What do boys expect from their Dates?

[renuka]

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Doctor Mam,

This is subject to discussion. Bcos the other article which I just read says this:

"Dating and Sex go hand in hand.

But the only two people in the world who know when the time is right to have sex are the two people who are dating, and even then the decision seems to be still a tricky one."

But Sex is not ruled out in 'Dating'.

Dear Sir,

As I mentioned earlier not all types of dating includes sex.

BTW even if Dating does include Sex for some people...Is there really a problem if its between two consenting adults?

I feel may be one needs to go on a date to know what dating is all about.

Its never late to start.

After all even Adi Shankara inhabited a dead Kings body to experience life of a married person and love.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Doctor Mam,

Now that you have mentioned that all types of dating don't include sex, I would like to know what are all other types of 'Dating'.

While Krish Ji in his posting has already mentioned that members who are aged cannot have Daiting.

And now you have clearly stated that one needs to go on a Date to know what is dating is all about.

This sounds fine.

Thank you.

 

[renuka]

For certain things there seems to be no 'Undo' button.

Then just click the LIKE button!LOL

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Then just click the LIKE button!LOL

I like this answer.

 

[renuka]

Doctor Mam,

Now that you have mentioned that all types of dating don't include sex, I would like to know what are all other types of 'Dating'.

While Krish Ji in his posting has already mentioned that members who are aged cannot have Daiting.

And now you have clearly stated that one needs to go on a Date to know what is dating is all about.

This sounds fine.

Thank you.

I totally feel like a lecturer now!LOL

Sir..I have already explained what dating is..I even gave a situation song for it.

Krish ji is wrong...who says..seniors cant date?

Anyone can date..the human brain is capable of feeling romance even though they might not have the ammunition for a full fledged physical relationship.

But there are also medical means for that these days.

I hope I have ignited the motivation for senior members to go on dates.

Salamat Raho!

 

[renuka]

I like this answer.

I have that effect in forum..most people like my answers becos I write what they desire to hear!LOL

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Members come here with superficial knowledge, open thread and start preaching like great philosophers.

Please go through the postings of this member who opened the thread which will reveal the fact that he does not have a thorough knowledge about dating.

Now coming to the OP what do boys expect from their Dates?

And there is no mention about 'online' dating?

I think youngsters of the Forum are perhaps very busy planning their dating.

It may be for experience sake or to promote their relatonship or to know each other more, their compatibility, chemistry taste, style, behaviour, etc.

Anyway all TB youngsters who are in the Forum at least from now on engage with the thread opener and discuss as to what they expect from their 'Dates'. He may have lot of ideas to resolve the issues. (Though he may not be actually aware of the definition of 'Dating')

Will they....?

Let us wait and see.

 

[prasad1]

If you google you can find it. Some of it is right.
For example there is senior dating site in India.
https://www.lavaplace.com/Personals/India/IN/14/

 

[tbs]

hi

dating into two types...veg dating...means SATWIK DATING....without physical contact.....just care and share...

second one....NON VEG DATING....means NON SATWIK DATING....first date with physical involvement.....generally

indians think and prefer second type.....indians think dating means second type of dating....becoz we are

more romantic in nature....

 

[biswa]

No, TBS ji, I think there used to be plenty of sattvik dating in India as well. My guess is that initial couple of months is sattvik, then it becomes something else, quite naturally. Many do end in marriage. Given the furore about ICM, they must have started as dating, but they are trying to come to an honorable finale.

 

[renuka]

hi

dating into two types...veg dating...means SATWIK DATING....without physical contact.....just care and share...

second one....NON VEG DATING....means NON SATWIK DATING....first date with physical involvement.....generally

indians think and prefer second type.....indians think dating means second type of dating....becoz we are

more romantic in nature....

Dear TBS ji,

This the theory of evolution..first type of Sattvic Dating..there is no physical contact...true..just caring and sharing.

Now this type is dangerous..cos most girls might just lead on some loser type of guy and guy would be thinking girl likes him and when guy confesses his feelings for her..she will suddenly say she only thought of him as a brother and guy will be totally disappointed.

Therefore Type 1 dating is very very risky for loser guys.

Type 2 Non Sattva..Rajas types is safer..cos no one can claim they are brother and sister. Type 2 has universal appeal.Our Indian mythology is full of them...Shakuntala and Dushyant for example.

 

[renuka]

My guess is that initial couple of months is sattvik,

Months? Does anyone wait for so long!LOL

 

[krish44]

One member here asked me whether I even know what is dating.

That set me thinking.

I took the easy way out.

I decided to switch off , go for lunch and later see a cricket match on TV.lol

I had thought this is good material for dissecting and could be reserved for another day.

A formal definition -dating as a process where two of different genders meet socially in public for engaging in mutually agreed activity - appears best.This says everything and nothing

The intent is companionship -minimally friendship ,extending to various activities such as seeing movies, dining and wining together,even studying or working together[if

the couple are tamil brahmins]. This companionship can be a precursor to engagement and possibly marriage also. They may also end as friendship-platonic alone to the

disappointment to one of the dating duo. Some can end up as hand holding , kissing types leading ultimately with engagement and marriage [ with some physical

relationship thrown in at some stage]. This appears to be the broadest definition of dating.

I have many more things to say.

But it might hurt many members feelings.

Dating is such a vast subject-covering evolution of dating,social rules governing dating depending on country, caste ,religion, family ,impact of empowerment of

women socially , economically , politically on dating, changes brought about by technology[online or speed dating, mob etc] , prospective meeting places for

dating,impact of divorces on dating-old age dating etc, hazards of dating, place of love in dating,dating in india.

One could write a thesis on this subject if one has nothing else better to do.lol

I do not know if this is the appropriate forum to discuss further.

I rest my case ..

I did not know I would be be stirring up so much emotions with this thread.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

One could write a thesis on this subject if one has nothing else better to do.lol

.

While one deem it a duty to open a thread on this topic(finding nothing else better to do) and go for a discussion with all seriousness,by drawing attention of most of the active members, the very same member may come forward to writing a thesis on this later with his rich alleged experience. That shows his interest, urge and burning desire on the subject.

Member with haste, open a thread on a topic, and when some one question, do some home work and come here again to illustrate the subject. Nice to see the member had taken the query seriously and had done some homework on the topic.

But, what I fail to understand is as to how many youngsters have benefited bcos of this thread. What is their reaction?

I also fail to understand as to how many youngsters have responded and passed on their valuable feedback.

Anyway I will be happy if this 70 year young AMBI's initiative fulfils any purpose in this Forum.

I can say one thing that TB youngsters are more busy nowadays and may not find time to read or hear free advices.

They are more particular in getting practical experience rather than theory.

The thread opener can think about organising demonstration on 'Dating' at Jantar Mantar so that the Delhi youngsters will learn more on Dating and that way prove useful citizen to the society in general.

Will he..........??????

 

[krish44]

Every year I help to get at least two youngsters in my extended family to get married using my methods

All are brahmin youngsters who are well educated, employed and social misfits.

All have dated after preliminery choosing their mates on line thru matrimonial forum , gone on to online forums to chat and skype and meeting more than once outside in

public spaces before getting engaged and marrying..

I write based on ground experience and what matters is results.

I favour dating and not matching of horoscopes or stars.

We have to move on with the times .

Or we will be cast aside as nuisance making senior citizens not wanted anywhere.

 

[mkrishna100]

I favour dating and not matching of horoscopes or stars.

Nobody today cares much for matching of horscopes in real terms . Horscopes are used as an exuse to dump the alliance .This is being done by both die hard so called fans of horoscope and also by so called broad minded "we do not care for horoscope" types . Might be they feel dumping the alliance with the excuse of horoscopes do not match is a more polite and refined way of saying NO .

 

[krish44]

Nobody today cares much for matching of horscopes in real terms . Horscopes are used as an exuse to dump the alliance .This is being done by both die hard so called fans of horoscope and also by so called broad minded "we do not care for horoscope" types . Might be they feel dumping the alliance with the excuse of horoscopes do not match is a more polite and refined way of saying NO .

If we have to take the dating route, honesty is very important.

I strongly believe openness about intent and excellent social conduct matter more than all the edu and professional degrees.

A brilliant academic and professional who is arrogant and selfish is far worse than an average with good social conduct.

Money does not matter too much if both boy and girl are educated and both are wage earners.

They have better chances of bonding by being inter dependant in economic terms also.

They can be friends as almost equals.

Good marriage calls for gender equality and justice.

When one sees so many educated career girls in divorce courts , one feels the fault lies in criteria for deciding on arranged marriages is mostly responsible.

In many cases parents are the culprits.

 

[V.Balasubramani]

My answers and queries in blue


Every year I help to get at least two youngsters in my extended family to get married using my methods
What is your method..?? Having said, you can share this with the members of the Forum.

All are brahmin youngsters who are well educated, employed and social misfits.
How do you say this..? How do you define them as social misfits? Are you the Authority to decide? How do you evaluate and what are your norms of gradation to conclude that all brahmin youngsters are social misfit? We expect your reply on this.

All have dated after preliminery choosing their mates on line thru matrimonial forum , gone on to online forums to chat and skype and meeting more than once outside in public spaces before getting engaged and marrying..

So you mean our TB youngsters have converted themselves from their traditional practice to western culture viz 'Dating' now.

I write based on ground experience and what matters is results.

What result?
So do you admit that you have directly or indirectlyt influenced TB youngsters to follow western culture? I mean Dating?
You are convinced of that?

Now how many conversions are 'Hot'? how many conversions 'Warm' and How many are still 'cold'

Could you kindly share the number of ( though not exact} youngsters who follow 'Dating' by means of your advice
How many are upto harmless dating? How many are Veg. Dating and How many are Non-Veg dating?

It is nice of you if you share these informations here.


I favour dating and not matching of horoscopes or stars.
It is your choice

We have to move on with the times.
I think everyone is moving especially TBs are moving very fast and in fact they are ahead

Or we will be cast aside as nuisance making senior citizens not wanted anywhere.
This I agree, we have nuisance making senior citizens repeat nuisance making senior citizens.

 

[mkrishna100]

If we have to take the dating route, honesty is very important.

There is a difference between lying and being dipolmatic about the darker side of oneself or about one's family .I wont say people lie but they are very diplomatic when it comes to revealing the truth of many uncomfortbale things .There was a TV Program few years back on people who married after being in love for long and then decided to separate and one lady told that her parter was very caring ,loving , polite etc when they were dating but after marriage he had a total contrasting behavior and the Chief Guest of that program was a Marriage Counsellor and she said that dating , marriage are different . When you date you expose only the best of yourrself and also at that time there is no day to day household responsibility and so dating is a means of unwinding oneself but when it comes to marriage , it brings in lot of responsibility - children , parents , in laws , relatives etc and these sort of things you can never plan for or simulate while dating as when 2 people date they just spend time within themselves and the rest of the world does not exist for them .But in marriage one may have some free space for the first few weeks , months but after the honeymoon phase all the realities you will have to confront .More so if they have children .

I found in today's context people getting married for the second time ( after divorce ) are better able to fix their alliance smoothly as now they look at marriage from a different perspective .In my family itself the last year saw remarriage of few divorced girls .They had a far realistic outlook on life and decided to settle in life with a more realsitic approach and there is more honesty there . But there is lot of arrogance, over ambitious expectations etc when people first step in to the marriage market thinking that they can call the shots only to be humbled later by lots of rejections and come to realistic terms .

 

[krish44]

Dear nkrishna100,

I agree with your line of thinking.

Some may not be truthful about their extended family details, personal habits [smoking , drinking etc], past affairs if any . That is part of the hazards of trying to get

into a relationship with an unknown person /family.Some can be excused and put up with. Others can lead to difficulties later after marriage.

Of course most [both boys and girls] are on their best behavior during dating but after marriage may discover the most considerate before are not 100% the same

living with on 24/7 basis. But when decisions regarding marriage are made by boys and girls alone, they try to work it out themselves with give and take on both sides.

They cope better with each other to resolve their inter personal issues.I consider it better than a situation when parents of either side get involved in matrimonial

differences to widen the gap between the couple.

Luckily the ones which I was instrumental in finalising have worked out well so far.

Of course , in case of second marriage, both are realistic about their requirements and more practical and hard headed.Hence there is not much of romance in this.

Only cold calculated arrangements to stay together with individual and joint responsibilities and earnings.Of course more honesty and realism in this marriage. I would

not like to speculate whether they would be happier the second time in marriage. But they must be great optimists to try out for the second time believing in the

institution of marriage.

 

[renuka]

I feel Krish ji and Bala Ji should go on a date with each other.

 

[krish44]

I feel Krish ji and Bala Ji should go on a date with each other.

Is it scheduled for 1st april ?

 

[V.Balasubramani]

Doctor Mam,

I really appreciate your gesture. Sorry..!

 

[Vaagmi]

Dear TBS ji,

This the theory of evolution..first type of Sattvic Dating..there is no physical contact...true..just caring and sharing.

Now this type is dangerous..cos most girls might just lead on some loser type of guy and guy would be thinking girl likes him and when guy confesses his feelings for her..she will suddenly say she only thought of him as a brother and guy will be totally disappointed.

Therefore Type 1 dating is very very risky for loser guys.

Type 2 Non Sattva..Rajas types is safer..cos no one can claim they are brother and sister. Type 2 has universal appeal.Our Indian mythology is full of them...Shakuntala and Dushyant for example.

sAtvik, non sAtvik etc dating are all dukrinjkarane. The real picture is this:

Upto a point the dating is all about opening gambit and may involve a discussion about whether Vaadilal Ice cream is good Or the Amul brand is good. As time progresses different items enter into agenda. Beyond a point it is just a tether at one end of which there is a monkey and at the other end a kurangaatti. LOL.