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pls help me out

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Kanchi Acharya once said in a private conversation that sagotra (same gotra) marriage could be done. But then this was not enunciated by him later as a public advice. Some of the families who had the privilege of this advice have done sagotra marriages.

One of the important functions in the marriage is the change in the Gotra. Mantras are recited where the girl is accepted into the Gotra of the boy.

Since it is a love marriage, personally I do not think you should bother about that. The main question is does she love You. If she does go ahead.

You cannot love a girl after looking into her Gotra or the horoscope.
 
Dear Sri Nachi,

If the rule is there to be broken, then there should be no rule. Injunctions against sagothra marriages are given with the progeny in view. With due respect to you, quoting Acharyaal does only add to the logic of convenience.

Personally I think this love business is just an infatuation that turns sour in due course as seen in many instances though there could be exceptions. Marriage should not merely be considered for satisfying the sexual need of a person (for which marriage is not necessary!) but (in the opinion of the Hindu) as embarking on a path of Dhaarmik objective of purushartha. Grihasthaasrama is part of this Dharma. I may be old-fashioned however this is the tried and tested path that our ancesstors have treaded. If no one tells Mr. Cool of this opinion he would continue to be hot in making his decision especially given his age is just 21 (if I reckon it correctly) where infatuation and yowvana garvam plays a lot of trick on the individual.

With two contradictory opinions at hand the ball is back in the court of Mr. Prettycool to make up his mind!

Regards,
Ram
 
We are not sure whether the Gotras are the children or the followers of the Rishis. Since the connection between the pravara rishis is not established it is generally believed to be followers. The Gotras were more of clans.

The argument of progeny falls through when we talk about about followers. Again it is very strange argument in a community where marriage between close relatives like mama and niece is allowed. This marriage between mama and niece is considered incest in Western countries.
 
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Dear Sri Nachi,

We are not sure whether the Gothras are the children or the followers of the Rishis
This is news to me! May I know on what basis one would question the lineage of the Gothra as the 'thriyarshis' are known as the progenitor, the child, grand-child in our scriptures? If gothra is on the basis of 'followers' what do they follow? There are some thirty odd gothras. What are the 'principled' differences between these gothras? My own view is that the 'follower' theory is just a baloney.

By the way we are not Christians and we can talk a lot about what the christians do among themselves but that would take the subject away from us.

Regards,
Ram
 
i want to know this...im in love with a girl...im a brahmin frm kousika gothra...the girl whom i love is also frm the same gothra!!shez very much upset reg dis issue..pls suggest a sol for this..


cool, don't let gothra come in your way. in our tradition, first cousins marry, with atleast 50% common genes and it is encouraged as muraipenn or equivalent for men. genetically, this habit can be more harmful than sahagothra. sentiments can be tempered by common sense and logic.

gothras, while giving you an identity, only says that you and your paramour are descended in the distant past from the same 3 rishis. let it not dampen your enthusiasm, love and affection for each other.

best thing is to keep the gothra stuff under wraps. for observance sake, she can be 'adopted' by her maternal uncle for the dhaaravaathu ceremony, if the issue is raised by your kith and kin as a showstopper. or by the priest.

an alternate is to elope to the nearest registrar's office, and save everyone the hassle and expense. no one is wiser of this controversy !

all the best mr. cool :clap2::clap2: may your love conquer all obstacles.
 
I agree with Mr.kunjuppu , Mr Cool

When u are in love and it is far from infatuation ( as some have mentioned ) , then take a ticket and fly away !
Marry her and move away from all those who know that u both belong to the same gothra!
Genetic factors - its uncertanity ! No one can guarantee even now that a couple from different gothras can bring out healthy offsprings !
Only GOD is the one to DECIDE !
and GOD is always there where LOVE is !

A little Ref from hinduism :

Hinduism is the ONLY religion which gives EQUALITY to both sexes ! U know Ardhanarishwaran - Half of Lord siva and Half of Shakthi !
When someone asked Lord Ganapathi where is SHIVA's -other half and the other half of shakthi ?
The reply from Ganesha was ! The other half of siva is all the MEN in this world and the other half of Shakthi is the Women folk !
When there is LOVE between them , it is HOLY and this is one of the basics in Thirumanam - Marriage ! HOLD the hands of your beloved and promise her that you shall participate in making this wedlock a success , thru times of happiness or sadness !
( Taken from Kaviarasu kannadasan's Arthamulla Hindu matham)

U might need a few additional sittings with your close ones , mom /dad brethren to convince them , and they shall agree once they come to know that its TRUE LOVE !

U don't need to go about changing gothra's - better , if u find a job for some time away from your place to make people forget about the issue ! Within which , the media will come out with some other hot news , so till then people will forget about ur case!

Best wishes !
 
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Hi Cool ,
Dont worry be happy . My sister is married to the same gothra guy & they have a healthy intelligent 10 yr old boy also. So give priority for your love & affection .Gothra system is followed for the fear of avoiding congenital diseases in the new born .But if 3 generations have elapsed betwn the 2 persons the gene pool is same as general population so the risk is also same.
Take care of the traditional & emotional part with your elders advice.
Good luck.
 
Dear sri prettycool_a31051986,

Just my two cents:

1. Gothra does not reflect a 'genetic' situation - it reflects the 'Chromosome' situation. Meaning that in a person, the genes are equally drawn from both parents' side, but a gothra is always from the father's side. So, in effect the genetic problems with marrying the same gothra is probably the same as marrying within a smaller community, like the Parsis, Chettiars, Brahmins, etc. But, because the Y chromosome is carried exclusively by the males, the original patriarchical gothra concept ensures the lineage of males to the original saptha rishis (or more, because I think that there are more than just saptha gothras).

2. Love should always be cherished. But I share the concern of Sri Ram Ji above, if your age is 21. Generally males mature psychologically (knowing what they want out of life) around 27 years of age, as proven scientifically. So, if you marry younger, generally a marriage has to overcome certain obstacles to be successful - not that one can not do it. Not knowing your particular age or status, I am pointing out this to you as a data point to consider. But then true love conquers all!

Good luck.

Pranams,
KRS

i want to know this...im in love with a girl...im a brahmin frm kousika gothra...the girl whom i love is also frm the same gothra!!shez very much upset reg dis issue..pls suggest a sol for this..
 
Here is a news item of interest.

Jatland grapples with gotra hurdle
30 Sep 2007, 0147 hrs IST,Sukhbir Siwach,TNN

CHANDIGARH: After female foeticide, it now seems that the gotra system is what is stopping Jats in Haryana from finding suitable brides. The commmunity comprises 25% of the population of Haryana — a state with the second lowest sex ratio of 861 females per 1,000 males.

Fiercely protective about their gotras, Jats have an infamous history of honour killings — the most recent being that of Manoj and Babli who were murdered for having married into the same gotra. It is perhaps poetic justice that today in each Jat village at least 50 to 100 men — in their late 30s — are unmarried.

Jats cannot marry into gotras of their father, mother and grand mother. This means that the groom and the bride cannot marry into three gotras each. "Majority of the Jat population belongs to Poonia, Ahlowat, Malik, Nain, Dahiya, Sheoran and Sangwan gotras. Excluding three gotras in each side usually means excluding almost all these gotras," said Kamla Poonia, a social activist. Besides these gotras, there’s a community of eight gotras — Gathwal — who do not marry within their own gotras. Worse, in areas where a certain gotra is an influential majority, it does not allow villagers belonging to even different gotras to marry into its gotra.

For instance, in the 52 villages of Baniyan Khap where Nains dominate, no one can bring home a girl of Nain gotra as daughter-in-law even if the groom belongs to Malik or Sangwan or Poonia gotra.

"We can’t marry in our own family," said Chhatrapal Singh, MLA from Ghiray constituency where Kundus dominate in as many as five villages. "We believe that people from the same gotra belong to the same family," added Chaudhary Hukam Singh, president of All India Kundu Khap.

Certain khaps are now contemplating solutions. Nafe Singh Nain, president of Baniyan Khap, comprising 52 villages in Jind and Hisar districts, said, "We plan to exclude grand mother’s gotra, for which we will have to call a mahapanchayat."
 
Hello Mr Cool !

u seem to be too cool ! No replies so far?

so many people have provided u with quick solutions and what' the latest from ur side?
Let us know!
and ... Pl don;t forget to send us the invitation for ur marriage !!
 
Hi நச்சிநார்கினியன்.
Can you please provide more details on your comment below:
Kanchi Acharya once said in a private conversation that sagotra (same gotra) marriage could be done. But then this was not enunciated by him later as a public advice. Some of the families who had the privilege of this advice have done sagotra marriages.
I am urgently in need of this information. Please help. Can you pls let me know which Acharya of Kanchi and when approximately this happened?

Thanks in advance
 
My view that 'sagothra' marriage is not good for the progeny is now known to all. Progeny is not just the next generation and but the generations to come. Hindus hold the view that each person becomes a Brahma on his own right for all generations to come. This is the principle of 'pravriththi'. If we screw up then we would become asura instead of Brahma!
 
Dear Jaanu Ji,

Sagothra restrictions were mainly implemented to preserve the male lineage and the rituals ordained from the original Rishis.

If you look at the system it completely disragards half of a person's genetic lineage, viz., the mother. Even today, we are allowed to marry one's aunt's or uncle's children (Marai Ponnu, Murai Payyan), on the basis of not being sagothra.

But a quick thought on this based on genetics will tell you the dangers of marrying one's cousins this way based on the gothra basis for marriage. For eaxmple, if your mom was born to a person with Bharadwaja Gothram, then she marries to a person of Kausihka Gothram, her brother's children will have Bharadwaja Gothram and you will have Kaushika Gothram. So, according to our edicts, you can marry that cousin. But unfortunately, that cousin would have inherited half the genes from her father, which would be the same genes that you would have inherited from your mother. A sure way to introduce genetic based ailments to your children.

What I would advise is to look at your family tree for at least three generations up and the person's family tree you are intending to marry. If there are no immediate family connections, it should be okay, even if it is sagothram.

Of course this is based on what the modern science tells us. However if you are not willing to go against what our sastras say, then obviously you can not accept this reasoning. Sastras, from what I know, definitely prohibit the sagothra marriages.

Hope this helps.

Pranams,
KRS






Hi நச்சிநார்கினியன்.
Can you please provide more details on your comment below:
Kanchi Acharya once said in a private conversation that sagotra (same gotra) marriage could be done. But then this was not enunciated by him later as a public advice. Some of the families who had the privilege of this advice have done sagotra marriages.
I am urgently in need of this information. Please help. Can you pls let me know which Acharya of Kanchi and when approximately this happened?

Thanks in advance
 
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Hi நச்சிநார்கினியன்.
Can you please provide more details on your comment below:
Kanchi Acharya once said in a private conversation that sagotra (same gotra) marriage could be done. But then this was not enunciated by him later as a public advice. Some of the families who had the privilege of this advice have done sagotra marriages.
I am urgently in need of this information. Please help. Can you pls let me know which Acharya of Kanchi and when approximately this happened?

Thanks in advance

Maa Jaanu,

That advice was given by the Paramacharya H.H. Chandrasekhara Saraswathi Swamigal sometime around 1967. He said that the prohibition of sagotra marriages was not applicable after 7 generations. This is the concept of Dhayati.

Most of us may not be able to trace 7 generations. But if the families are from different parts of Tamil Nadu it could be assumed that they are seperated by 7 generations.

Since the marriage ceremony involves a procedure for the change of the Gotra, what is done is that the girl is adapted by the Amman (Maternal uncle). This way her gotra changes. The Kanyadhana is performed by the Amman.

Of course this way of getting around the sagotra rule can be resorted to in all cases. This question arises even in cases where there is a genuine adaptation of a son/daughter by a family. Which is the Gotra to be seen for marriage? The old one or the new one?

I can not tell you the name of the family as it would be revealing my identity.

I do hope this helps you. But I would like to sound a warning. Our community in general, accepts only what they already believe in. Any advice or teaching from whatever source, which does not conform to their existing beliefs is rejected. That is the reason why there has been no social reformers in our community for a long time.

MAA Bless you.
 
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Sir,

Thank you so much for your prompt response. I had sent you a private message regarding this. Can you please check that.

Thanks a ton.

Jaanu
 
Sagothra means a brother. The word Sagotharan or Sagothari indicating brother or sister is born out of the word, Sa-gothra, meaning of the same gothra.

Gothras are the indicators of lineage and therefore sa-gothra marriages were banned.

In marriages, the pravaram or the three generations’ lineage of both the bride and the bridegroom from both their parents’ side is recited so that the gathering (includes the Agni and other Devatas invoked in the Homam) would know the bride and bridegroom fully. If the marriage is between Sa-gothras, there certainly is an embarrassment if not anything else.

Pindas are offered to Pitrus on specified days. During these days, the karta offers pinda to three generations from his mother’s and father’s side. A karta born out of a sa-gothra marriage will have to offer pinda to the generations of the same gothra, this would certainly be jarring and this must be seen in the light of the fact that there are offerings in the Homam as well during the shraddha days. Those who are listed in the pinda offerings are called Sa-pindas. Sa-pinda marriages are also prohibited. This aspect is not much known though. In fact by this yardstick, marriage among uncle and niece as well as certain cousins are also sa-pinda marriages if they are within three generation sa-pindas.

Legally speaking, under the Hindu Marriages Act sa-pinda marriages are illegal. This aspect is not much known to the people at large though.

Please see the following link for more details on gotra, pravaram and pinda.

www.barkuronline.com/Sandesh/Sandesh_vivaha.html
 

Sagothra means a brother. The word Sagotharan or Sagothari indicating brother or sister is born out of the word, Sa-gothra, meaning of the same gothra. Gothras are the indicators of lineage and therefore sa-gothra marriages were banned.


In marriages, the pravaram or the three generations’ lineage of both the bride and the bridegroom from both their maternal and paternal parents’ side is recited so that the gathering (includes the Agni and other Devatas invoked in the Homam) would know the bride and bridegroom fully. If the marriage is between Sa-gothras, there certainly is an embarrassment if not anything else.

Pindas are offered to Pitrus on specified days. During these days, the karta offers pinda to three generations from his mother’s and father’s side. A karta born out of a sa-gothra marriage will have to offer pinda to the generations of the same gothra, this would certainly be jarring and this must be seen in the light of the fact that there are offerings in the Homam as well during the shraddha days. Those who are listed in the pinda offerings are called Sa-pindas. Sa-pinda marriages are also prohibited. This aspect is not much known though. In fact by this yardstick, marriage among uncle and niece as well as certain cousins are also sa-pinda marriages if they are within three generation sa-pindas.

Legally speaking, under the Hindu Marriages Act sa-pinda marriages are illegal, with a saving for customs and usage. This aspect is not much known to the people at large though.

Please see the following link for more details on gotra, pravaram and pinda.

www.barkuronline.com/Sandesh/Sandesh_vivaha.html
 
The above link is constantly being updated - so says the link. therefore I chose to reproduce some important passage from the link, please bear with me for loss of space over here. If admin deem fit they may delete this portions later.

The gotra (lineage): When arranging a marriage first one should find out the gotra and pravar of both the families match and then the horoscopes of the boy and girl should be matched.
Boudhâyan has explained the word “gotra” as follows-
Vishwamitro jamadagnirbhardwajotha gautamha |
Atrirvashisthaha kashyap ityete sapta rushayaha ||
Tesham saptarshirnamagstyashta manam yadapatyam tad gotramuchyate |
Gotranam tu sahastrani prayutanyarbudani cha ||
Meaning: Gotra is the term used to denote the descendants of the eight sages – Vishvâmitra, Jamadagni, Bharadvâj, Goutam, Atri, Vasishtha, Kashyap and Agastya. There are millions of such gotrâs.
These eight sages are called gotrakrut, gotrakâr, vruddha, sthavir or vaishya, the creators of the gotrâs. Again in every hierarchy some prominent men were born and the family also acquired fame through them. Although they were included in the original gotra they were considered as independent gotra creators, for example Kapi and Bodha of Angiras gotra gave rise to separate gotrâ named after them. Rarely, if the father was unknown then the gotra came to be known in the mother’s name. Thus from one basic gotra various famous gotra makers were created. They were called members of the gotra (gotragan). Thus a list of the eight main gotrâs and the gotragans derived from these gotrâs was prepared in the ancient times. These gotrâs were divided into gans and the gans subdivided again into pakshâs (groups), for example from Vasistha gan were derived four pakshâs - Upamanyu, Parâshar, Kundin and Vasishtha. They have innumerable further subdivisions. In the period of Sûtrâs, the gotrâs acquired importance in various aspects, for instance
  • Marriage within the gotra was prohibited.
  • It was decided that the inheritance of the property of one without an heir would go to the next of kin of same gotra.
  • The Brâhmans (priests) performing the ritual for the departed (shrâddha) should as far as possible not belong to the same gotra as the host performing the ritual.
  • When pouring water upon the corpse the name of the gotra should be pronounced.
  • It was decided that, when performing the sanskâr (rite) of Choulakarma a small portion of hair (shendî) should be kept on the head keeping with the traditions of the gotra and the family.
  • When performing the ritual of sandhyâ one should utter the name of one’s gotra, pravar, branch of the Vedâs and Sûtra that one follows.
  • When performing any observance ordained by the Vedâs (shroutkarma) the gotra and pravar of the host should be uttered.
A quote from the recent scriptures states that Kshatriyâs and Vaishyâs should be considered to be of the same gotra-pravar as that of their priest (purohit). This rule holds good only when they forget their own gotra and not otherwise.
Formerly, after performing the rite of thread ceremony (Upanayan) the boy would live with his Guru to study the scriptures. Just as nowadays a graduate obtains his degree from the university, in the olden times the celibates (snâtaks) on returning home from the Guru’s place after study, would accept their Guru’s gotra and introduce themselves as the disciples of the Guru. Thus this clarifies the prevailing misconcept that people belonging to one gotra have the same family tree (vansha).
 
Pravar (ancestral lineage): Pravar refers to the ancestors of the gotrâs. They are one, two, three, or five number. The root “vru” from the word “pravar” means to select; to accept. The words ârsheya or ârsha are used synonymously with pravar. Ârsheyavaran means acceptance of one of the existing sets of Vedic rites (karma) this makes it clear that pravar represents the name of a founder sage of a sect following particular observances as ordained by the Vedâs. Just as the word gotra represents learning (vidyâ), pravar is associated with a sect of karma. The authors of the Sûtrâs have mentioned specific pravar sages for specific gotrâs, for example Vasishtha, Shâktya and Pârâsharya for Parâshar gotra. Vasishtha, Maitrâvarun and Koundinya for Kundin gotra and Vasishtha, Bharadvasu and Indrapramad for Upamanyu gotra. As it was necessary to invoke the three sages who wrote the mantras the number of pravar sages became limited. Thus in all there are forty-nine (49) such pravars. Association of the pravars in relation to the rites performed in the household (gruhakrutyâs) are as follows –
  • The pravar of the brides and bridegroom’s father should not be the same.
  • The number of knots tied to the waist girdle (mekhalâ) of the one on whom the rite of thread ceremony (batu) is being performed should correspond to the number of pravar.
When keeping a small portion of hair on the head (shendî) during the rite of Choulakarma the number of pravars related to the boy, should be taken into consideration.
 
Pinda: In order to avoid sexual promiscuity (yonisanskar) in man who is always sexually oriented, the Vedic scriptures created the four classes (varnâshramadharma) based on the qualities (gunâs) and actions (karma) and later established the code of marriage to prevent the generation of interclass progeny (varnasankar). It was decided that with the exclusion of the fifth (5th) and the seventh (7th) generation, a man should accept as a bride (Pânigrahan) a girl of the same class but different gotra (such as Atri, Vasishtha, Kashyap, Bhâradvâj, etc.) and different lineage (asapinda). As the term sapinda is extremely important in the scriptures its description is essential.
Vadhwa varasya va tataha koota sthadyadi saptmaha ||
Panchami chettayormata tatsapinda yam nivartate ||
Panchamatsaptmadoordhwam matrutaha pitrutastatha||
- Nirnaysindhu
Meaning: An extract from the Nirnaysindhu says that if one has to decide whether an individual belongs to the same lineage as oneself (sapinda) one should take any one of his/her ancestors. If he is a male then six generations from him and in the case of a female four generations from her, are considered to be of the same lineage (sapinda). That means if the father of either the bride or groom is not included in the previous seven generations or if the mother is not included in the previous five generations then the bride and groom are not of the same lineage. Hence there is no objection to their marriage.
The offspring of those marrying within the same gotra is known as chândal (meaning one who is weak physically, psychologically and morally) – ‘Dnyântastu sagotradyutpannânâm chândâltvamev’. The frequency of the genetic disorder is heightened by marriage within the same gotra (sagotra) and same lineage (sapinda). Information about the sequence of gotrâs and pravars is given in the Hindu almanac (panchâng).
 
Here is what the Hindu Marriages Act says on the subject of Sapinda marriage. Even a marriage among an uncle's daughter and aunt's son is Sapinda marriage, but this is permitted only because this have been in usage for quite some time when the Hindu Marriage Act came into force. However, for the olden days, even this was prohibited according to our scriptures. Another evidence to state that our scriptures were based on science, though such science has not been publicised but it was always sought to be implemented as the sacred utterance.

Section 3:
(f)(i)"Sapinda relationship" with reference to any person extends as far as the third generation(inclusive) in the line of ascent through the mother, and the fifth (inclusive) in the line of ascent through the father, the line being traced upwards in each case from the person concerned, who is to be counted as the first generation;
(ii) two persons are said to be "sapinda" of each other if one is a lineal ascendant of the other within the limits of sapinda relationship, or if they have a common lineal ascendant who is within the limits of sapinda relationship with reference to each of them;
(g)"degrees of prohibited relationship " - two persons are said to be within the "degrees of prohibited relationship"-
(I) if one is a lineal ascendant of the other; or
(ii) if one was the wife or husband of a lineal ascendant or descendant of the other; or
(iii)if one was the wife of the brother or of the father's or mother's brother or of the grandfather's or grandmother's brother or the other; or
(iv)if the two are brother and sister, uncle and niece, aunt and nephew, or children of brother and sister or of two brothers or of two sisters.
Explanation.- for the purposes of clauses (f) and (g) relationship includes-
(I) relationship by half or uterine blood as well as by full blood;
(ii) illegitimate blood relationship as well as legitimate;
(iii) relationship by adoption as well as by blood; and all terms of relationship in those clauses shall be construed accordingly.
 
hi Mr.Cool ,

No offense meant,but gotra,shastram,veda are all 'great to talk about, but hard to comprehend' stuff. There are no fool-proof or sure-shot shastrams that work for the entire gamut of the human race,much less the brahmin population.

A general thumb of rule for anything to be followed or not to be followed is depending upon ur perception and conviction of it....

If u feel that it won't affect you...go rite ahead for the nuptial knot. however, any doubt creeping into the mind will create problems(as u understand the prob is not of being the same gotra, but ur thought that it will create problems)

This does not come as an advice, rather a fact observed from my own experiences

After all, as the wise ones put it, "its all in the mind" :rockon:

All the best!! :peace:
 
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Dear Sri.Appaiah,
Namaskarams.
Your clarification is fine and given me good glimpses of our ancestral treasure and our Vedic advices.
Thanks you a lot.
Namaskarams,
jbrdubai,
S.G.Jayaraman.
 
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small clarification required on Dayati

Maa Jaanu,

That advice was given by the Paramacharya H.H. Chandrasekhara Saraswathi Swamigal sometime around 1967. He said that the prohibition of sagotra marriages was not applicable after 7 generations. This is the concept of Dhayati.

Most of us may not be able to trace 7 generations. But if the families are from different parts of Tamil Nadu it could be assumed that they are seperated by 7 generations.

Since the marriage ceremony involves a procedure for the change of the Gotra, what is done is that the girl is adapted by the Amman (Maternal uncle). This way her gotra changes. The Kanyadhana is performed by the Amman.

Of course this way of getting around the sagotra rule can be resorted to in all cases. This question arises even in cases where there is a genuine adaptation of a son/daughter by a family. Which is the Gotra to be seen for marriage? The old one or the new one?

I can not tell you the name of the family as it would be revealing my identity.

I do hope this helps you. But I would like to sound a warning. Our community in general, accepts only what they already believe in. Any advice or teaching from whatever source, which does not conform to their existing beliefs is rejected. That is the reason why there has been no social reformers in our community for a long time.

MAA Bless you.


Nacchinarkiniyan Sir
I m writing this post after reading ur suggestion to Ms.Jannu.As my cousin is also facing the problrm relating to sagotra marriage so i request u to kindly provide information relating to Dayathi nd his concept relating to sagotra marriages.
Plz also provide information regarding Dayati ie,Who/Wat is Dayathi?((Imean is it name of a sage or name of a book)

Ur information would be highly valuable 4 us

Thanks in advance

Harish
 
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