IMHO I see big social changes coming. I am hearing that clandestine pre-marital sex is quite common in large cities, whether we approve of it or not. In 10 or 20 years, arranged marriage will go the way of joint-family system. Dowry will be gone. This change will take a while to filter down to lower economic class. Personally I feel dowry system is despicable. Our girls have led the way in progress and are a model to the world. To be treated like slaves in the meat market is inhuman and shows India in poor light. I will fault both the dowry-demander and dowry-giver. We need sweeping social changes! We need a re-appearance of Bharathiyaar!
whether bharathiar reappears or not, his 'pudhumai peNN' is now a reality.
many of us have sisters or daughters who are such, and a source of immense pride to us.
not so happy are certain groups, and only they have to blame themselves for it - let me list them as i understand it
- parents of sons and only sons: aged 29+ these guys are looking at the 'marriage market' with glasses which appear to be fogged by yester years' values.
they appear to believe, that 'no expectations, no dowry, just a simple marriage enough' is a sufficient enticement to attract hordes of girls' parents.
also many of these sons' parents want - a cook, a wage earner, a nurse, a private secretary, a hostess, a housekeeper and more - all bound together in this entity called 'daughter in law'.
one only has to read and interact with many such ads even in this forum to understand the mindset of these folks. i would not want my sister or daughter anywhere near these households.
also i do not wish these guys 'luck' for i do not want any girl, from our community or otherwise, to fall into the traps of these spiders.
you can hear the bleatings, outbursts and wails of these at any gatherings. there are solutions, but these would not hear them. they would rather bang their heads against the walls in the hope that the walls break, not realizing it is their head that gets damaged. sometimes beyond repair. sad
- parents of high achieving girls: who simply cannot find guys who are earning more than their daughters (i dont know whether this hangup is with the father or daughter).
it is high time that these realise that there need not be a competition between the spouses as to which gender earns more. as long as they are willing to agree to build a home together, and all earnings go towards it, why should they care which one of them earns more?
is it just ego? or a holdover from old values that the male has to be the primary earner?
- also i have come across a few cases in my own family. intelligent parents of boys, who take the initiative of going after the girls' families while the boys are still in their early twenties.
they develop a relationship with the family, and tacitly promote 'love' or 'arranged love' as it is called now, between the youngsters, so that there is an unsaid committment between the two families for an eventual weddings.
has worked 100%, with a few of them, the boys' side footing 50% of the wedding expenses. all in singaara chennai too
- families of girls who marry whom they want. the parents i know, have been behind this 100% of them, in the past 5 years since. i have parents proudly in my family, who claim that their family is an 'integrated' india - integration here means, that their daughter or son has married a north indian or sikh.
.. and so the changes are happening rapidly in our community - for some it appears too fast. i dont know what can be done for such folks.