Women and engineer problem in marriage

[Ramacchandran]

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Thanks for all your kind responses to my post.

I decided to write this post in section 'boys seeking girls' so that boys will read and share their views.

When I made a searched in matrimony websites, I come across many girls having educated to an engineer level and more. Its good on part of women empowerment.

What is disheartening to see is their expectations.

I admit I'm not an engineer and never wished to be one, I wanted to study Astrophysics and i couldn't but achieve it.

I see lot of our Brahmin boys working in IT professional, having a good qualification and getting excellent package.

My question remained unanswered and here its again.

Will an high earning boy will marry a women, who's expectation level is very high.

I came across a girl in Chennai working for CTS, with BE+7 Lakh pa and expects her partner to be highly educated with 8 Lakh +more salary.

Will anyone marry a girl with high maintenance.

There is an western term called 'Marry up' and 'Marry down'.

Marry Up: Marrying a person equal or more that you status (education + salary)
Marry Down: The opposite of Marry Up.

I want an answer from a boy, parent of boy or relative of a boy who is searching for a girl, what do they want in girl.

More women are going to colleges and more women are getting jobs than before, as the society tends to empower women, this leaves little room for men to catch up.

The parents of the girls if they are rich, they want only rich. No one prefers poor even though he is highly educated and well cultured Non smoker and non alcoholic. In the profile itself they mention social drinking acceptable. They need only rich. According to them, boys from IIT, IIM,M.Tech , M.D are alone brahmins. Next they see the profession of the parents of the boys. If he is below his level, like Gurukal, Sastrigal, cook, they reject.
Then comes the boy's photo he should be like a cine star. Next the friends of the girl should vote for him! then the age difference Some wish a difference ip to 2 tears.
Then the poor girls, they wish to go abroad. U.S.A., U.K. No one needs Gulf or UAE or SA. They too want a groom from IT field. Some quote they wish to leave the job after marriage (if they are employed) or some say they will offer 50 percent of her salary to her mother. If she leave the job after delivery how will she pay for her parents? for this no one answered.

Hence I am of the opinion that the parents of the girls are confused and girls are also confused and this results in earning of websites that earns millions of rupees every year. The astrologers are also earning. The temples are crowded and if you visit temple you will see number of mothers offering pooja, donating money to the Gurukkal, Cloths etc. Inviting the Gurukkal to do prayachiththa homa at their house.

So the websites are earning a lot.

 

[sangom]

Will an high earning boy will marry a women, who's expectation level is very high.

Dear Shri Kartik,

Nature seems to work in such a way (and this is just my personal opinion) that a boy (male) reaches a stage in his life when he will be prepared to sacrifice anything, I repeat, anything, for the sake of female company which term, when shed of all the euphemisms, will mean, in plain Rnglish, sex and sexual enjoyment.

If our society had sufficient numbers of female prostitutes of reasonably good health, appearance and if there was a surety that the visiting male client will not contract any HIV or STD because of such visit/s, I agree with you that a high earning man will normally not fall for marrying a girl with very high expectations. But the reality in our society is very different from the above.

I want an answer from a boy, parent of boy or relative of a boy who is searching for a girl, what do they want in girl.

I am the father of 3 sons and I can say with some confidence that most boys expect a girl who will be an empowered modern girl who will also be like a door mat type whenever the husband wishes her to be so. This, I think, is an impossibility today.

 

[renuka]

If our society had sufficient numbers of female prostitutes of reasonably good health, appearance and if there was a surety that the visiting male client will not contract any HIV or STD because of such visit/s, I agree with you that a high earning man will normally not fall for marrying a girl with very high expectations. But the reality in our society is very different from the above.

LOL!


I don't think the role of a wife is just to provide sex alone?

In that case if there were enough Gigolo's sans STD/HIV females too do not have to get married isn't it?

But the emotional bonding is missing in most sex based transactions.

In most marriages there is a certain degree of emotional bonding and for guys this is more important for them cos they need to feel in charge of the relationship.

With a CSW(commercial sex worker)...he is not going to get that.

If a guy tries to be in charge he will be slapped with a higher bill.

So no guy can dominate a CSW..she has a pimp to dominate her.

Marriage/live in relationships of the monogamous type if still very much needed in society as for now.

 

[sangom]

LOL!


I don't think the role of a wife is just to provide sex alone?

In that case if there were enough Gigolo's sans STD/HIV females too do not have to get married isn't it?

But the emotional bonding is missing in most sex based transactions.

In most marriages there is a certain degree of emotional bonding and for guys this is more important for them cos they need to feel in charge of the relationship.

With a CSW(commercial sex worker)...he is not going to get that.

If a guy tries to be in charge he will be slapped with a higher bill.

So no guy can dominate a CSW..she has a pimp to dominate her.

Marriage/live in relationships of the monogamous type if still very much needed in society as for now.

Yes, it is true that what you call as "emotional bonding" may not be possible with a CSW. But I feel boys (males) may be able to attain a more balanced view about marriage, married life, etc., if they are able to satisfy the primary and overwhelming need of sex. I believe that even in an arranged marriage the emotional bonding comes gradually and not at the very start itself; as for love marriages, though people may claim that an emotional bonding is there from the very beginning, I think it is some euphoria at the start which gets slowly transformed into real life conditions and emotional bonding as time passes and provided it does not break up into divorce!

As for females, I have heard that they may not even need a gigolo . The rest is left to your imagination.

And, I do not think a male invariably wants to dominate in a marriage relationship, especially in the contemporary world.

 

[renuka]

Yes, it is true that what you call as "emotional bonding" may not be possible with a CSW. But I feel boys (males) may be able to attain a more balanced view about marriage, married life, etc., if they are able to satisfy the primary and overwhelming need of sex. I believe that even in an arranged marriage the emotional bonding comes gradually and not at the very start itself; as for love marriages, though people may claim that an emotional bonding is there from the very beginning, I think it is some euphoria at the start which gets slowly transformed into real life conditions and emotional bonding as time passes and provided it does not break up into divorce!

As for females, I have heard that they may not even need a gigolo . The rest is left to your imagination.

And, I do not think a male invariably wants to dominate in a marriage relationship, especially in the contemporary world.

I thought I did write in some thread that its is primal basic instinct that precedes any emotional bonding.
becos the very fact that people in traditional arranged marriages are able to consummate their marriages with a perfect stranger on their 1st night itself shows that primal basic instinct rules.

But since many people confuse marriage and love with Devika Kadhal etc..I don't think my point was well understood.

But to a certain extent you are right about men being able to get their desires fulfilled...its applies for girls too.

The longer they(men/women) are not sexually active the more their mind gets distorted views about life and they end up ruining their own chances of ever getting married.

But frankly speaking a visit to a CSW is surely not the answer cos it is RISKY with all the HIV/STD around and one might get KAmadarshinah and end up raping someone.

 

[renuka]

Will anyone marry a girl with high maintenance.

Dear Karthik,

What is high maintenance?

A person can be high maintenance and yet not burden anyone...in other words she maintains herself!

If a girl earns enough she can maintain herself and buy what she wants without burdening her husband.

You will be surprised to know out here where I stay..it is less educated girls who hold lesser jobs who are the most demanding cos they want to show off to their friends that they married a guy who maintains them well.

A highly educated girl who earns well might not ask her husband anything cos she does not need to show off to anyone.
All she would expect from him is to earn as much as her or just a bit more.

So as I always say..best is to marry a person of equal standing in society.

Marriage among equals seldom have problems.

Marry a person who is equal to you in education,income,family background,looks and mindset.

 

[tbs]

hi doctor,


Marry a person who is equal to you in education,income,family background,looks and mindset.

what abt physical structure...not to be considered?...lol.....like celebrity cine star....just curious..

potutham udalil vendum....purinthavan thunai aga vendum....பொருத்தம் உடலில் வேண்டும் ....புரிந்தவன் துணையாக வேண்டும்....

 

[renuka]

hi doctor,


Marry a person who is equal to you in education,income,family background,looks and mindset.

what abt physical structure...not to be considered?...lol.....like celebrity cine star....just curious..

potutham udalil vendum....purinthavan thunai aga vendum....பொருத்தம் உடலில் வேண்டும் ....புரிந்தவன் துணையாக வேண்டும்....

TBS Garu,

That's why I used the word Looks yaar!

Marry someone whose looks match ours..I f we look like a Cine Star/model/Greek God/Goddess then its all right to be expecting a Cine Star/model/Greek God/Goddess type looks but if we look like some plain Jane or plain Joe do not expect Cine star looks...this is for arranged marriages.

Love marriages I have seen real pretty girls married to some plain guys or below average guys.

 

[biswa]

Regarding the posts saying that the brides/girls are confused and know not what they want, they are still getting married, arent they? Or are they staying kumari all their lives? Perhaps they are marrying out of caste or religion if their other criteria about education/job/money/living abroad are satisfied. Perhaps caste is not the over-arching factor for young people these days.

 

[Karthik681]

addition info

Thanks,

In the real world its the opposite.
I have been member of many martimony websites, this is what they (girls have put)

Name: xyz
Qualification : BE, M.Sc
Professional: IT
Salary: 6lakh

Their partner perfence:
Qualification : BE, M.Sc
Professional: IT, Doctor, Banking
Salary: 7 Lakh to 9 Lakh

_____________________

The question is not whether the girl is from rich backgroung, the fact is that her present status is rich in terms of her education + her salary and her 'expectations' in her partner

This is called 'High maintance'

Today she will find one guy matching to her expectation, tomorrow if that guy lose job,

Will she love him or dump him?


The women empowerment has worked well, more women have college degress than ever before and more are working, with companies hiring women to balance the gender gap.

I strongly suggest searh for 'Leftoverwomen in china' in google and read the New York Times page

Earn-less-than-50k-Marriages-tough-dude in google and read the Times of India page

IT IS SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR EVERYONE TO FIND THEIR PERFECT MATCH

you will understand the quantum of the real problem


Thanks

 

[biswa]

The world in general is a competitive marketplace. Everybody (TBs, NBs) have to compete for limited resources be it food, shelter, education, jobs or mates. Of course there are distortions in the marketplace like the current reservation system in Indian and in TN in particular, just like there was limited admittance to ashramas and schools of Vedic knowledge. Barriers to choosing spouses from different castes, religions and races is breaking down as people gain global mobility.

But generally a free market which tries to match buyers and sellers (in this case brides and bridegrooms) often devolve to an auction system. The best merchandise will be sold to the highest bidder. This is true of property (real estate), engg college seats, the stock market and even the Google ads which are shown on this very web site.

Sometimes the system is a dutch auction where the seller starts with the highest possible price, lowering the price gradually until there is an offer from the buyer. That seems to be the model adopted by many girls of marriageable age these days. Cant blame them -- as long as they can find a buyer ...

 

[renuka]

Dear Karthik,

Lots of women who have high expectations out here remain unmarried or suddenly they fall in love with a guy way below what they expected.

So frankly speaking don't waste your time on those who have too high expectations.

These girls can keep waiting and waiting for ever and ever for their Knight in Shining Armour.. they do not realize that age is catching up and once they hit 35 years of age.. reproduction takes a dive and you will see people lining up outside fertility clinic.

People these days lack planning of their life.

For them everything is money.

BTW why don't you try looking for a girl who does not ask too much in the matrimony section.

Don't tell me that every girl is so demanding??

BTW why don't you get into the dating scene??

Try getting the feel of falling in love and marry who you find compatible.

 

[kunjuppu]

dear renu,

how does a guy like kartik 'discover' those level headed girls who are suitable for him? the practicality
of the whole matter, confounds me.

we, in our culture do not go to clubs or pubs, to meet our potential partners. unlike in the west.

for folks like kartik, the usual conduits ie parents, astrologers, internet, friends, family, ads in
matrimonial sites and magazines - all has failed.

so where does he turn next. like me, he is probably hopeful, that there is ONE girl in the world for
him chosen by God. but at this point, only God knows where she is. and poor girl, like kartik, she
too, must be going crazy trying to locate him. eh!

 

[renuka]

dear renu,

how does a guy like kartik 'discover' those level headed girls who are suitable for him? the practicality
of the whole matter, confounds me.

we, in our culture do not go to clubs or pubs, to meet our potential partners. unlike in the west.

for folks like kartik, the usual conduits ie parents, astrologers, internet, friends, family, ads in
matrimonial sites and magazines - all has failed.

so where does he turn next. like me, he is probably hopeful, that there is ONE girl in the world for
him chosen by God. but at this point, only God knows where she is. and poor girl, like kartik, she
too, must be going crazy trying to locate him. eh!

Dear Kunjs,

Who actually goes to pubs to meet potential life partners?

Pubs are where all guys/girls that drink and smoke hang out..so not a good place to find a potential partner.

India is full of Indians and at work place there is some chances of meeting someone.

When we girls were in college itself..just by walking on the road itself....guys from other colleges will be trailing us by bikes hoping to get to know some girl!LOL


I do not expect Karthik to be doing that but I hope he keeps his options open and may be try getting to know someone online.

Many people have got married just by knowing each other online.

Internet is a good place for shy people to get to know each other.
In fact some years back a shy Indian girl out here got to know another shy guy online and they got married after 2 years of chatting online..the guy was a Chinese and the girl a Tamilian.

I am not suggesting Intercaste or Inter racial marriage for Karthik but I am sure he can try out getting to know someone online.

One has to be little open minded in choosing a life partner.

If Karthik fails to get a TB girl may be he can opt for another community Brahmin girl from another state or some NB girl who would fit in his life style.

So many TB guys from India who come to work here initially want to hang out only with TBs here..after a while just take a walk to Saravana Bhavan or Annapurni Veg restaurant out here and check out TB guys with Chinese or Eurasian girls.
Don't be surprised to see the same guys in KFC with those Chinese chicks after a while.

So I do not believe that there in no one in India for anyone.

One just has to try hard enough.

The girls too after a while..their biological clock will be ticking and the Caveman Syndrome will start setting in.

Want to know what is Caveman Syndrome?

It will be this feeling "OMG! Who is going to come drag me to a cave?"

So that is when they will be too old and guys who are older would prefer younger chicks and younger chicks would be hoping for a rich guy and everyone keeps waiting and waiting.

God has given us all the hormones and equipments but everything come with an expiry date..so use it fast!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir and Renu,

Cupid does NOT send his arrows to everyone! Some people are ABLE to fall in love while some others are not!

My father used to say, 'Manmadhan bhANam vittAththAn, poNNu pAkkumbOdhu OK-nnu thalai AttuvAn!'

So, even to accept a girl by the age old method, one needs the help of Cupid!

 

[Raji Ram]

Our family friend forced his son to leave his job in Bangalore and go for Master's degree in any one of the U S of A univs.

The reason he gave was that he can not find a good match for his son with just a B. E degree, working in India! So..........

The boy left his job after two years, wrote GRE and TOEFL, got his M S degree and within one year got a BE girl as partner! :hug:

The boy who loved to settle down with his parents is now very happy too!!

 

[Karthik681]

1) Lots of women who have high expectations out here remain unmarried or suddenly they fall in love with a guy way below what they expected.
2) So frankly speaking don't waste your time on those who have too high expectations.
3) These girls can keep waiting and waiting for ever and ever for their Knight in Shining Armour.. they do not realize that age is catching up and once they hit 35 years of age.. reproduction takes a dive and you will see people lining up outside fertility clinic.
4) BTW why don't you try looking for a girl who does not ask too much in the matrimony section.
5) Don't tell me that every girl is so demanding??
6) BTW why don't you get into the dating scene??.

1) Very true, There was one Tanjore Brahmin girl in office see fell for a Christian boy, completely no looks or education, guess she couldn't find any Brahmins boy.

2) I don't waste time who have high expectations, neither do them

3) Why is the education they learn is not applied here, nor their parents understand them and others.

4) I'm a member in various matrimony websites, and its true to core that 99% of women do ask more than themselves in terms of salary and in terms of education either equal or more.
the stupidity is that some(more) ask the guy should be a engineer, some idiots ask for same professional (in most case the girl is in IT, so must the boy)
What about other professionals, are they not worthy, does IT stands to be worthy and stable for them?

Only 1% do not ask, most of them are from very lower status they just need to marry their daughter off (we cannot blame them neither god)
I got interest requests from two girls aged just 20 and one with 19, I felt really sad, the age gap was 8 to 10 years as I'm now 30.
I couldn't proceed further.

5) yes, yes, yes they are demanding
Please go for the links i have given in my earlier post one with 'Times of India' news article, and the comments.
Earn-less-than-50k-Marriages-tough-dude in Google search and read the 'Times of India' article and the comments if you have time.

6) Dating: This does not belongs to India, sorry and its the same answer if one goes for it.
Why are so many professional millennial women unable to find dateable men? in Forbes website

 

[Karthik681]

within one year got a BE girl as partner! :hug:
The boy who loved to settle down with his parents is now very happy too!!

Sir, Can you expect every boy to become an engineer ?

Women are going to colleges and earning degrees better than boys and landing in jobs better than boys because the company wants to show that they have equal gender balance.


There are many many good boys only the girls don't see them instead see something else as granted.

I wish you friend a happy married life.

I'm not sadden, its only that, if women can achieve so much , why cannot they understand the Draupadi's mistake.

Karna had all the qualities of the five Pandavas, this was said my Lord Krishna himself, and also Lord Krisnha added as being elder brother to Pandavas, he (karna) can have Draupadi as wife in turns.
But Karna refused the 'Kama' (lust) for it.

Yet Draupadi married the five brother and what did she earn from them, no children. remained virgin every time she gets up in morrning ( according to boon)



The color of money is light brown (fair), so many women fall for the guy who has it and not for his skin or caste or religion.

Also why should one become an engineer there are so many professional, are they not worthy.

Of what use is marrying BE girl who ends up finally at home with children and with her luxurious husbands package and travels in car and believes that life is like you see people in shopping mall, but that's not life in reality.
One cannot expect the world to be like shopping mall, where people dress well, behave well and look good, that is simply an Illusion for second you come out of the compound.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Karthik,

I can understand your feelings very well. In our family also we have a couple of engineer grooms who also find it difficult

to get good matches. Girls are very choosy and their demands are more! Those who do not wish to work also need a partner

who earns around one lakh per month! The situation is really bad. What I do not understand is this: When the girls want their

partner to work in the same city in India and if possible live with her parents after the wedding, how are they able to accept a

groom living in the U S of A or Australia and settle down far away? :noidea:

Best wishes to you,
Smt. Raji Ram

 

[renuka]

I myself have noted that highly educate girls in the matrimony sections in India many do NOT want to work after marriage.

This I really can not understand?? That is why they want super rich husband so that they do not have to work and enjoy at home with maids etc.

Why can't they combine income and contribute to household income and let the combined income give them all the luxuries they crave for.

I also sometimes wonder that some girls are really brave to marry and settle down so far from home.

Even when I was younger my parents turn down 2 proposals for me..one was from UK and Australia..these guys were also professionals who were from mixed caste like me and were looking for similar pattern mix caste match.
Their parents were previously Msian citizens.

My parents did not agree cos they were scared to send me so far away.

 

[renuka]

I got interest requests from two girls aged just 20 and one with 19, I felt really sad, the age gap was 8 to 10 years as I'm now 30.
I couldn't proceed further.

Dear Karthick,

Don't give up so fast...why don't your pursue the 20 year old girl match?

10 years gap is really nothing much.

I have seen some of my relatives marry girls even 12 years younger(love marriage) and they are happy too.

Give it a shot yaar..after all you need a loving, understanding person to share your life with.

Age is not a real factor here.

To be frank...it is better for the girl to be young cos younger girls have less fertility problems and she is just out of her teens and she will surely be more loving than a person who has seen the world.

Believe me..I am a woman..I still remember how I used to be at 20 years of age..20 years is the age where a person just blossoms and the worlds seems very lovely and wonderful.

So better get them when they are younger.

That is why when I married I made sure I married before I turned 30 cos the 20 something years have some Kiccku!

 

[Karthik681]

Thanks
I'm right now going through few girls, well let you know when i get fixed :dance:

But some way around, one should make them understand (the girls), its dificult for to get Mr.Right

Mr Right is gone, Mr Believer has come, the world revolves because of dharma, they are good people.

we have a couple of engineer grooms who also find it difficult

to get good matches. Those who do not wish to work also need a partner

who earns around one lakh per month!

The well educated and working class women, now ask dowry from boy in the form of salary and education.
The government has given women to empower the status in society, when these women use it well, and they later (now) demand more

the partners perfence secion in martimony websites the girls quote ' he should be a engineer':noidea:

Do they know how many boys can afford engineering degree(passout), how many are capable of funding four year course, how many can afford management fee at entrance, how many can afford jobs after college.

Please let me know what do parents of girls have to say, do they know the suitation that getting Mr Right is simply impossible in this period of time.
If you know any girl, why does she does not understand it.

The degree of stupidity is such that even girls from towns who have less educated ask the moon.

From 2009 June to till 2013 January, i have subscribed for paid membership in leading martimony websites.

In 2009 i have subscribed to KM for 4000k for fours months

2010: 3000K for three months in Tamil Martimony

2011: 3500K for three months in Community Martimony
again renewed for 3000K in Tamil Martimony

2012: 3500K for three months in Tamil martimony
again renewed for 3000k in Community Martimony

2013: Renewed again for 3000K in Tamil martimony

+ others, local brokers in Bangalore and Chennai.


I don't say that I'm not lucky but quote the Gita ' Whatever happens, it happens for good'

After becoming paid member i get to know their phone number and call, and inform my details,

In the girls partner perfence it they said
1) Education: BE MS Phd....
and also 'any'
2) Professional: any
3) Salary: any
4) Location: any


Does salary 'any' means they are even ready to marry jobless guy??
does professional 'any' means they are even readly to marry a construction worker ?

Some they say cannot give girl to Bangalore ????
They say Bangalore is far.

Some say later that boy is education very low and girl is more so mismath, sorry.

They mention 'any' or incorrect partner prefence and waste our time on them.

Without seeing my details(pic) they burst they mouth.
Some say Horoscope mismatch (but really it will be match!, in paid martimony service one can match the profile directly, online)

Some girls are in Bangalore, they don't even ask us to visit their houses, they block us, right in the road.

Once I went to see this girl, the girl's mother asked so much inhuman questions
so you are B.Sc, why didn't you study further
are you B.Sc pass or fail
why cannot you earn more
why canot you seek job in IT field just like my son (girl's brother is in IT)

Honestly speaking, I have spend a lot money on these martimony websites, but the girls have hidden agenda, it comes to light when one seeks them.

 

[tbs]

Dear Karthick,

Don't give up so fast...why don't your pursue the 20 year old girl match?

10 years gap is really nothing much.

I have seen some of my relatives marry girls even 12 years younger(love marriage) and they are happy too.

Give it a shot yaar..after all you need a loving, understanding person to share your life with.

Age is not a real factor here.

To be frank...it is better for the girl to be young cos younger girls have less fertility problems and she is just out of her teens and she will surely be more loving than a person who has seen the world.

Believe me..I am a woman..I still remember how I used to be at 20 years of age..20 years is the age where a person just blossoms and the worlds seems very lovely and wonderful.

So better get them when they are younger.

That is why when I married I made sure I married before I turned 30 cos the 20 something years have some Kiccku!

hi doctor,

its really kicku..LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Age is like Bata shoes price tag!! You know why? 29 seems young where as 30 seems old!

This holds good for all the years ending with the digit 9!!

P.S: Some shoes have price tag Rs. 999.99 only!! Rs. 1,000/ is a four digit number! :lol:

 

[Ramacchandran]

Last evening I contacted a so called father of a bride. Here he talked about the status! He said he is affluent brahmin! very very rich, and he don't want highly educated persons, but wanted from IIM(A) IIT (K) I don't know if he is looking for the post of husband. He said, he is a director in a Big co., (and his daughter needs to marry only as per the profile, he has. Let the horoscope has all the coincide, if he pay to priests, they will do prayachiththaa homam he added! He said he is a devotee of acharyaa.... and so much! The boy should take care of his company. He didn't mention about taking care of his daughter. He didn't tell what his family will do for him!!

At that time there was a song in TV

வெற்றி பெற்ற மனிதரெல்லாம் புத்திசாலி இல்லை , புத்தியுள்ள மனிதரெல்லாம் வெற்றி காண்பதில்லை

பணம் இருக்கும் மனிதரிடம் குணம் இருப்பதில்லை , குணம் இருக்கும் மனிதரிடம் பணம் இருபதில்லை


So the people are behind only money. Money alone is not life. A Brahmin means who knows the prapancham, the universe. Here the universe is only money money and money.Earn money as you like don't expect honesty, get the bribe, till you get caught, if caught share 50% with the superior. That' s all