nation, language, and so on.

 

[amala]

The way people choose their spouses is very similar to how they choose insurance. If you are healthy and can quit smoking, you get a better rate. Similarly if you are good looking and well earning, you can get a "desirable" spouse.

That is what i was trying to say in my post earlier. Its just like getting a job or worse an insurance. And i think thats what Ctfxc probably means by "robotic". Sorry Ct for speaking for you but do correct me if I'm wrong. Its depressing that it should be so business like. I never dsiputed the fact that you can fall and grow in love after marriage did i? I merely said Indian style of arranged marriage where you have to "match up" to the other is terribly devoid of any emotion and business like where everyone is busy measuring up and sizing up the other instead of actually wanting to know them for who they are.

 

[C RAVI]

I'd like to think I'm more than just a good looking or not good looking girl. And he could be the richest man in the world -- If there's no connection, there's no connection.

It's not about having a crush on Hrithik Roshan... It's about understanding and appreciating your partner so much that regardless of what they actually look like, they look beautiful to you, and you just appreciate their presence, and your time with them.

:yo:

 

[prasad1]

The word Love is misunderstood. The movie version of love is not to be confused with real life.
Love while meeting, dating, etc, is more of infatuation, excitement, and putting the best foot forward. You are also giddily happy.

Love after marriage is respect, compromise, and genuinely caring for each other, and commitment to one another. The physical attraction may not last for ever.

Here is west people date for years, live together for years, and proclaim they are in love. Then they marry or even move in together and then they can't stand each other, and go their separate ways.