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Present day parents of the girls

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Aachis Malli Copy (coffee) is being vigorously marketed. In the later of 40s, i.e. after WWII, because of shortage of Coffee, only Mallicopy was served in hotels and homes. In place of sugar, they mixed கருப்பட்டி. Oil wells are drying up, may be alcohol would be used to power engines and vehicles with suitable arrangement like anti-wobbling.
 
Iyya,

Is mallikapi same as chicory. I remember my mom saying chicory coffee, but never malli.

Btw alcohol in its various forms is already being used. These are called biofuels.

The pioneer in this was (ofcourse) nazi germany, which had few natural oil resource but plenty of coal. From coal they extracted alcohol through chemical processing. This was further developed by apartheid ruled south Africa, which could not get oil due to international sanctions.

The country which produces the largest amount of biofuel is brazil, which has huge processing plants, to produce gasoline (ethanol) out of corn and its wastes. So much so that all brazil’s cars operate on a mixture of pure gasoline and ethanol

The usa is a late starter but fast catching up. With ethanol, we are not using fossil fuel, and also weaning ourselves away from arab oil. But this is more expensive than arab oil, and the arab countries while anxiously watching this development, are making sure that their pricing strategy is such that all these are not price competitive on the international market. Same goes for shale oil development from Canada.

In almost all gas (petrol) stations in Toronto, there is a warning sign, that upto 7.5% of the petrol filled, may contain ethanol. While ethanol is produced from renewable resources, the environmentalists do not like it, for it has negative carbon footprint. But that is another story…


Ethanol fuel in Brazil - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 
Iyya,

Is mallikapi same as chicory. I remember my mom saying chicory coffee, but never malli.

Kothamalli (coriander seeds) roasted and powdered coarsely is malli coffee powder. Chicory is a root which is dried and powdered and mixed with coffee. Chicory is also addictive, I would say, because those who are used to Chicory coffee will feel out of sorts if they are given pure coffee! Chicory is cheaper than coffee, it adds to the viscosity (kozhuppu) of coffee.
 
present day parents of girls

Dear All,
The current status in marriage market it is becoming difficult to get brides to grooms.Many boys parents known to me are waiting for long to get their sons get married.There could be many reasons one being girls are equally if not educated higher than boys. Taking this as an cue why girls parents insit that they won't preer grooms with habits like smoling,drinking etc.
Just a thought to curb this parctice.
alwan
 
Dear All,
The current status in marriage market it is becoming difficult to get brides to grooms.Many boys parents known to me are waiting for long to get their sons get married.There could be many reasons one being girls are equally if not educated higher than boys. Taking this as an cue why girls parents insit that they won't preer grooms with habits like smoling,drinking etc.
Just a thought to curb this parctice.
alwan

Shri Talwan,

In my limited opinion, tabra girls (and girls from other denominations too, possibly) are eager for a life which will afford them the maximum possible material comforts and luxuries. Looking at most of our gurus, godmen/godwomen, swamijis, heads of mutts, etc., who also seem to be equally eager to increase their material comforts and luxuries, I don't think the girls are doing anything wrong.

And, in today's world drinking occupies a unique position as one goes up in his/her career path. So, in course of time, this will have to be accepted as part of life by reluctant tabras also, just as coffee has come to be regarded.
 
Recently one of a youngster from U.S. returned home after 5 years. He showed a site which was full of photos taken on an occasion in U.S. Some videos were also posted. In that 80 percent of the participants were our community, newly wedded. You can see from the tilak and the faces were similar to Indians. The dresses were so sexy that the kind hearted will close their eyes. For this kind of living our community brides are ready to sacrifice any thing and what they need is only money. He also said some of the miscreants prefers divorce after couple of years after they settle down and got a secured job, claiming that their husband harassing them. If our members wish I am ready to share the site name.
 
Girls v/s boys

Boys not getting girls is not a phenomenon now. Boys stopping bad habits and returning to studies now would not make any difference. If all the girls becomes goddess Saraswati, what will be the position?!. As for habits, a recent study in Mumbai and Delhi revealed that there are less smokers now than before, but the number of girls smoking and drinking had doubled. Then? Education is different, Service/business is different, Family life and ordinary life is all different. If you want to enjoy life you should use judicious mixture of all these and proceed. If you, boy or girl, want to be on the peak only, you will be alone and frightened and consequently likely to fall into the valley of no return. :tape2:
 
Recently one of a youngster from U.S. returned home after 5 years. He showed a site which was full of photos taken on an occasion in U.S. Some videos were also posted. In that 80 percent of the participants were our community, newly wedded. You can see from the tilak and the faces were similar to Indians. The dresses were so sexy that the kind hearted will close their eyes. For this kind of living our community brides are ready to sacrifice any thing and what they need is only money. He also said some of the miscreants prefers divorce after couple of years after they settle down and got a secured job, claiming that their husband harassing them. If our members wish I am ready to share the site name.

ramacc,

may i recommend that you leave those folks and that site alone.

our community appears to have a section of 'holier than thou' folks, who have no other work, than to poke their nose into other's business. this desi returned lad too might have been part of this 'debauched' crowd and back home assumed his saffron outlook and sandhyavandhanam.

i would look upon the more mature of folks, when such things happen, to give these hypocritcal show offs that there is such thing called freedom of action and speech. nobody is forcing anyone to partake of whatever acts shown in the pix or videos. but i think, it is a moral crime to be a peeping tom and gaze at these with the mouth open, tongue watering, and the mind closed.

shame on such folks!!
 
Recently one of a youngster from U.S. returned home after 5 years. He showed a site which was full of photos taken on an occasion in U.S. Some videos were also posted. In that 80 percent of the participants were our community, newly wedded. You can see from the tilak and the faces were similar to Indians. The dresses were so sexy that the kind hearted will close their eyes. For this kind of living our community brides are ready to sacrifice any thing and what they need is only money. He also said some of the miscreants prefers divorce after couple of years after they settle down and got a secured job, claiming that their husband harassing them. If our members wish I am ready to share the site name.

Ramacchandran,

May I correct you? It is not only "our community brides" but girls and boys in general. People like me at the fag end of our lives, or those who, like you have spent major portion of life already, may not be able to understand their psychology. But we can very well realize that it is the older generations which impelled their children to get more promotions, more salary, more dowry and more material comforts. I have not found even one tabra (including vadhyars, sanskrit mahopadhyayas, etc.) who advised their children to be satisfied with a more spiritual life, less creature comforts. One generation back the youngsters were taking idli-coffee from vegetarian hotels run by non-brahman hindus; the then oldies said "apachaaram, apachaaram"; people of my father's generation were hooked on dramas, drama artistes, T.R. Rajakumari and so on, and then also their elders decried "apachaaram, vazhikeTTu poraankaL". Did the obsession really lead those tabras (few of whom might be living today because by the time I became a teenager TRR was not active.) astray into a rank immoral lifestyle?

Just seeing some pictures and believing what one person told you, let us not jump to generalizations. And regarding sexy dresses, what if my or your granddaughter looks beautiful and dresses up in sexy dress? I will appreciate her beauty, just as I would, if she comes in saree. Why should we be the moral guardians of the society when we have completed our meals and are about to do "amrutaapidhaanamasi", sip water, and get up from the feast which is this bountiful life which we had?
 
It is true that getting brides for grooms has become difficult these days but it does not mean that the girls are getting grooms overnight. They are also finding it difficult to get a suitable match.
I have been going through matrimony sites for more than two years first time was for my sisters son and now it is for my sister-in-laws son.
Some girls profile which I had gone through two years back are still active.
Previously the girls were mainly home makers and nothing else and their only ambition in life was to keep her husband and in-laws happy and also to get her children educated.
The situation has changed now.
All the girls are getting educated and are employed.
In case I make a search for non graduates in tamilmatrimony I get only 3 or 4 profiles and similarly if i search for unemployed girls I get a good number but most of them are searching for a job in US after completing their MS / Phd.
The reality of the situation is girls are also aspiring to reach higher in the ladder in their occupation and life which cannot be said to be wrong and they are searching for grooms who will encourage them to do that but at the same time do not want a groom who is less educated and having a lesser position.
similarly the boys as usual are aspiring to go higher and are not willing to come down and they are also looking for girls who will not be a hindrance to their growth.
Both the boy and girl are trying to find ideal and perfect match satisfying their requirement which is difficult and the marriages are getting delayed.
Somewhere in this thread I had read that girls are interested in material benefits and would like to go to US and the parents take it as a pride to state that had visited their daughter.
I will disagree with the first two parts of the statement and partially agree with the third part regarding the parents.
My sister-in-laws son is doing a business and is earning more than 25 lacs per annum and his registration number in tamilmatrimony.com is m2233261 and I have registered it.
More than 600 persons have seen this profile and response has come from only two girls and both of them do not satisfy more than one condition of our requirement. If material benefit is the only motive as stated by some members here than my nephew would have got married by now.
My sisters son who is employed in Oracle Corporation US with an annual package of 1lac US dollars after having done his MS from Carnegie Mellon was not able to get a response from girls who are employed in India. Fortunately I was able to shortlist a girl who had done her MBA and was searching for a job and was willing to go to US. He is now happily married and the search did not take a long time.
It is clear that the girls are also not rushing to foreign as has been claimed by some members here.
Most of the parents who visit US dont do it for pride but go there as babysitters and do it in turns but happily claim that they visited their children.
It is clear that the girls want to be recognized on their merits and the only sacrifice they are willing to make is the food habits of their spouse which is an accepted norm now a days.
 
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Somewhere in this thread I had read that girls are interested in material benefits and would like to go to US and the parents take it as a pride to state that had visited their daughter.
I will disagree with the first two parts of the statement and partially agree with the third part regarding the parents.
My sister-in-laws son is doing a business and is earning more than 25 lacs per annum and his registration number in tamilmatrimony.com is m2233261 and I have registered it.
More than 600 persons have seen this profile and response has come from only two girls and both of them do not satisfy more than one condition of our requirement. If material benefit is the only motive as stated by some members here than my nephew would have got married by now.
My sisters son who is employed in Oracle Corporation US with an annual package of 1lac US dollars after having done his MS from Carnegie Mellon was not able to get a response from girls who are employed in India. Fortunately I was able to shortlist a girl who had done her MBA and was searching for a job and was willing to go to US. He is now happily married and the search did not take a long time.
It is clear that the girls are also not rushing to foreign as has been claimed by some members here.

Shri Sureshkumar,

From the above it appears that your sister's son, well-employed in US was able to get an alliance of his liking soon; forget about whether the girl was employed in India and all that because, according to me, the calculation today will be about the prospects of getting a "better" job in the US and that has become somewhat difficult now. On the contrary your sister's son earning about 50 to 60% of that (your sil's son, in rupee terms) is not getting any response. Of course, you are theoretically right in refuting the opinion that "girls are interested in material benefits", but the written medium being deficient, what I meant by "material benefits" was 'not merely money and what it would buy, but also the culture, atmosphere, freedom for women, neatness, etc., available in the developed countries like US'. The reason why your sister's son is not getting many responses is due to this factor IMO.

Most of the parents who visit US dont do it for pride but go there as babysitters and do it in turns but happily claim that they visited their children.
It is clear that the girls want to be recognized on their merits and the only sacrifice they are willing to make is the food habits of their spouse which is an accepted norm now a days.
I would disagree here. Though the parents may be going as baby sitters mainly, they do brag about "seeing the length and breadth of US, ... times" once they come back to India. Hence they are deriving pride from their visits. And, it is not also true that all parents are always visiting only for baby sitting duty. I know many parents who visit their children once a year and even more and it is not that there are as many pregnancies/deliveries taking place there. ;)
 
personally, i think most women who go for the west love it there. mainly for the freedom of thought, word, expression, lifestyle and independence, that it offers.

singapore is an extension of tamil nadu, and while it adorns western clothes, it is as deeply conservative and nosy as the next house in the agraharam. conformity and kudumba manam rules.

all the tambram whomen i know in toronto, revel in this freedom. even those coming from ultra orthodox households in india. once they land in a desi airport they switch like chameleon to the old ways, but outside of india, it is a rarity to meet a tambramh wife above 40 below 55 who has not had a taste of wine. and many non veg too.

the credit goes to the husbands, who by nature and default, are fairly broad minded. broad minded to let their wives develop themselves into humans first, and wives/mothers next. overall everyone in the family has benefitted from this attitude.

why i limit myself to age group 40 -55? this group is my peers. i find the younger crowd, particularly those with a stint in the mid east, very traditional. maybe it is the influence of being a minority in an islamic environment? the indian youngsters, though i know only few, are progressive enough.
 
personally, i think most women who go for the west love it there. mainly for the freedom of thought, word, expression, lifestyle and independence, that it offers.

singapore is an extension of tamil nadu, and while it adorns western clothes, it is as deeply conservative and nosy as the next house in the agraharam. conformity and kudumba manam rules.

all the tambram whomen i know in toronto, revel in this freedom. even those coming from ultra orthodox households in india. once they land in a desi airport they switch like chameleon to the old ways, but outside of india, it is a rarity to meet a tambramh wife above 40 below 55 who has not had a taste of wine. and many non veg too.

the credit goes to the husbands, who by nature and default, are fairly broad minded. broad minded to let their wives develop themselves into humans first, and wives/mothers next. overall everyone in the family has benefitted from this attitude.

why i limit myself to age group 40 -55? this group is my peers. i find the younger crowd, particularly those with a stint in the mid east, very traditional. maybe it is the influence of being a minority in an islamic environment? the indian youngsters, though i know only few, are progressive enough.

Dear Kunjuppu,

The most important impression I get from some of the women staying abroad is that they do not want the "being religious" facade which they have to necessarily put up while they are in India. Of course, as you rightly say they may, "once they land in a desi airport they switch like chameleon to the old ways", the girls to be married, also love that escape from traditional "bharat ki naaree" act! This is also one reason for preference of US and other western countries.

Some girls, of course, settle initially for a gulf-based boy, but once they are able to go and live there, they make efforts to migrate to US or London. Canada does not figure much; what can be the reason? Perhaps you are the best person to tell.
 
sangom,

canada is perceived as a cold weather country with snow on the ground 12 on the of the year, people use sleigh to got work pulled by reindeer, drug ridden, inferior health care system and above all, everyone speaks french.

this is what an average american thinks about us. no wonder the rest of the world knows even littler.

toronto is a vibrant city with folks from almost all parts of the world, living peacefully together. the weather is cold in toronto, we have snow 4 months of the year, cold 8 months, but everyone lives in heated homes and so nobody feels the cold unless you are venturing out to walk, but everyone drives anyway.

many indians use canada as a stepping stone to go to the usa. if you havea cnadian passport (3 years after you r landing here) you can work and live in the usa freely without any hassle. legally.

i will be only too happy to answer queries from anyone here for specifics. except immigration, which i know is quite achievable, judging from the number of newcomers from mid east and india.

thank you.
 
Dear Kunjuppu,
I was under the impression that Canada has more of Sardarji population and having lived in Punjab I know their culture.
What you have mentioned about the tambramh wife is similar to the culture prevailing in Punjab. Probably our people have learnt to move along with the tide.
 
dear suresh,

the sardarjis and hindu punjabis are large ethnic groups. along with muslim punjabis and banglas. however our sri lankan tamil cousins have beaten them in numbers now, which has been a great bonus to all tamil speakers - tamil food, vegetables, movies, books, magazines to the galore.

the toronto public library and the toronto public school have extensive tamil books, videos and also special tamil classes for credit. ofcourse, we tambrams shun the 'tamil' tag and move more with the northies.

nowadays almost all tambram youth marry into other indian hindu or sikh groups. since punjabis are the majority, it is often a mix of tambram dhal wedding - the groom arrives in a goda, quickly put on a poonal over the sherwani, bride dressed in lehnga, tamil priests, oonjal, nalangu, maalai maatral, mangalya dharanam. some of the boys even wear a turban (!).

so we are changing. where they marry whites, the weddings are usually hindu though an added church wedding might take place, though not always necesary. the whites would rather have the desi spend for the wedding and watch the tamasha, as no one is really religious in the spiritual sense.

one tambram girl married a muslim, dressed in red for the hindu temple wedding (muslim given a poonal) & then nikkah where she wore white, and her mother fainted, the groom's dad boycotted and the groom's sisters did bhangra. melodramatic enough for you? :)

re my own children - to be seen. i personally abhor expenses on weddings. would urge them to elope :)
 
Dear Kunjuppu,
You may be liberal in accepting the love marriages of your children and they may also oblige in doing that but I feel you can spend on the marriage.
Once my friend a Jain told me Eat happily " Abhi kauegu tho apne paise Khaa rahe ho Agar Bachaoage tho
doosran ke liye bachaoage".:
Which means that enjoy your money. If you are saving your are saving for others.
So enjoy your money.
 
dear suresh,

what i wish, and what happens is a different matter. lest you think, i am master and lord of the household, that exalted position belongs to mrs. kunjuppu.

the reason for my anethema to lavish spending on weddings, especially if it forced, or 'to keep up with the joneses', is that in my younger days, we had a lot of girl cousins to marry off, with very little money. my dad & cousin used to come up with creative solutions to marry these girls off. i used to feel sorry for my father/his nephew, as the parents of these girls had died, and dad was the only one of the several uncles who cared about settling them.

i think many of my convictions now, comes from my experiences of life. i do these days visit chennai regularly, and so arrange the dates so that i can attend atleast one wedding if not more. i find, thanks to the upward mobility of the family, the weddings today are lavish. the last two i attended had bombay jayashree & sudha raghunathan kutcheris, arranged, i felt, more for the sake of showing off than anything else.

also, it has been a practice to call the members of the society, of chennai, and i had the fortune of shaking MK Stalin's hands, seeing J, taking a pix with Kanimozhi at these weddings. i have to confess i do enjoy these excesses, for the spending now is done freely by the girls' fathers or 50/50 in some cases, willingly. but none of these nouveau riches would ever heed to my soundings, about some of that marriage money could be spend on educating a poor child or paying some unfortunate's medical bills. such things are not done in atleast my household. sad.

so, i have inculcated (i hope) the awareness of the futility of throwing money in a wedding party, especially when some good could come out of it, other than vaadhiar dakshniai, 2 nadaswaram, 1 clarionet, 1 sax, 2 thavils and brand name carnatic music singers for reception. that is all. :)
 
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Dear Kunjuppu,
I appreciate your reason and concern for reduced spending on marriages.
The difficulty faced by your DAD in marrying of the girls in your family was there in most of the brahmin families earlier.
My mothers uncle had to spend on the marriage of atleast seven of his nieces. My father-in-law had to spend on the marriage of his six daughters, my wife being the sixth.
Similarly the upward mobility has taken place in most of the brahmin families, thanks to the growth of IT sector and the cascading effect it has on the other industries.
The individual spending capacity has increased multifold and the main way to spend their money is on wedding and purchasing houses.
As rightly pointed out by you I have seen many families spending some amount for the needy but that spending is restricted to the family circle. They also spend heavily in marriages.
I am not sure whther they spend these to show off or use this as an occasion to keep their children happy or see them happy.
I normally here this " ennodu paiyan sambachidha avanakku selavu pannren".
As you have mentioned rightly they spend it happily now.
My sisters sambandhi refused to accept the cash offered by her for the unnikrishnan Katcherry which she had for her son's marriage even though I am against the Katcherry during the marriage as only few will be listening to it and the others exchanging pleasantries with one another.
 
Of late I visited a popular matrimonysite and searching for brides. Few of the brides when filling up the form skipped the Drinking and smoking eating habits and this resulted in "The girl's side doesn't mind if the boy smokes, drinks and eats. But they take care in mentioning that the boy should work in USA/ Singapore / Europe with handsome salary. Of course I agree that the boys may drink and smoke in the country where they work! I am not denying that few brahmins consume alcohol, and in a Tasmac shop I had seen few native brahmins visit regularly and buy drinks for them or for their friends.

I feel instead of putting this openly they can put No drinks no smoke etc., and later stage they can exempt these words and say they have no objection if the would be son in law drinks and smokes if he is working in U.S.A.

I request our brahmin brothers to take care when filling up the forms.
money is honey it doesn't matter about the shape of the bottle it contains ok whatabout the boys who are not employed in US?
 
He must be a crororepathy with IIM MBA, IIT, IAS IPS
 
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