Travails of a Tambram Wedding

[vgane]

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Is it slightly (!) late marriage?

We are commenting about the TB bride & bridegroom & have gone overboard..Wonder what will they think if they see all our nasty comments about them ?

 

[Raji Ram]

We are commenting about the TB bride & bridegroom & have gone overboard..Wonder what will they think if they see all our nasty comments about them ?

Very true, Ganesh! I have deleted two posts. :typing:

But still, I think the bride should be aware of the camera, which will be after her, on the day! :spy:

 

[kunjuppu]

Very true, Ganesh! I have deleted two posts. :typing:

But still, I think the bride should be aware of the camera, which will be after her, on the day! :spy:

the kolaveri bride is an old old pix circulated a few years ago in facebook.

one has to agree, the bride's face has an expression that is priceless! maybe anger, disgust, revenge, joy, sheer joy or delight...at the thought of shoving the laddu to this idiot, whose parents bankrupted her father?

who knows!!

maybe she is a stand in for her counterpart over the centuries whose parents have suffered such?

 

[rishikesan]

All veterans & others who have vied with one another to drag on / divert the most important/ most useful topic with Absurdity ? Why this attitude ?Pl. be serious study my opinion & give your thoughts , duly honouring our own Forum/ for our own benefit. No ill will Because of Anxiey I write this.

A.Srinivasan

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Rishi Sir,

You please look around and see what is happening in Tambrahm weddings. The 'showing off' has become the order of the day

and you have to accept it! If the bride's party earmarks the expenses to reduce the budget, the groom's party comes to the 'rescue'!

The wedding has to be lavish and that is what most of the people want. Have you noticed that the stage arrangements are different

for the wedding and for the reception? I came to know from a friend that the stage decoration for the reception alone costs like

5 lakhs! Who says India is a poor country?

P.S: My ONLY prayer in every wedding I attend is 'Oh! God! Let the couple live happily for ever'!

(No divorce - is the hidden meaning)

 

[Imran520]

wonderful pictures of wedding. thanks for sharing.

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Rishi Sir,

You please look around and see what is happening in Tambrahm weddings. The 'showing off' has become the order of the day

and you have to accept it! If the bride's party earmarks the expenses to reduce the budget, the groom's party comes to the 'rescue'!

The wedding has to be lavish and that is what most of the people want. Have you noticed that the stage arrangements are different

for the wedding and for the reception? I came to know from a friend that the stage decoration for the reception alone costs like

5 lakhs! Who says India is a poor country?

P.S: My ONLY prayer in every wedding I attend is 'Oh! God! Let the couple live happily for ever'!

(No divorce - is the hidden meaning)

dear raji, good lady,

we received a wedding invite from india yesterday. first time, officially, for us anyway, a wedding in chennai, (has happened in mumbai and delhi before), mehndi ceremony with dance and open bar with disco music.

and then the usual paraphernalia. the wedding and reception at mayor ram. chettiar (2 days) but the mehndi is at some posh club. and the parents and the bride/groom both work in india. wonder where the money came from.. we thought that these were ordinary middle class. ..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

btw .. no boxed gifts please

i always dream, and keep dreaming, that there will be one wedding invite, where the ceremony will be simple, done at a temple, followed by a simple lunch. the wedding family presenting everyone with tamil book or even english. all the money planned for the wedding to set up a scholarship for poor folks' education..i just keep dreaming on

 

[krish44]

In a society where only 10 % [mostly salaried class] are taxed, marriage is one occassion to flaunt money.

At other places big spending is viewed as extravagant living and frowned upon.

For Most well off big spending at marriages is used to show the networking capacity of parents and further establish their

high position in society.

It has nothing much to do with those getting married.

They are just pawns getting used by their parents .

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

The invitation card might be expensive too!

 

[rishikesan]

I have witnessed umpteen such marriages , all, in Madras, since I live there for last 25 years, I know all the aspects written by you. That is why --- Repeat, --that is why, I venture to write this . This Forum has the liberty to causticly express our comments. One main reason for lavish Expenses is that Money has become too cheap & the earnings of Both families make them to spend on everything for the Marriage & most of the expenses would be 1) Invitation cards 2) Payment to Huge Hall with lots of rooms 3) Int/ ext Decoration 4 ) A few suites in Hotels for the VIP s among the Groom;s party 5) For Music Party ( In the malee of marriage hall hand-full of old people listen) 6) lastly ---Reception not easy to know how much Amt would be spent ? The food would be anything one can think of , one think is sure ( if any one could remain in the hall & see the clearing of Dining Tables -- one would see that almost 50% getting removed , meaning that much of money has gone into the drain ( We , as Tamil brahmins cannot possibly close our Eyes from reality ?
I am unable to write more & leave the rest to your practical experience .

Can all of us write to Mr Praveen to do something--- with the co-operation of all Veterans, ,including women who can give Ideas For really austere way of Marriages If at all some of them agree ? We are notorious for disunity cannot even form a small group to esure atleast getting one important Topic like this & try our utmost to make a start & involve more enthusiastic youngsters known to you .
atleast, some of you pl. give your personal opinions as to how it can be progressed
If the Senior & experienced Veterans including women, sow. Rajiram / Kunjuppu b& all Plk. keep the Topic Alive & do not dilute & allow it to Die as other topics have long been Buried

( rishikesan ) A.Srinivasan

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Rishi Sir,

Yes! Money goes down the drain in tambrahm weddings. This forum can NOT do anything about it. Please understand.

Unless the bride and groom decide to make their wedding a simple celebration, inviting only the very close circle of

friends and relatives, the scenario is not going to change for the better. Whether the moms of grooms accept this OR

the brides themselves will accept this is a big '?'

OK. This happened in the early 80s. A tambrahm girl fell in love with a nair boy. Both side parents accepted the decision.

This girl had a fear that her wedding would be like a simple nair wedding and forced her parents to buy five expensive silk

sarees, 25 sovereign of gold ornaments, 2 KG silver items and a two day tambrahm wedding! Her mom could not convince

her that the simple nair tradition has to be followed and had to conduct a grand gala wedding as per the bride's wish?

Howzaat, Sir?

 

[tbs]

dear raji, good lady,

we received a wedding invite from india yesterday. first time, officially, for us anyway, a wedding in chennai, (has happened in mumbai and delhi before), mehndi ceremony with dance and open bar with disco music.

and then the usual paraphernalia. the wedding and reception at mayor ram. chettiar (2 days) but the mehndi is at some posh club. and the parents and the bride/groom both work in india. wonder where the money came from.. we thought that these were ordinary middle class. ..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

btw .. no boxed gifts please

i always dream, and keep dreaming, that there will be one wedding invite, where the ceremony will be simple, done at a temple, followed by a simple lunch. the wedding family presenting everyone with tamil book or even english. all the money planned for the wedding to set up a scholarship for poor folks' education..i just keep dreaming on

hi sir,

we can just dream a simple wedding....i think USA wedding is cheaper than INDIAN WEDDING....even dollars are spent by

groom and bride very careful with a nice wedding planner...any way i am going TO attend an indian gal with white boy wedding

this weekend in USA... both are doing residency in medicine...very simple and nice...now i prefer USA WEDDING OF

TAMBRAM THAN INDIAN TAMBRAM WEDDING....

 

[Raji Ram]

Worry not, TBS Sir!

Your kids will grow up and have weddings in the U S of A!

 

[rishikesan]

#31 to 37 written by proven veterans opinions carry more weight, than what write. There is ground reality ln what all written. I would like that in course of a few years there could be positive changes ,in that less Costly marriages would become the Norm & affordable excess money would be donated for the need of our Community.
I suggest that we may suggest that such donation should be sent to Mr praveen & he can decide how to utilize Atleast an initiative could be made
Let all of us welcome this move & help to achieve the same.

(Rishikesan ) A. Srinivasan

 

[krish44]

All it means is TBs have become affluent and now like to flaunt their neorich status.

Community cannot decide how all should celebrate weddings.

Only we can make personal statement by making our family weddings simple and not attending weddings where money

power is exhibited. Thats my approach.

There are communities in north like radhaswami sect in dayal bagh agra, who have simple wedding.

They are a well knit community having their own colony in south delhi.

 

[vgane]

Earlier in the 70's when a father has to marry his 3 daughters he used to buy 15 soverigns for each daughter along with a simple ceremony in a marriage hall...Now he is having just 1 daughter...How do you think he should spend...He may like to have a lavish wedding..May be buy 50 soverigns of gold & a gala marriage..Ultimately happiness has to be prime..But one should not waste on food...The parties have to decide how many will come for marriage

We recently did a grihapravesam...We had invited 25 people & told the same to the cook...The cook charged us for 25 but the quantum of food can be served for 50 people..The 25 people came but 50% of food got wasted..Also we do not know how much will be consumed per person as people have become thin eaters!I can understand the magnitude of problem for a marriage....

In another marriage in the 80's we had assumed food for 200...But 250 people came...So additional rice, kari had to be prepared...Sambhar was thinned (taste went for a toss) ..It is not easy mathematics!!

 

[tbs]

Worry not, TBS Sir!

Your kids will grow up and have weddings in the U S of A!

hi madam,

i know this very long back....just info...my kids have ONLY US PASSPORT...NOT EVEN INDIAN TOURIST VISA...SO THEY NEVER

VISIT INDIA....

 

[rishikesan]

My experience ,similar to mr Vagne #40. is this :-At My native place at Rajapalayam , south of Madurai in the year 1958, when I was earning only Rs 500/ we conducted marriage of sister --getting loan from my boss Maharashtrian in Poona where I served in the Ordnance Factory .My parents had min. gold/ silver & the rest as Seer . You may wonder as to how one could conduct marriage ( not called then as Celebration ? ) in our old house having all the inconveniences ,one can think of to-day.
But every one co-operated About 6 Pandhi at our Koodam & all ate Wonderful tasty Food prepared on the direction of my my Uncle a really much sought after Cook.
He is an expert , who always managed critical situations in the houses of elite families @ Srirangam all the time.
In our marriage, there was total shortage of Butter-milk , we were wondering as to how he will manage ? He quietly took me to the cooking area, he poured Sadattu kanji boiling for next Pandi in the vessel there was the remaining Butter-milk. He diluted the same with all nessasary spices & kothamalli/ karuveppilai.as we do for tamil new year.When it was served to the last Batch, all started drinking the same, taking Palm-ful many times The scene had changed. All were in praise for the skill of my Uncle, of whom I am ever proud of. we both witnessed the same, wondering .
All elderly Men/women may have unforgetable experiences in life .

A.Srinivasan

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Kunjuppu Sir,

The invitation card might be expensive too!

it would probably feed a family of four, for a week...sad.

 

[kunjuppu]

I have witnessed umpteen such marriages , all, in Madras, since I live there for last 25 years, I know all the aspects written by you. That is why --- Repeat, --that is why, I venture to write this . This Forum has the liberty to causticly express our comments. One main reason for lavish Expenses is that Money has become too cheap & the earnings of Both families make them to spend on everything for the Marriage & most of the expenses would be 1) Invitation cards 2) Payment to Huge Hall with lots of rooms 3) Int/ ext Decoration 4 ) A few suites in Hotels for the VIP s among the Groom;s party 5) For Music Party ( In the malee of marriage hall hand-full of old people listen) 6) lastly ---Reception not easy to know how much Amt would be spent ? The food would be anything one can think of , one think is sure ( if any one could remain in the hall & see the clearing of Dining Tables -- one would see that almost 50% getting removed , meaning that much of money has gone into the drain ( We , as Tamil brahmins cannot possibly close our Eyes from reality ?
I am unable to write more & leave the rest to your practical experience .

Can all of us write to Mr Praveen to do something--- with the co-operation of all Veterans, ,including women who can give Ideas For really austere way of Marriages If at all some of them agree ? We are notorious for disunity cannot even form a small group to esure atleast getting one important Topic like this & try our utmost to make a start & involve more enthusiastic youngsters known to you .
atleast, some of you pl. give your personal opinions as to how it can be progressed
If the Senior & experienced Veterans including women, sow. Rajiram / Kunjuppu b& all Plk. keep the Topic Alive & do not dilute & allow it to Die as other topics have long been Buried

( rishikesan ) A.Srinivasan

dear rishikesan,

these type of changes cannot be imposed. it has to come from below. people should become more enlightened and understand that spending on weddings is not the way to show their worth. the show of true worth, is charity - use the money to bring up poor brahmin families if you wish, or across castes.

but treat money as a tool to spread happiness and alleviate poverty and sorrow.. to the best of your mite. we need to come up with this realization as a community. i am afraid, we have ways to go on this. i think.

 

[kunjuppu]

My experience ,similar to mr Vagne #40. is this :-At My native place at Rajapalayam , south of Madurai in the year 1958, when I was earning only Rs 500/ we conducted marriage of sister --getting loan from my boss Maharashtrian in Poona where I served in the Ordnance Factory .My parents had min. gold/ silver & the rest as Seer . You may wonder as to how one could conduct marriage ( not called then as Celebration ? ) in our old house having all the inconveniences ,one can think of to-day.
But every one co-operated About 6 Pandhi at our Koodam & all ate Wonderful tasty Food prepared on the direction of my my Uncle a really much sought after Cook.
He is an expert , who always managed critical situations in the houses of elite families @ Srirangam all the time.
In our marriage, there was total shortage of Butter-milk , we were wondering as to how he will manage ? He quietly took me to the cooking area, he poured Sadattu kanji boiling for next Pandi in the vessel there was the remaining Butter-milk. He diluted the same with all nessasary spices & kothamalli/ karuveppilai.as we do for tamil new year.When it was served to the last Batch, all started drinking the same, taking Palm-ful many times The scene had changed. All were in praise for the skill of my Uncle, of whom I am ever proud of. we both witnessed the same, wondering .
All elderly Men/women may have unforgetable experiences in life .

A.Srinivasan

my father had to marry off 4 of his nieces, left orphans. i remember as a youngster, all the tricks and schemes he used to go, to stretch the money to pay for the weddings.

including conducting one in singa perumal koil, in 1972 and few came as it was so difficult to get to. the groom was outside of madras and had no clue.

surprisingly he got few thanks from 2 of these nieces. the other two were immensely grateful. last year, attending a wedding, i met the other two cousins, and they came upto me, and expressed gratitude to my father, for them leading prosperous and fulfilling lives. dad passed away in 1988, and would have gladdened his heart had he heard this then. sad.