I am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl

[sathyaarajan]

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Hello All,
I Am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl. I have tried to convince my parents for the past one year, but still didn't succeed. I can't live without my parents and her . We wish to marry with our parents' blessings. My parents are constantly saying a point that Shastras say that a brahmin boy can not marry a non-brahmin girl and I will not be allowed to do my parents thithi in future.
So please, could anyone show me any references of veda shastras on whether a Brahmin boy can actually marry a non-brahmin girl. If I marry, will I be able to do thithi and shrartha in the future.

Thanks in advance.

 

[renuka]

This will be the next active thread.

 

[sravna]

Hi,

You have two things going against you- the shastras and the relationship with your parents and you have one factor going for you that is your love for the girl. So you seem to be on a weaker ground.

But one thing which can clinch the issue in your favor is how strong is the love of the girl for you? If it is really strong go for it.

 

[tbs]

hi

this thread will be next ARAICHA MAAVU again.....

 

[krish44]

Hello All,
I Am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl. I have tried to convince my parents for the past one year, but still didn't succeed. I can't live without my parents and her . We wish to marry with our parents' blessings. My parents are constantly saying a point that Shastras say that a brahmin boy can not marry a non-brahmin girl and I will not be allowed to do my parents thithi in future.
So please, could anyone show me any references of veda shastras on whether a Brahmin boy can actually marry a non-brahmin girl. If I marry, will I be able to do thithi and shrartha in the future.

Thanks in advance.

Brahmins have been marrying crossing caste and religion barriers.

You can always get Sastrigals who will officiate and solemnise your mariage. They will also help you to perform thithi and shradh in future also. They are enablers for

performing pujas and are far more enlightened . They can recite the necessary mantras and also quote references where such things have been done in ancient days.

Contact the right sastrigals and he will do the rest.

I am a thengalai iyengar by birth.I have christian daughter in law in my extended family. The hindu vaishnavite husband performs all the rituals you mentioned in local

vaishnavite temple with brahmins iyengar vadhyars,for his late parents. Daughter in law participates wearing sindoor and mangal sutra and playing the traditional wife.

I atttend those ceremonies with my family taking the food also after the event.

World has changed.Go ahead and best of luck.

 

[psnarasimhan]

There is nothing wrong in loving a non-brahmin girl. But others must know what attracted you with that girl to love her even against your parents advice. Did not you find any brahmin girl for you to love her. This is called KALIYUGAM. Where are we brahmins heading? Almost all communities are laughing at us. Most of the other community boys say that Just a call to a brahmin girl is enough for her to come and sleep with them. Do you want to further degrade our community to low, low level.

 

[krish44]

Many parents tell their girl children , if you have to fall in love and marry , choose a brahmin boy with a five figure salary and fall in love..

Two in one arranged love marriage satisfying parents and children.lol

 

[sravna]

Shastras are general in their purpose and in my opinion exceptions can always be made. The strongest cases when exceptions are made are when the act and the intentions of the doer are noble. Noble thoughts override every shastra as they aid in promoting the real purpose of the shastras.

 

[psnarasimhan]

Brahmins have been marrying crossing caste and religion barriers.

You can always get Sastrigals who will officiate and solemnise your mariage. They will also help you to perform thithi and shradh in future also. They are enablers for

performing pujas and are far more enlightened . They can recite the necessary mantras and also quote references where such things have been done in ancient days.

Contact the right sastrigals and he will do the rest.

I am a thengalai iyengar by birth.I have christian daughter in law in my extended family. The hindu vaishnavite husband performs all the rituals you mentioned in local

vaishnavite temple with brahmins iyengar vadhyars,for his late parents. Daughter in law participates wearing sindoor and mangal sutra and playing the traditional wife.

I atttend those ceremonies with my family taking the food also after the event.

World has changed.Go ahead and best of luck.

Yes world has changed. Those Vadhyars are now charging the world to perform all those rites you mentioned. I think it is better you and your family convert to christianity . Who is going to question you, as you said the world has changed a lot. Good luck Mr. krish.

 

[tbs]

Shastras are general in their purpose and in my opinion exceptions can always be made. The strongest cases when exceptions are made are when the act and the intentions of the doer are noble. Noble thoughts override every shastra as they aid in promoting the real purpose of the shastras.

hi sir,

nice words.....

 

[psnarasimhan]

Shastras are general in their purpose and in my opinion exceptions can always be made. The strongest cases when exceptions are made are when the act and the intentions of the doer are noble. Noble thoughts override every shastra as they aid in promoting the real purpose of the shastras.

Then why should we talk about Shastras. All of us could join and burn all those shastras. You said about exceptions. What are those exceptions? Please mention a few such exceptions, so that others follow those exceptions.

 

[sravna]

hi sir,

nice words.....

Thanks Shri TBS

 

[sravna]

Then why should we talk about Shastras. All of us could join and burn all those shastras. You said about exceptions. What are those exceptions? Please mention a few such exceptions, so that others follow those exceptions.

Dear Shri Narasimhan Ji

I have the highest regard for the shastras and so would not say something against it. I have a strong conviction about the intent of the shastras . So hose who are well versed in the shastras can definitely throw some light on the exceptions.

 

[tbs]

Dear Shri Narasimhan Ji

I have the highest regard for the shastras and so would not say something against it. I have a strong conviction about the intent of the shastras . So hose who are well versed in the shastras can definitely throw some light on the exceptions.

hi

in sastras itself....there are four kinds of marriagees....auloma/pratyaloma etc....sastras are interpreted by differents sakhas..

we have ஆத்து பழக்கம்.....ஊரு வழக்கம்.....ஆத்து வாத்யார் ......it goes on.......

 

[Vaagmi]

Hi Satyarajan,

If I were in your position, i would think and act this way:

1. I will carefully weigh how far I have gone in my intimacy with this girl. If I have gone too far to return, I would just marry her and try to forget my brahmin roots. That would be more like a man.

2. If it is just a budding affair, I would listen to my parents and give up this relationship. This would remain just a flirtation in my memoriees.

3. Going a little objective, I would certainly consider the impact of my decision on the girl. If she is going to take it seriously and feel let down or devastated, I would just marry her and try to forget my roots again.

4. If I were the only son/child of my parents I will give up the affair by carefully disengaging from the mess that I am in. I may even try to do things which will make the girl hate me with all her might. Yes I know that will be manipulation. But I do not deserve anything better.

5. If our love is such that we can not live withouteach other, I will forget all other things and marry her because I want to live and more importantly I want this girl to live a full life.

Shastras just do not matter in such issues.

As you are admittedly a Thenkalai Iyengar get the girl the samasrayanam (pancha samskaram) done before marriage to help her become a vaishnava. Some consolation that will be. Being a vaishnava you do not have to worry about your pithr karmas as they are done for your own shreyas only.

Now decide for yourself. Best wishes.

 

[renuka]

As it is TB guys are not getting matches.

Have you guys noted the age of TB males that are looking for brides even in this forum? All are 40 years and above.

A human has biological needs too and eventually one might age and have no spouse to care for us.

If this girl is willing to adapt and has an idea of what she could be getting into..then I guess he should marry her.

After all for a Brahmin male every type of marriage is considered an Anuloma since a Brahmin sits on top of the food chain according to the common understanding.

 

[renuka]

Hi Satyarajan,

If I were in your position, i would think and act this way:

1. I will carefully weigh how far I have gone in my intimacy with this girl. If I have gone too far to return, I would just marry her and try to forget my brahmin roots. That would be more like a man.

2. If it is just a budding affair, I would listen to my parents and give up this relationship. This would remain just a flirtation in my memoriees.

3. Going a little objective, I would certainly consider the impact of my decision on the girl. If she is going to take it seriously and feel let down or devastated, I would just marry her and try to forget my roots again.

4. If I were the only son/child of my parents I will give up the affair by carefully disengaging from the mess that I am in. I may even try to do things which will make the girl hate me with all her might. Yes I know that will be manipulation. But I do not deserve anything better.

5. If our love is such that we can not live withouteach other, I will forget all other things and marry her because I want to live and more importantly I want this girl to live a full life.

Shastras just do not matter in such issues.

Now decide for yourself. Best wishes.

Why does one need to forgets ones roots?

He does not have too cos genetic studies show that even Brahmins in South India have genetic similarity to a certain extent to the other communities.

That shows intercaste marriage in the past...actually one does not need to dwell too much into DNA..a good mirror will give us an answer that Brahmins from North do not look anything like Brahmins from TN(exceptions are there though..just like any other community).

Brahmins in each state look somewhat like their general population...that shows most probably the Brahmin community in each state could have taken local wives initially and later stopped the practice of intercaste marriage and the same gene pool is being recycled hence we have Brahmins in the South looking like any other South Indian.

So when Brahmins of the past did not forget their identity when they intermarried with other caste..why should a Brahmin in the present forget his identity if he marries out of his caste?

 

[Vaagmi]

Why does one need to forgets ones roots?

He does not have too cos genetic studies show that even Brahmins in South India have genetic similarity to a certain extent to the other communities.

That shows intercaste marriage in the past...actually one does not need to dwell too much into DNA..a good mirror will give us an answer that Brahmins from North do not look anything like Brahmins from TN(exceptions are there though..just like any other community).

Brahmins in each state look somewhat like their general population...that shows most probably the Brahmin community in each state could have taken local wives initially and later stopped the practice of intercaste marriage and the same gene pool is being recycled hence we have Brahmins in the South looking like any other South Indian.

So when Brahmins of the past did not forget their identity when they intermarried with other caste..why should a Brahmin in the present forget his identity if he marries out of his caste?

Please refer to " Not By Genes Alone" by Robert Boyd and Stevenson of UCLA School of Anthropology.

 

[renuka]

Please refer to " Not By Genes Alone" by Robert Boyd and Stevenson of UCLA School of Anthropology.

That is not as good as the Vaagmi Gene theory!LOL

BTW even a gene admixture of South Brahmins did not really make them lesser in anyway..why all the fuss?

In fact...its mostly South Brahmins who are well versed in culture,religion,tradition compared to North Brahmins.

Most North Brahmins in metros do not know much about religion/culture/tradition etc as compared to a TB male in TN.

So if genes alone is important as in Vaagmi gene theory...and if you are afraid if gene admixture with NB gene will make a Brahmin gene lose it values...so are you to say that the Brahmin gene is recessive and the NB gene is dominant?

Only a recessive gene would lose out and get diluted..can you explain?

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Most of the other community boys say that Just a call to a brahmin girl is enough for her to come and sleep with them. Do you want to further degrade our community to low, low level.

Is the comment made due to frustration or a real one? What about other community girls? Are they sleeping with boys of other religions, after a night's hard work?

 

[krish44]

Hi Satyarajan
It is your life.
In brahmin community if you look forward to a match by the family , you will waste the next decade of your life looking for a girl for marriage.

Take what you have and like

The community acts differently in different places of the world.

Farther you go away from tamilnadu, more liberal it gets.

The rituals also get moderated to take care of the local thinking and needs of brahmins.

This dilution is its inner strength.

It is a big world . There are always places where one can be happy with exercising ones choices.

Who is bothered about the wisdom of those who are spent forces.?

 

[Vaagmi]

That is not as good as the Vaagmi Gene theory!LOL

BTW even a gene admixture of South Brahmins did not really make them lesser in anyway..why all the fuss?

In fact...its mostly South Brahmins who are well versed in culture,religion,tradition compared to North Brahmins.

Most North Brahmins in metros do not know much about religion/culture/tradition etc as compared to a TB male in TN.

So if genes alone is important as in Vaagmi gene theory...and if you are afraid if gene admixture with NB gene will make a Brahmin gene lose it values...so are you to say that the Brahmin gene is recessive and the NB gene is dominant?

Only a recessive gene would lose out and get diluted..can you explain?

You are transacting in the mendelian currency while I have offered Rob Boydian curency. I am not talking about what is happening bet ween genes. I am referring to what is happening to the genes in an environment which transcends the physical barriers somehow.

North Indian Brahmins are different because of the "vada merkup paruvakkaatru" that blew acros the Khyber Pass and what happened to the genes there is physical.

Think about it again.

 

[kameshratnam]

Hello All,
I Am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl. I have tried to convince my parents for the past one year, but still didn't succeed. I can't live without my parents and her . We wish to marry with our parents' blessings. My parents are constantly saying a point that Shastras say that a brahmin boy can not marry a non-brahmin girl and I will not be allowed to do my parents thithi in future.
So please, could anyone show me any references of veda shastras on whether a Brahmin boy can actually marry a non-brahmin girl. If I marry, will I be able to do thithi and shrartha in the future.

Thanks in advance.

I was told by an iyengar friend that any one can become an iyengar. You have the procedure of samasharayanam and baranyasam and hence you can have the girl do it and get her into the iyengar fold. There should be no issue at all

 

[Raji Ram]

I was told by an iyengar friend that any one can become an iyengar. You have the procedure of samasharayanam and baranyasam and hence you can have the girl do it and get her into the iyengar fold. There should be no issue at all

:clap2: Then there is no need to worry about slide in tambrahm numbers.

I think Iyers should also have such methods to increase the number of Iyer girls!! :grouphug:

P.S: Pay the right sAstrigaL in the right way to get things done!

 

[kameshratnam]

:clap2: Then there is no need to worry about slide in tambrahm numbers.

I think Iyers should also have such methods to increase the number of Iyer girls!! :grouphug:

P.S: Pay the right sAstrigaL in the right way to get things done!

Iyers sadly dont have any such methods to increase the tambrahm numbers

The method suggested is applicable only to Iyengars and the getting into the fold can be done only acharyans/ jeeyars and not by sastrigals..in case this bhattars.. BTW i was told thenkalai does not have baranyasayam..