Vaagmi
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How to control Anger.
- Thread starter Brahmanyan
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Thank you.
Raji Ram
Active member
Prof M S K has sent me these links to be posted in this thread, since he is unable to do so.
http://www.nytimes.com/1998/05/17/magazine/advice-teen-angst-nah.html
The last two paragraphs are upbeat
Finally, you've got to contend with college. Now, you already know what school is like: you come in; you keep quiet;
you don't break anything; you leave. High school is the same, except on the horizon, looming over you, are these
monstrosities: the SAT's, the Achievement Tests, college interviews. A word of advice: don't worry so much about
college. To be sure, you can learn a lot at a university. At the same time, plenty of successful people -- Thomas Edison,
Bill Gates, even my grandfather -- never went, or dropped out as soon as possible. At a high-pressure school like mine,
teachers push the idea that your college will absolutely determine your future, but nothing is set in stone. If you want
to go, go; but don't freak out about it.
The media present adolescence as hell on earth, chock full of evil cliques (the cliques in grade school are worse),
domineering parents and wrenching decisions that will determine the rest of your life. Nah. Adolescence is a time to
sit back, make some friends -- and maybe discover what you're good at. Don't believe the hype.
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/13/upshot/can-teenage-defiance-be-manipulated-for-good.html
http://www.nytimes.com/1998/05/17/magazine/advice-teen-angst-nah.html
The last two paragraphs are upbeat
Finally, you've got to contend with college. Now, you already know what school is like: you come in; you keep quiet;
you don't break anything; you leave. High school is the same, except on the horizon, looming over you, are these
monstrosities: the SAT's, the Achievement Tests, college interviews. A word of advice: don't worry so much about
college. To be sure, you can learn a lot at a university. At the same time, plenty of successful people -- Thomas Edison,
Bill Gates, even my grandfather -- never went, or dropped out as soon as possible. At a high-pressure school like mine,
teachers push the idea that your college will absolutely determine your future, but nothing is set in stone. If you want
to go, go; but don't freak out about it.
The media present adolescence as hell on earth, chock full of evil cliques (the cliques in grade school are worse),
domineering parents and wrenching decisions that will determine the rest of your life. Nah. Adolescence is a time to
sit back, make some friends -- and maybe discover what you're good at. Don't believe the hype.
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/13/upshot/can-teenage-defiance-be-manipulated-for-good.html
Raji Ram
Active member
One more link from Prof.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/22/magazine/raising-teenagers-the-mother-of-all-problems.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/22/magazine/raising-teenagers-the-mother-of-all-problems.html
Doctor, you have made a basic mistake.
E.coli coming from a sattvic person must be sattvic E.coli
It may even have special DNA to conform to sattvic gene theory!
renuka
Well-known member
LOL!
May be we can identify a few new subspecies..
E.Coli Sattvi...E.Coli Rajasi..E.Coli Tamasi and E.Coli Sankari(mixed).
But now I need samples to work on
Will the E.Coli found in the intestine of a vegetarian differ from the E.Coli found in the intestine of a non vegetarian.
For this we need to do an experiment..take 2 people.
1 veg since birth and the other non veg.
Compare and contrast the E.Coli..I wonder what the results would be?
Need to find samples.
Need a 100% Sattva sample but the donor I have in mind is just too far away!
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Vaagmi
0
Thanks to the Prof and RRji for bringing this here by giving the link.
Well written. Makes very interesting reading.
Thank you Prof. and RRji.
This comes as fresh breeze after digging up a lot of Ecoli here.
The cockroach in my bathroom was very happy that there is a lot of discussion about Ecoli here. And now when the discussion shifts to other topics like rebelling adults, he gets angry. He is twitching his mush and is threatening me to come round and fall in line. But I tell him to shut up and mind his business -- of what you know. LOL.
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renuka
Well-known member
I have noted..sometimes people expect us to react to a particular news and if we dont they get all angry with us.
This happens all the while with my mum and I.
She gets all sorts of fake news from her network of friends and expects me to believe it.
I know its fake but I dont tell her cos I know she will say its not fake.
So I just say..Ok.
Then she will ask..." why no reaction? Doesnt the news make you angry?"
Then I try to rationalize and she gets angry with me.
Being calm can also make others angry.
This happens all the while with my mum and I.
She gets all sorts of fake news from her network of friends and expects me to believe it.
I know its fake but I dont tell her cos I know she will say its not fake.
So I just say..Ok.
Then she will ask..." why no reaction? Doesnt the news make you angry?"
Then I try to rationalize and she gets angry with me.
Being calm can also make others angry.
OP
OP
Brahmanyan
Active member
B
Bishnu
Guest
Why should one control his anger....?
Is it not that our Mahakavi Bharathi wanted us to practice anger (ரௌதரம் பழகு)......?
Especially when we see the sufferings of others at the hands of ........? bullying, threatening, demeaning, etc
Is it not that our Mahakavi Bharathi wanted us to practice anger (ரௌதரம் பழகு)......?
Especially when we see the sufferings of others at the hands of ........? bullying, threatening, demeaning, etc
An interesting thread.
The point in contention seems to be how to raise the children to confirm to our values, without them getting angry....
I and my wife raised two children...
Their mother got upset when they did not confirm to her values....
Me? I didn't care. Everything was okay with me. They could try anything... I supported..
But all the same, our son tried to get " Good Child" label from my wife where as my daughter.... I showed her what is liberty..
Did they become angry?... our son, No. But our daughter was different story....
During the hormonal changes, children go through so much emotions, anger is just a part of it. In my opinion, they don't seriously consider school work make them stressful... at their age, there are much more important issues than the school work...
I was very supportive to my daughter through her puberty... I explained her it was really okay to be angry... I encouraged her to be angry towards me if she wanted to be angry.... She had shouted and screamed... she used all colourful languages towards me when she was angry...
But that's all in the past... Now she looks after cancer patients in Sydney... most of her clients don't make it through.... she would talk to me,discuss with me.... I offer as much counselling as possible...
It is common for the children to go through anger, sadness, euphoria and depression as they go through their hormonal changes.
Control them? In my opinion, "No". Let them go through those emotions without guilt. As parents, it is our job to provide " unconditional Support" to them.
Did it work? Yes, it did. Our son gained so much confidence in life, he is a net works manager for a top Australian Government Company in-charge of all of the East Coast... Our daughter is a special skilled nurse in Haematology, looking after the terminally ill cancer patients...
Anger can not be controlled. Anger can be managed.
The point in contention seems to be how to raise the children to confirm to our values, without them getting angry....
I and my wife raised two children...
Their mother got upset when they did not confirm to her values....
Me? I didn't care. Everything was okay with me. They could try anything... I supported..
But all the same, our son tried to get " Good Child" label from my wife where as my daughter.... I showed her what is liberty..
Did they become angry?... our son, No. But our daughter was different story....
During the hormonal changes, children go through so much emotions, anger is just a part of it. In my opinion, they don't seriously consider school work make them stressful... at their age, there are much more important issues than the school work...
I was very supportive to my daughter through her puberty... I explained her it was really okay to be angry... I encouraged her to be angry towards me if she wanted to be angry.... She had shouted and screamed... she used all colourful languages towards me when she was angry...
But that's all in the past... Now she looks after cancer patients in Sydney... most of her clients don't make it through.... she would talk to me,discuss with me.... I offer as much counselling as possible...
It is common for the children to go through anger, sadness, euphoria and depression as they go through their hormonal changes.
Control them? In my opinion, "No". Let them go through those emotions without guilt. As parents, it is our job to provide " unconditional Support" to them.
Did it work? Yes, it did. Our son gained so much confidence in life, he is a net works manager for a top Australian Government Company in-charge of all of the East Coast... Our daughter is a special skilled nurse in Haematology, looking after the terminally ill cancer patients...
Anger can not be controlled. Anger can be managed.
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renuka
Well-known member
Well explained and great to know both your son and daughter were allowed to express anger...but to a great extent most parents can accept anger from a male child but not from a female child.
I felt my brothers were able to express anger more openly growing up but if I displayed anger it was not accepted as much becos old school of thought is a female should not display anger..and I would hear lectures on how anger will affect future married life..blah blah blah..a female should not have a temper..blah blah blah..your future mum in law will.think you were not well brought up..blah blah blah
May be partly thats why anger is an emotion I seldom use and I learnt to diplomatically convey my thoughts without resorting to anger.
But how healthy being diplomatic is in the long run I dont know.
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OP
OP
Brahmanyan
Active member
Dear "Mr Raghy",
Excellent approach towards managing the practical problem that is faced by most of modern families.
People belonging to my generation did not face this problem. This may be because of strict hierarchical control in big joint families.
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
sravna
Well-known member
Some say that let people express their anger so that the tension is released and not pent up. Yes expressing anger seems to be useful sometimes but based on my experiences I would say that is not the ideal. One can develop the right emotion to a given situation without expressing any of the negative emotions and be very effective.
Anger and other negative emotions are the result of the force factor or disharmony existing in the mind. The more the disharmony is, the less you exhibit intelligence and more of negative emotions. So, towards the ideal would be to exhibit more intelligence and less negative emotions. One can consciously work towards that.
Anger and other negative emotions are the result of the force factor or disharmony existing in the mind. The more the disharmony is, the less you exhibit intelligence and more of negative emotions. So, towards the ideal would be to exhibit more intelligence and less negative emotions. One can consciously work towards that.
OP
OP
Brahmanyan
Active member
Sir,
I do agree Anger and related problems are caused by negative emotions. But the question is how to develop right emotion. Some say meditation helps. Which seems to me needs proper Guru. Or are there any other practical process to help the kids?
Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
sravna
Well-known member
Dear Sir,
The best approach I can think of is to help kids develop a mindset that is not focused only on self. This can be methodically done right from early childhood so that they understand how to respect others and peacefully coexist with them. Making this education as part of school curriculum is imperative. The important aspect here is to make it really effective so that it produces the right results.
renuka
Well-known member
Dear Sir...
Anger is a natural emotion..we even see babies display it when we grab their toy.
A toddler displays more if they do not get what they want.
Its all part of healthy emotions of a human.
So this should not be viewed as a negative emotion.
Terms like positive and negative are best not used cos they represent judgmental behavior.
Telling anyone they are negative only increases their anger and telling anyone they are positive too often can lower their threshold to criticism in adult life.
It would be better to let a child experience all emotions then ask him/her to identify which emotion made him/her feel the happiest.
The human is naturally wired to innate goodness(despite some coming up with gene theory).
A child would be able to identify what makes him/her happy.
Too much focus on selflesness at too early at age would make the child less adaptive to face challenges and stress.
Teach a child human values..to learn to live and let love.
To respect everyone but also know when to avoid potential danger.
Teach a child to be open and responsive to only those who deserve it..they are some who are friends with us becos they only want to benefit from us but will never impart and share what they know.
I had such a friend in school..I used to teach her and help her for exams but she hid from me so many notes she got from another source and finally told me " why should I give you..when you are already so good in studies".
Yes..I felt bad..years later I met her..I put that episode behind but I realized even though she is succesful herself today she talks lowly about the friends who didnt do so well in life.
Naturally I dont deal with her at all anymore.
So with this experience I guide my son..share and be caring to a friend who is also sincere to you.
To those who do not deserve it you can help them in times of danger but not otherwise.
So its a step wise manner to learn management of emotions or anger management as Raghy correctly put it.
Meditation etc is best not done for kids..cos we never know how it could mess up a young mind.
Also get kids more physically active in sports..exposure to sunlight too..all these boost endorphins in brain to help regulate moods.
Also dont forget..we are humans..our mind is entitled to express emotions right till our last breath..so anger or love..its always there in our brain.
tbs
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Raji Ram
Active member
I don't get angry but get irritated once in a while - especially when someone promises to do something and keep aloof! :couch2:
To let out my irritation which might turn into anger soon, I go and scold that person in solitude, mostly in the bathroom,
in which ever way I like _ @#$%&^*! Within seconds I become
again.
Ram and I did not have much problem in bringing up our only son, because he was soft in nature and tantrums were rare.
He did well in studies and we NEVER forced him to be No. 1 in his class. In fact, when he was not keen in taking JEE coaching
from three different teachers, as many of his classmates did, and wanted only postal coaching from Brilliant, we agreed. By God's
grace he is doing very well now, after his education in I I T, Madras and M I T, Boston. :thumb:
To let out my irritation which might turn into anger soon, I go and scold that person in solitude, mostly in the bathroom,
in which ever way I like _ @#$%&^*! Within seconds I become
again. Ram and I did not have much problem in bringing up our only son, because he was soft in nature and tantrums were rare.
He did well in studies and we NEVER forced him to be No. 1 in his class. In fact, when he was not keen in taking JEE coaching
from three different teachers, as many of his classmates did, and wanted only postal coaching from Brilliant, we agreed. By God's
grace he is doing very well now, after his education in I I T, Madras and M I T, Boston. :thumb:
OP
OP
Brahmanyan
Active member
Doctor,
I appreciate your detailed analysis of the problem and suggested remedies to come out of anger.
It is interesting most of the people who lose temper are very good persons.They realise their folly when they regain normalcy and feel for their behavior.
Another factor I have noticed is that the lessons are loaded continuously in Schools. Take for instance subject of Mathematics. Present syllabus for class IX for IGCSE includes advanced subjects that were prescribed for degree course in our time. Most of the schools do not get suitable teaching staff. Kids are forced to seek the help of private tuition. (paying hourly fees !)
Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
renuka
Well-known member
Yes sir...I see my sons O levels biology is what I studied in my first year MBBS physiology.
Are we not pumping too much too soon?
Its really burdening.
I wonder if its all that an urgency to pump too much too soon?
I agree with you about many good people losing temper.
Sometimes very kind people are sensitive by nature and find it hard to balance their emotions.
They mean good but at times lose it when they feel they cant rectify anything for the better.
And some manipulative types excel in reverse psychology and make others angry but they remain calm and destructive.
I seldom trust a 100% calm person.
renuka
Well-known member
I don't get angry but get irritated once in a while - especially when someone promises to do something and keep aloof! :couch2:
To let out my irritation which might turn into anger soon, I go and scold that person in solitude, mostly in the bathroom,
in which ever way I like _ @#$%&^*! Within seconds I become
Ram and I did not have much problem in bringing up our only son, because he was soft in nature and tantrums were rare.
He did well in studies and we NEVER forced him to be No. 1 in his class. In fact, when he was not keen in taking JEE coaching
from three different teachers, as many of his classmates did, and wanted only postal coaching from Brilliant, we agreed. By God's
grace he is doing very well now, after his education in I I T, Madras and M I T, Boston. :thumb:
Dear RR ji..
When I drive and some driver drives dangerously...if I am alone..then I would say all #@!&%=!
But I decide which language to swear in..somehow combination of Tamil and Punjabi words are the most power packed!
Raji Ram
Active member
Dear Renu,
I use the combination of Iyer Tamil and Chennai Senthamizh!!
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