Members,
I will just post my experience being brought up in a TB family and draw conclusions from it. I've many times been thankful to be born in such a family.
I've lived all my life in Chennai and spent my childhood in a joint family with nearly a dozen cousins. Our family consisted of my "thatha" and "patti" and my periappa and chittappa(s). We lived in a big independent house that had a mango tree, an old well, open terrace and lots of space for us to play around, and boy did we create a racket during holidays! I would term my family as orthodox, but one with an open mind set. My thatha used to advice the family on many matters which were earnestly followed by my father and his brothers. But my patti, being an house wife was the one who ran the day to day affairs of the family; infact, my thatha never made major financial contributions to the family. My patti was like the center of gravity for the whole family until she passed away a couple of years ago. We follow all religious traditions and to this day plans are made by the family elder for major functions like avani avittam, thatha/patti devasam, my father's devasam etc. We cousins (some of whom are married with kids) are pretty close with each other and share quite a strong bond. Before someone jumps the gun, joint family has its own challenges and even our family at a later time started to become a nuclear family, although we live very close by and meet almost everyday.
Now, what do I infer from this experience?
1. Upbringing and family values are the most important factors that determine (a lot of this happens automatically in a typical brahmin family) how the child evolves and interacts with the society at later parts of life.
2. Elders are like pillars to a family and without them, families are like ship without a rudder.
3. Belief in God as a higher power ensures that egos are not inflated and keeps one grounded most of the time. During difficult times, it is a source of tremendous strength. I have myself seen major crisis in my short life, but only belief in God is helping me riding the bad times.
4. A lot of these family traditions brings with it a sense of occasion, happiness and togetherness.
As I said, we were quite an orthodox set-up, but we never had any problems with people from other caste or religion. Infact, my patti used to interact quite nicely with all sorts of people. This is something that I'm proud of. My elders may not allow inter-caste/religious marriages, but they don't hate anybody. I know of many Brahmin families who have a similar structure and pattern. To me all these together and more, make up a Brahmin family.
I do not think it is possible anymore to have a proper Brahmin upbringing for various reasons.
1. Family values are no longer the priority; there are no family dynamics that are involved in urban upbringing. One utmost cares for ones parent/siblings. Even these bonds are weakening with time.
2. No elders in a family; decisions are purely taken on economic considerations.
3. Religion and God are no longer the center of ones life. Almost all pursuits are either economical or sensory.
I always compare the US (and other western countries) with India on this count. Their civic life is very orderly; there are rules and laws that strictly govern it. Step on a US road, you will realise it. But their family life is chaos; I have American friends who struggle in their life because of lack of family values. In India, the situation is reverse; our civic life is a chaos but our family life is much better. With time, it will be soon be that our family life is also a chaos. The ball has already been set rolling.
This is purely my personal experience.
Vijay
