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Encouraging/Accepting Inter Caste Marriages

Will you encourage and support intercaste marriages from within your own family?

  • Dont have an opinion right now

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • May not support nor countenance it

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    26
  • Poll closed .
Status
Not open for further replies.

pannvalan

Well-known member
I sincerely wish to know how many of us will honestly and sincerely encourage and accept inter caste marraiges within their own family.

In other words, how many of us will permit their sisters, cousins, daughters and nieces to marry a non TB boy (Or allow their brothers and sons to choose their life companion from other communities).

I put this to vote. Please vote without any inhibitions so that it will serve as a reality check for the members of this forum.

Following are the choices.

1. Strongly support

2. Do not support or encourage, but may accept such
situations.

3. I do not know (I have no opinion at this moment)

4. I do not support nor countenance it

5. I strongly oppose.

I appeal to all the members to participate in this poll and voice their opinions freely and frankly.


 

RVR

Well-known member
There is no voting facility in the website.

Please activate it

All the best
 

tbs

Well-known member
i strongly oppose inter caste marriages...i prefer arranged
marriages with proper parents blessing with proper horoscope match..
i have 1 daughter/ and 1 son....im very clear in this matter...
even i personally feel gothram with proper sub sect in brahmins...
gothram parthu ponnu kodu...pathram parthu danam kodu...
its my 2 cents...may be im pathaam pasali...im in USA...i know
the difficulties of intercaste marriages....even though many
failures in arranged marriages......kalyanam aayiram kalathu payiru...
we can change jobs..we can change homes....but we can not
change wife.....some says three WWWs in USA always not
permanent....WORK...WEATHER....WOMEN....are always
changing here....single mom..single dad...private life
is very horrible....may be my personal opinion......

regards
tbs
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Sri. TBS sir,

with due respect to your valuable opinions, I voted in favour of open encouragement and support for inter-caste marriages. It has already happened in my family. My sister's daughters married inter-caste. One of my sister (she is not well to do) asked my opinion in such a situation; I sent her the money to conduct the marriage, there by showing my acceptance.

TBS Sir, there is so much talk about lack of enough caste brahmin girls; but, we seldom see any assurance for considerations towards the bride's parents in the money, gold, silver and other expenses matters. Most girls are afraid that they may not get married, if the parents are not well to do.

Cheers!
 

suvarchas

Active member
Sri. TBS sir,

with due respect to your valuable opinions, I voted in favour of open encouragement and support for inter-caste marriages. It has already happened in my family. My sister's daughters married inter-caste. One of my sister (she is not well to do) asked my opinion in such a situation; I sent her the money to conduct the marriage, there by showing my acceptance.

TBS Sir, there is so much talk about lack of enough caste brahmin girls; but, we seldom see any assurance for considerations towards the bride's parents in the money, gold, silver and other expenses matters. Most girls are afraid that they may not get married, if the parents are not well to do.

Cheers!
While its one's own preference to support or oppose , if the effect on the social order as well as discipline and eligibility to participate in rituals are to be considered,it can only be opposed
 

RVR

Well-known member
The Indian system is working fine for generations

Hinduism is not just to have a single faith and single method of worship. There are several Gods.

There are several languages

There are several castes and sub-castes.

Still we find unity in diversity.

Divorces are still lowest in the world at just 1%

We have gone through lot of reforms.

Child marriages are legally abolished and still exists here and there.

Sati is abolished to greater extent but occationally tend to appear.

Our religion is a dynamic religion without any unified control

Let us continue to follow changes and practices, there is no problem

But we don't have to give up time tested practices which are giving values to life.

Marriage is an important point in everybody's life. Arranged marriages is the trusted practice for several generations. Even in arranged marriages, the boy and girl approve each other and both their families unite through the marriage. Failure rate in arranged marriages are negligible. None of the children are orphoned. Mostly elderly parents are taken care off. Here and there deviations are happening but it is very low.

The above practices are not limited to Brahmin community alone but followed by almost all the communities.

Why should we give up the above? We don't have to follow anybody on this and our own practices are yielding excellent results.

Let us not change anything for the sake of change.

All the best
 

tbs

Well-known member
Sri. TBS sir,

with due respect to your valuable opinions, I voted in favour of open encouragement and support for inter-caste marriages. It has already happened in my family. My sister's daughters married inter-caste. One of my sister (she is not well to do) asked my opinion in such a situation; I sent her the money to conduct the marriage, there by showing my acceptance.

TBS Sir, there is so much talk about lack of enough caste brahmin girls; but, we seldom see any assurance for considerations towards the bride's parents in the money, gold, silver and other expenses matters. Most girls are afraid that they may not get married, if the parents are not well to do.

Cheers!
Raghy sir,
i can understand ur feelings....i got married without dowry/gold
anything from girl's house...its purely arranged...my mother
insisted no dowry/ or any kind...even my wife rejected
many better alliances due to dowry.....she want marry
only guy without dowry....infact i was in army...we have discipline
and risky life....money/dowry is the reason for inter caste
marriages...i dont think so.....life is not bed of roses always...

regards
tbs
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Sri.TBS Sir,

Money/dowry is one of the reasons for intercaste marriages. I bow my head in respect for your mother. Our society needs more ladies like your mother.

Cheers!
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Sri Suvarchas Sir,

"While its one's own preference to support or oppose , if the effect on the social order as well as discipline and eligibility to participate in rituals are to be considered,it can only be opposed."

Sri Suvarchas Sir,

What is the ritual that is exclusive only for a caste brahmin, please? Only varna system is social order; not the caste system. Varna system is interpreted differently by different people. This may be an interesting subject to discuss.

Cheers!
 
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tbs

Well-known member
Sri.TBS Sir,

Money/dowry is one of the reasons for intercaste marriages. I bow my head in respect for your mother. Our society needs more ladies like your mother.

Cheers!
Raghy sir,
Thank u so much....marriage is not 2 individuals...infact its 2 families...
family traditions more important than any individual....we need
a good girl/nice wife/ an understanding daughter in law for the
family....even i strongly believe in caste system including
sub sects...like vadamal/brahacharam/asta shastram/vathimaal..
marriage is combination of culture/traditions/food and manasu porutham..
u know one thing...even we wont demand dowry and pomp and show
marriage...we are considered useless/or some problem...this is
our community tendency.....

regards
tbs
 
Last edited:

Raghy

Well-known member
Sri RVR said:-

"Marriage is an important point in everybody's life. Arranged marriages is the trusted practice for several generations. Even in arranged marriages, the boy and girl approve each other and both their families unite through the marriage. Failure rate in arranged marriages are negligible. None of the children are orphoned. Mostly elderly parents are taken care off. Here and there deviations are happening but it is very low.

The above practices are not limited to Brahmin community alone but followed by almost all the communities.

Why should we give up the above? We don't have to follow anybody on this and our own practices are yielding excellent results.

Let us not change anything for the sake of change."

Sri RVR Sir,

Intercaste marriage can be an arranged marriage too. I humbly request you to consider that possibility too, please. Thank you.

Cheers!
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Raghy sir,
Thank u so much....marriage is not 2 individuals...infact its 2 families...
family traditions more important than any individual....we need
a good girl/nice wife/ an understanding daughter in law for the
family....even i strongly believe in caste system including
sub sects...like vadamal/brahacharam/asta shastram/vathimaal..
marriage is combination of culture/traditions/food and manasu porutham...

regards
tbs

Sri TBS Sir,

When we (I and my wife) seek a bride for my son, we would seek for a daughter. That is exactly what I mention to others too. I sincerely believe that we can show our family traditions to any incoming girl within a span of one year. Girls do not belong to any varna. She can take up the varna of her husband and learn all the required practices attach to it. In the case of a boy marrying a caste brahmin girl; in any varna, they have to have upanayanam before 'mangalya dhaaranam' anyway. That poonool can stay and slowly the boy would respect it if explained logically. It is just my opinion.

Cheers!
 

RVR

Well-known member
Sri Raghy said `intercaste marriage can be an arranged marriage too. I humbly request you to consider that possibility too, please'.

If the parents agree, then there is no problem for intercaste marriages.

Sambandar, a TB was requested to marry a Chettiar girl at Mylapore after she was given life through prayer to Lord Shiva. Sambandar refused the marriage simple because he considered her as her daughter and because of her caste.

Sundarar, again a TB, married Paravai Nachiar at Tiruvarur and Sangli Nachiar at Tiruvotriur. Both the ladies doesn't belonging to TB community and the marriages were blessed by Lord Shiva.

There is history supporting intercaste marriages but some how it has changed in between.

All the best
 

sapthajihva

Active member
I have voted - to oppose inter-caste marriages.

IMO, inter-caste marriages are to be avoided, as it would deviate us from our natural karma. My views are known, so I stop here.

Thanks,
 

sapthajihva

Active member
....
There is history supporting intercaste marriages but some how it has changed in between.
Shri RVR, history does not support anything; it merely illustrates the facts.

A happenning can be either of its own, situational, conditional, or natural. You cannot pass a sweeping statement that history supports inter-caste marriage. Varna sankara should be avoided - that is what our scriptures say.

Regards,
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Shri RVR, history does not support anything; it merely illustrates the facts.

A happenning can be either of its own, situational, conditional, or natural. You cannot pass a sweeping statement that history supports inter-caste marriage. Varna sankara should be avoided - that is what our scriptures say.

Regards,

Sri Sapthajihva Sir,

I was told that a Brahmin man can marry a girl from a lower varna provided he marries a girl from a higher varna too; that is, if he wishes to marry a girl from a sudhra varna, he is obliged to marry a girl from each brahma, kshatriya and vaisya varna as per the sasthras. (there was story, Chandra senan (correct name?) learned the 'brahma suktham' from a 'brahma rakshas'; he learned non-stop; after he finished he ended up outside a prostitues home; that prostitute nurished him back to life after days of nursing; she wished to marry him; he refused on the basis of varna; she sued him; in the end, the king (kshatriya), the minister (vaisya), the raja guru (Brahma) offered their daughters in marriage; he married all the 4 girls at the same time. It was allowed by the sasthras.

Since a girl does not even have a varna as per sasthras, her marrying across the varna may not be raised as an issue in my opinion.

Cheers!
 

sapthajihva

Active member
Sri Sapthajihva Sir,

I was told that a Brahmin man can marry a girl from a lower varna provided he marries a girl from a higher varna too; that is, if he wishes to marry a girl from a sudhra varna, he is obliged to marry a girl from each brahma, kshatriya and vaisya varna as per the sasthras. (there was story, Chandra senan (correct name?) learned the 'brahma suktham' from a 'brahma rakshas'; he learned non-stop; after he finished he ended up outside a prostitues home; that prostitute nurished him back to life after days of nursing; she wished to marry him; he refused on the basis of varna; she sued him; in the end, the king (kshatriya), the minister (vaisya), the raja guru (Brahma) offered their daughters in marriage; he married all the 4 girls at the same time. It was allowed by the sasthras.

Since a girl does not even have a varna as per sasthras, her marrying across the varna may not be raised as an issue in my opinion.

Cheers!
Shri Raghy, is it the story of vikramaditya's father that you are quoting?


Regards,
 

anandb

Active member
It's been quite tough for me to vote on this poll though I have done it. My heart and mind opposes inter-caste marriages but then if such an occasion were to arise in my family what do I do? End up becoming enemies of my children because of their choices or accept it even though my heart and mind refuses to do so? And there is another question? How much of a brahmana by varna is really a brahmana by the qualities mentioned in the scriptures? Aren't all these distinctions been diluted so much already?
 

sapthajihva

Active member
It's been quite tough for me to vote on this poll though I have done it. My heart and mind opposes inter-caste marriages but then if such an occasion were to arise in my family what do I do? End up becoming enemies of my children because of their choices or accept it even though my heart and mind refuses to do so? And there is another question? How much of a brahmana by varna is really a brahmana by the qualities mentioned in the scriptures? Aren't all these distinctions been diluted so much already?
Dear Shri anandb, if it does happen in reality, we do not ostracize them; I have instances in my family circle itself. The anguish is definitely there, but every parent, in their hearts, will definitely wish for them to live happily.

IMO, intra-caste marriage is what we want and what should be. But what happens is not in our hands.

Regards,
 

anandb

Active member
Dear Shri anandb, if it does happen in reality, we do not ostracize them; I have instances in my family circle itself. The anguish is definitely there, but every parent, in their hearts, will definitely wish for them to live happily.

IMO, intra-caste marriage is what we want and what should be. But what happens is not in our hands.

Regards,

You have put it nicely, Shri. Sapthajihvi. I agree. For now, I try to tell my kids about varnashrama dharma, time to time but who knows what the future holds?
 

happyhindu

Well-known member
How much of a brahmana by varna is really a brahmana by the qualities mentioned in the scriptures? Aren't all these distinctions been diluted so much already?

don't bother with such things anand.

some people claim direct descent from brahma you see...and consider themselves so pure that they wud probably die of a heart attack if they found genetic matches with dalits, muslims, adivasis...

they forget that there is something called 'population replacement' (sati was not present in some communities), they forget that intermingling has been occuring due to various factors ranging from climate to persecutions...

but hey, ppl like jamadagni like to think so many self-deluding things...who said we don't have a taliban in hindusim..

Best wishes.
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Shri Raghy, is it the story of vikramaditya's father that you are quoting?


Regards,

Sri.Sapthajihva sir,

Yes sir. I am quoting about 'Chandra varnan', Vikramaditya's father. For all I know, it could just be a story, but, sasthras are mentioned in a few places in that story though.

Cheers!
 

Raghy

Well-known member
Dear Shri anandb, if it does happen in reality, we do not ostracize them; I have instances in my family circle itself. The anguish is definitely there, but every parent, in their hearts, will definitely wish for them to live happily.

IMO, intra-caste marriage is what we want and what should be. But what happens is not in our hands.

Regards,

Sri Sapthajihva sir,

Pardon me for interrupting your conversation with Sri.Anand. I too had the instance of not only blessing but also helping my own niece in such a marriage (I rang my mother and asked her opinion too; mother confirmed that she knew that boy, and she praised his charecter too). So, my stand was derived from what I have already done.
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
Raghy sir,
Thank u so much....marriage is not 2 individuals...infact its 2 families...

regards
tbs

.. even these days, when the couple live away from the inlaws? i am not so sure.

but, i agree, that there are fair number who think like you. if this rather non scientific poll is any indication, about 50% think the way tbs & sapth do.

traditions, whatever it may be, provide familiarity. to marry out of caste is an unknown in many ways, and there is hence a reluctance or fear.

especially, we as brahmins, have i think, most of us, this deep seated conviction, that we are atleast one notch if not more, above everyone else.

it is also interesting to note that both anand and sapth have stated that they will not abandon their children if they so chose.

tbs, has not indicated his behaviour under such circumstances.

i think the crux of this discussion, comes to the marriages of our children. i know of parents who opposed marriages to other castes, religions. all but one, has made up, and on good terms with their children.

the one who banished his son for marrying a keralite christian, died recently, unrepentent. he was not all that much of a religious guy. more of stubborness i would say.

personally, i think, it is important for children to chose their own, within parameters drawn by us. not necessarily should they follow it, but if it is fair, and appeals to their common sense, the chances are they would treat it as good guidance.

this would include character, job prospects, interests, family (not so much because now a days good kids come out of bad families & if anyone says there is no brahmin trash, let them start thinking agains).

most of TB trash is due to character flaws like wife beating, not necessarily out of poverty, but due to sadism. i know of a family of 5 girls, whom the parents rented out as call girls for a while to accumulate money.

it was all discreet. then they looked out for marriage for these girls, jadhagam and all, and all of them were married to 'decent' brahmin boys.

we were one of the very very few who knew. my parents disapproved but kept quiet. i approved but kept quiet. this is what we have ie 'idiot' values about families
 
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