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Broken heart of my sister

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vgane

Well-known member
My sister's husband passed away a year back...My sister has 2 daughters...First one married in community & settled...Yesterday we got a terrible news that my second daughter of my sister (niece)who is just 22 years, convent educated, a employed graduate has run away with a NB...My sister tried her best to stop the relation for the past 6 months...My sister's family was middle class and conservative...My sister is battered...She is in tears and is unconsolable...What do we do...We tried getting in contact with my niece who has run away,but she does not want any interference...Does this mean we have to be helpless and act as spineless cowards...Does it mean that our society is very weak morally & is on the verge of collapse...Where are we going...Are youngsters not understanding their responsibilities & are they turning wayward...I am looking forward for some meaningful discussion...What are the ways to alleviate the sufferings of my sister & her close relatives...What is the way forward for our community so that such instances are nipped in bud...
Regards,
vgane
 

sravna

Well-known member
The important thing is to have pride in our culture and instil them in the kids. Any degrading and berating of our culture automatically reduces the value of our community and prompt the youngsters to embrace alien values. But another problem is that the rest of the world is different and hence there has to be at least external accord with it. A fine balancing act of moving with the times and holding on to values is the need of the hour. A difficult task but that is the only way out.
 

renuka

Well-known member
My sister's husband passed away a year back...My sister has 2 daughters...First one married in community & settled...Yesterday we got a terrible news that my second daughter of my sister (niece)who is just 22 years, convent educated, a employed graduate has run away with a NB...My sister tried her best to stop the relation for the past 6 months...My sister's family was middle class and conservative...My sister is battered...She is in tears and is unconsolable...What do we do...We tried getting in contact with my niece who has run away,but she does not want any interference...Does this mean we have to be helpless and act as spineless cowards...Does it mean that our society is very weak morally & is on the verge of collapse...Where are we going...Are youngsters not understanding their responsibilities & are they turning wayward...I am looking forward for some meaningful discussion...What are the ways to alleviate the sufferings of my sister & her close relatives...What is the way forward for our community so that such instances are nipped in bud...
Regards,
vgane


I have no comments but I can bet this is going to be next most active thread.You just opened Pandora's box.

Just to add I cant really comment much(being a product of an intercaste marriage myself both my parents married with consent from both families..all that their families wanted is a Hindu with good values.. thats all).

My only advise is tell your sister each one of us hold on to our perceptions and believes and it hurts when things dont go our way.After a while time heals all wounds.
Give your niece and your sister some time.After a while I am sure your sis will wish the best for her daughter and her new found happiness.

Nothing is really lost yet.

Take care
 
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valli

New member
vgane

Does this mean we have to be helpless and act as spineless cowards...

NO way, not at all! Just gather some strong boys from the family, gather some கத்தி, கபடா, அரிவாள் மனை, கடப் பாறை, மண்வெட்டி etc etc and go and get rid of the girl who brought such bad name to the family and if possible the guy too. This would make other brahmin girls who plan to run away with NB boys think twice (no thrice, no - billion times)!

How long can we be as spinless cowards??? We HAVE to show the others that we have spine too!

Cheers and Good Luck

P.S. Disclaimer - Just kidding, not to be taken to the point!
 
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Good love and affection may be the solution

பணத்தை தேடி போகும் அவசரத்தில் உறவுகளை மறக்கிறோம் .எல்லோருக்கும் மனதில் உள்ளதை கேட்பதற்கும் பதில் சொல்வதற்கும் ஒருவரும் இல்லாது போகும் போது இத்தகைய மாற்றங்கள் இன்னும் வந்து கொண்டு தான் இருக்கும்.இதற்கு தீர்வு அன்பும் அரவணைப்பும் மட்டுமே


My sister's husband passed away a year back...My sister has 2 daughters...First one married in community & settled...Yesterday we got a terrible news that my second daughter of my sister (niece)who is just 22 years, convent educated, a employed graduate has run away with a NB...My sister tried her best to stop the relation for the past 6 months...My sister's family was middle class and conservative...My sister is battered...She is in tears and is unconsolable...What do we do...We tried getting in contact with my niece who has run away,but she does not want any interference...Does this mean we have to be helpless and act as spineless cowards...Does it mean that our society is very weak morally & is on the verge of collapse...Where are we going...Are youngsters not understanding their responsibilities & are they turning wayward...I am looking forward for some meaningful discussion...What are the ways to alleviate the sufferings of my sister & her close relatives...What is the way forward for our community so that such instances are nipped in bud...
Regards,
vgane
 

valli

New member
Dear members

பிராமணர்களே சிந்தியுங்கள், ஜாதி முக்கியமா அல்லது பிராமணர்கள் அல்லாதவர்களுடன் ஓடிப்போன பெண் முக்கியமா? கண்டிப்பாக ஜாதி தான் முக்கியம்! நாம் மூன்று வேளையும் சிந்தி செய்யாவிட்டால் என்ன? நாம் பிறப்பால் பிராமணர்கள்! அதை யாராலும் மாற்ற முடியாது! நாம் வேலைக்குப்போய் பிறரிடம் சம்பளம் வாங்கினால் என்ன? நாம் சூத்திரர்கள் ஆகி விடுவோமா? ஆனால் நம் குலத்தில் பிறந்து பிற மகனுடன் ஓடிச்சென்ற நம் குலத்துப் பெண் இனிமேல் பிராமணத்தி இல்லை!

நாம் தண்ணி அடிக்கலாம், non-veg சும் சாப்பிடலாம், but still we are brahmins! Why? Because we are born as brahmins!!! God created as thus! ஆனால், not for girls!!!

Girls, do you ever read Manu Sastiram?? Oh, people, don't come behind me! Please read what is available here!!!

Girls, please know your limit and act according it!
 

sangom

Well-known member
I give below extracts from a forward which was sent to me by a honourable member here.

"Note:-Info provided here is to assist honest people, as a service. Please discard this mail, if you do not like the contents or received it wrongly.

Dear Dr. Bala Iyer,

I read this (posting) at a Brahmin boys'/men's blog posted several months ago. All of them (the boys and men) were huddling together to criticize the Brahmin brides and their parents, unto discussing what was happening to them, their heritage and culture!

I do not blame the Brahmin brides in India seeking ~ well educated, as they are, earning lots of money, good looking, attractive, and are seeking handsome young men ~ who simply are NOT available within Brahmin community in South India in large numbers; if available, mothers and fathers of bridegrooms take over the matrimonial scene for the boy and become "spoilers"! and hence these brides are courting Mudaliars, Nairs, Nambiars, Reddiar, Chettiar and others ~ and it is easy to court and meet them at work, through introductions, some of them are courting good looking Muslim boys, others, Christians! This further dwindles the number of brides available for Brahmin boys, seeking, Brahmin girls, in matrimony.

Brahmin boys 5' 5" tall, weighing 132#, are NO match for good and attractive looking, tall beautiful looking brahmin brides 5' 6", weighing 135# ~ with sharp features; seeking to surround themselves with all good things to be fulfilled in their lives, they are also looking for a life partner who can satisfy them sexually ~ they are looking for tall, robust, broad shouldered heavy weight men who can satisfy their "urges"! 5' 5", weighing 132# boys are NOT appealing to these girls sexually! as satisfying them.

As for brides from "poor" families, there ain't no such thing as daughters of "poor" Brahmin vaadhiyars, brahmin cooks any more available ~ these girls are highly educated with a computer science engineering degree, and have long since left the Temple and Village Agraharams for greener Pasteurs in Bangalore, Hyderabad, Chennai and Delhi, looking for software engineering jobs. where they can earn 75,000 to 100,000 a month. I know of a very poor family (Father) who has three very beautiful looking brides, born and brought up in Tirupati, who finished their Engineering degrees from Sri Venkateswara University in Tirupathi and have migragted to Bangalore, all of them earning over a lac of rupees a month. Seeking matrimony for themselves, not finding those good looking, handsome Brahmin boys, making over 2 lacs per month. Where else will they go?!

I have a Tamil archargar boy B.Com, doing vaidigam, 35, in Madurai whose parents are seeking a bride for him for the last 7 years, unfortunately with "no takers" in over 7 years. The parents have stopped looking!.

Siva my London associate has a handsome looking Iyer Vaadhiyar boy about 36, earning about 30,000 pounds sterling a year in UK well versed in Vaidigam, going to India every year, seeking matrimony, returning back to London empty handed. He jokingly says to Siva "that Iyer Vadama brides are seeking and marrying auto rikshaw drivers and PCO telephone booth operators/owners"!

There is a Srivaishnavite Iyengar boy from a good Nallan Chakravarthi family 38, who is serving as an Archargar in T.T. devasthanam in Tirumalai, seeking a bride for himself advertising for the last 14 weeks in a row in the Hindu newspaper, he probably has spent close to Rs. 25,000 in advertising in these 3-4 moths alone, with no takers. I have been approached by the President of Kerala Brahmins Association to help solve the problem that Kerala Brahmins, Palakkaad Iyers, Pattars are facing in South India, deep South in Trivandum, Kochin, Palakkaad, I shudder to imagine how I can help him in this Big Initiative he has undertaken. He has some good looking Namboodri, Nambisan boys but perhaps they are no match to good looking Keralite brides, seeking. The problem here is that NONE of the brides want to go in a matrimony to rural Kerala, which is very beautiful.

Ratio of South Indian brahmin brides available between the ages of 23 ~ 38 is 1,000 for every 7,000 brahmin bridegrooms in the age bracket of 25~45 seeking according to Thambraas Association registration statistics. The situation is NOT going to improve any time soon! If anything, it will get worse, over the next 25 years, before it can get any better! By then, most of the boys in the age group of 40+ would have reached their 65's and passed on!

In my personal opinion, Brahmin boys should court and seek those Previously Married, Separated, Widowed women, including those who have children ~ in addition, they can also seek Nepali women, good looking as they are! Several Nepalese boys are "bought" from the age bracket of 11 ~ 13 onwards and are serving as "slaves" in many Brahmin homes in Sri Rangam, Madurai, Chennai and elsewhere in South India doing household chores ~ these boys can cook nice south Indian food, prepare nice tiffin and coffee, speak Tamil Language, do all of the household chores, all for a paltry 6,000 rupees a month, which the father of the child takes away. If this is true, Nepalese women can be tamed to become good "housewives" and serve as true faithful "wives"! It is time that South Indian brahmin boys courted these Nepalese women, paid the fathers of the brides a "handsome" dowry and brought them home to serve as "wives" ~ I am sure Brahmin boys can find them if their parents made an honest effort in that direction.

Otherwise, the Brahmin boys of South India may NEVER be able to move from their current "Brahmacharya" "ashram" into "Grahasthashramam".
God bless them in their noble search and seeking with early matrimony!

Blessings
SeeghrmEva vivAhaprAptirastu (शीघ्रमेव विवाहप्राप्तिरस्तु)
சீக்⁴ரமேவ விவாஹப்ராப்திரஸ்து
GlobalMatri.Org
Sashti Srinivasan, Founder
105 New England Ave, M2
Summit, NJ 07901
U.S.A.
tel: 1-972 840 3495




On Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 9:21 PM, Bala N. Aiyer <[email protected]> wrote:
Interesting - may be true of situation in India and may not be true in USA or UK.


Bala N. Aiyer

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: TSivaramakrishna Iyer <[email protected]>
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 7:48 PM
Subject: [4brahmins] Fwd: [Pattars] why Brahmin Iyer Girls are not interested in Brahmin Boys.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: nana <[email protected]>
Date: 30 November 2011 16:25
Subject: [Pattars] why Brahmin Iyer Girls are not interested in Brahmin Boys.
To: [email protected]


Recently I was browsing through the internet, I got the answer for the above from the horse mouth ie from the brahmin girl.

I hope the parents of the brhmin boys should look girls from other communiites or look for poor brahmin girls with stars moolam and ayilyam.

I quote:-

i am a brahmin girl. you brahmin guys might not realise it, but brahmin guys are not love/marriage material. i dont blame just you guys – the current social setup is also a reason.

most of my friends (brahmin girls) DONT want to marry a brahmin boy. even i am like that. the reasons? read below:

Here starts the fun part!!!

1) in the current, very competitive setup, brahmin guys – from childhood – have been programmed to take advantage of ANYTHING and everything that comes their way – to the point they will not be even be good friends. this might earn you a good job and a arranged marriage bride in later years. but dont expect a girl to like you after they know about you (and brahmin girls are no exception).

2) by the time a brahmin guys is settled in his life he is almost 30 or after 30. almost all have bald heads when they get married. most young brahmin girls find other attractive guys by this time.

T
3) the western influence (thank god!) is making parents realise that love is important for their girl children also. so many parents today are open to a good educated son-in-law from other castes.

4) in my college, and in my class, you can see that the brahmin guys are the puniest, cunning fellows – i am sorry to say this. but thats the reality. you can say whatever – but a girl wants a man who can protect her financially and PHYSICALLY. physical charms like well built body, broad chest and strong shoulders give us that impression. while i can point out many good looking, normal guys who are funny, willing to share from other castes, i dont see ONE brahmin boy in my college like that. there is only one love story that involves a brahmin guy – he is super rich, btw.

5) many brahmin guys are hypocrites. while most cringe at the thought of eating meat, they relish alcohol – and some even blog about wines! while y some act non-meat eating at homes, they eat meat with their friends. most talk about the glory of their caste, but fail to read even the basic texts that would give them some understanding about what they are talking!
most other caste boys (not FCs), dont have these faults (they do other common faults – common to all men – but brahmins have the above in addition to what can be considered normal deviations).

i come from a family where my decisions will be respected. and i am sure that i will NOT marry a brahmin boy – my parents know this and they respect my desicion. any brahmin girls reading this message and shaking their head, try spending some time with boys from other castes – not FCs – but from bc/mbc/sc/sts . you will find them so much better than the cynical, cunning brahmin boys.

i wrote my mind (and this is the frame of mind of many of my relatives and my friends in college). i really feel sorry for brahmin guys who are being trained this way from beginning. but i think they should change atleast after they graduate from college.

Posted by: brahminponnu at November 14, 2007 08:39 PM

Unquote:- So Please parents of brahmin boys look for poor brahmin girls of brahmn cooks . vadhyars.and also help the moolam and ayilyam nakshatram girls to get married.
You will do good service to brahmin community.

V,Narayana Murthy.
 

zebra16

Well-known member
I give below extracts from a forward which was sent to me by a honourable member here.

. ...
....
....

I remember having read in some other forum that the blog poster "brahminponnu" was found to be fake and the poster belonged to another religion and a male at that
 

prasad1

Well-known member
vgane



NO way, not at all! Just gather some strong boys from the family, gather some கத்தி, கபடா, அரிவாள் மனை, கடப் பாறை, மண்வெட்டி etc etc and go and get rid of the girl who brought such bad name to the family and if possible the guy too. This would make other brahmin girls who plan to run away with NB boys think twice (no thrice, no - billion times)!

How long can we be as spinless cowards??? We HAVE to show the others that we have spine too!

Cheers and Good Luck

P.S. Disclaimer - Just kidding, not to be taken to the point!


That was brutal, heartless, and callous. Just because you think your comments are funny they do not become one.
 

amala

Well-known member
I too felt reading that Brahminponnu's utter generalisation that it seems as if someone is being a tad too "funny".

Coming to the eloping part, i cannot stress how painful it must be for that girl's mother and even the boys side. Even eloping and running away from home with another Brahmin brings shame and humiliation for a family. Leaving caste aside IMHO any kind of eloping, whoever done with, is never the right way to do things.

Never underestimate the power of persuasion.
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
That was brutal, heartless, and callous. Just because you think your comments are funny they do not become one.

prasad,

i like what valli said. i only wish she had not put the 'disclaimer'.

ic marriages are a reality today, and a welcome one at that too. what is wrong with one hindu marrying another? both have the same roots and faith. i understand this may not be enough to hold a marrige together, but would you rather marry someone outside of hinduism?

these are the quesions we as tambrams need to ask, address and align our views. we had a marriage market organized under the auspicies of this forum. there were an overwhelming number of boys chasing a few girls. we have so many bachelors here in this forum, and of late, i know of only one, our own praveen, who has been hitched.

we cannot, as a community as a whole, put restrictions, which nobody is going to follow anyway. and there are as many opinions about ic marriages (from 'nothing wrong with it' to 'crime against parents and community').

i have girls in my family both ic and ir. all the ic marriages i know are still in close touch with their parents, many married with parent's approval, all educated, marrying equally educated and handsome earning good looking spouses. all the ir marriages appear to be working too, though for our own reasons, ir affairs are kept at a distance compared to ic betrothals.

from vagane's sister's viewpoint - the worst thing to happen, is to come out to the streets, and wail about it to the whole community. it is best, taking into consideration, of the future, and of family dignity, to maintain a silence, and retrospect the situation.

ok, the daughter has eloped with a NB. now what? the first concern should be for the welfare of the daughter. if the mother had known all along, and had reservations, did they ever discuss it, to verify the validity of mother's doubts? just that the boy is a NB, i think, may not be a good enough reason these days, for refusing permission.

in fact, if the folks are in love, i think, very little can be done to separate them, for these are primary instincts and almost impossible to suppress. hopefully the daughter is safe, and hopefully, the guy she opted, is mature enough, to protect her and take care of her.

there are no guarantees in life, and this marriage has as much chance of success or failure, as any other. atleast with the alienation of the mother, the girl only has to work out the issues with the boy (and hopefully not the inlaws who also might have their own reasons for disliking her - loss of dowry is one reason i can think).

if the marriage turns out to be a happy event, the mother only has to be grateful to her daughter, for having spared the wear and tear of running around looking for a husband, the expenses of a wedding and above all, the moral responsibility for the success of the marriage. now it is all in the handsof the girl.

best wishes to the young couple, and i wish them success in their marriage and life.

re vgane's sister, nothing is lost. just bide your time, and make up with your daughter. you have invested 23+ years on her, and of your own womb. dont deny her for doing something which is but a natural human instinct, to find a loving mate.

re the notes about tambram boys, whether iyerponnu is genuine or not, the content appears to hold water. our tambram boys, while increasingly are looking fit and well groomed, there are still pockets of ammanjis, who need to buck up fast, to attract the lasses.

... and also, there are pretty girls in other communities too.. why deliberately reduce your playing field?
 

sangom

Well-known member
I remember having read in some other forum that the blog poster "brahminponnu" was found to be fake and the poster belonged to another religion and a male at that

Quite possibly, Narayan. I remember having read another blog where a supposed brahmin girl, wrote even about the sexual edowments of tabra male youth, their low sexual vigour, the wrong emphasis on brahmacharyam instilled in tabra boys by their evil-minded parents (because they do not want their son to be completely allured by his future wife), etc. I was wondering too whether it is a genuine personality.

But the rate at which tabra girls are nowadays going after NB boys for love and marriage, seems to be essentially no different from the phenomenon of married tabra females (and males) are flocking towards Krishna, (I refer to the extreme popularity of Bhagavatam and Narayaneeyam) a cowherd boy who possibly becomes more and more attractive due to his various (mis) demeneurs culminating in rasalila! Strangely, I find similar crowding is not there for, say, Dattatreya, another godhead in hinduism, who was considered essentially as a jnani from birth, and hence my aforesaid conclusion.

So, the female mind probably gets attracted by things essentially non-tabra; and in this probably lies the epitaph of brahmin caste, imho!

P.S. I have written my honest opinion. If it hurts, kindly pardon me, but please try to ponder over what I write, without bias.
 
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kunjuppu

Well-known member
....

But the rate at which tabra girls are nowadays going after NB boys for love and marriage, seems to be essentially no different from the phenomenon of married tabra females (and males) are flocking towards Krishna, (I refer to the extreme popularity of Bhagavatam and Narayaneeyam) a cowherd boy who possibly becomes more and more attractive due to his various (mis) demeneurs culminating in rasalila! Strangely, I find similar crowding is not there for, say, Dattatreya, another godhead in hinduism, who was considered essentially as a jnani from birth, and hence my aforesaid conclusion.



So, the female mind probably gets attracted by things essentially non-tabra; and in this probably lies the epitaph of brahmin caste, imho!

...

vintage sangom!! :) :) :) :)
 

happyhindu

Well-known member
where a supposed brahmin girl, wrote even about the sexual edowments of tabra male youth, their low sexual vigour,
Just wondering how come this girl knows about sexual vigor and all that. And emphasises not to go for other FCs but instead go for bc/mbc/sc/sts. Why specifically debar non-brahmin FCs ? Maybe this girl should provide a list of the 'eligible' castes from the bc/mbc/sc/st categories.
 

happyhindu

Well-known member
vintage sangom!!
:( :(

Not speaking of caste, propensity, or anything else, but of gods generally.....maybe Krishna is popular because people can relate to uncomplicated Krishna leading an everyday life more easily than the complicated admixed Dattatreya made up of 3 dieties..
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
Just wondering how come this girl knows about sexual vigor and all that. And emphasises not to go for other FCs but instead go for bc/mbc/sc/sts. Why specifically debar non-brahmin FCs ? Maybe this girl should provide a list of the 'eligible' castes from the bc/mbc/sc/st categories.

happy,

maybe the whole concept, was not meant to be taken seriously? think about it.. and enjoy a good laugh.

seriously though, i have always felt, that our tambram parents, 'eunuch' their first born son - the focus so much on book reading, that everything else becomes a distant second. teenage years, when one's mind naturally turns towards the other sex, and if that is made to be a forbidden fruit, the impacts are there for throughout the life.

one reason, why feel, tambram boys turn out to be ammanjis ie nerdish shy socially unfit guys - attractive to no one, but the parents. the mothers in most cases wish it this way, and then suddenly at the time of looking for a bride, realize how unattractive the son is.

we have, in the past, mothers of sons here, asserting the fact that since tambram boys focused on studies, and on high achievement, that they have 'no time' to 'think' of girls till they are 30+, an age they are well setlled with a handsome salary. no doubt about this.

but time and tide and youth wait for no man. especially our girls, whose biological clock starts from the day of their first period, and who by 30, i think, have reduced sexual vigour, than in their late teens/early twenties. the girls have to wait till early 40s before regaining their interest in sex again.

for man, the peak is at 25 :)
 

happyhindu

Well-known member
K sir,

Maybe what you describe was your time. These days i feel it is very difficult to get a nerdy guy even if a girl wants one (that is, a guy totally dedicated to herself). The ammanji boys have gone missing in the "20s and below" age group segment (irrespective of caste)...

Also, girls are very ambitious these days and marry only after settling into a cushy career...methinks girls are very sensible these days in getting their priorities right (me too keep advising young girls to have a proper career with 4-5 years work experience which wud stand them in good stead in the workforce, in case god forbid something goes wrong with the marriage)...afterall, passion knows no age..
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
happy,

glad to know of the progress. in fact delighted :) i have always wished our young well. though the fact, afaik, remains, there are ammanji boys in their 30s without any prospects, though no fault of their own.

it is the fault of the parents for turning a blind eye to the reality of the world, and insisting on 'values' which puts their sons at a handicap, for what i consider, one of the 3 most important events in a mortal's life ie marriage (birth and death are the other).

the parents of these unmarried bachelor, to a word every one of them, find fault with the 'wayward' girls and girls' parents. not one of them could look at themselves honestly, and realize their mistakes, let alone accept it.

thank you for input re latest trends. very welcoming it is :)
 

aramakrishnan1

Active member
My sister's husband passed away a year back...My sister has 2 daughters...First one married in community & settled...Yesterday we got a terrible news that my second daughter of my sister (niece)who is just 22 years, convent educated, a employed graduate has run away with a NB...My sister tried her best to stop the relation for the past 6 months...My sister's family was middle class and conservative...My sister is battered...She is in tears and is unconsolable...What do we do...We tried getting in contact with my niece who has run away,but she does not want any interference...Does this mean we have to be helpless and act as spineless cowards...Does it mean that our society is very weak morally & is on the verge of collapse...Where are we going...Are youngsters not understanding their responsibilities & are they turning wayward...I am looking forward for some meaningful discussion...What are the ways to alleviate the sufferings of my sister & her close relatives...What is the way forward for our community so that such instances are nipped in bud...
Regards,
vgane
Dear Friend,
Every person has freedom to decide what he wants to do and the fruits of action are bonded to the deeds themselves. If your niece has chosen to marry a person of her choice, I say firmly that it is her life and she has the freedom to choose. Let us know the thin line between Brahmana Varna and Brahmana Jaathi. Sathva gunam or Saathveegam is the only common link between the two. Brahmana Varna is the expression of behaviour where Sathva gunam dominates and the person is oriented towards higher thoughts of Brahman, the True Self inside every individual. Brahmana Jaathi is where the Saathvik food is practiced, Saathvik life style is followed and thus this Jaathi are better prepared to seek the Supreme Reality. Those who are born brahmins do not necessarily express Brahmana varna and most of have not understood it i.e. their supreme goal nowadays is not Brahman, their food is not Sathvik. Contemporary Brahmins do not learn Vedas and are not seeking Brahman as their life's objectives. So the difference between Jaathi called "brahmin" and Varna called "Brahmana" has widened enough. As long as one is seeking pleasure in this worldly life helped by the 5 basic senses, by itself shows that the expressed varna of the person is dominated by "Thamas" guna or "rajas" guna. Such a person has more affinity towards "Kaama", "Artha" and less inclination or no inclination towards "Moksha".
There is no need to get frustrated about this. The result would be the girl's Atma is far away from seeking "Brahman" and she may go for the ultimate reality after some few more births in this world.
Now, I have given you the idea of what you have to seek to express Brahmana Varna and attain Moksha. Don't be bothered about all the transitions of life and seek the eternal truth.
It is also possible that the Girl understands what she has to seek and could even lead/motivate her spouse to practice Saathveegam, live the right life, get over her bad karma and express Brahmana varna together. They would become a better Brahmana than you. Everything is possible. Nothing is lost. Life is an opportunity to practice virtue, avoid acts driven by vice, get over the dualities of good and evil, day and night etc., seek the eternal truth and attain Moksha or oneness with the Supreme Reality.
 

sangom

Well-known member
Just wondering how come this girl knows about sexual vigor and all that. And emphasises not to go for other FCs but instead go for bc/mbc/sc/sts. Why specifically debar non-brahmin FCs ? Maybe this girl should provide a list of the 'eligible' castes from the bc/mbc/sc/st categories.

HH,

The blog I read elsewhere, and referred to in my post was for FC also. I am not sure whom you are referring to as "this girl".
 

sravna

Well-known member
The real reason of why this is happening needs to be considered. Is it because as some honorable members say that the brahmin boys are ammanjis or is it because of some positive attributes that brahmin girls suddenly find in the NB boys? But as much as I agree that there may be some cases of the former, there are even more of handsome, very smart that you find among the tambrams. The point is brahmin girls are not short of brahmin boys with such desirable qualities and my conclusion is brahmin boys fail mainly in pragmatism though that is slowly becoming a thing of the past. I only wish that they adapt but not compromise.
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
The real reason of why this is happening needs to be considered. Is it because as some honorable members say that the brahmin boys are ammanjis or is it because of some positive attributes that brahmin girls suddenly find in the NB boys? But as much as I agree that there may be some cases of the former, there are even more of handsome, very smart that you find among the tambrams. The point is brahmin girls are not short of brahmin boys with such desirable qualities and my conclusion is brahmin boys fail mainly in pragmatism though that is slowly becoming a thing of the past. I only wish that they adapt but not compromise.

sravana, i am just reminded of a quote by winston churchill, 'a square peg may not fit into a round hole immedately, but given time, it will learn to change its shape and fit in eventually'... hopefully this is what happens..
 

happyhindu

Well-known member
HH,

The blog I read elsewhere, and referred to in my post was for FC also. I am not sure whom you are referring to as "this girl".
???
Your post clearly states 'this girl' (whoever the blogger is) does not recommend FCs.

"most other caste boys (not FCs), dont have these faults (they do other common faults – common to all men – but brahmins have the above in addition to what can be considered normal deviations).

i come from a family where my decisions will be respected. and i am sure that i will NOT marry a brahmin boy – my parents know this and they respect my desicion. any brahmin girls reading this message and shaking their head, try spending some time with boys from other castes – not FCs – but from bc/mbc/sc/sts . you will find them so much better than the cynical, cunning brahmin boys
".

Whoever this blogger is, must be an utter fool to think that such recommendations of his will work.
 
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happyhindu

Well-known member
happy,

glad to know of the progress. in fact delighted :) i have always wished our young well. though the fact, afaik, remains, there are ammanji boys in their 30s without any prospects, though no fault of their own.

it is the fault of the parents for turning a blind eye to the reality of the world, and insisting on 'values' which puts their sons at a handicap, for what i consider, one of the 3 most important events in a mortal's life ie marriage (birth and death are the other).

the parents of these unmarried bachelor, to a word every one of them, find fault with the 'wayward' girls and girls' parents. not one of them could look at themselves honestly, and realize their mistakes, let alone accept it.

thank you for input re latest trends. very welcoming it is :)
Ah well, the ones in the 30s are already middle-aged guys and ammanjis are bound to exist in that group i suppose.

Frankly sir, all this marriage talk wrt social integration and all is nice from the social science pov, but in reality, it is reality that truly bites. Its about one's own life afterall, not about society, friends, caste, image, neighbours, and such crap..

i would say just focus on education, ensure you are settled very-very well in career, and then marry whoever you feel is worth it for the rest of your life.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
prasad,

i like what valli said. i only wish she had not put the 'disclaimer'.

ic marriages are a reality today, and a welcome one at that too. what is wrong with one hindu marrying another? both have the same roots and faith. i understand this may not be enough to hold a marrige together, but would you rather marry someone outside of hinduism?

these are the quesions we as tambrams need to ask, address and align our views. we had a marriage market organized under the auspicies of this forum. there were an overwhelming number of boys chasing a few girls. we have so many bachelors here in this forum, and of late, i know of only one, our own praveen, who has been hitched.

we cannot, as a community as a whole, put restrictions, which nobody is going to follow anyway. and there are as many opinions about ic marriages (from 'nothing wrong with it' to 'crime against parents and community').

i have girls in my family both ic and ir. all the ic marriages i know are still in close touch with their parents, many married with parent's approval, all educated, marrying equally educated and handsome earning good looking spouses. all the ir marriages appear to be working too, though for our own reasons, ir affairs are kept at a distance compared to ic betrothals.

from vagane's sister's viewpoint - the worst thing to happen, is to come out to the streets, and wail about it to the whole community. it is best, taking into consideration, of the future, and of family dignity, to maintain a silence, and retrospect the situation.

ok, the daughter has eloped with a NB. now what? the first concern should be for the welfare of the daughter. if the mother had known all along, and had reservations, did they ever discuss it, to verify the validity of mother's doubts? just that the boy is a NB, i think, may not be a good enough reason these days, for refusing permission.

in fact, if the folks are in love, i think, very little can be done to separate them, for these are primary instincts and almost impossible to suppress. hopefully the daughter is safe, and hopefully, the guy she opted, is mature enough, to protect her and take care of her.

there are no guarantees in life, and this marriage has as much chance of success or failure, as any other. atleast with the alienation of the mother, the girl only has to work out the issues with the boy (and hopefully not the inlaws who also might have their own reasons for disliking her - loss of dowry is one reason i can think).

if the marriage turns out to be a happy event, the mother only has to be grateful to her daughter, for having spared the wear and tear of running around looking for a husband, the expenses of a wedding and above all, the moral responsibility for the success of the marriage. now it is all in the handsof the girl.

best wishes to the young couple, and i wish them success in their marriage and life.

re vgane's sister, nothing is lost. just bide your time, and make up with your daughter. you have invested 23+ years on her, and of your own womb. dont deny her for doing something which is but a natural human instinct, to find a loving mate.

re the notes about tambram boys, whether iyerponnu is genuine or not, the content appears to hold water. our tambram boys, while increasingly are looking fit and well groomed, there are still pockets of ammanjis, who need to buck up fast, to attract the lasses.

... and also, there are pretty girls in other communities too.. why deliberately reduce your playing field?

Mr. K, Valli might be your friend and I am from the other camp. I replied to Valli for the so called funny advice. That was cruel. It has nothing to do with IC marriage, may be it is your Canadian English which is different from common English.
 
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