Empowerment of our boys - Need of the hour

[RVR]

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In the recent past, particularly after liberalization started in India in 1991, we see lot of opportunities every where.

Our community as a whole has grabbed these opportunities to a large extent.

Most of our community members have abandoned their native villages and migrated to cities and foreign countries in this period in large numbers.

Mandal commission implementation on reservations both in education and employment have not affected us to a great extent.

Our community students are not at all aspiring for Medical profession. Lot of private colleges has emerged and getting admission to an engineering college through Government admission procedure is not at all difficult. Educational loans are available without any collateral security.

Our community people deliberately avoid Government and public sector jobs now. Information Technology, BPO, Call centers pay much higher than Government and public sectors. Opportunity to grow also seems to be very high with plenty of chances to migrate to developing countries.

Most of our community people have gone for one or two children in the last few decades. It has helped them to spend more money on education and empowerment of the children. Gender discrimination has also stopped to a great extent.

Personally I feel that our girls have grabbed the opportunities much better than our boys. I may be wrong in my assumption but simple statistics in and around my residential area has made me to assume like this.

However I earnestly feel a section of our boys lose focus in the prime period of 15 years to say 20 or 25 and then feel very bad about it. They become more matured after that and help the family very much.

In this period girls concentrate more on studies & career and get settled much faster in life.

In our Trichy NS function few parents of boys complained that girls side reject the marriage proposal if they come to know that the boy draws less salary than their daughter.

It is happening with a section of our boys only. In the case of girls, both performance and success ratio seems to be much higher.

I earnestly feel that we have to correct the situation at the earliest. May be sociologists and psychologists in our forum can suggest effective measures.

I wish this problem is discussed more elaborately and suitable corrective measures are evolved at the earliest.

Now I leave it to all of you for your views.

All the best

 

[sankara_sharmah]

Girls perform better than Boys academically in all the communities world wide. There are many reasons for that which have been analyzed in many articles.

BBC NEWS | UK | Education | Girls top of the class worldwide

BBC News | TALKING POINT | A-Levels: Why are girls outperforming boys?

This is the American scenario

http://www.cpec.ca.gov/CompleteReports/ExternalDocuments/ESO_BoysAndGirls.pdf

It is worse in India where there are more expectations of the Boys. This puts a lot of pressure on the Boys. This is true of all communities.

But at the same time the parents are more indulgent towards the Boys. குல வாரிசு, கொள்ளி வைக்கிற பிள்ளை

 

[RVR]

Sri Sankara Sharma Sir,

I understand the problem in the western world but our boys always score better than girls in competitive exams.

If you take IIT joint entrance exam, the first rank from girls side is invariably around 50 or so where as boys fill the first few ranks every year.

Our boys are really brilliant and I don't have any doubt over it. But at the same time they get diverted to unwanted things at the appropriate ages and loose focus. Same boys when they grow up further are highly disciplined and are totally dedicating themselves to the family.

Our own community boys are suppose to perform much better than other boys at the appropriate age because of the inbuilt discipline in our community. We have all come through these ages but those days TV, Internet etc were not there.

Our own community boys who are dedicated perform much better than our own community girls

May be through proper counselling at the early age of 15 plus will help them focus more on education and career.

All the best

 

[sangom]

Sri Sankara Sharma Sir,

I understand the problem in the western world but our boys always score better than girls in competitive exams.

If you take IIT joint entrance exam, the first rank from girls side is invariably around 50 or so where as boys fill the first few ranks every year.

Our boys are really brilliant and I don't have any doubt over it. But at the same time they get diverted to unwanted things at the appropriate ages and loose focus. Same boys when they grow up further are highly disciplined and are totally dedicating themselves to the family.

Our own community boys are suppose to perform much better than other boys at the appropriate age because of the inbuilt discipline in our community. We have all come through these ages but those days TV, Internet etc were not there.

Our own community boys who are dedicated perform much better than our own community girls

May be through proper counselling at the early age of 15 plus will help them focus more on education and career.

All the best

Dear RVR,

You have raised a very important aspect of our society. What I write below may be unpalatable to some people, but this is truth.

Though I am not a qualified sociologist or psychologist, I feel that the over publicity of காதல் by every type of media and more particularly cinema is one main reason. The girls also lead the boys along the garden path as a mere pastime and enjoy the outings, ice creams, movies and what not, at the cost of the boys. In this phase, some of the boys lose their focus on studies and they get marginalized. At the same time, if a boy does not take part in such 'activities' he is subjected to a sort of ragging by his own male colleagues as also the females and brand him "ammanji-type".

The parental and societal control over children is now extremely weak and, in some cases, parents of girls are even afraid to advise and correct their daughters lest the girls attempt suicide for harassment and leave a note blaming their parents for it.

My friend's wife who had a very good practice as a gynec in Chennai city some years ago once told us that the number of TB girls coming with their friend -not parents - for illegal abortion was increasing, (she said many hospitals in Chennai performed this for a hefty fee with no records kept) and since they can go home after a few hours and reach home without raising any suspicion of the elders, and then take one or two days' rest under some pretext or the other, the parents do not come to know at all unless there is some complication later. We should understand how close the boy-girl friendships in High school and more particularly the college level, is now imitating the Western culture. My friend said he would therefore not insist on his sons marrying girls from India only!

It is this attractive stage which some boys are unable to tide over without harm to their academic career.

Other than this there are, of course, cases of boys who do not have academic inclination and score poorly in school and pre-degree level that professional studies become impossible unless they are able to pay huge capitation fees. Some of these boys may, in future, shine as businessmen, but unfortunately our TB community and more particularly our girls don't want a business person; they have in their minds metro cities, IT boy and all that goes with it. Additionally, the boy in the business line lives, more often than not, with his parents and other family members which also is a disincentive for girls.

So, the first thing is to educate our boys properly during their adolescence. They should be made aware of the current realities of life and the need for their putting up a false facade in college or hostel, and not to confuse it with real life. Very seldom does a girl require such advice; they have the discretion naturally.

 

[suraju06]

To be aggressive and to be exploring is natural to boys because they suffer most the tyranny of body chemicals.Men are from the Mars and women are from the Venus. Only saathvik values can save them from drifting. Here comes the parent's contribution. Unfortunately for many parents there is no time for a meaningful dialogue with their children in the midst of their pursuit of their own material goals. There are indeed exceptions to this general deterioration and in all such instances the lucky boys have turned out to be balanced individuals.

 

[Somayaji.S]

Sangom:-(quote)"Chennai city some years ago once told us that the number of TB girls coming with their friend -not parents - for illegal abortion was increasing, (she said many hospitals in Chennai performed this for a hefty fee with no records kept)" . We should understand how close the boy-girl friendships in High school and more particularly the college level, is now imitating the Western culture. (en-quote)

During my last visit (2009)to Chennai,I observed a large number of boys and girls were flurting near the "Madhya Kailash Temple", even after 8.00p.m -the junction for CPT, Tidal park,I.T corridor road(old Mahabalipuram road) etc.I have Not seen this much of flurting during my earlier visit(2000) But I found that they were from all the Castes,not only TBs.

In Western culture they are trying to overcome the problem of "Child Pregnancy"--& "un-warranted abortions" by proper "Professional councelling"--even when the girls are around 11-12 years old "Education on sexual relationship" is given to them by "Professionals"and the pros & cons of sexual relationship is explained to them elaborately.I do not say the "Flurting" has completely stopped,but there is a percetible redduction over period of 10 years.Churches also play a great-open- role in preventing "Abortions",through all kinds of Media,inspite heavy mockery by the so-called Atheists.Religion has good influence with Western ladies.(Moms)---our Religion shows an indifferent attitude(Doctrine of KARMA) in this matter.Parents should give "appropriate,Professional sexual Education"(pros & cons) to both adolescent boys and girls.Religious leaders also should shed off their indifference and advice adolescents.They should Not think these are mundane matters and they should talk all the timeonly Brahmam,rituals and Puranaas.

 

[RVR]

The old Mahabalipuram Road, (Popularly known as Information Technology corridor) is full of software professionals and whatever is written here is happening regularly.

However our focus must be on adolescent boys may be 15 to 20 plus years where education and career must be the important goal in one's life.

Those boys who concentrate fully on education, cracks toughest exams on earth like IIT JEE, AIEEE etc and prosper well later in life. Similar age group girls are no match to them when it comes to performance.

But a section of boys loose concentration and focus during this period. At a later stage they realize their mistake but very few people are able to correct things and prosper. Others are lagging behind throughout their rest of their life.

We have to concentrate on boys at adolescent stage and do some thing to bring them up in life.

All the best

 

[sangom]

Sangom:-(quote)"Chennai city some years ago once told us that the number of TB girls coming with their friend -not parents - for illegal abortion was increasing, (she said many hospitals in Chennai performed this for a hefty fee with no records kept)" . We should understand how close the boy-girl friendships in High school and more particularly the college level, is now imitating the Western culture. (en-quote)

During my last visit (2009)to Chennai,I observed a large number of boys and girls were flurting near the "Madhya Kailash Temple", even after 8.00p.m -the junction for CPT, Tidal park,I.T corridor road(old Mahabalipuram road) etc.I have Not seen this much of flurting during my earlier visit(2000) But I found that they were from all the Castes,not only TBs.

In Western culture they are trying to overcome the problem of "Child Pregnancy"--& "un-warranted abortions" by proper "Professional councelling"--even when the girls are around 11-12 years old "Education on sexual relationship" is given to them by "Professionals"and the pros & cons of sexual relationship is explained to them elaborately.I do not say the "Flurting" has completely stopped,but there is a percetible redduction over period of 10 years.Churches also play a great-open- role in preventing "Abortions",through all kinds of Media,inspite heavy mockery by the so-called Atheists.Religion has good influence with Western ladies.(Moms)---our Religion shows an indifferent attitude(Doctrine of KARMA) in this matter.Parents should give "appropriate,Professional sexual Education"(pros & cons) to both adolescent boys and girls.Religious leaders also should shed off their indifference and advice adolescents.They should Not think these are mundane matters and they should talk all the timeonly Brahmam,rituals and Puranaas.

Dear Somaya,

I did not express clearly what my friend's wife (both TBs) said. According to her the number of TB girls was insignificant some years before but had been increasing; not that other castes were not there. As you can well imagine, our talks were more about what was happening to our youngsters and I said that, according to my son who is in the US, our boys who migrate there prefer marrying girls born and brought up here in India to TB girls who grow up there. Her comments were in that context. Hope now I have clarified the position.

I don't know about the present generation parents, but people of my generation were under the impression that it was not desirable to discuss sex, love and related matters with our children as if we were their friends. However we were always ready to give sufficient indications and advice in an indirect way, whenever some related topic came up for discussion in our family circle. In my case, fortunately, my sons did not lag behind in their studies though they might have had their normal share of their heart throbs and all that.

 

[RVR]

Whatever happening near Madya Kailash temple after both boys and girls joining employment is a totally different issue.

The problem is during adolescent stage i.e 15 plus to say around 21 where a boy's career is mostly decided. If they are not alert during this period, they are likely to suffer in the subsequent period of their career.

One thing which I noticed in most of the families in our own community is mother protect her son too much and hide lot of things from the father. If the boy looses concentration on studies, it may due to unwanted love affair at that age, wrong friend circle, internet, cinema, tv etc. Internet could be used for good purpose but at the same time there are lot of unwanted things available. Father invariably doesn't care about the son at that age period and feels bad about it after that. In such cases both parents are to be blamed.

I wish parents, particularly father, should have an eye on the son when comes to 9th standard or so and should watch friend circle, performance in school exams, cell phone/tv/intenet usage etc and make corrective actions then and there.

Guiding the son to proper course based on his aptitude is also very much required. I have seen parents misguiding their children by selecting wrong courses of study. Personal whims and fancies should not come in between and if the boy specializes in just one subject of his interest, he can make his career very bright.

All the best

 

[sangom]

The problem is during adolescent stage i.e 15 plus to say around 21 where a boy's career is mostly decided. If they are not alert during this period, they are likely to suffer in the subsequent period of their career.

One thing which I noticed in most of the families in our own community is mother protect her son too much and hide lot of things from the father. If the boy looses concentration on studies, it may due to unwanted love affair at that age, wrong friend circle, internet, cinema, tv etc. Internet could be used for good purpose but at the same time there are lot of unwanted things available. Father invariably doesn't care about the son at that age period and feels bad about it after that. In such cases both parents are to be blamed.

I wish parents, particularly father, should have an eye on the son when comes to 9th standard or so and should watch friend circle, performance in school exams, cell phone/tv/intenet usage etc and make corrective actions then and there.

Guiding the son to proper course based on his aptitude is also very much required. I have seen parents misguiding their children by selecting wrong courses of study. Personal whims and fancies should not come in between and if the boy specializes in just one subject of his interest, he can make his career very bright.

All the best

While some mothers try to cover up the faults and deficiencies of their sons, there are other mothers who treat their daughters as treasure and sons as second class. Whatever the mother's attitude, sons during their adolescence, seem to get an ego problem vis-a vis their father and feel that their manhood lies in questioning the wisdom and decisions of the father.

This was/is all the more so in families where the father had/has only an ordinary education like typist or mere degree and the boy gets an admission to a professional degree course either through his merit or due to the high capiatation fees somehow managed by the father. The very fact that he is studying for a higher degree than his father could get and the prospects of a very good starting salary etc. infatuates the son's mind so much that he thinks he knows more than his father does and that there is no need for father's advise. [In due course, this tendency gets very much strengthened if the son is able to pass the course and get a good placement. I was told by one friend that his son once arrogantly told him whether he -the father- had ever earned as much as his -son's- first salary, and then went on to add that since he was able to earn so well, he knew how to lead his own life, father need not advice!]

Therefore what we can say is that our young boys should become aware of all these current realities and equip themselves properly if they have to succeed in getting married at an appropriate age.

 

[Somayaji.S]

RVR:-(quote)Those boys who concentrate fully on education, cracks toughest exams on earth like IIT JEE, AIEEE etc and prosper well later in life. Similar age group girls are no match to them when it comes to performance.

There are different views among the education psychologists.here are two views one from India and the other from England:-

Rumki Gupta*
LAYMAN’s definition would consider empowerment as position of woman vis-à-vis man in
society. The term empowerment is widely used in the context of development, particularly
women’s development. Women are partner in developmental process. It has been said by various
dignitaries that in case of any big achievement by a man, contribution of the woman is well recognized.
But it is found that women are not established in the deserving places of the society. The level of
acquired education is an important pre-condition for individuals to enjoy power and achieve satisfaction
in his/her life. Opportunities to access education are not uniform to different sections of the population.
Gender bias is a major concern for unequal opportunities for acquiring education

• England
• From 1975 to 1987 an equal number of boys and girls were achieving five or more A-C passes, that is, for every 100 girls attaining this level, there were between 94 and 100 boys.
• From 1987 to 1990 there was a period of rapid change during which girls started to outperform boys in achieving the higher grades at GCSE.
• From 1990 to 1995 a new period of stability and inequality emerged, that is, for every 100 girls achieving this level of attainment, there were between 80 and 83 boys.
• The percentage of pupils achieving five or more A*-C grades at GCSE in 1995, according to gender, was 48% for girls and 39% for boys.

99% of the Psychologists attribute that the bias of parents of all Societies of the World that Girls and boys have different roles to play in the Society and hence the poor performance of the girls earlier.

2009 and 2010 Winners of Spelling bee competition (in the entire USA )are Two Indian GIRLS--Kaavya Shivshankar and Anomica Veeramani(Tamil) each pocketing U.S.$40,000(20 lakh rupees) plus other prices and perks.Parents of both the GIRLS are naturally proud of their daughters' acheivemnts.In 2010 context the youngest(8 years old) participant is Vinaya Shivshankar(sister of Kaavya)

 

[RVR]

RVR:-(quote)Those boys who concentrate fully on education, cracks toughest exams on earth like IIT JEE, AIEEE etc and prosper well later in life. Similar age group girls are no match to them when it comes to performance.

There are different views among the education psychologists.here are two views one from India and the other from England:-

Rumki Gupta*
LAYMAN’s definition would consider empowerment as position of woman vis-à-vis man in
society. The term empowerment is widely used in the context of development, particularly
women’s development. Women are partner in developmental process. It has been said by various
dignitaries that in case of any big achievement by a man, contribution of the woman is well recognized.
But it is found that women are not established in the deserving places of the society. The level of
acquired education is an important pre-condition for individuals to enjoy power and achieve satisfaction
in his/her life. Opportunities to access education are not uniform to different sections of the population.
Gender bias is a major concern for unequal opportunities for acquiring education

• England
• From 1975 to 1987 an equal number of boys and girls were achieving five or more A-C passes, that is, for every 100 girls attaining this level, there were between 94 and 100 boys.
• From 1987 to 1990 there was a period of rapid change during which girls started to outperform boys in achieving the higher grades at GCSE.
• From 1990 to 1995 a new period of stability and inequality emerged, that is, for every 100 girls achieving this level of attainment, there were between 80 and 83 boys.
• The percentage of pupils achieving five or more A*-C grades at GCSE in 1995, according to gender, was 48% for girls and 39% for boys.

99% of the Psychologists attribute that the bias of parents of all Societies of the World that Girls and boys have different roles to play in the Society and hence the poor performance of the girls earlier.

2009 and 2010 Winners of Spelling bee competition (in the entire USA )are Two Indian GIRLS--Kaavya Shivshankar and Anomica veeramani(Tamil) each pocketing U.S.$40,000(8 lakh rupees)

Indian entrance exams are much more competitive as compared to USA, UK etc.

Nearly five lakh people apply for IIT joint entrance exam for just 7000 seats.

Nearly elevan lakhs people apply for AIEEE entrance exam (NIT) for roughly 11000 seats.

Success rate is hardly 1% and with mushrooming of coaching centers, it is very difficult to manage time between regular school and entrance exam coaching.

May be sincere boys are able to manage their time much better than girls and the same is reflected in the end result. I don't have exact figures but more than 90% of the people joining IITs and NITs are boys now. However girls percentage is continuously increasing.

Competitive environment in India is probably one of the toughest in the world and western world is not at all comparable to India.

But girls in general perform much better than boys and very much above average where boys go to both extremes.

All the best

 

[sangom]

Dear RVR,

Since we are concerned mainly with the boys who have not been able to fare well and therefore get marginalized in the marriage market, I think, as a first step, we may collect relevant data of the 30+ boys attending (as also available data in r/o those who have attended) the NS functions and try to find whether an analysis of the data throws any correlation among (1) academic qualification/s, (2)income including perquisites etc., (3)location- whether staying in metro-city, town, rural area, (4) whether joint family or staying with parents or alone, and (5)whether family is orthodox (ஆசாரமான குடும்பம்) or modern in outlook. You and other members may amend this list suitably.

It will be a good start to tabulate and analyze whatever data is available from the three earlier NS functions and to collect the full data from the NS at TVPM and in future.

In my view this will give us a statistical picture of the importance of each of the factors cited above which, according to me, are crucial in present day girls approving a boy.

If you so feel we may do a similar exercise with the data in r/o the girl participants as well as a second stage.

 

[RVR]

Dear RVR,

Since we are concerned mainly with the boys who have not been able to fare well and therefore get marginalized in the marriage market, I think, as a first step, we may collect relevant data of the 30+ boys attending (as also available data in r/o those who have attended) the NS functions and try to find whether an analysis of the data throws any correlation among (1) academic qualification/s, (2)income including perquisites etc., (3)location- whether staying in metro-city, town, rural area, (4) whether joint family or staying with parents or alone, and (5)whether family is orthodox (ஆசாரமான குடும்பம்) or modern in outlook. You and other members may amend this list suitably.

It will be a good start to tabulate and analyze whatever data is available from the three earlier NS functions and to collect the full data from the NS at TVPM and in future.

In my view this will give us a statistical picture of the importance of each of the factors cited above which, according to me, are crucial in present day girls approving a boy.

If you so feel we may do a similar exercise with the data in r/o the girl participants as well as a second stage.

Excellent suggestion. We already have profiles of around 1200 boys from earlier NS and we may get another 200 or so from TVM.

We shall try to enter the data in MS Access and we shall send you a copy also.

As you suggested, we shall do a more detailed anylysis. So far we have been doing a broad analysis only.

All the best

 

[kunjuppu]

empowerment is the right word, but very skillfully needs to be managed.

too much and the boy becomes kutti chevaru. too little, and he becomes a nerd, and not necessarily a successful one at that.

the teen years are critical. judging from my own, i think, i never recovered from an overtly strict mother, the absence of contact with girls (makes you yearn for them more) and most importantly, absence of any goals or set careers in mind.

there were a few of my friends, who wanted to be doctors. it was an obsession. these succeeded very well. the others just tagged along, got into bcom or engineering as their marks afforded, immediately did mba or mtech and then found a job.

we need to do better than that. better be a first rank anthropolgist or economist than a third rate engineer. how do we as parents have the guts to promote with such a value, in this world of insecurities and uncertainties?

 

[RVR]

Kunjuppu ji,

Marks alone doesn't matter. Having a clear cut objective to reach a particular goal is very important. Some boys doesn't score very much at plus two level. Getting admission in a decent college whether Engineering or three year course is not that much difficult.

But he has to plan his career methodically and achieve it on the subsequent period.

If they loose focus on the objectives during that particular period, they cannot make it up subsequently.

Distortions are many during that adolescent period. Some times over confidence also results in damages in career.

May be same age group people can play an important role in advising appropriately. They may not listen to us but will listen to his colleagues.

It is a critical period.

All the best

 

[kunjuppu]

Kunjuppu ji,

Marks alone doesn't matter. Having a clear cut objective to reach a particular goal is very important. Some boys doesn't score very much at plus two level. Getting admission in a decent college whether Engineering or three year course is not that much difficult.

But he has to plan his career methodically and achieve it on the subsequent period.

If they loose focus on the objectives during that particular period, they cannot make it up subsequently.

Distortions are many during that adolescent period. Some times over confidence also results in damages in career.

May be same age group people can play an important role in advising appropriately. They may not listen to us but will listen to his colleagues.

It is a critical period.

All the best

right you are rvr.

many a times the parents are incapable of giving good career choice (one son engineer, one doctor, so the third must be ias or medicine... used to be the chant when i was growing up... a great way to career choice).

even when parents are capable of pointing oout the benefit of the alternatives, the children do not want to hear it.

many a times, the best advice, and one which is heeded to, comes from 3rd party. i have seen it happen in my own home.

also in these days, internet is a good source. so much detailed information on any career. just google. there is so much money in merchant shipping. i do not know why our boys shun it. there is no need to know swimming. absolutely safer than crossing mount road on any time of the day.

to build a knowledge base of careers may be cumbersome and beyond the scope of this forum. but whenever we have youngsters needing some feedback and suggestions, members are open up a new thread - ambi needs career choice help - and all of us, with the usual gusto can pitch in. say what?

 

[sangom]

Excellent suggestion. We already have profiles of around 1200 boys from earlier NS and we may get another 200 or so from TVM.

We shall try to enter the data in MS Access and we shall send you a copy also.

As you suggested, we shall do a more detailed anylysis. So far we have been doing a broad analysis only.

All the best

Of course, you will know, still, let us not put names in the list and give codes or serial numbers instead.

 

[sangom]

empowerment is the right word, but very skillfully needs to be managed.

too much and the boy becomes kutti chevaru. too little, and he becomes a nerd, and not necessarily a successful one at that.

the teen years are critical. judging from my own, i think, i never recovered from an overtly strict mother, the absence of contact with girls (makes you yearn for them more) and most importantly, absence of any goals or set careers in mind.

there were a few of my friends, who wanted to be doctors. it was an obsession. these succeeded very well. the others just tagged along, got into bcom or engineering as their marks afforded, immediately did mba or mtech and then found a job.

we need to do better than that. better be a first rank anthropolgist or economist than a third rate engineer. how do we as parents have the guts to promote with such a value, in this world of insecurities and uncertainties?

I understand that in Japan a govt. employment is the most coveted career and for that a child has to start from the first class pre-KG to well-renowned KGs to the best of schools and then the most prestigious colleges. If an infant does not get into the proper pre-KG or KG, then itself the parents start pressurising the kid. As a result child suicide rate is very high in Japan. India is also becoming similar but the emphasis is on Engineers, not IAS.

So, we are not sure what would be the proper approach in guiding our children.

 

[sangom]

...also in these days, internet is a good source. so much detailed information on any career. just google. there is so much money in merchant shipping. i do not know why our boys shun it. there is no need to know swimming. absolutely safer than crossing mount road on any time of the day.

Dear Kunjuppu,

I feel you are referring to merchant navy. It may not be necessary to know swimming but it is not an appealing career. There are too many unsatisfactory aspects connected with it and I think our TB boys are wise in shunning it. I do not want to elaborate in public.

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Kunjuppu,

I feel you are referring to merchant navy. It may not be necessary to know swimming but it is not an appealing career. There are too many unsatisfactory aspects connected with it and I think our TB boys are wise in shunning it. I do not want to elaborate in public.

sangom,

i have 4 men in my family over past 30 years who have prospered in merchant marine.

i do not understand why you would want our youngsters to shun this career? if you are thinking of a wife in every port concept, all those days are gone. running today's ships are so expensive, these monster ships spent hardly any time in the port. the unloading of oil or containers is so fast, that many times, ships arrive in the morning and are off by the evening.

so the once famous dens of sin are long gone..

 

[C RAVI]

Sri RVR ji,

In my opinion, if we carefully analyze the back ground of 30+ bachelors who all could not reach higher positions, we would come to know that these boy's intelligence, ambitions, goals and the over all profile has been severely amended, effected and ruined due middle class family status, having 1 or more than 1 sisters.

Brothers and parents wish to marry off the girl to a well qualified and or well settled guy, educating her suitably and investing huge money for marriage with a well off guy. The boys of these families are willingly or unwillingly forced to take employment at the earliest. Very few could take up higher education along their work and only few could succeed. Most of them either end up just keep yearning and planning for higher studies or unable to continue and complete. These are the guys born between 1970 and 1980..

The boys who all are born after 1980 and less than 30 years are finding difficulties in finding suitable girls because of lots of social, economical and cultural preferences, expectations and priorities of girls. When such problems exists for boys less than 30 years, we can well imagine the plight of 30+ boys facing acute problems.

The above are as per my close interactions with few of my known people in Chennai and out of India.

 

[RVR]

Ravi,

I fully understand and appreciate the problems of the boys in getting their sisters married to a decent guy. Personally I have my own experience since are four sisters and two brothers. MY elder brother and myself were able to assist my father for two my younger sisters. My marriage was the last in my family and this happened after a year of my youngest sister's marriage.

It is definitely a relevant message to our community people here. Unless we reduce marriage expenses further, brothers of the girl are forced to sacrifice their career.

Personally I feel we can reduce the function at Kalyana Mandapam as a single day affair with `viratham done at home itself, keep reception on the first day evening and vacate the Mandapam on the marriage day after lunch. We can reduce sarees, ornaments, vessels and off course bakshanam to a great extent.

Purpose of this thread is to highlight the necessity of boys to perform well during adolescent ages as this will take them brilliant career in the subsequent period. Our focus is the present adolescent boys only.

Regarding the present 30 plus unmarried youth, we are sincerely trying to solve their problems to the best of our ability and we hope to achieve some breakthrough in the near future.

All the best