What do tamil brahmin boys expect from his fiance/wife?

[tamizhiyer]

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Hi all,
I am friends with this iyer guy ,we havent met each other/just phone and skype calls.I like him and he likes me (I think).We are planning to meet.Just in case if we go to next stage in our relationship,I would really like that!!!.I want to know if tamil iyer boys will marry a non brahmin girl? What do tamil brahmin boys expect from his fiance/wife?If so what are the problems a non brahmin girl can face?He is younger to me like 10 months , what can I expect in this age gap, i felt he had much matured thoughts than guy from my community.

I am a very religious person and I like him for the same fact? What to expect in tamil brahmin family if I be a part of it!

Thanks!!

 

[sravna]

Hi,

As a tamil iyer this is what I expect: Maturity, reasonable good looks, good family background.

I believe maturity takes care of most of the things.

 

[GANESH65]

I think the best person who can answer this question is your Iyer friend himself. Many Iyer house holds are broad minded now a days to accept gals from other sects. But again there are exemptions as well. Mutual understanding between the couple is the first thing required. I would suggest both of you post this question to one another, what you both are expecting from each other and where you both stand on these counts and then go ahead further.

 

[krish44]

First look at his parents. See if you can transact with them andif they are ready to accept you as you are.

If they are traditional or conservative ,talk madi acharam etc, , believe in rituals and fully vegertarian and inflexible in food preferances , drop the alliance and move

on not wasting more time and energy in the relationship.

If they have a liberal mindset, welcoming ready to put up with your caste and food habits, then you might consider.

Say a big no ,if they talk horoscope and astrology .

Also the boy is younger to you. Normally boys are less mature than girls of the same age. So you cannot expect him to lead you or help you in any way. You might

have to take the initiative to get yourself accepted by boys family.

Well the boy might have preferred you without thinking of future issues that might arise .So be careful in evaluating pros and cons before jumping headlong into it.

Brahmin communities look excellent to NBs because of their exclusive tag and their attempts to isolate themselves from other castes.

It might be a case of akkarai pachai for other communities.

Marriage is a lifetime affair.No sense in getting stuck with iyer boys.

 

[renuka]

Hi all,
I am friends with this iyer guy ,we havent met each other/just phone and skype calls.I like him and he likes me (I think).We are planning to meet.Just in case if we go to next stage in our relationship,I would really like that!!!.I want to know if tamil iyer boys will marry a non brahmin girl? What do tamil brahmin boys expect from his fiance/wife?If so what are the problems a non brahmin girl can face?He is younger to me like 10 months , what can I expect in this age gap, i felt he had much matured thoughts than guy from my community.

I am a very religious person and I like him for the same fact? What to expect in tamil brahmin family if I be a part of it!

Thanks!!

Take it slow...

Be friends first...dont think of marriage cos its too early to think on those lines.

I am not a TB but from what I understand from being in Forum for sometime that different communities in India take their caste seriously and inter caste marriage might not be easy.

So best is just be friends..even if your relationship does escalate to another level make sure you safe guard your feelings in case your parents and his parents object.

So play your cards well...its always better to keep options open and be friendly within limits with even other decent boys.

Dont get over attached to anyone especially if he is not from your community cos inter caste marriage needs a lot of guts and sacrifice.

In India parents emotional black mail their kids to prevent inter caste marriage..so do not end up being hurt.

Be friends with other decent guys too and then make your final choice.

Be selective..no need to change yourself too much to adapt to any one family..always be yourself.

Changing and adapting is usually just fake and after a few years the facade comes crumbling down.

Best is marry to be yourself and not to please others to be part of their family or community.

Personally I do not advocate Inter caste marriage esp if one is in India.

If you were outside of India..then its a different picture all together.

 

[Raji Ram]

......... I am a very religious person and I like him for the same fact? What to expect in tamil brahmin family if I be a part of it! .......

Seems to me that you want the 'Iyer' tag to yourself! (Your forum name suggests this!)

The best persons to answer your Qs are the boy and his parents only.

P.S: We don't know anything about the boy or his family values and hence we can't answer.

 

[prasad1]

Hi all,
I am friends with this iyer guy ,we havent met each other/just phone and skype calls.I like him and he likes me (I think).We are planning to meet.Just in case if we go to next stage in our relationship,I would really like that!!!.I want to know if tamil iyer boys will marry a non brahmin girl? What do tamil brahmin boys expect from his fiance/wife?If so what are the problems a non brahmin girl can face?He is younger to me like 10 months , what can I expect in this age gap, i felt he had much matured thoughts than guy from my community.

I am a very religious person and I like him for the same fact? What to expect in tamil brahmin family if I be a part of it!

Thanks!!

Are you real? I think it is a troll. If you were real you would have searched our archives before posting. There is no uniformity called "tamil Brahmin Family". Each family has their own tradition. Each person has individual expectation. In my experience this is a bogus post.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Prasad Sir,

When newbies enter forum and put forth such oft asked Qs, we have a doubt whether it is genuine or not!

Even if genuine, how can we members give any answer, not knowing anything about the boy or his family?

As you say, each family has its own set of values and follow it.

 

[krish44]

Newbies write what comes to their mind to see the reaction of veterans in this forum.


They take time to develop a comfort level and then they contribute meaning fully.


One needs to be patient with them.

 

[renuka]

Are you real? I think it is a troll. If you were real you would have searched our archives before posting. There is no uniformity called "tamil Brahmin Family". Each family has their own tradition. Each person has individual expectation. In my experience this is a bogus post.

Dear Prasad Ji,

Even when I was a newbie I never even realized the archives option was there.

May be the newbie wants some feed back.

 

[krish44]

I still do not know about archives.

I have no interest in history .

Besides many youngsters try to post to test the ground before getting involved.

If they are made to feel wanted thru appreciation and encouragement, they might open out.

 

[renuka]

Seems to me that you want the 'Iyer' tag to yourself! (Your forum name suggests this!)

The best persons to answer your Qs are the boy and his parents only.

P.S: We don't know anything about the boy or his family values and hence we can't answer.

Dear RR ji,

The Poster has only mentioned her admiration for the guy and praised his maturity as compared to guys from her community..so she is kind of looking at him in positive light.

It could be budding of a new friendship and its at these stages where one feels the most excited and also most confused.

I don't think she is looking for any caste tag..she is just slightly excited about this friendship..its very normal.

Usually guys and girls in a new friendship of an intercaste kind tend to want to impress each other by experimenting each others cultures.

Believe me in college when North Indian guys liked a South Indian girl...they even go along to see Tamil movies..learn a few words of Tamil etc.

So its like a new phase for this OP's life..let her enjoy this moment..it might just remain friendship or they might develop a intellectual relationship even if they do not fall in love.

This is just a Chinna Chinna Asai in a person's life...so let's not make anyone feel alienated.

 

[krish44]

When chinna chinna aasai become periya aasai of lifetime relationship, it becomes a disaster.

Friendship if it remains only that with some intellectual relationship and flirting with possible one night stand -great.

What really happens is -one of the two thinks the relationship should be taken to another level accompanied by tears,misery and heartbreak and other party yielding or succumbing

This ends in marriage for which one is not fully committed.

In rare cases , both are fully committed.

Inter sex relationships require lots of maturity.

Very few have it when they are young.

Those in steadfast lifetime relationships liking each other are very few.

Most with good friendships end up as bad marriage partners.

 

[renuka]

When chinna chinna aasai become periya aasai of lifetime relationship, it becomes a disaster.

Friendship if it remains only that with some intellectual relationship and flirting with possible one night stand -great.

What really happens is -one of the two thinks the relationship should be taken to another level accompanied by tears,misery and heartbreak and other party yielding or succumbing

This ends in marriage for which one is not fully committed.

In rare cases , both are fully committed.

Inter sex relationships require lots of maturity.

Very few have it when they are young.

Those in steadfast lifetime relationships liking each other are very few.

Most with good friendships end up as bad marriage partners.

These days youngsters are better equipped with more maturity to handle any situation.

True...never marry a best friend..marriage wont work out.

 

[krish44]

Most youngsters -specially boys cannot handle rejection of marriage proposal by a girl who is a friend and does not want to marry him.

Repeatedly we have had bad incidents of molesting,physical assault or even knifing by rejected boys.

Girls cope better with rejection and move on to find better partners .

Our TB boys are satvik. When they get rejected , they are found another match by mother of the boy.

This is the most common scenario.

Very rare cases,TB boys fall in love twice. Once bitten ,they go into warm embrace of mother to bail them out.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

Each brahmin family has some values; some are very orthodox and won't accept NB son in law / daughter in law.

Some are liberal and just leave the youngsters to lead their own life and stay away from them. They won't even visit

them unless help is sought. Hence I wrote that the girl has to find for herself what the guy expects and whether his

family will accept her. BTW, girls like to marry younger boys; they can dominate them more then the older ones.

 

[Raji Ram]

......... Very rare cases,TB boys fall in love twice. Once bitten ,they go into warm embrace of mother to bail them out.

It appears that divorced girls get matches sooner than the divorced guys. But, one guy married within months of his

divorce and then we knew that the NB girl was his lover and his parents forced him into a marriage with a brahmin girl.

And, the divorced brahmin girl also got a good match from the U S of A, happily settled there and blessed with a son!

 

[V.Balasubramani]

But, one guy married within months of his

divorce and then we knew that the NB girl was his lover and his parents forced him into a marriage with a brahmin girl.

I hope this is not another imaginative cock and bull story this Forum is known for. LOL

 

[krish44]

It appears that divorced girls get matches sooner than the divorced guys. But, one guy married within months of his

divorce and then we knew that the NB girl was his lover and his parents forced him into a marriage with a brahmin girl.

And, the divorced brahmin girl also got a good match from the U S of A, happily settled there and blessed with a son!

I agree.
Divorced girls get matches easily.Only if they have a child thru earlier marriage, it becomes difficult . Not many boys are broadminded to accept the child along with

the girl.

Divorced boys find it difficult to get a match as divorced girls are selective and do not accept the divorced boy unless they are absolutely sure about him. Once

bitten they are doubly careful.

I have a relative -an innocent widower with a child aged 5 plus. He is unable to find a brahmin match -divorced or widowed. He earns 20 lakhs plus.around 38yrs. Some NBs

are willing and more open but he wants the brahmin tag.This does not match with my philosophy as I am against caste or religious discrimination.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

I am against caste or religious discrimination.

99% of members of the Forum say this... !!

But how many are following this...?

And in this Forum there are few who don't want to be questioned by others.

Expect others to accept whatever they write.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

The brahm girls who get a divorce because of ill treatment by husband and / or in-laws, are recommended by family

friends to the parents of prospective grooms, who frantically look only for a brahmin match and it works out easier

for the girls. One divorced girl got an unmarried guy through a family friend. That guy has good features, though a

bit dark in complexion.

 

[prasad1]

girls like to marry younger boys; they can dominate them more then the older ones.

No body told the younger girls that they should not dominate in relation. At least not all the wives I know.:first::behindsofa:

 

[Raji Ram]

No body told the younger girls that they should not dominate in relation. At least not all the wives I know.:first::behindsofa:

:lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

Brahmin boys are attached to their parents and expect their better half also to do that.

The lucky ones get an affectionate wife and the others get dominating wife, who shuns the parents-in-law!

We can derive a corollary from the adage, 'manaivi amaivadhellAm iRaivan koduththa varam' as

'marumagaL amaivadhellAm iRaivan koduththa varam'! ray:

I am reminded of a funny incident that happened, when Ram and I were hunting for a bride for our son.

One mAmA came with big pattai vibhuthi on his forehead and handed over his daughter's horoscope to us,

not before checking whether MY star and his daughter's star will be friendly ones!! :lol:

 

[V.Balasubramani]

This pattai vibhuthi mama should have approached our Delhi member who would have simply changed the star and other houses and langanam everything to ensure that a missmatching horoscope matches with maximum porutthams.

Poor mama, hope he is not spencer mama. LOL