I am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl

[Raji Ram]

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Anyway, the frequent posters had fun time!

So........ thanks to OP!

 

[zebra16]

Anyway, the frequent posters had fun time!

So........ thanks to OP!

And the supposed thread hijackers got flayed

 

[zebra16]

Anyway, the frequent posters had fun time!

So........ thanks to OP!

And the supposed thread hijackers got flayed

 

[asadu]

It means, the poster took us all for a ride ?. We (atleast me) knowingly unknowing the intentions, started searching for clues and proofs, barking at wall for a smart answer. Good ride.

 

[kunjuppu]

hindu marriage act tamil nadu - change eff mar 1, 2016

i dont know whether this was reported in the press. i suspect this is under pressure from devar, vanniars etc this below is from facebook...

தமிழகஅரசு இந்து திருமணசட்டத்தில் சிறு திருத்தம் கொண்டு வந்துள்ளது!
R®
அதில் காதல் திருமணம் செய்யும் தம்பதிகள் கண்டிப்பாக அவர்களின் பெற்றோர் சம்மதம் இல்லமால் செய்ய முடியாது!

ரிஜிஸ்ட்டர் மேரேஜ் என்று நம்மை ஏமாற்றும் முறைக்கு முற்றிலும் தடை உள்ளது

ரிஜிஸ்டர் மேரேஜ் கண்டிப்பாக பெற்றோர் வந்து கையொப்பம் இடவேண்டும்!

குறைந்தபட்சம் பெண்ணின் தாய் கையொப்பம் அவசியம்!

எந்த தாயும் தனது மகளை கிணற்றில் தள்ள சம்மதம் தெரிவிக்கமட்டர்கள் என்பதை அறிந்து அரசு சட்டதிருத்தம்கொண்டுவந்துள்ளது.

30 நாட்களுக்கு முன் பதிவு செய்தல் அவசியம்!
®
இதற்குமேலும் சில சிறப்பு அம்சங்கள் உள்ளது! அதை வெளியே செல்ல விரும்ப வில்லை!

நாடககாதல் பெரும்பாலும் ரிஜிஸ்டர் மேரேஜ் என்னும் திருமணபதிவு வே நமது சமுதாயத்திற்கு எதிரியாய் இருந்தது! அதற்கு கடிவாளம் இப்போது வேறு வடிவில் இருக்கிது!

இனிமேல் நம்மை ஏமாற்றும் நாடக காதல் போராளிகளை நசுக்க இந்த ஆயுதத்தை பயன்பாடுத்தவும்!

நாடக காதலால் எத்துணை பெற்றோர் அவமணம் பட்டு தற்கொலை செய்தது யாருக்கு தெரியும்??
®
ஒருவன் கொலை செய்யபட்டால் ஆவேசப்படும் வேசி ஊடகங்கள்

தற்கொலை செய்துகொண்ட 200 பெற்றோர்க்கு ஒரு இரங்கல் செய்தியவது சொல்லியிருக்குமா??

திருத்தப்பட்ட இச்சட்டம் இந்த மாதம் முதல் தேதியிருந்து அமுலுக்கு வந்துள்ளது!

இதை எந்த வேசி ஊடகம் வெளியே சொன்னதா??
®
இதற்குமேலும் நமது பெண்கள் திருந்தவில்லை என்றால் நமது வீரஅன்னையின் கையில் வாளை கொடுக்க வேண்டிய கட்டாயம் ஏற்பாடும்

 

[tks]

Doctor Mam,

Maybe you are correct. However a google search tells that one of the responses claimed to have gotten by OP is from the hindudharmaforum. Please see here:

http://hindudharmaforums.com/printthread.php?t=6851&pp=10&page=2

See attached images. View attachment 5569View attachment 5570

The responses in that thread show a time stamp of January 2011. The thread originator in that forum is the non-brahm girl as you deduced and the first message in that thread says that they have been loving for seven years then in Jan, 2011. Now it is Apr 2016.

So what we glean is that this love story has been going on for the past 13 years or so and the answer about scriptural provision/acceptance is still NOT known to the OP!

That is why I think the OP is started NOT for the benefit of himself or his parents but for the readers! These things are unavoidable in an open forum. But members can tone their advice accordingly. So much for integrity

Sometimes this forum is addictive
There is something new.
As always , KB you always have a knack of getting to the bottom of it all !

 

[renuka]

Doctor Mam,

Maybe you are correct. However a google search tells that one of the responses claimed to have gotten by OP is from the hindudharmaforum. Please see here:

http://hindudharmaforums.com/printthread.php?t=6851&pp=10&page=2

See attached images. View attachment 5569View attachment 5570

The responses in that thread show a time stamp of January 2011. The thread originator in that forum is the non-brahm girl as you deduced and the first message in that thread says that they have been loving for seven years then in Jan, 2011. Now it is Apr 2016.

So what we glean is that this love story has been going on for the past 13 years or so and the answer about scriptural provision/acceptance is still NOT known to the OP!

That is why I think the OP is started NOT for the benefit of himself or his parents but for the readers! These things are unavoidable in an open forum. But members can tone their advice accordingly. So much for integrity

Well..may be they are not yet married..I know a person who waited 7 years till his parents allowed an inter-racial marriage.

His parents finally allowed the marriage .

 

[renuka]

... and another eye opener...

Clichés by Ananya

LOL! I like this Maami...she is point blank..does not mince her words but at the same time she adheres to her tradition of being veg etc.

She reminds me very much of our very own Janaki Ji in forum...direct..point blank.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Renu,

In a 'neeyA nAnA' show, girls and moms participated.

One 'veerAnganai' brahmin girl said that she will NOT wear the thAli after her wedding.

Most of the moms said they don't wish that girl to be their d i l !! :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

BTW, not all brahmin girls are intelligent or wish to be a topper in the class. Some like to just ... :couch2:!

There were some in my class who would say why to get good marks? Anyway our parents will push us

into a marriage as soon as we near the age of 20.

In fact, we sisters have variety of interests because our mom was a sakalakalAvalli. :thumb:

 

[vgane]

i dont know whether this was reported in the press. i suspect this is under pressure from devar, vanniars etc this below is from facebook...

தமிழகஅரசு இந்து திருமணசட்டத்தில் சிறு திருத்தம் கொண்டு வந்துள்ளது!
R®
அதில் காதல் திருமணம் செய்யும் தம்பதிகள் கண்டிப்பாக அவர்களின் பெற்றோர் சம்மதம் இல்லமால் செய்ய முடியாது!

ரிஜிஸ்ட்டர் மேரேஜ் என்று நம்மை ஏமாற்றும் முறைக்கு முற்றிலும் தடை உள்ளது

ரிஜிஸ்டர் மேரேஜ் கண்டிப்பாக பெற்றோர் வந்து கையொப்பம் இடவேண்டும்!

குறைந்தபட்சம் பெண்ணின் தாய் கையொப்பம் அவசியம்!

எந்த தாயும் தனது மகளை கிணற்றில் தள்ள சம்மதம் தெரிவிக்கமட்டர்கள் என்பதை அறிந்து அரசு சட்டதிருத்தம்கொண்டுவந்துள்ளது.

30 நாட்களுக்கு முன் பதிவு செய்தல் அவசியம்!
®
இதற்குமேலும் சில சிறப்பு அம்சங்கள் உள்ளது! அதை வெளியே செல்ல விரும்ப வில்லை!

நாடககாதல் பெரும்பாலும் ரிஜிஸ்டர் மேரேஜ் என்னும் திருமணபதிவு வே நமது சமுதாயத்திற்கு எதிரியாய் இருந்தது! அதற்கு கடிவாளம் இப்போது வேறு வடிவில் இருக்கிது!

இனிமேல் நம்மை ஏமாற்றும் நாடக காதல் போராளிகளை நசுக்க இந்த ஆயுதத்தை பயன்பாடுத்தவும்!

நாடக காதலால் எத்துணை பெற்றோர் அவமணம் பட்டு தற்கொலை செய்தது யாருக்கு தெரியும்??
®
ஒருவன் கொலை செய்யபட்டால் ஆவேசப்படும் வேசி ஊடகங்கள்

தற்கொலை செய்துகொண்ட 200 பெற்றோர்க்கு ஒரு இரங்கல் செய்தியவது சொல்லியிருக்குமா??

திருத்தப்பட்ட இச்சட்டம் இந்த மாதம் முதல் தேதியிருந்து அமுலுக்கு வந்துள்ளது!

இதை எந்த வேசி ஊடகம் வெளியே சொன்னதா??
®
இதற்குமேலும் நமது பெண்கள் திருந்தவில்லை என்றால் நமது வீரஅன்னையின் கையில் வாளை கொடுக்க வேண்டிய கட்டாயம் ஏற்பாடும்

If this happens it will be a blessing for TB's too

 

[krish44]

... and another eye opener...

Clichés by Ananya

When will we accept the social realities?
Times have changed and so have girls.
Being traditional and orthodox is no longer acceptable to girls.

 

[vgane]

When will we accept the social realities?
Times have changed and so have girls.
Being traditional and orthodox is no longer acceptable to girls.

The author( Ananya)is a 54 year young lady!

This is what she has to say! A different TB altogether! We should be ready to live with such character's too!

Treveni Nagarajan

Ananya is me. I dont know any shlokams or poojais though i have a big ummachi shelf at home. I have never sung or danced. and love Hritik Roshan Brett Lee. I ogle good looking men. Love romance movies and read Mills and Boon by the dozens. I eat out a lot and drink road side chai and love road side bajias and sandwiches. Tambrahm but never really follow what a Tambrahm does. And I am 54 years old!!!!!!!

 

[Raji Ram]

When will we accept the social realities?
Times have changed and so have girls.
Being traditional and orthodox is no longer acceptable to girls.

Yes, for most of the girls.

One well educated guy with high bracket salary, in my extended family, found it very difficult to get a good match.

The girls invariably wanted him to cut off his long thin kudumi, adorning his thick short hair. :tsk:

 

[Raji Ram]

The author( Ananya)is a 54 year young lady!.........

What she has written is her 'malarum ninaivugaL'!

 

[krish44]

The author( Ananya)is a 54 year young lady!

This is what she has to say! A different TB altogether! We should be ready to live with such character's too!

Treveni Nagarajan

Ananya is me. I dont know any shlokams or poojais though i have a big ummachi shelf at home. I have never sung or danced. and love Hritik Roshan Brett Lee. I ogle good looking men. Love romance movies and read Mills and Boon by the dozens. I eat out a lot and drink road side chai and love road side bajias and sandwiches. Tambrahm but never really follow what a Tambrahm does. And I am 54 years old!!!!!!!

If she is 54 so what?
I am male about 70 plus but think young.
I do not perform any rituals nor I have a thread.
I used to smoke in my fiftees . I drink the best alcohol and hold my drink better than most.
As a brahmin male I can do that why cannot 54 yr lady do what she does?
It is her personal preferance. She is not harming anyone being what she is and consuming bajias and chai. I also like mirchi bajjis on roadside and chai in nearby shack

along with labourers.I like her preferance for film stars and cricketers.
Bless this lady . She is open and daring.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,
Brahmins have to follow certain norms but a few like to break them under the pretext of being liberal. :hippie:

Surprisingly, they will be the first ones to applaud, if they happen to see someone in a train doing 'namaz'!! ray:

 

[renuka]

Dear Renu,

In a 'neeyA nAnA' show, girls and moms participated.

One 'veerAnganai' brahmin girl said that she will NOT wear the thAli after her wedding.

Most of the moms said they don't wish that girl to be their d i l !! :lol:

Dear RR ji,

I respect her opinion that she does not want to wear her thAli.

She wants to express her opinion to have freedom of choice.

But majority of older women who have the thAliban mindset would not want such a person for a DIL.

BTW by her not wearing her thAli that does not mean she wont care for her inlaws.

After all many thAli and pottu wearing females too ill treat their inlaws.

So its very hard to judge anyone..thAli or not is a personal choice.

 

[renuka]

If she is 54 so what?
I am male about 70 plus but think young.
I do not perform any rituals nor I have a thread.
I used to smoke in my fiftees . I drink the best alcohol and hold my drink better than most.
As a brahmin male I can do that why cannot 54 yr lady do what she does?
It is her personal preferance. She is not harming anyone being what she is and consuming bajias and chai. I also like mirchi bajjis on roadside and chai in nearby shack

along with labourers.I like her preferance for film stars and cricketers.
Bless this lady . She is open and daring.

Yes...I admire a bold person..she is being herself instead of having herd mentality and have pretenses.

After a certain age...we need to be honest with ourselves...honesty is always the best policy and that includes admitting even our short comings.

No use being in denial.

 

[krish44]

you know renukaji, many women would be secretly admiring her for what she is doing and candidly talking about it.

The culture vultures and guardians of TB morals can wring their hands in despair afraid that their women will emulate her.

It require enlightened thinking that everyone has personal choices which we need to respect .

Some women have to assure their men that they will conform and not make merry following this bold lady.

 

[renuka]

Beloved people,
I think you all are arriving well to my problem statement. My parents are giving lots of other reasons like what the society will think if I marry a NB girl, Hw my relations will behave with me normally after my IC marriage, How they will answer to the relatives' questions, etc. etc.. I can easily counter these questions by giving some practical examples of other IC marriages and how the world has changed. But, if they say that I'll lose my entity as a brahmin and will not b allowed to do srardham, they will not eat my wife's cooking as she is NB, I become speechless. That's why am trying here to argue that my wife automatically becomes an iyengar with my gothram once she marries me.

I may not get some references which I expected from this forum. Nevertheless, at least I shall share some of my feelings and pain which I take to convince my parents patiently without hurting them much.

For some veterans who argue that my parents are only taking the pain, I would like to say that myself and my wife may be ill-treated by the whole society for the rest of our lives. If we are fully aware of these consequences and pain and if we are ready to take all these, you must think about the power of love and trust we have kept on each other.

I am never gonna argue that my parents doesn't take any pain. Yes, they ll be deeply hurt by the questions of ppl around them, but am asking for a chance.. atleast they can do it for their son's happiness and in return they gonna get a gem of a girl as their daughter-in-law.

My girl's parents are ok for our marriage. Her mom said only her daughter's happiness matters at the end. So the ball is in my court for the past 6months..

Dear Sathyarajan,

I can understand your situation...its not going to be easy becos you have to face your parents perception and also the influence of relatives and community who might view your alliance negatively.

Your community views this situation as a Yada Yada Hi Dharmasya Glanir Bhavati Brahmana case here(Whenever there is a decline in Dharma O'Brahmana)...but usually Avatars only come to solve a Kshatriya scenario...killing some Evil King etc
They never came to help any Brahmana.

The Bhagavad Geeta too was given to a Kshatriya who had many wives.

So my boy..you are on your own here.

There wont be any help from anyone..including your family,friends,community,God.

In fact for all your know some others might be hoping your marriage might break down just to prove their point that IC marriage is not what that is prescribed.

The only word anyone ever remembers in the Bhagavad Geeta is the Varnasanskar(intermixture of Varna) word..that too it was NOT spoken by Krishna..it was spoken by Arjuna.

The next verse after that Varnasanskar is where Arjuna gets it proper from Krishna and Krishna asked him from where this Kasmalam(impure) thoughts arised.

So face the scenario dear boy...life is not going to be easy for you..too many negative points in your own court.

Its not as if no one knows you love your parents but sometimes the pressure from community could be making your parents not really understand your love for them.


I dont blame them..parents of any community are wired never to understand their children.

Parents usually want to plan a life for their children according to what they feel is right.

My advise to you is just these 2:

1)Be bold and get married.Que Sera Sera..Whatever will be will be.Have Balls!

Or

2)Break off and marry a TB girl your parents choose(If there are any who still want to marry a TB guy)


In either case happiness is not guaranteed.

Life is challenge..face it.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Yes...I admire a bold person..she is being herself instead of having herd mentality and have pretenses.

After a certain age...we need to be honest with ourselves...honesty is always the best policy and that includes admitting even our short comings.

No use being in denial.

She is a bold person, since she is from B community.

Suppose she doesn't find a suitable B boy who is agreeable to her principle, will she marry a Christian or Muslim and live without following their customs - without wearing ring or burka? Girls who have such mindset are scrupulously follow the customs of Abrahamic Religions without any deviation, after marriage, probably fearing persecution.

B community is not bold enough to impose their customs strictly. This is the reason for creating girls like the one who spoke in a TV program.

 

[renuka]

B community is not bold enough to impose their customs strictly. This is the reason for creating girls like the one who spoke in a TV program.

All this customs imposing is only for females..males do as they please.

I have seen even in NB community..they view a person who does not wear a thAli worse than a suicide bomber.

 

[zebra16]

All this customs imposing is only for females..males do as they please.

I have seen even in NB community..they view a person who does not wear a thAli worse than a suicide bomber.

This is side stepping the issue. The answer sought by Chandra was:
"will she marry a Christian or Muslim and live without following their customs - without wearing ring or burka? Girls who have such mindset are scrupulously follow the customs of Abrahamic Religions without any deviation, after marriage, probably fearing persecution."

 

[krish44]

This is side stepping the issue. The answer sought by Chandra was:
"will she marry a Christian or Muslim and live without following their customs - without wearing ring or burka? Girls who have such mindset are scrupulously follow the customs of Abrahamic Religions without any deviation, after marriage, probably fearing persecution."

I know a iyengar girl who married a christian and he observed the hindu way of life following some hindu customs. Their daughter again married an iyengar.

I also know an iyengar girl who married a muslim and though she did not convert her children are muslims.

It varies on case to case basis.

One cannot generalise.