I am a Thengalai Iyengar, loving a non-brahmin girl

[Vaagmi]

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I gave you a true story - remember - the folly of the grandpa resulted only in a Keloid and boy had to consult a plastic surgeon ! I doubt if it made him a vaisnava!!

I do not remember. Please give the link or do a copy paste.

 

[Vaagmi]

Other information which he has given me

1. Baranyasayam is the only way to moksha
2. There is no other god other than Sriman narayanan
3. After baranyasayam i am guaranteed moksha. I can live in anyway. i can smoke , consume alcohol ..still i will get moksha

Those who follow jesus Christ also say the same philosophy

Other things which i say in him
1. Total direspect for thenkalai since he is vadakalai

Please present all this to your Acharya (whoever he may be -sringeri or Kanchi-and ask him whether this represents vaishnavism. To your acharya because you will be comfortable with him and would accept his views. Then please inform us here his answer. I will give my views then.

 

[zebra16]

Other information which he has given me

1. Baranyasayam is the only way to moksha
2. There is no other god other than Sriman narayanan
3. After baranyasayam i am guaranteed moksha. I can live in anyway. i can smoke , consume alcohol ..still i will get moksha

Those who follow jesus Christ also say the same philosophy

Other things which i say in him
1. Total direspect for thenkalai since he is vadakalai

Do you think what your friend said could be true? Have you come across any religious scripture which supports the supposed utterances of your friend?

What is the purpose of posting these bizarre unsubstantiated one-man opinion stuffs in the forum? Do you wish to just rile up other members?

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

I do not remember. Please give the link or do a copy paste.

i am giving a summary Original if i can dig it out I will give the link

My good Iyengar friend has an Iyer D in Law She is in US She wanted to name her son Shankar Naryanan - fusion of Iyer and Iyengar sentiments But this man had his way and the boy was named Prahalad thinking he will stick to Naryanana! When she was here for a holidy some time back he arranged for a samsrayanam - spoiling all her plans to visit different places in India in 3 weeks His elder brother a retired professor of Chemistry of MK university acted as the Acharya calling and priding as Swayam Acharyas! The reult of that சூடு - a huge Keloid! They boy was rushed to a doctor for first aid and is under the care of a plastic surgeon in US He is upset over the scar and scared of vaishnava rituals !

 

[tks]

This will make any girl leave.

If a man would ever try to experiment his feelings...I know I would surely leave.

Becos feelings are not an experiment.

In fact if I were the girl I would ask "in that 3 months..are we allowed to see other people to keep options open in case you decide to break off..at least I wouldn't have wasted my time on a person who is unsure..and who knows I would find a better person than you and be married in that 3 months time frame"

Has anyone considered the girls feelings here?

That she should wait 3 months for a testing period?

For people who are in love..staying away even for 3 minutes would feel like 3 years.

If a man tells a girl that he has to go work abroad and wait for him for 3 years that is still OK cos he is sure of his feelings and would be in contact with her.

But if a person wants to not be in contact for 3 months just to test if he really loves a girl..that shows he is doubting his feelings.

The moment doubt arises..its always better to part ways and marry another person who is sure of his feelings.

A man seldom needs the backup family support in marriage like a girl does.

So he should be bold enough to make decisions if he decided to fall in love.

This is called Integrity.

Integrity means : the quality of being honest and fair. : the state of being complete or whole.
The usage of this word does not apply here.

A feeling of infatuation can appear delusionally as love. Those immersed in Bollywood movies cannot understand this difference.

If during a period of separation of short time, their love cannot remain intact then it is infatuation. Best to not upset the families involved. If at the end of the period the feelings remain then there may be genuine feelings.

The girl does not have to feel a victim and need not agree. She can choose to leave in which case he is better off knowing that now.

My sense from the description in the OP is that this person may be genuinely in love with her in which case a deliberate separation will only help strengthen their resolve to be married.

 

[tks]

Other information which he has given me

1. Baranyasayam is the only way to moksha
2. There is no other god other than Sriman narayanan
3. After baranyasayam i am guaranteed moksha. I can live in anyway. i can smoke , consume alcohol ..still i will get moksha

Those who follow jesus Christ also say the same philosophy

Other things which i say in him
1. Total direspect for thenkalai since he is vadakalai

This comes across as an attempt to put down Iyengars (item 3 above) or promote Christianity . Kalai discussion like the stated comment above is banned in the forum as well.

 

[Vaagmi]

i am giving a summary Original if i can dig it out I will give the link

My good Iyengar friend has an Iyer D in Law She is in US She wanted to name her son Shankar Naryanan - fusion of Iyer and Iyengar sentiments But this man had his way and the boy was named Prahalad thinking he will stick to Naryanana! When she was here for a holidy some time back he arranged for a samsrayanam - spoiling all her plans to visit different places in India in 3 weeks His elder brother a retired professor of Chemistry of MK university acted as the Acharya calling and priding as Swayam Acharyas! The reult of that சூடு - a huge Keloid! They boy was rushed to a doctor for first aid and is under the care of a plastic surgeon in US He is upset over the scar and scared of vaishnava rituals !

This is unnecessary mocking at a vaishnava ritual.

Periyazhwar said in his Thiruppallandu:

தீயிற்பொலிகின்ற செஞ்சுடராழி திகழ்திருச்சக்கரத்தின்
கோயிற்பொறியாலேயொற்றுண்டு நின்று குடிகுடியாட்செய்கின்றோம்
மாயப்பொருபடை வாணனை ஆயிரந்தோளும் பொழிகுருதி
பாயச் சுழற்றியவாழி வல்லானுக்கு பல்லாண்டு கூறுதுமே.

பெரியாழ்வார் lived centuries back. So it is not as if some over enthusiastic periyappa did a meaningless hurting job of a ritual to his unsuspecting child. It is a ritual which has a profound underlying meaning as Periyazhwar said and the periyappaa was perhaps aware of this. And the boy developing complications later could be just an unfortunate development.

And, did you celebrate the ear piercing ceremony of your daughter/grand daughter/son/grand son or not? If yes, this branding with a hot piece of shanku and chakra is also such a simple ceremony. The intentions are noble and the pain is insignificant compared to the intentions and benefits.

And my doctor friend tells me that ear piercing can result in a keloid in the case of some individuals. Did you know that when you celebrated the earpiercing ceremony of your grand daughter?

For those who are looking for such accidents with ulterior motives there will be plenty of opportunities.

We, Iyengars, just do not bother about such mocking idiots.

We get the samasrayanam done knowing fully well that there will be this "branding" as part of the ritual. We understand the meaning behind it.

Someone with a "brilliant mind" once said that the poonool is just a convenience to scratch the inaccessible back of a person.

Now someone else is competing with that mind to tell us that samasrayanam is the easiest way to get a keloid.

We just laugh and get along.

LOL.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

We, Iyengars, just do not bother about such mocking idiots

We get the samasrayanam done knowing fully well that there will be this "branding" as part of the ritual. We understand the meaning behind it. Ref;#57

Once bitten twice shy - well the boy and his parents have a differnt understanding ! are scared like Tenalis cat! though Tenali is intelligent I must agree!

A long time ago, king Krishna Deva Raya had a very wise minister in his court by the name of Tenali Raman. Once, the kingdom faced a major problem of rats. Rats had multiplied to a very large number and were creating a lot of destruction. They were nibbling through important papers, clothes, grains in food stores, etc. There were not many cats in the kingdom to catch all the rats. So, the king asked all the houses in the kingdom to keep one cat each. But cats feed on milk and not every house owned a cow to get the milk. So, the king also gave cows to every house. The people were happy and brought up the cows and the cats. They used to give a lot of milk to their cats.But Tenali Raman was a lazy fellow and he was also very fond of drinking milk. He wanted to keep the milk from the cow for himself. So, he thought of a clever trick. He boiled the milk and poured it in a pan. Then, he put this pan in front of the cat. As soon as the cat touched the boiling hot milk with its tongue, its tongue got burned and it ran away at once. Tenali repeated the same thing the next day and again the day after that. After a few days like that, the cat refused to touch the milk that was offered to it for fear of getting its mouth burned. In this way, Tenali got to drink all the milk himself.
One day, the king ordered for all the cats to be brought before him for inspection. While everyone else’s cats were fat and healthy, Tenali’s cat looked thin and weak. The king was very angry with Tenali for not taking proper care of the cat. But Tenali pleaded, “Your Majesty, I cannot help it. My cat does not drink any milk at all.” The king said, “Nonsense, I will put you in prison for telling a lie.” Tenali requested the king to give him a chance to prove it and the king agreed.
So, Tenali brought his cat and the pan of milk in front of the king. He offered milk to the cat. But on seeing the pan of milk, the cat ran away, frightened. The king was surprised at this but he let Tenali go. Tenali lived happily, enjoying lots of milk by himself.

 

[Raji Ram]

OMG! Every thread becomes a fighting arena. :boink:

Now..... I have a honest doubt.

When a boy (man!) pays no heed to what his parents say, how can he listen to what the forum members, unknown to him, say?

Obviously, he wants ONLY his solution, from at least a few of our members - for his own satisfaction.

The funny part is that we are never tired of answering to such queries!!

Also, such threads get momentum and five stars so soon! :lol:

 

[Vaagmi]

OMG! Every thread becomes a fighting arena. :boink:

Now..... I have a honest doubt.

When a boy (man!) pays no heed to what his parents say, how can he listen to what the forum members, unknown to him, say?

Obviously, he wants ONLY his solution, from at least a few of our members - for his own satisfaction.

The funny part is that we are never tired of answering to such queries!!

Also, such threads get momentum and five stars so soon! :lol:

There are addicts of various kinds.

There is an addict who waits in a queue along with other many such addicts to just get a sting of a wasp on his tongue by paying a 100 USD in the ghettos of Newyork. He gets his high for that day from that one sting. That is the kind of craving. If he does not get it (he calls it his fix) he spends a miserable day.

As you said elsewhere we too have addicts here. LOL.

 

[Vaagmi]

We, Iyengars, just do not bother about such mocking idiots

We get the samasrayanam done knowing fully well that there will be this "branding" as part of the ritual. We understand the meaning behind it. Ref;#57

Once bitten twice shy - well the boy and his parents have a differnt understanding ! are scared like Tenalis cat! though Tenali is intelligent I must agree!

A long time ago, king Krishna Deva Raya had a very wise minister in his court by the name of Tenali Raman. Once, the kingdom faced a major problem of rats. Rats had multiplied to a very large number and were creating a lot of destruction. They were nibbling through important papers, clothes, grains in food stores, etc. There were not many cats in the kingdom to catch all the rats. So, the king asked all the houses in the kingdom to keep one cat each. But cats feed on milk and not every house owned a cow to get the milk. So, the king also gave cows to every house. The people were happy and brought up the cows and the cats. They used to give a lot of milk to their cats.But Tenali Raman was a lazy fellow and he was also very fond of drinking milk. He wanted to keep the milk from the cow for himself. So, he thought of a clever trick. He boiled the milk and poured it in a pan. Then, he put this pan in front of the cat. As soon as the cat touched the boiling hot milk with its tongue, its tongue got burned and it ran away at once. Tenali repeated the same thing the next day and again the day after that. After a few days like that, the cat refused to touch the milk that was offered to it for fear of getting its mouth burned. In this way, Tenali got to drink all the milk himself.
One day, the king ordered for all the cats to be brought before him for inspection. While everyone else’s cats were fat and healthy, Tenali’s cat looked thin and weak. The king was very angry with Tenali for not taking proper care of the cat. But Tenali pleaded, “Your Majesty, I cannot help it. My cat does not drink any milk at all.” The king said, “Nonsense, I will put you in prison for telling a lie.” Tenali requested the king to give him a chance to prove it and the king agreed.
So, Tenali brought his cat and the pan of milk in front of the king. He offered milk to the cat. But on seeing the pan of milk, the cat ran away, frightened. The king was surprised at this but he let Tenali go. Tenali lived happily, enjoying lots of milk by himself.

They can convert to Christianity and they will be rewarded with a piece of bread and a peg of wine - the blood and flesh of the Saviour. No pain and no Keloid all sweet and sumptuous. Only they would have become cannibals by construct.

 

[elysium]

I have read through this thread.
I note that some family friends are in a similar situation.

However, I note that there is no scriptural references at all; could someone come back to the original question.
It is all well and good to offer your own opinion - but frankly Shastra is the final authority.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Please present all this to your Acharya (whoever he may be -sringeri or Kanchi-and ask him whether this represents vaishnavism. To your acharya because you will be comfortable with him and would accept his views. Then please inform us here his answer. I will give my views then.

This is unnecessary mocking at a vaishnava ritual.

Periyazhwar said in his Thiruppallandu:

தீயிற்பொலிகின்ற செஞ்சுடராழி திகழ்திருச்சக்கரத்தின்
கோயிற்பொறியாலேயொற்றுண்டு நின்று குடிகுடியாட்செய்கின்றோம்
மாயப்பொருபடை வாணனை ஆயிரந்தோளும் பொழிகுருதி
பாயச் சுழற்றியவாழி வல்லானுக்கு பல்லாண்டு கூறுதுமே.

பெரியாழ்வார் lived centuries back. So it is not as if some over enthusiastic periyappa did a meaningless hurting job of a ritual to his unsuspecting child. It is a ritual which has a profound underlying meaning as Periyazhwar said and the periyappaa was perhaps aware of this. And the boy developing complications later could be just an unfortunate development.

And, did you celebrate the ear piercing ceremony of your daughter/grand daughter/son/grand son or not? If yes, this branding with a hot piece of shanku and chakra is also such a simple ceremony. The intentions are noble and the pain is insignificant compared to the intentions and benefits.

And my doctor friend tells me that ear piercing can result in a keloid in the case of some individuals. Did you know that when you celebrated the earpiercing ceremony of your grand daughter?

For those who are looking for such accidents with ulterior motives there will be plenty of opportunities.

We, Iyengars, just do not bother about such mocking idiots.

We get the samasrayanam done knowing fully well that there will be this "branding" as part of the ritual. We understand the meaning behind it.

Someone with a "brilliant mind" once said that the poonool is just a convenience to scratch the inaccessible back of a person.

Now someone else is competing with that mind to tell us that samasrayanam is the easiest way to get a keloid.

We just laugh and get along.

LOL.

Thenali could frighten the பூனை - Now he behaves like a கண்ணை மூடிக்காெ ண்ட பூனை Not seeing the realities Tenalis பூனை are scared! The will keep away from Milk even if sweetened or flavoured by Periyalwar They see "பேய்" or "பூதம்" They will runaway from Vaishnava Tenalis! Amul not to the taste of Tenalis பூனைi! I am the சாஷ்ஷி பூதம்!!

 

[Vaagmi]

Thenali could frighten the பூனை - Now he behaves like a கண்ணை மூடிக்காெ ண்ட பூனை Not seeing the realities Tenalis பூனை are scared! The will keep away from Milk even if sweetened or flavoured by Periyalwar They see "பேய்" or "பூதம்" They will runaway from Vaishnava Tenalis! Amul not to the taste of Tenalis பூனைi! I am the சாஷ்ஷி பூதம்!!

read post #61 for reply.

the sAkshibhooth appears to be reading selectively. At this rate we may have to strip the sAkshi and call it just a bhooth. LOL

 

[asadu]

IMO, Vedam is the CONSTITUTION, Shashtra are the Laws, Manu Neethi is the rules and regulations and guidlines laid down there under based on the constituion.

For a Straight answer to your question, NO, you can not marry a girl from another caste. But on the other hand the same constitution and the related laws etc say that, you can convert a girl from another faith in to your faith by someone accepting her as Adopted daughter and then once she becomes your faith follower, you can marry her. This is what the shashtras and manu neethi and the guidance says which the vadhyars practice.

 

[tbs]

hi
this thread finally get closed without any REAL solution......it will reach highest kalai/cast based fighting without ending...

then i think.....finally the gal will say....நான் உங்களை அண்ணன் மாதிரி நெனசுகுங்கோ...எனக்கு US மாப்பிளை பார்த்தாச்சு....தெரியாத பையனோட

தெரியாத ஊருக்கு கல்யாணம் பண்ணி போறேன்....sorry செல்லம்...here we fight unneccessarily....

 

[sathyaarajan]

Thank you all for the overwhelming response

Thank you all for the overwhelming response..

Felt very satisfied and thankful for some of the responses I got. But I feel the thread is heading in a wrong direction in some ways.
I have no plans of leaving this girl or experimenting with our feelings. If I do, then that will be the biggest mistake or sin that I do and my life will never be peaceful. I cannot live without her and my parents and she too feels the same. And we are never going to back down and run away to marry on our own. We are fully aware of the duties which we have as a son & daughter for our parents and are ready to do anything for them, except leaving each other.
Our love is not based on infatuation, sexual desire, physical appearance, money, background, etc, etc and that is what a true love is. It's something beyond all these, it's a feeling that I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. So we do not want to waste our thoughts about these issues.

When I try to convince my parents, all I get as a reply is I will not be allowed to do last rites or shrardham if do a intercaste marriage. I am so helpless and hurt on this, as I do not know any able person to consult and know about this.
Keeping these all in mind, I have asked for your suggestions on references or possibilities of intercaste marriages, so that I can make this marriage possible with my parents' blessings. After all, we are ready to undergo these many struggles just for the love we have on each other and our parents.

Thanks in advance.

PS
As a matured and responsible person I would like to avoid giving attention to some of the malicious responses like B/NB gals sleeping with other boys, NB family asking their girls to catch Brahmin boys, I have a sexual urge after seeing other gals, ets. Though I am deeply hurt on seeing, I don't wanna argue on those and misdirect the thread and dilute the responses. Hope you all understand.

 

[krish44]

TBSgaru
This boy has reached out to the wrong forum for a solution.

Probably this shows his poor judgement.

He does not deserve to marry a NB girl IMHO.

He cannot carry both his parents and the girl.

Both will only suffer due to his actions.

 

[renuka]

Integrity means : the quality of being honest and fair. : the state of being complete or whole.
The usage of this word does not apply here.

A feeling of infatuation can appear delusionally as love. Those immersed in Bollywood movies cannot understand this difference.

If during a period of separation of short time, their love cannot remain intact then it is infatuation. Best to not upset the families involved. If at the end of the period the feelings remain then there may be genuine feelings.

The girl does not have to feel a victim and need not agree. She can choose to leave in which case he is better off knowing that now.

My sense from the description in the OP is that this person may be genuinely in love with her in which case a deliberate separation will only help strengthen their resolve to be married.

I used the word Integrity in the context that one should honest even in love.So the usage is still valid.

My point is if a person starts to feel love for someone and then wants to test his feelings..that means he should have just controlled his feelings and not started a relationship in the first place.

Ok lets say if a person really tries the 3 months period and these are the results:

1)Boy says he does not love her.. but the girl says she loves him .so is the girl supposed to accept his verdict?

What about her feelings? Why did he lead her on if he was not sure of himself?

2)2nd case scenario...Girl says she does not love him ..but boy says he loves her .
Is he supposed to accept her verdict ..why did she lead him on if she was not sure of her feelings?

So this 3 months period is never going to solve any problems if the results do not match.


BTW I also wonder..when people in India very well know that everyone is so caste conscious..why cant they either starts a relationship with their own caste person or stick to an arranged marriage?

Being in Love is only for the brave..if one has no guts..dont try love.

BTW infatuation is also part and parcel of dynamics of love.

Love alone wont make a human procreate...one needs the extra rush of blood fueled by infatuation.

Infatuation does not end ever...Love between husband and wife is termed Moha and not Deiviga Kadhal.

 

[krish44]

Renukaji
Words of wisdom.

Family Arranged love marriage is best.

Let parents filter first and reduce to acceptable ones.

Then boys and girls can decide which one could excite them to even love them and get into a relationship.

Love is only a tap to be turned on and off at will of either.

Have a short listed three and bat thrice and score a six with one.

This is Arranged love marriage.

Very smooth game involving both gentleman boys and suave girls with equal oppurtunities for selection and rejection.

In the event of -unable to decide declared by both , parents can toss a coin and decide.

 

[tks]

I used the word Integrity in the context that one should honest even in love.So the usage is still valid.

My point is if a person starts to feel love for someone and then wants to test his feelings..that means he should have just controlled his feelings and not started a relationship in the first place.

Ok lets say if a person really tries the 3 months period and these are the results:

1)Boy says he does not love her.. but the girl says she loves him .so is the girl supposed to accept his verdict?

What about her feelings? Why did he lead her on if he was not sure of himself?

2)2nd case scenario...Girl says she does not love him ..but boy says he loves her .
Is he supposed to accept her verdict ..why did she lead him on if she was not sure of her feelings?

So this 3 months period is never going to solve any problems if the results do not match.


BTW I also wonder..when people in India very well know that everyone is so caste conscious..why cant they either starts a relationship with their own caste person or stick to an arranged marriage?

Being in Love is only for the brave..if one has no guts..dont try love.

BTW infatuation is also part and parcel of dynamics of love.

Love alone wont make a human procreate...one needs the extra rush of blood fueled by infatuation.

Infatuation does not end ever...Love between husband and wife is termed Moha and not Deiviga Kadhal.

The situation as described in the OP does not say the person or the girl lacks honesty or integrity.
The issue as described is that this person has been trying for a year to convince his parents. This girl and this boy is putting up with this it seems.


If the world is simple then things will act according to what anyone wills - so hypothetical suggestions that are not applicable cannot be addressed here (like why did he not find someone within his caste).

When he decided to go ahead and get involved he knew that his parents are not going to accept the situation (at least initially). The girl knows that too.

People do not know what their feelings are about. Infatuation with love is fine, but infatuation alone is short lived which is not a good reason to cause misery to his parents who are set in their beliefs.

If trial separation causes one to leave, that is a good thing because it forced a decision. My guess and only a guess is that this 'love' cannot withstand any issues downstream.

In love and war nothing is fair! Anyone can break it off and happens all the time even after one is married.

The thing to do is to ensure the love is truly strong. Mere words are not enough. Usually test separation can show if it is a lasting friendship (and love and not mere infatuation). They both want his parents to be not unhappy if that is workable.

There is no issue of integrity here if all this is talked about openly.

Integrity means a person takes into account the 'whole' which includes the love for his parents as well. His post shows he cares about his parents.
Willingness to work out across all interest is a sign of strength. Only in Bollywood movies there is this image about love for which a hero will give up everything!

I have nothing more to say on this

 

[sravna]

My views on infatuation and love is this. If a person really loves another he knows it and I think there is no need for a trial period but for a person with infatuation the trial period would prove to him that he is not really in love. So both TKS Ji and Renuka are right.

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

Please present all this to your Acharya (whoever he may be -sringeri or Kanchi-and ask him whether this represents vaishnavism. To your acharya because you will be comfortable with him and would accept his views. Then please inform us here his answer. I will give my views then.

Ask Kanchi or Srigeri about vaishnavisam? Why not Gulaham Kader? Gokulashtami & Ghulam khader story - If its Janmashtami all over Janmabhoomi for Tenali it not Ashtami but Rohini ! Tenalis are confused lot! take Krishnas advise!
(Confused!!! Krishna will be smiling at his birthday celebrations, all these calendars and confusion created by it. Krishna in Bhagavad Gita asks to rise above time, birth and death.)

 

[Janaki Jambunathan]

read post #61 for reply.

the sAkshibhooth appears to be reading selectively. At this rate we may have to strip the sAkshi and call it just a bhooth. LOL

When Draupathi was stripped there was one Sakshi Bootham - Yes you can strip the sakshi and call it it booth only if you feel like!

 

[renuka]

My views on infatuation and love is this. If a person really loves another he knows it and I think there is no need for a trial period but for a person with infatuation the trial period would prove to him that he is not really in love. So both TKS Ji and Renuka are right.

Dear Sravna,

Love is a term used to denote all forms of attachment.

Actually what we humans call love is a very personalized form of attachment.

Even the often over rated Mother's Love is nothing but extreme attachment for a living being that came out from her body.

In the real sense Love is not a well understood term.

Attachment only happens when we "know" an individual for at least a minimum amount of time.

Even when a mother gives birth to a baby it takes a few hours for her to start feeling for the child..a process called bonding.

We need to get to know and recognize anyone before attachment sets in.

Attachment is a form of Mamaiva..the feeling of MINE.

The child is mine..therefore I love him/her..blood is thicker than water for most humans purely becos of attachment and nothing else.

Infatuation too is early stages of attachment..it can lead to deeper bonds in the course of time.

Technically all of us are infatuated with the world and almost all of us get deluded in that process.

If one has to isolate himself or herself for 3 months to differentiate infatuation from so called Love(which I call deep attachment)..where will a human hide for a few months or years to know if he/she is infatuated with the world?

There is no where to run and hide..we have to face our infatuation,attachment and also trials and tribulation.

An out of sight out of mind scenario will not give any answers and neither will it make us see clearly.

It would only cause anxiety and depression!

So same here...the couple need to face their fears and decide..not run and hide for 3 months.

Parents too have to learn to see things from their child's point of view cos parents are not going to live forever.

There is no need to run and hide if we learn to be in the world but not let the world be in us.