What do boys expect from their Dates?

[V.Balasubramani]

Share:

Facebook X (Twitter) WhatsApp Email Share Link

TBs boys know very well as to how to take care of them.

And they believe that on an approrpiate day the 'cupid' will attack wqith his LOVE arrow.

They have their own priorities and even if they believe that 'Dating' is inevitable, they have enough knowledge on the subject, they need no coaching or tutoring.

I don't think that they require a 70 year old AMBI's advice on this which may be mostly outdated....

Some who believe the value of rich traiditon and want to uphold the culture and tradition prefer to follow the established practices.

Some may feel that they don't want to be looked down by others/neighbours/relatives, etc and thus bring shame to the family which they love beyond everything.

Some enjoy the real love and affection of the members of the family more than anything and they just don't want to lose them for mere sake of 'Dating'.

 

[krish44]

A brahmin boy who is a self styled economist has this to say from boys point of view.

!.Supply and Demand-90 girls to 100 boys . So scramble for girls

2.Informtion asymmetry- Girls want economically and physically strong boys. For selecting a boy of 23-25 yrs it is a guessing game for girls.

But boys can spot easily an attractive girl of 21-23 years.They get satisfied with what they see.

3.Monopolistic market -most girls get picked up easily , if they are well educated and in good job . So every girl in this market can pick and choose .

4.Incentive structure and illiquid markets
In india dating is only an option.unlike western society. If girl does not date, the girl can get the same before conventional marriage by dating a few before saying yes.

In this case, the boys are chosen by parents before the girl dates,So no incentive for girls to date outside without involving family..

5.Marginal utility- if a girl gets 10 good offers unlike boys , the value of boys is only marginal . It is like giving one more chocolate to one having nine.

6. Commoditization-If all are IT and MBA with good jobs , every boy has to have a USP which differentiates him from others so that a girl will choose him over others.

Courtesy-sri balaji viswanathan-writer on culture of india

 

[tks]

'Dating' is a big deal for those who have never engaged in such activities in their life and therefor may be fascinated by it.

There are lots of issues with this 'free for all' dating and the cultures that only know this way of finding partners (marriage or otherwise ) are caught in a dilemma.

I am not saying all this in theoretical terms having lived in a culture for most of my life where dating is the only known way of finding partners and spouses. Having lived in a coeducational dormitories or households for years as a student when it was even new concept in USA, and by volunteering as a 'student counselor' for many students (not Indians) caught in many relationship issues, I am convinced that our system of arranged marriages is well thought out.

I am not speaking any of this from an arbitrary moral standpoint of dating either.

At core, people regardless of their race and caste etc are all the same. They all have the same aspirations and insecurities. Hence it is a concern when this western culture that is flawed at many levels is going through India like a cyclone killing well rooted and ancient customs.

The pressure people feel to be accepted notwithstanding their looks is enormous for both boys and girls in a dating context.

Our TB culture (used to) have a well developed system with lot of positives but may not have evolved with time. There are superstitious issues driven by belief in astrology that is probably making it difficult.

Ambi is a derogatory term in my view to just refer to ONLY a TB male. If ambi is used as referring to any unmarried and inept person, then it is fine.

An unmarried TB male need not ape the west and think about dating but has to be smart to first learn skills for economic independence. Being able to communicate well is a minimum requirement for economic independence. Such a person must be well versed in Hindu scriptures and be able to internalize the teachings. The confidence that comes from such a proper knowledge can lead to traditional definition of success.

Some form of supervised dating as prelude to serious marriage consideration is needed. It need not be Rajasic and Tamasic as in the west.
If a boy is economically independent and is able to communicate well then his chances are good in getting married.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

'I am convinced that our system of arranged marriages is well thought out.

Well said as usual.

 

[krish44]

There are many misunderstanding and misconceptions regarding other sex and dating .

Most look at the opposite sex as stereoypes and do not think of them as individual with personality and specific characteristics

Many girls mistrust boys [there are conditioned like this by family and behavior of boys]], would not risk their education, career etc, not strong enough to break

socially conditioning, taboo of sex and dating.Most relate dating with sex and marriage. This is the general sterotype.

Most boys want girl as a status symbol to boast to peer group,desperate due to age,social, peer group.. Many cannot take even take the first step ie talk to girls[TBs

fall in this category], do not know how to ask for a date ,or take rejection properly.

Nor do girls can show interest openly even if they like boys company and make the first move. So there is a stalemate of sorts.

But mostly what happens when a boy approaches a girl for dating.

the girl says no because she becomes averse to dating considering all factors.

Alternatively she says no because she does not like the boy

There is also a rich and poor divide in dating in addition to metro and non metro scenario.

Normally the metro well off indian girls are more open and can match their western counter parts in dating .

So if you are a TB boy, try only for these and leave the others alone.

For this TB boys need to get over their stereotype image of being an ambi whatever it might denote to TB girls and aim for the best. lol

 

[auh]

Boys get iron from dates!

Doesn't everybody?

 

[auh]

2.Informtion asymmetry- Girls want economically and physically strong boys. For selecting a boy of 23-25 yrs it is a guessing game for girls.

But boys can spot easily an attractive girl of 21-23 years.They get satisfied with what they see.

I just read this and burst laughing. So true in a majority of cases. TB Boys look at least 5 to 10 years older than they really are ! Sad.

As an afterthought, I think most South Indian boys fall into this category.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Most relate dating with sex and marriage.

Will the member who comes here to preach about 'Dating' define what is actually dating in clear terms?

Will he strongly define that it is nothing to do with sex?

Before pointing out his fingers to others, we will like to know whether he has clear understanding as to what is 'Dating'?

We will talk about misconception and misunderstanding on hearing from him.

 

[krish44]

Will the member who comes here to preach about 'Dating' define what is actually dating in clear terms?

Will he strongly define that it is nothing to do with sex?

Before pointing out his fingers to others, we will like to know whether he has clear understanding as to what is 'Dating'?

We will talk about misconception and misunderstanding on hearing from him.

This thread is meant for TB youngsters.

I would like to engage with them.

 

[auh]

The pressure people feel to be accepted notwithstanding their looks is enormous for both boys and girls in a dating context.

Good point.

Ambi is a derogatory term in my view to just refer to ONLY a TB male. If ambi is used as referring to any unmarried and inept person, then it is fine.

Ambi is not a derogatory term. Previously, all TBs were generally addressed by this.

Some form of supervised dating as prelude to serious marriage consideration is needed. It need not be Rajasic and Tamasic as in the west. If a boy is economically independent and is able to communicate well then his chances are good in getting married.

TB boys should throw away the male chauvinism and arrogance that is mandated in the customs and rituals, and the confidence to declare it to the girl. This is the single most important factor that could sway the pendulum.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

This thread is meant for TB youngsters.

I would like to engage with them.

Do you have any idea as to how many TB younsters are following this thread????lol

The caption as to 'What do boys expect from their Dates' does not mention anything about TB boys. Why?

Suddenly after 33 postings, you now conveniently twist the thread as though it is meant for TB youngsters?

Why do you think that it is so for TB boys alone? Any specific reason behind that?

Then why it was not specified in the caption earlier?

Is it an after thought?

Don't worry you will get one or two members to second fiddle you shortly.

Please try to mention atleast five TB youngsters whom you have engaged so far in these 33 postings?

I presume TB youngsters are very busy dating with their lovable partners, of course they may not find time to spend on tutition given by an 70 year old TB AMBI.lol


And you have no clear answer to my query in Posting No.33.

Without actually knowing as to what is dating, you have come here to explain it to others.

Go ahead.

I will repeat my query for every posting again and again till such a time you come out with a clear answer.

 

[krish44]

My dear VBji

Act your age.

You are not young for dating anyone.

I am hoping to attract some youngsters to this forum for engaging them.

Of course you can also continue your postings.

You represent a mindset that exists among brahmin parents.

Beyond that if some brahmin parent becomes more accomodative towards his children after reading what is happening all over the world to youngsters -boys and girls

regarding dating and cohabitation , then the purpose of the thread is fulfilled.

I have no interest in academic hair splitting discussions on what constitutes dating and what it should or should not include.

With best wishes

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Dear Krish Ji,

At the outset you should have a clear understanding as to the subject you discuss.

Leave alone whether it is for youngsters and age old.

Based on your not replying to my query, I can conclude that you have absoutely no idea as to what is 'Dating'.

First explain your understanding as to what is 'dating'.

Be specific whether it is concerned with sex or not.

Don't be vague and ambigous in your reply.

It is a public Forum where everyone has right to particiipate and contribute.

Before doing so, we should know that we discuss this thread with a person who has a sound knowledge on the topic.

I can see few with superficial knowledge come here to give preaching through out the day.

I expect your clear understanding on the topic of 'Dating' and in clear terms whether that relates to Sex or not.

And don't generalise and talk about brahmin mindset etc as though you have more knowledge about TBs

And what is your understanding about Brahmin mindset?

Where did Brahmin came in this thread ....?

All your postings are being scanned mind that.

 

[krish44]

Ha ha ha.

Sorry time for lunch, movie, sleep and cricket match later.

So bye vbji.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Ha ha ha.

Sorry time for lunch, movie, sleep and cricket match later.

So bye vbji.

So no clear answer...... ha....ha....ha

Gooday.

 

[yesmohan]

So no clear answer...... ha....ha....ha

Gooday.

" Vachu kittu vanchagamA panRom; therinja solla mAttOmA......

EthO time passingk kaKA udAnsu vuttA..............ULLe poonthu roundu katReye rAsA "

 

[Vaagmi]

edited and removed. Please be mindful of what you say and how others will perceive it. - Praveen

 

[auh]

For a woman to be truly and freely liberated from the idea of a twisted society where undercurrents of maleness runs across every phase of behaviour and cultivated manner, she should throw away the notion that sex is taboo.

 

[renuka]

TBs boys know very well as to how to take care of them.

And they believe that on an approrpiate day the 'cupid' will attack wqith his LOVE arrow.

They have their own priorities and even if they believe that 'Dating' is inevitable, they have enough knowledge on the subject, they need no coaching or tutoring.

I don't think that they require a 70 year old AMBI's advice on this which may be mostly outdated....

Some who believe the value of rich traiditon and want to uphold the culture and tradition prefer to follow the established practices.

Some may feel that they don't want to be looked down by others/neighbours/relatives, etc and thus bring shame to the family which they love beyond everything.

Some enjoy the real love and affection of the members of the family more than anything and they just don't want to lose them for mere sake of 'Dating'.

Dear Sir,

In my college and the neighbouring college...there were Ambis from TN too...they also used to date girls from other communities including NRIs.

Their Modus operandi was:

1st date...take girl to a temple..then head to nearest udupi restaurant for thayir sadam.

There was also some Ambis doing PG..they also had girlfriends from other communities.

One Ambi was doing PG and dating another NB Tamil(Gounder) girl also from TN.

Both looked pretty cute and decent..never seen them even holding hands.

I dont think they got married cos the girls family only wanted Gounder boy and his family only wanted a TB girl..sad love story.

 

[renuka]

I have a feeling most people fear their ownselves and feel even a harmless date will go out of control and lead to physical relationship.

Dating does NOT= Sex.

 

[renuka]

Will the member who comes here to preach about 'Dating' define what is actually dating in clear terms?

Will he strongly define that it is nothing to do with sex?

Before pointing out his fingers to others, we will like to know whether he has clear understanding as to what is 'Dating'?

We will talk about misconception and misunderstanding on hearing from him.

Dear Sir,

Let me help clear misconceptions about dating.

From my stint in India I have come to know that most older mindset people in India think that dating = sex.

In reality its not.

Dating is just a simple meeting of 2 people who obviously have some interest in each other.

Most decent guys and girls too date..go for movies..go to temple..go for dinner..go to the beach too.

Some study together too.

Some might after a while hold hands and have a few kisses or two.

Then some get married and some might not.

Dating is romantic..it need not involve sex.

Whether a feeling of attraction leads to marriage or not that is left to the couple to decide but dating is a nice feeling.

Its really fun and exciting to have a person express his/her feelings in a cute way..that is Dating.

It gives the brain a serotonin boost and one feels like this song...see how romance is expressed so beautifully in this song..its lovely..not hard core..

Dating is Romance and NOT PORN.



[video=youtube_share;3uxe_dAKjrM]https://youtu.be/3uxe_dAKjrM[/video]

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Doctor Mam,


We have been discussing on Topic 'Dating'.

I was asking for its definition in clear terms just to confirm that it does not involve any sex I mean physical relation as has been alleged.

But none come forward to clear this which makes one believe that it certainly involve physical relation.

And Wikipedia says this and does not rule out physical relation.

"The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country and over time. The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor toengagement or marriage.[SUP][1][2][/SUP]

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating


Now Mam you have mentioened a new terminology 'harmless dating'. What is this?

And the other member from US is going to quote Veg. dating and Non-Veg dating....??

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Dating is romantic..it need not involve sex.

Dating is Romance and NOT PORN.

Doctor Mam,

This is subject to discussion.

 

[renuka]

Now Mam you have mentioened a new terminology 'harmless dating'. What is this?

And the other member from US is going to quote Veg. dating and Non-Veg dating....??

Dear Sir,

Dating need not involve sex becos each couple might want to adhere to their individual values.

Harmless dating is when there is no sex and by sex I mean the legal definition of sex.


Sometimes a person might ask a girl out for dinner and if they do not feel that they have a similar wave length in thinking they might not see each other again and choose to remain friends.

The most important thing in dating is respect..that is both have to respect each others boundaries and should be able to take NO for an answer if they do not wish to pursue the relationship beyond friendship.

Also there is something called a friendly meeting that too friends too can call each other out for dinner or even go for a movie.

The term Veg and Non Veg dating is only used in India..just like the term Veg joke or Non Veg joke cos in India there is a fixation that Veg is pure and Non Veg is impure.

No other country uses that term.

 

[renuka]

Doctor Mam,


This is subject to discussion.

Sure why not...we can get lots of feedback from members.

I can write poetry on Romance.

One of the best feelings in the world is Romance.

Its like Maya...it makes you feel so attached to someone yet it is designed by Nature to make us believe its love.

We humans actually do not love anyone..what we know or call Love (including the over rated Mother's Love) is nothing but attachment in various shades.

Yesterday I witnessed gay romance.

I went to buy something from Bodyshop..they employ gay men to work there..they make very good skin care experts.

So the gay male attending to me suddenly looked out of the shop and he saw another man and that man came in and asked him"hey long time no see..how have you been...I missed you"

I saw the gay male shop personnel's face light up and his body language changed..he was behaving like a girl in love.

It was so cute....Later I asked him''ur ex- boyfriend ?" he said "yes..he was".

It felt nice to see a gay man light up seeing a ex flame.