Marriage of brahmin boys - why late or no?

[krish44]

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My answer:

It depends on why the lovvu started! If the lovvu started for financial benefits, it might soon break up when money is not

received as expected! If the lovvu started expecting total freedom, it might soon break up when total freedom is curtailed!

for lower middle class working girls , love is often an escape from lower middle class lifestyle and

parental authority which is stifling and restrictive . they feel love with financial benefits with

more freedom is an escape route . also conventional marriages are prohibitively expensive. these

girls get into a relationship as a way out . let caste , horoscopes and conventional marriage be

damned. I can empathise with their aspirations. but sometimes , these marriages do not work out .

 

[renuka]

renukaji
have you ever wondered how difficult it is to cope with ladies who demand equal rights?

one has to be more circumspect and they have to be handled like rare species.

it can be intellectually challenging and emotionally draining.

overworked men require females who can feed their ego and treat them like God even if they are

idiots. thats where so called dumb types score.

equality types only hurt their mates and damage themselves.

moral of the story . be dumb and spread happiness all around .internally feel equal and do not let the other party know it.

I suggested this to you sometime back .lol

Dear Krish ji,

I think you are confusing the matter a little bit here..equal rights females do not necessarily run away from doing their marital duties.

These days both males and females work outside of home and are over worked too but still a female always has more energy than a male when she reaches home and manages to cook a meal for everyone.

Its not hard to deal with an wife who believes in equality..a true spouse is an equal half.

Lord Shiva is an equal spouse cos His other half is Parvati..but Lord Vishnu is different..He is dominant..Lakshmi is at His feet!LOL

Lord Brahma sits far away from His spouse..they have a long distance relationship!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

One tambram widow had difficult times in raising her three daughters with her 'samaiyal' work! Now the girls have started working

in BPOs and earn well. The old mother cooks only for her daughters and when she questions them if they are dropped in the house

late at night by unknown males, the daughters shout at her saying that it is their own life and they can take care of themselves!

If she raised more objections, she is afraid that she might be driven out by her own daughters. Such is life for poor widows! :tsk:

 

[Raji Ram]

............ Lord Shiva is an equal spouse cos His other half is Parvati..but Lord Vishnu is different..He is dominant..Lakshmi is at His feet!LOL........

Dear Renu,

Adhu chummA!! Actually Lakshmi Devi is in his chest! :thumb:

 

[krish44]

vishnu with lakshmi at his feet would appeal to any man. who would not like to lie like this with a

docile lady at his feet

according to RRji

adhu chumma, lakshmidevi is in his chest.

equality exists only in maths books

it is not worth carrying the double burden of high pressure career and home duties

it is worth finding support for low level works like cooking .

fight for equal rights in career and be a dumb wife home .lol

 

[raman50]

dear ramakrishnan, I totally agree with you, there is one more factor is also involved in this, this nowadays brahmins has only one daughter or son, most of the brahmin families which came from very poor stage, do not want to loose th si income of their girls, because of this they put so many conditions so that they can get the best match to their daughter

Ramanathan Krishnan

 

[renuka]

it is worth finding support for low level works like cooking .

LOL! You actually consider cooking a low level job Krish ji??

You have no idea how particular I am about the food I eat.I also like exotic dishes..last nite I made Guacamole to have with cheese for dinner...so you see getting others to make a Mexican dish for you wont be easy!

I even make my own protein bars to eat..here is the recipe:

I mix almond powder or ground almonds with full grain uncooked oats(dry) add soya powder...milk powder..add chopped walnuts..Chia seeds(optional)..raisins,dried fruits sliced..slivered almonds and mix some good amount of sugar free peanut butter and add liquid milk and mix it until it becomes dough...then place it in metal container and freeze it..then after 1 hour take it out and cut into small pieces..then re freeze it and take it out when you want to eat it..its a good home made protein supplement with fibre and fruits too.

I make sure I eat only my own cooked food cos I like to keep a close watch on what I eat..I also seldom eat out cos I only cook with olive oil and try to avoid outside food cos they tend to use cheap oil that too recycled oil that might contain trans fat.

 

[krish44]

One tambram widow had difficult times in raising her three daughters with her 'samaiyal' work! Now the girls have started working

in BPOs and earn well. The old mother cooks only for her daughters and when she questions them if they are dropped in the house

late at night by unknown males, the daughters shout at her saying that it is their own life and they can take care of themselves!

If she raised more objections, she is afraid that she might be driven out by her own daughters. Such is life for poor widows! :tsk:

In addition to herself , she has three daughters who feel they are independant.

this lady is sitting on a goldmine . three working tambrahm girls.

what more can she want?

instead of indulging in self pity , she should assert herself and turn the family around

empowerment is a matter of feeling and she should develop self worth.

all she needs to do is collect one son in law to start with.

then she can use them to settle the remaining girls.

cooks are in great demand . since she knows cooking , she can be independant and not feel helpless.

my cook got her three daughters married off. she became a cook since her husband left her and later on died.

my cook is a non brahmin. she has taken a separate room near one of the daughters and baby sits also for her.

she took to cooking in the first place since her husband deserted her. she is not a professional cook . she learnt it at my home when she was helpless.

there is a way out for everyone . only everyone should know how to operate

 

[krish44]

renukaji
fine
you are a good cook. but you are a better doctor.

so delegate cooking and train someone to cook your exotic dishes.

 

[renuka]

renukaji
fine
you are a good cook. but you are a better doctor.

so delegate cooking and train someone to cook your exotic dishes.

Nope..you see food is what that enters my system..that has to be right first before I can function as a doctor.
BTW being a doctor is just a job yaar...its not my life.

I am not a career oriented person..a job is just part of my life..I like to be a well balanced person and not just think of career..as it is I want to make a Robo Doc!LOL(see Chit Chat section I started a thread titled Robo Doc)

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

You missed the important points in the old lady's story!

1. She is worried that her daughters should not go astray!

2. She is old and can not go out and cook for others.

 

[biswa]

RR ji, in all your anecdotes you seem to favor the boys and are tough on the girls. Or is that my imagination?

 

[prasad1]

Women are tough on women. Generally if women stay and support each other, men do not stand a chance. So ill treatment of women at home, or work place, racism or any other social malice would be stopped if women start to be cohesive against abuse by male.
For a A culture, religion, society to flourish you need the women folk to take initiative. To a great extent the women's liberation is the cause of evolution of any group. Just as female lions are the true leaders, and they have a male lion for protection, women in society wield the power, and let men assume that they are ruling.

 

[Raji Ram]

RR ji, in all your anecdotes you seem to favor the boys and are tough on the girls. Or is that my imagination?

Dear Biswa Sir,

The tambram girls have become brave and what I write in forum is truth and nothing but the truth!

I remember to have shared a few anecdotes in which girls were cheated! One was a very pretty Iyer girl (our extended family)

who was loved at first sight by and Iyengar boy (he saw her while she was working in the airport office); grand wedding; girl went

to the U S of A; could not find a high salaried job (she was an arts graduate); ill treatment started and ended in domestic violence;

girl divorced; stayed with a friend; managed to get a decent job; continues to stay abroad, single! :tsk:

 

[Raji Ram]

........... Just as female lions are the true leaders, and they have a male lion for protection, women in society wield the power, and let men assume that they are ruling.

Not to forget the herd of elephants led by the 'she' elephant! :thumb:

 

[renuka]

Dear Biswa,

I feel I know the reason why some women are tough on female and some are tough on males..its all dependents on the male:female ratio at home.

I have noted before that a if a woman has all daughters or only 1 child who is a female she is usually tough on males and if she has all sons or only 1 child who is a male she is usually tough on females. BTW the woman with all daughters tends to be more fashionable!

Now just say a woman has 2 sons and no daughter and..at home there are 3 males..that is her sons and her husband..so when a female is surrounded by males she tends to think more like a male and tends to be slightly tough on females.

If a woman has 2 daughters that means there are 3 females at home including her and these types are usually tough on males cos she is the Alpha female here.

Now those who has equal number of boys and girls tend to be more equal minded in their approach.

For me I have 1 child( a male),1 husband.. grew up with 2 brothers and have a nephew too..so its being surrounded by males all the while..but somehow I view male or females as the same but I do caution my son to be very careful of females cos the law protects a female more than a male..even in school the girls students can get away with anything but boy students are even punished for a offence they did not commit.

So we have to be fair to boys too at times..after all its equality we seek and no one gender should have the upper hand.

Now coming to the males who have all daughters and no sons..they tend to be gentle and more understanding towards problems of women.

A man who has all sons and no daughters tends to be the Alpha Male..at times a MCP too.


To summarize..its the ratio of testerone: estrogen at home that determines a persons stance in life with regards to gender.

 

[Raji Ram]

............. A man who has all sons and no daughters tends to be the Alpha Male..at times a MCP too.

To summarize..its the ratio of testerone: estrogen at home that determines a persons stance in life with regards to gender.

Dear Renu,

I beg to differ from your views! A dominant male is made by his mom according to me! I have seen very shy single sons and
also the very arrogant single sons! And about the father who has all sons....... He will be a MCP only if he earns a huge salary! opcorn:

Girls gain confidence and tend to become arrogant if they are in a high bracket income!

So....... it depends on how much a man / woman earns to make him / her arrogant or timid!

P.S: This arrogance is known as 'paNath thimiru'! :lol:

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

I beg to differ from your views! A dominant male is made by his mom according to me! I have seen very shy single sons and
also the very arrogant single sons! And about the father who has all sons....... He will be a MCP only if he earns a huge salary! opcorn:

Girls gain confidence and tend to become arrogant if they are in a high bracket income!

So....... it depends on how much a man / woman earns to make him / her arrogant or timid!

P.S: This arrogance is known as 'paNath thimiru'! :lol:

Dear RR ji,

High incomes does not always means arrogance..its people who have no self confidence who get carried away by money especially those who are seeing it for the first time...what is termed the New Rich.

A person who has self confidence will not be arrogant even if he/she becomes a millionaire over night.

A confident person is confident with himself/herself in poverty or in times of fortune.

I will relate to you a story..once I had a proposal from a fellow doctor and when his parents came to view me they expected me to say yes and when I did not agree to the proposal they asked my father "My son is a doctor..what else does your daughter want?"

I was quite surprised with their thinking cos I am also a doctor and that puts me as an equal and I wont view another doc as being a big catch for me...may be if they were seeking a lesser educated girl they could feel that way.


But they conveyed to my dad that they thought I was arrogant that just becos I am a doctor I could reject their son when other girls would be dying to marry a doctor!

So I told my dad to tell them that I have my own reasons why I do not want this proposal and they really wanted to know what was my reason..I did not tell them the real reason cos I cant tell parents that their son was not good looking.


So I guess sometimes arrogance is also subjective..cos I did not reject the person becos I was arrogant its just that I did not like how he looked.Its an arranged marriage..I have the right to choose what suits my taste..its not Lovvu.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Though you did not say about the looks of that doctor, his parents would have guessed the right reason for rejection!

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

Though you did not say about the looks of that doctor, his parents would have guessed the right reason for rejection!

Dear RR ji,

I dont think so cos the Indian mindset is only looks of the girl matters and not the guys.

Actually there is also another reason for the rejection..that is the mother of the guy looked too traditional with a huge red pottu! I got really scared and all his sisters too were wearing huge pottus..so no way man!LOL

 

[krish44]

Dear Krish Sir,

You missed the important points in the old lady's story!

1. She is worried that her daughters should not go astray!

2. She is old and can not go out and cook for others.

If the old lady moves to settle her daughters , they might listen to her. in case they have a choice, she could meet those

boys to assess their suitability. she should compromise if need be and try settling at least one girl as per the wishes of

the girl if need be.there is no point in her being a sitting duck with children taking a potshot at her.

the old lady can distribute the house work among her daughters and take their help in settling them as per their

wishes. well if they do not listen to her , her values and judgement is outdated and not keeping with the times.

if she does as per wishes of her children they will be grateful and support her during old age .

she has to depend on one of the daughters for old age subsistence.she can choose one who meets her requirement .she has to offer her services to her daughter for old age security and support

if she is resourceful ,she can cook and get food delivered to homes of people . there is a lot of money to be made in this .

 

[krish44]

Dear RR ji,

I dont think so cos the Indian mindset is only looks of the girl matters and not the guys.

Actually there is also another reason for the rejection..that is the mother of the guy looked too traditional with a huge red pottu! I got really scared and all his sisters too were wearing huge pottus..so no way man!LOL

HaHAHa
what do you have against pottus
that does not make them traditional
renuka with huge pottu to be referred as pottu doctor by all TB oldies. lol

 

[Brahmanyan]

One tambram widow had difficult times in raising her three daughters with her 'samaiyal' work! Now the girls have started working in BPOs and earn well. The old mother cooks only for her daughters and when she questions them if they are dropped in the house late at night by unknown males, the daughters shout at her saying that it is their own life and they can take care of themselves!

If she raised more objections, she is afraid that she might be driven out by her own daughters. Such is life for poor widows! :tsk:

Dear Mrs Raji Ram,

This is not new. Very few children understand the trials and tribulations that the parents undergo to educate and give new life to their children. When the Children happen to see big money in their hand, they feel liberated and try to experiment new style of living.
Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[renuka]

HaHAHa
what do you have against pottus
that does not make them traditional
renuka with huge pottu to be referred as pottu doctor by all TB oldies. lol

You dont get it yaar.. a man whose mother and sisters wear Big Pottus and are Thaliban(Thali wearing brigade of the yellow string kind) would expect his wife to wear all the signs and symbols of marriage!LOL

If his mother weasr a medium size pottu or a small pottu(old timers usually wear) and if his sisters do not wear any type of Pottu that means chances are likely he wont enforce all the Thaliban rules on his wife.

The only thing I like on my forehead is Brahma Likhitam and nothing else.

 

[krish44]

renukaji
you are a bit of sherlock holmes of a different kind
you conclude about people by appearances . sometimes one finds very liberated ladies in conservative households and appearances can be deceptive
See I do not have any characteristics of TB though I pass of as one successfully.
many times when one directly transacts , one finds many of the fears are unfounded
pottu and thali alone do not make a person . these are only outward appearances
they might have a modern mind set and in most cases put up with a lot of deviants in the family.
freedom anyway is a matter of feeling . you can be as free as you decide to be.
also most rules and regulations are meant to be broken if not convenient.
most ladies these days do not wear thaali full time and it has become ceremonial like poonool.
pottu is your personal choice .
I know many girls who start from home if compelled with pottu and get rid of it the first thing in the college or office rest room
it is a matter of getting the man in your life to make him see reason and make him see that it is a matter of personal choice for you .
men also smoke and drink though many ladies do not like it . yet most girls put up with it
so ultimately if couple like each other , they adjust a lot. I have not heard anyone breaking a marriage for such frivolous reasons