The Origin Story
Like Wolverine - Origins:
I am attaching the voice recording of what I said in Tamil also here if you can understand tamil.
Tamil Voice Recording: This was converted to Video Recording using Clideo
The following is the translation that you get when you load my small speech into the Indian created AI solution which is indus.sarvam.ai
Now, what I have is mental illness. My disability for the differently-abled is mental illness, schizophrenia. If you look at what the root cause of schizophrenia is, there are two important things. Dopamine, and then dopamine receptors. These two are basic things that everyone who has studied medicine knows. Dopamine is a chemical. When this dopamine goes and sits in the dopamine receptor, like these beetles go and sit on the flower, when dopamine goes and sits in the dopamine receptor, information interchange happens. This is how understanding arises in our brain. Now, if a beetle goes and sits on a flower, pollination happens. Then, like a flower, it bears fruit and a fruit comes. Similarly, in our brain. The information we get from our sight, touch, or hearing from a normal way, goes to our brain, and how it becomes a fruit or a seed, that is, how it forms as a thought and comes out again, is important for that. One, one, one, one component is dopamine. This dopamine goes like a beetle and sits in the dopamine receptor. This is the basic thought. If you understand this well, The problem starts from here, my problem starts. Now, for a person who is normal, this dopamine is in the right amount. It will only go and sit in the necessary receptors. That is, the beetles are also less, and the flowers are also in equal amount. Everything goes and sits correctly, and pollination happens. Now, sometimes what happens is, either because of giving chemicals or because some differently-abled people have it from birth, This dopamine chemical will be higher and the receptors will be lower. That is, there will be many beetles and fewer flowers. When it is like this, what happens is that when many beetles come and sit on the same flower and fight, the information interchange will collapse. We will start relating to it excessively. So, what we are seeing and hearing, if those two things are going inside, it's because there is a lot of dopamine inside. It will give four or five outputs in a jiffy, and all four or five outputs will make us say, "This is the truth, this is the truth," and make us think. This is the problem. For example, you are sitting at a bus stand. If a bus is coming, then the fact that this bus is coming is your input. You see it with your eyes, you hear it with your ears. This is the input. This input, through dopamine, goes inside and when it sits in the dopamine receptor, it turns into a thought and comes to us. But because there is a lot of thought, because there is a lot of dopamine, a lot of thoughts come. Therefore, I won't think that this bus is coming normally. Why is the bus coming? The bus is coming, why is the bus coming? Did someone send it? Who sent it? Why did they send it? Like that, for a normal thing, thinking in four or five different directions. Instead of having one simple thought, I have 100 thoughts. So that is the fundamental problem. Okay, how did this problem come about? This problem comes about in two ways. One is a genetic problem. It's in the genes themselves. And Suddenly, your adolescent, that is, in the 14, 15 years adolescent teenage years, it will manifest. After manifesting, from then on, you won't be able to write exams properly. Career will be spoiled, studies will be spoiled, life itself will be spoiled. This is for those who have a genetic imbalance. But for some people, what's happening now is that they are giving medicine. They are giving the wrong medicine. Because of giving the wrong medicine, that dopamine. Suddenly becoming erratic, then this becomes the normal. That is, instead of the normal dopamine flow, because this medicine affects it, the erratic dopamine becomes normal. For example, There is a cat, you are raising it at home. You give that cat milk daily, it eats it and goes, meowing meowing and goes. Now suddenly, for one or two weeks, you give that cat terribly boiling milk. If not, if you put an electric shock next to that milk, then. It gets shocked when it drinks milk. Like a hissing sound. So now what will happen is, that cat won't even come near the milk. It will become like a wild cat. Okay? So, I think the same thing has happened to me. For some reason, I was given medicines without my knowledge, that's what I think. I don't know if I'm thinking like that because I have schizophrenia, that's what I think. Because of being like this, now my dopamine flow is not even. Instead of being like a normal person, because the flow is coming erratically in large quantities, at the same time, instead of a normal thought. 15, 20, 30 thoughts are coming. Within that, I have to choose and I have to see which is real. Like I said, if a bus is coming, removing everything like someone sent it, and just choosing that the bus has come and we have to get on, is a very difficult thing for me. That's why I am crazy, that's why I have 40% illness. Okay, I will slowly tell you what happened after this, please listen a bit. Until 2007, I was just normal. In 2007, in November of 2006, I came to California. In October-November, I came to California from Ohio in the United States. After coming to California, I was sitting in a software consultancy. I didn't get a job. Suddenly, in a company called Form Factor, they called me for an interview saying Electrical Design Engineer, Senior Electrical Design Engineer. I said okay and joined. At that time, in that time frame, in that 2006-07 time frame, there were many problems in California. Labor-related problems. But this didn't come out; it was seeping inside. In the middle, in fact, if an investigative reporter comes and reports on this, then like this, Silicon Valley, that is, all the companies in California, what are they doing is. People, the people who are working, right, people. There, a lot of foreigners, immigrants are the ones who work in California. That is, they are called third world people. They are called third world immigrants. There are many white people. White people will be in senior positions. But the ones who work are third world people, third world people, people like us, Indians, Chinese. Vietnamese, Filipino, that's how they will be. Then if someone releases a report like this, companies like this, to maximize their profits, they are artificially. Reducing the salary of the employees. That is, if you see in our town now, if an employee who has been with the company for 8 years leaves the job and goes to another company, he will have a 20% hike, a 10% hike. But in California, only in the Bay Area, if you leave a job after 8 years, 10 years, or 15 years and go to another job, you won't have that much of a salary hike. This, artificially, people, the higher management, senior management of all the companies, colluded, talked to each other, and kept the salaries from increasing, and they only increased the profit for themselves, a report came out saying that. This was widely discussed. Now if you see, the state called California is a Democratic state. Democratic state, Republicans won't come there. This is like BJP, DMK. Now, both are opposite forces, Democratic is different, Republican is different. And in 2007, what had happened was, it was election year. In November 2007, the election was supposed to happen. The election was supposed to happen in November-December. And that year, George Bush Junior, George Bush Junior, his second term, he was the president, and they got hit really hard. These people. Everywhere you looked, it was war paint and mismanagement. Nobody liked Bush. They didn't like the administration itself. Republicans knew very well that they would get a severe blow, and that's why it was in that kind of situation. In this kind of situation, this Democratic owned, their Bush is a Republican. In this Democratic owned state, this labor problem was burning. It was during this time that I started working at Farm Factor. When I started working at Farm Factor, I was a fresher. After finishing my Master's degree, my first job was in form factor. But the first job itself, like I said, like it came in this report, they were abusing immigrants. Third world immigrants. Third world people. Because they are the ones who will work as much as you pay them, saying that, they used to get them to do all sorts of work. You think about it yourself. Will anyone give someone who joins in the first year, telling them that they have to design and provide information for four departments, provide for testing, and talk to the customer, and that they are the project leader? Like that, okay, I am very intelligent, I like this, I like that, tell me whatever you want like that. After saying that, if you go inside and see, in that company, the remaining five people who were in the project leader role like me, all the project leaders among the remaining five people, not even one is a white man. No. All were third world people. They were only third world immigrants. They were working like wild pigs. There were a lot of fights, a lot of problems, this fight, that, this design problem, that, this. A lot of labor problems had gone at that time. So, when I was going, it was my first job. I was really afraid of the visa. I knew very well how important the H1B visa was. So, in order to not lose the H1B visa, I also, like all human beings, like all immigrants, like people of the third world, I also worked very hard. When I was working like that, knowing that I was working, additional load started coming. When the load starts coming, what will happen? Naturally, two or three errors will occur. It was when that kind of error happened that they said, "You are the one who created the problem," and they rolled my head terribly. No matter which email, which side, or which way it turned, around September of 2007, August-September, that's when I gave a solution to. They couldn't provide a solution for the Texas Instruments. My company, Form Factor, couldn't provide a solution. I had given a solution for that. A problem arose in that solution. As soon as it arose, they grabbed my head and rolled it away in one go. Even before that, I had joined Sandisk, and it's only been 6 months. Within that time, they made me do a very specific, highly specific design. Memory design, that went to SanDisk. When it went to SanDisk, I actually asked my senior designer, should I give ground in this place or not? It says ground in this place, I don't clearly remember whether to give ground or not. He said, He left saying, "Don't you know?" I said, "Look, it's only been six months since I came. If you were so terrible, I don't need to work for your company," and I just did what I knew and left. Eventually, I really had a ground problem. SanDisk called and it became a big issue. When that big issue happened, all of them together, what did they do? That's it. You have created a huge problem. We are giving you a performance improvement plan. We are going to fire you from the job. If you don't do all the special work we give you for the next two or three months, you are out of a job, they said in writing. I don't know what to do. I have only been here for six months. That too, it's my first job. If I get out of my first job in just 6 months, no one will respect me outside. At least if I stay in a first job for 2 years or 1 year, I'll get the next job. Above all this, H&B is different. So, like all third-world immigrants, I also had pressure. But what I did was, this. I can only give an example. This, this movie called Viduthalai came out. His, Vijay Sethupathi. In that, Soori will be a constable. In Viduthalai Part One, Soori is. They will ask him to do something he doesn't like, and he won't do it. After doing it, when they give punishment, he will keep doing all the punishments. So, the senior will get bitter. Hey, he does whatever I say. I don't even want to see his face. But if I order, he works against the order, he would have explained something like that. The same issue happened there too, in the form factor as well. I finished all the work they gave me top class. As soon as I finished, they had no choice that the manager had to come and shake my hands and said that congratulations you finished your. He gave me his hand and smiled, saying, "You are still in the company for performance improvement." I turned the situation upside down to that extent. Even after changing it, there were labor problems again. People were getting fired left, right, and center. When it was slowly escalating there, I didn't even know what happened in the middle. But I left from there in October and came to India. I came for my father's Sashti poorthi, the 60th anniversary. When I came for the 60th anniversary, As soon as my father's citizenship was completed, they found a girl for me. That girl was a bit ugly. But she looked like a pillow, so I thought, okay, at least I can hug her and sleep. There won't be any problem. It's enough if I eat and sleep peacefully, so I said I'll get married. But from the time I started going back, it was full of problems for me there. I don't know what happened there. But what happened in the end was, like this, I came. I didn't even know what was happening, and as I was boarding the flight, it was Singapore Airlines SQ1. I boarded the flight from San Francisco Airport on January 14th. For that, in Fremont, there is something called BART. Here, there is a flying train called MRTS. From the beach to Velachery. Similarly, from the town called Fremont to San Francisco Airport, there is a train called BART, B-A-R-T. I boarded that train and sat down. I got on and sat down, crossed only two stations, and before crossing two stations, a policeman walked by in front of me. That's the only thing I remember. The next thing I remember is that I am sitting on the flight, sitting with my legs stretched out. I am feeling dizzy, my head is spinning. I don't know what I did. I went to the toilet and came back and sat in my seat. And when I opened my eyes again, Singapore, Hong Kong via Hong Kong, Singapore, Chennai had arrived. I came and got off. Until I got off at Chennai, I didn't have that madness, that confusion, or any confusion at all. I was calm. And after getting off at Chennai, immediately in the car, I started fighting with my dad, saying he's doing this, he's doing that, he's doing that, he's doing this. Just on January 14th, when I boarded the ferry in Fremont, all the chaos and shouting that was there, it all started again. Now, in the middle of this, in between this time period, I don't know how I was quiet for only the flight time of 32 hours. I believe, at that time, they gave me medicine and made me quiet, that's what I think. And that medicine, they abruptly stopped it, that is my humble belief. Because it stopped, what happened was, it became much worse. And finally, now that cat example I mentioned, right, if you keep a shock next to the milk, it will become a wild cat. Like that, now my brain is gone. And the dopamine effect is like this. Because of this, what I am trying to say is, if I have to say it simply, This Malayalam movie came, Prithviraj acted in it, Janagana Mana. In this Janagana Mana movie, if you see, immediately after taking it, he is in a big problem like student protest, writing, this and that. Even the government. Everyone will be talking like 'oh' to the extent that it stands as a question mark. I don't know what the ministers are doing. Calling a DGP and saying, 'Will you go and see this? Will I go and see it?' and in the end, someone goes and shoots the murderers, shoots them dead, and they become heroes and everything goes topsy-turvy. The first half will be completely topsy-turvy. The ending, if you see. Like this, due to the professional rivalry between two ordinary professors, one professor would have killed another professor. Taking that dead body and going. They would have created such a big riot. So, I believe that this labor problem existed in the company. It was prevalent in California at that time. All the companies were suppressing third-world immigrants. They weren't paying salaries properly. This, it was going on. But at that time, my issue got stuck, and it was also election time. During the election time, George Bush got hit hard by these Republicans. It was to the point where you couldn't even look up. At that time, California is a Democratic state, it's not a Republican state. At that time, someone has stirred up the problem. Stirring it up has become a big issue. This is my humble opinion. After this issue happened, I couldn't leave everyone silent. Because I came here and again I am a hard worker. I will work hard, I will think well, I will contemplate. I will do everything. So, when that was the case, I came here to Coromandel Infotech and started working again, earned a good name, and gave a presentation up to the Vice President. Like this, we can take up projects for our defense organizations. I am leading. I am doing sensor design. We can make automatic weapons. At that time, in the 2008-9 time frame, automatic weapons were only with Russians and Americans. Automatic targeting weapons, basically if there was a machine gun, it would automatically look at a target and shoot rapidly. Now, after AI came, a lot of automatic targeting has come. In that title, I said that with just simple image processing, using a camera, we can point and take a gun. A triangulation, using three stepper motors, triangulate and point the gun, and the picture coming from the camera, through image processing, we can find out what the target is and do it. I had given a presentation saying that. In that presentation, I made only one mistake. I sent the presentation through Gmail. Now, because I sent it through Gmail, obviously. I think it leaked, that's my humble opinion. I don't know if it leaked because it was leaked, or if it's okay, everyone talked and it leaked. But when giving that presentation, I was still alright. But within 12 days, within 12 to 20 days of that presentation, I did something horrible. And it was like everyone was chasing me. I came back and went crazy again. I was delusional. And in the same way. That's why, from that time onwards, from 2008, every time I try to be successful, every time I do something which is going to help me proceed in my life and get me a good name, whenever this happens, this delusion comes. Like I said, this dopamine flow increasing causes me to have multiple thoughts instead of just a single thought. Instead of me normally getting on the bus and going, a thousand thoughts come, and in the end, I miss the bus and just sit in the ward like a fool. That's what's happening. These medicines are what control this dopamine flow. If they didn't give these medicines, my dopamine flow would normalize again in a few days. I took these Ayurvedic medicines for about a year, almost eight months, and I checked it. I again, after struggling for those 8 months, staying on a diet and taking medicine, I was handsome again like before. I was becoming handsome. My body became straight, my shoulders became shiny, I got broad shoulders, I started walking straight, everything became alright. But again, this is happening like this. I don't know how to resolve this. Like this, every time medicines are applied, and because of the medicines, the dopamine flow differs, and because the dopamine flow differs, delusions, auditory hallucinations, all come back, and again I go back down the same train, falling into the same pit. I don't know what to do. If high medicines, if high medicines come, then again panic attack, that this, fight, quarrel, fight with everyone in the house. I don't respect anyone. I am now alone, an orphan. I don't even have a person to talk to. I am in this situation. So, this is my story, sir and madam. I am an ordinary person, not that intelligent. Like I said, if this dopamine, in the correct flow, if that dopamine receptor goes and sits in the receptor, then to you. Based on what you see and hear from the outside, correct thoughts are created, and when you act on those thoughts, you will earn the name of being intelligent. That dopamine. I am in this kind of situation because they are giving me medicine that disrupts the dopamine receptor flow. Keeping me in this kind of situation, look at him, he has become intelligent. He has become intelligent. He is a multiple personality. He does this, he does that. They have fabricated a story out of thin air. I don't know how to get out of this. These are all my personal thoughts. So, by now you would know how much I think. Coming in the middle of all these thoughts, I will get up tomorrow morning. I caught the bus, and believing that this bus goes only here, I boarded it, came and sat with you, talked to you, and believing that you are not a white man, you are a Tamilian, and you are helping me, I listened to your words. It is a very difficult thing for me. I really think that 40% mental illness is a very low percentage. I should probably be at 75%. I am handling something. Now, just to say this, I think it took around 25 minutes. Definitely, if I had come at 12:00 tomorrow, I wouldn't have been able to speak in 15 minutes. After considering this a bit. Things like this have happened. In 2007, the state, in California state, a Democratic state, it is the opposite of. Republicans, just like Tamil Nadu, DMK is opposite of BJP, like that, in that kind of opposite situation, there were a lot of labor problems in the state. Reports about that started coming. Like I said, listen to that message again. At that time, the election time was also 2007 end time frame. At that time, the Malayalam movie called Janaganamana. Prithviraj's movie. Like that movie, they have entangled me, sir. Now I don't know what to do. It's been 15 years. They keep entangling me again and again. Please help me. Thank you.
