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Taking care of Parents

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Mathru Devo Bhava,Pithru Devo Bhava,Acharya Devo Bhava ! This is what the Thaithriya Upanishad says.It is bounden duty of the children,especially the sons to take care of their parents at their twilight years of their lives.If there many sons,at least one can decide to stay back and take care of them in case others have to migrate to other countries.Of course this requires good understanding among the children and a true love towards their parents.Leaving the parents at the old age homes,somehow I consider is opposed to the Vedic dictum.
 

renuka

Well-known member
Mathru Devo Bhava,Pithru Devo Bhava,Acharya Devo Bhava ! This is what the Thaithriya Upanishad says.It is bounden duty of the children,especially the sons to take care of their parents at their twilight years of their lives.If there many sons,at least one can decide to stay back and take care of them in case others have to migrate to other countries.Of course this requires good understanding among the children and a true love towards their parents.Leaving the parents at the old age homes,somehow I consider is opposed to the Vedic dictum.

You missed out Athiti Devo Bhavah...
and I would like to add Janma Desha Devo Bhavah(Motherland is God)...
 
Hinduism lays down four Ashramas or stages in Life.

Vanaprastha is the one after Grhasthashrama.

The old people went to the Forest for Spiritual study and contemplation.

It was never envisaged that the old people would still be bound by desires.

Someone might post that Vanaprastha is Nishedh in Kali Yuga. However that is the not the general belief.

As you grow old you are expected to give up Asapasam (Tamil).

It may not be possible for everyone. But the older people should at least make an effort to get into the Spiritual path.

You could consider the Old Age or retirement homes as the Vana of the modern days.
 
old age

If my children take care of me in my old age, it is nice. But I dont expect that from them. If I have brought them up I too have enjoyed immensely the pleasures of being a father. I think they have that way more than repaid their debts to me. Now the old age. Is it not time to recede into the background? I prefer to withdraw or rather retreat and live the rest of my life with my memories. As long as i have my wife around I will have company and i dont have to worry just as she need not worry. If she leaves earlier then it may be a bit difficult. But then that is what is life. Is it not so? I think we can learn from the Parsee community in this matter. They have the Parsee panchayat take care of their day to day needs in old age in their old age homes. The affluent ones even live in five star comfort in old age homes. Only they have to plan and take shares in the panchayat during their productive years in life in advance.
 

RVR

0
If my children take care of me in my old age, it is nice. But I dont expect that from them. If I have brought them up I too have enjoyed immensely the pleasures of being a father. I think they have that way more than repaid their debts to me. Now the old age. Is it not time to recede into the background? I prefer to withdraw or rather retreat and live the rest of my life with my memories. As long as i have my wife around I will have company and i dont have to worry just as she need not worry. If she leaves earlier then it may be a bit difficult. But then that is what is life. Is it not so? I think we can learn from the Parsee community in this matter. They have the Parsee panchayat take care of their day to day needs in old age in their old age homes. The affluent ones even live in five star comfort in old age homes. Only they have to plan and take shares in the panchayat during their productive years in life in advance.


Raju sir,

You have put the whole thing in the most practical way. I also have similar views.

I am also having the satisfaction of giving the best possible education and career development opportunities to all my children. But I don't have any expectations from them.

I am also on the verge of retirement and I would like to spend my residual life with the company of my wife to the maximum extent.

If we cannot manage on our own beyond a certain point, then only the question of whether the children will take care of us will arise. Till that time, let things go on as it is.

As you rightly suggested, our community can also build a back up option (old age homes with excellent facilities) and people can contribute to the same in the productive years.

All the best
 
Family life is one thing making humans different from animals and birds.While they also live collectively,and parents nurse children till they grow to be able to get their own food, the organic relationship of parents-children-grandparents are not there.
This relationship is the one that gives security to generations arising out of interdependence. In other forms of animals and birds, if one member is in distress,the whole flock comes to its rescue. But then, they live adapting to the environment or perish. But we human beings yearn for comfort, whatever be the environment. Security and comfort do not stop at basic level. We need entertainment,leisure activity and sense of belonging. Money is a factor in this.

So to get away from the generation relationship and care, alternative has to be developed and sustained- as opined in some of the posts : like- community centres ,senior citizen homes funded by the user indvidual .

But after all, when the basic cord of love is lost, nothing can be comforting and we also will be like birds and animals, just living a tasteless life and perishing
 
Dear Friends,

This is my first entry.

Yes, those days have gone!!! Really we miss every thing - not we exactly, our children. We have to really feel for that. How many incidents / stories from the great epics - Ramayan and Mahabaratham my grand parents / parents would have told me....We have been brought up among the elders, but for the sake of our livelihood, we have to be in other cities leaving our elders in our native places. Our elders are also feeling mentally satisfied being in their own place and not getting used to stay in our place of living for too long a period. It is the kalathin kattayam, we have to accept it, no other go..... but leaving them in Home is somewhat painful one! I have seen one lady from my childhood, having six sons and one daughter, all have attained now the retirement age and settled with their families in various cities in TN, but unfortunately, no one is willing to keep that widow lady with them. As far as I know, she is very very active and do all sorts of help to every one. She is now in her 90's and she is still able to walk and do her chores on her own. She is staying in an ashram (to pay) in coimbatore and I came to know now that only one of his sons is contributing towards her expenses in the Home, around 3500 p.m. Rest all are keeping silent. Recently I went and saw that Mami, even at this age, she is not blaming any one and telling that they have their own problems.... I was in tears, I invited her to my home, she said that she doesn't want to give any trouble to any one, whenever I find time, she asked me to visit her.

I was thinking, she is having six children but she is in this position now, nowadays we are having one or two only, but we are having all sorts of facilities and understanding to be ready to face our future for our post retirement period, financially and physically also, rest all with the blessings of the God!!!!
 

RVR

0
Family life is one thing making humans different from animals and birds.While they also live collectively,and parents nurse children till they grow to be able to get their own food, the organic relationship of parents-children-grandparents are not there.
This relationship is the one that gives security to generations arising out of interdependence. In other forms of animals and birds, if one member is in distress,the whole flock comes to its rescue. But then, they live adapting to the environment or perish. But we human beings yearn for comfort, whatever be the environment. Security and comfort do not stop at basic level. We need entertainment,leisure activity and sense of belonging. Money is a factor in this.

So to get away from the generation relationship and care, alternative has to be developed and sustained- as opined in some of the posts : like- community centres ,senior citizen homes funded by the user indvidual .

But after all, when the basic cord of love is lost, nothing can be comforting and we also will be like birds and animals, just living a tasteless life and perishing

Your point is correct that there is no substitute for real affection and joint family concept.

However the younger generation is migrating to other countries and it may be difficult for parents to migrate for various reasons including climate etc.Cost of medical treatment may also be very high in a foreign country.

In that case, they are forced to live separately

In such circumstances, it is better to have a community life of like minded people so that there will be mutual help and support.

Instead of `old age homes', we can think of community centers with full of activities such educating children, running a hospital etc on charitable basis so that every body will be active and at the same time will have nice company.

All the best
 
Old age home

Hi all,

I know some old age homes in Chennai in which we can accomodate our community elders with free of cost. (the last rites also can be performed for them). And some old age homes with separate flats for elders whose siblings are in alien and/or not able to take care them now. Also I know one or two people who are non members in this forum is of similar idea as that of starting an old age home for no/minimal cost as he has the money and good mind to do that. We can unite and jointly start one too if it is the need of the hour. Regards - Rajaramasharma
 
N

nachi naga

Guest
Hi all,

I know some old age homes in Chennai in which we can accomodate our community elders with free of cost. (the last rites also can be performed for them). And some old age homes with separate flats for elders whose siblings are in alien and/or not able to take care them now. Also I know one or two people who are non members in this forum is of similar idea as that of starting an old age home for no/minimal cost as he has the money and good mind to do that. We can unite and jointly start one too if it is the need of the hour. Regards - Rajaramasharma

rs

second this.after swavayamvaram,jobs placement,retirement plans for ur community is a super venture.lets donate in a small affordable way,and if the mass pours in,small things turn out big.truth honesty in manging affairs will keep us united and happy.
 
Hi all,

............................one or two people who are non members in this forum is of similar idea as that of starting an old age home for no/minimal cost as he has the money and good mind to do that. We can unite and jointly start one too if it is the need of the hour. Regards - Rajaramasharma


Count on me for my small mite. Let us unite(If the good minded gentlemen can become member in this forum, then it will be more easy to communicate go further with other members' support.

Let us initiate it before it becomes a very urgent matter. You may lead in this efforts.


Greetings
 

kunjuppu

Active member
If my children take care of me in my old age, it is nice. But I dont expect that from them. If I have brought them up I too have enjoyed immensely the pleasures of being a father. I think they have that way more than repaid their debts to me. Now the old age. Is it not time to recede into the background? I prefer to withdraw or rather retreat and live the rest of my life with my memories. As long as i have my wife around I will have company and i dont have to worry just as she need not worry. If she leaves earlier then it may be a bit difficult. But then that is what is life. Is it not so? I think we can learn from the Parsee community in this matter. They have the Parsee panchayat take care of their day to day needs in old age in their old age homes. The affluent ones even live in five star comfort in old age homes. Only they have to plan and take shares in the panchayat during their productive years in life in advance.

i agree 100%.

we brought the children into this world. taking care and helping them grow, is the reward. to expect unilateral care for our old age, is selfishness on our part.

parenthood is only 'give' to the children. not give and take.
 

kunjuppu

Active member
.... now she is in ICU with none around, as we have not felt any affinity to a person who behaved so badly all her life, ...

sunkan,

yes, absolutely right. what goes up, comes down.

யானைக்கு ஒரு காலம் வந்தால் பூனைக்கும் ஒரு காலம் வரும்

still, there is an element of goodness within each of us. may i please challenge you to visit your aunt. not for her sake. but for your own sense of goodness and humanity. this visit will be the best revenge. ever.
 
Good idea. I am a builder and would like to join the cause as mooted by Mr.Rajaramansethuraman. in all possible ways
 
With reservations everywhere, our Brahmin community is the one most affected. I was affected in promotions in central govt job. My juniors got promoted because of this reservation policy and one of them had become by boss (after 3 promotions) - all not of merit but he belonged to a backward community. My son passed his 12th exam with very high marks (CBSC pattern) but could not get his engineering seat because of this policy. So once he finished his graduation he wanted to go to USA for higher studies. Finished and got his job there. Now myself and my wife are in India and he has become a US citizen and very well employed. Can be expect him to come to India and struggle in this reservation policy ridden country? No. I prefer his well being. So that should be the right policy for the parents and adjust with whatever available here. If you cannot live alone, join some service organisation and do whatever possible and be content. Do not blame youngster of our brahmin community for the meddle created by our politicians.
 
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renuka

Well-known member
You must understand the value of mother's love and her concern for you. You must give your mother the topmost priority. Sometimes, modern youth do not care for their mothers. They think they are highly educated and that their mothers do not know anything. It is a great mistake to think so. Never look down upon your mother. Mothers also should not compel their children to accede to each and every wish of theirs. Through love and sincerity, she should put her children on the proper path. Every mother should aspire that her children should be good; they need not be great.

-Divine Discourse, 19 November 1
 

RVR

0
Dear folks,

We are already planning to form a Trust for our community and ground work is going on.

We started with swayamvaram activity which is mostly self financing nature. At the lowest cost, we are adding maximum value to our community and are giving a big threat to commercial matrimony sites. We shall further improve our service and deliver the results to the best possible extent. If at all we require money during swayavamvaram function, it is purely for Annadhanam to the participants which works out to approx Rs 20 per participant. Assuming on an average 500 participants in a function, it will cost around Rs.10,000 only. Already kind hearted people of our community are donating for the purpose and once we formalise the event through a Trust, I feel money is not a problem.

We can think of a senior citizens complex under the Trust for our community members. Land prices in the City and suburban areas are very high and it will be very difficult to plan it in such an area.

Can we plan the project in a rural area? I wish we should have atleast one acre of land for the project so that we can accommodate atleast 100 senior citizens. We shall provide excellent facilities for the occupants and visitors so that everybody should feel comfortable both mentally and physically.

I earnestly request all of you to give your valuable suggestions so that we can take the project forward.

All the best
 
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We could think of an old Agraharam with a Temple in the rural area. Build/Rebuild the row houses, make them modern and lease them (not sell) for a particular period. There are many such agraharams in rural Tamil Nadu. A temple Tank or a river nearby would be great.

The older people should be able to get good food prepared in a common place. One of the main problems of old age is that the women are not able to retire. Cooking at the age of 70 becomes a problem.

We could take a deposit from the occupants/heirs to be returned when the house is vacated.

Count me in (As an Occupant).
 
parenthood is only 'give' to the children. not give and take.

With all due respect, I beg to differ with this if i may. If parenthood is all about giving and never taking, I honestly feel children will grow up taking, taking, taking and taking for granted that everyone owes them something.

They would not have a sense of gratitude and appreciation, two qualities which I think are essential in the making of a man/woman.

Also about SunkanJi's aunt, the action is great of visiting the aunt in ICU but the intention for revenge is low, sorry to say. To visit her aunt out of compassion and kindness rather than revenge is far, far more superior. But then again, this is just my opinion.
 
Sow.Amala said :-

With all due respect, I beg to differ with this if i may. If parenthood is all about giving and never taking, I honestly feel children will grow up taking, taking, taking and taking for granted that everyone owes them something.

Sow. Amala, Greetings. I have a feeling, Sri.Kunjuppu did not say completely whatever he intended to say. He talked only about the parenthood; he did not comment about the obligations of the children. You are absolutely right. The children should have a sense of gratitude and appreciation; but the same would not be demanded by the parents. That is parenthood. (It is good to talk to this high spirited young lassy!).

Cheers!
 
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nachi naga

Guest
With all due respect, I beg to differ with this if i may. If parenthood is all about giving and never taking, I honestly feel children will grow up taking, taking, taking and taking for granted that everyone owes them something.

They would not have a sense of gratitude and appreciation, two qualities which I think are essential in the making of a man/woman.

Also about SunkanJi's aunt, the action is great of visiting the aunt in ICU but the intention for revenge is low, sorry to say. To visit her aunt out of compassion and kindness rather than revenge is far, far more superior. But then again, this is just my opinion.

wow madam amala,such a noble post.in fact i too was surprised with kunjuppu use of the word revenge,and re-read it number of times,becoz his posts have been very nuanced subtle.i agree give and take must be there in every relationsip.this unconditinal stuff is sheer platitudes and one will be a loser eventually of something.
 

kunjuppu

Active member
With all due respect, I beg to differ with this if i may. If parenthood is all about giving and never taking, I honestly feel children will grow up taking, taking, taking and taking for granted that everyone owes them something.

They would not have a sense of gratitude and appreciation, two qualities which I think are essential in the making of a man/woman.

Also about SunkanJi's aunt, the action is great of visiting the aunt in ICU but the intention for revenge is low, sorry to say. To visit her aunt out of compassion and kindness rather than revenge is far, far more superior. But then again, this is just my opinion.

amala,

i think raghy has more than hinted that there is more to this. i have always felt, that the parents bring in to this world the children. to take care of the child and nurture is but a natural progression of this initial act.

no matter how old the child is, to the parent, the child is his/her procreation, and hence an object of love and obligation.

it is but a natural human decency, for the child to do his/her mite. one does not preclude this from any child's agenda, but at the same time, it is best, for parents not to expect. for expectations are bound to disappoint, and why set themselves for a lower grade of their children. to the maximum possible extent, at any age, self sustenance is the best solution for anyone.

the second part, re sunkan, is full of irony, in my statement. sorry if this was not clear. i do not mean 'revenge' with a feeling of intensity.

i think, it is the right thing for sunkan to visit her aunt. that would be human tendency, ie to overcome the wrong done, and do something right inspite of. the feeling of 'revenge' is more the possible regret that the aunt may now feel. again all this is highly hypothetical.
 
With all due respect, I beg to differ with this if i may. If parenthood is all about giving and never taking, I honestly feel children will grow up taking, taking, taking and taking for granted that everyone owes them something.

They would not have a sense of gratitude and appreciation, two qualities which I think are essential in the making of a man/woman.

Also about SunkanJi's aunt, the action is great of visiting the aunt in ICU but the intention for revenge is low, sorry to say. To visit her aunt out of compassion and kindness rather than revenge is far, far more superior. But then again, this is just my opinion.

Dear Amala,

Even if children don't carry the sense of gratitude and appreciation, despite of the best parenting, parents would ever be happy to fulfill their children without getting into deal for something in return.

As parents are naturally inclined to giving and only giving to children, children, by their conscious should be generously into giving and giving to their parents at a time when they become independent. Parents still expect only love and care and timely help from their children. They need only the close intimacy and responsible care of their children at least at that stage of their life when they themselves turn out naturally as a child.

All the parents find happiness in the happiness of their children. But hardly children find happiness in the happiness of their parents.

Parents have the natural tendencies towards their children and it can not and need not be systematized for guaranteed benefits in return. Grown up children should understand this natural inclination of their parents and should strive to overcome their selfish motive and do the best in return, genuinely to their parents.
 
amala,

the second part, re sunkan, is full of irony, in my statement. sorry if this was not clear. i do not mean 'revenge' with a feeling of intensity.

i think, it is the right thing for sunkan to visit her aunt. that would be human tendency, ie to overcome the wrong done, and do something right inspite of. the feeling of 'revenge' is more the possible regret that the aunt may now feel. again all this is highly hypothetical.

:yo:
Sri Kunjuppu ji, honestly I could interpret your statements in your previous post #38, in the same lines as you have detailed above. I am glad to find your true thoughts in line with what I could sense would be yours.

I am happy to have revealed the same thing on your behalf to my dearest friend some time before.

By visiting her aunt Sunkan ji would give her aunt a chance to remorse for what wrong she did and may help her to seek sincere apology. If not openly, at least with in her heart and with her conscious
 
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