Did your foreign living enable you to get more broad-minded?

[JR]

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To me, the answer is 'yes'.

According to my perception, Indians glorify riches and stigmatize poverty and menial labor, much more than the West.

So living abroad for sometime, the main virtue I acquired is *not to look down upon poverty, or menial labor, cultivate one's mind so as to be ready to take up a low-paying menial, blue-collar job as and when the situation arises and never, ever speak ill of those doing such jobs*.

I did do some blue-collar job while I lost my job following the post-9/11 depression such as filing, typing (data entry), etc. My good friend hailing from super-rich family in India did several babysitting jobs. We discuss even to this day, the difficulties we faced and how we empathize with those doing the same.

More importantly, foreign living has enabled me to have a very broad outlook on factors that should determine one's self-esteem and self-perception: namely integrity of character, truthfulness and empathy.

I do notice Indian movies, TV, etc cultivate some 'closed mindset' such as in glorifying the already successful and looking down upon/insulting those who are not doing that well. I think this should change first before even Mr. Modi's campaign of clean-India!

Observations?

 

[prasad1]

This going to be a painful thread. This will be treated as pitting Indians (citizen) against PIO. I do not think it needs to be so. We all have different experiences even from the same incidence we get different impressions. So being in USA is just another experience.
I think we gain more experience when we leave our native place in TN and settle anywhere else. Be it be Delhi, Washington, London on any other place. You understand others a little more when you have walked in their shoes.

The biggest thing is you gain wider experience. You also start to appreciate the individual personal freedom. You start to respect other individuals as they are. You start to see the whole forrest when you are high up in the sky, but you are lost in the leafs at the ground level, similarly Indian culture, society looks different from afar. It may not be all bed of roses there are some thorns there too.

 

[biswa]

Although NRIs / PIOs generally think they are superior than resident Indians. Except members of this forum.

That was my escape clause.

 

[renuka]

Well let me share..for me the foreign living time was when I was a student in India.

5 years of living in a different country..since I am not an Indian citizen.

Well life was a bit different no doubt and living in India made me a little bit more street smart becos in India we have to hold back a lot of ourselves. Frankness or even friendliness can be totally misunderstood.

People tend to jump to conclusions too soon.

But I did not bring back anything from India besides my degree.

I left all differences when my plane touched down in my country. So my mind did not change in anyway.

 

[biswa]

I think JR ji's initial point is well taken. It is true that there is a major class and caste system in India. People tend to mis-treat maids, laborers and people of lower socio-economic strata.

However when those well-to-do Indians come abroad, they have to start from the bottom. So nobody boasts about their caste in the US. Students are dirt poor. So naturally they empathize with janitors, food workers, service workers etc. Of course when the H-1B gets their first salary and immediately buys their first car, things become a little different.

 

[SANDHYAV]

this is a great question...is all to do with your experience with the new country ( its economics, societal ideas, culture ).

Let us say you go to italy, and is always glued to tb.com, and return to your home country, then you will become that pizza - TB-PIZZA guy/gal...

 

[renuka]

Let us say you go to italy, and is always glued to tb.com, and return to your home country, then you will become that pizza - TB-PIZZA guy/gal...

So that means while a person was in Italy he/she leaned on TB forum...so that makes him/her the "Leaning Tower of Pizza"!LOL

 

[Raji Ram]

Will a tambram NRI visiting India sit along with the housemaid and eat lunch together? :noidea:

One more genuine doubt!

Why do tambram NRIs try to get match form tambrams first and if they are unable to find, accept the choice of their son / daughter?

 

[P.J.]

This going to be a painful thread. This will be treated as pitting Indians (citizen) against PIO. I do not think it needs to be so. We all have different experiences even from the same incidence we get different impressions. So being in USA is just another experience.
I think we gain more experience when we leave our native place in TN and settle anywhere else. Be it be Delhi, Washington, London on any other place. You understand others a little more when you have walked in their shoes.

The biggest thing is you gain wider experience. You also start to appreciate the individual personal freedom. You start to respect other individuals as they are. You start to see the whole forrest when you are high up in the sky, but you are lost in the leafs at the ground level, similarly Indian culture, society looks different from afar. It may not be all bed of roses there ate some thorns there too.

Prasadji's post sums up everything one learns from living away from his place; one will have a wider perspective about other cultures, learns how to live with adjustments.

I lived about 20 years in Calcutta, also visited UK, US and stayed there to learn good practices there.

Definitely, when one moves from his place, his experiences help him very much.

 

[SANDHYAV]

A cambridge psychiatrist ( it is cambridgeshire wow! now u r no more on the edge of your seat ) says https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqky4dSGJnE

how does it feel to LEAN-IN as lenovo advertises?

 

[SANDHYAV]

Structurally u r from TN.
You move to a foreign STATE ( country is a big then it is definitely a state, country is small u call it even continent like australia ).

I like the question from RR madam. I hope she means this:

You move to calcutta ( the STATE of west-bengal ) you move to DELHI ( the state of LITTLE INDIA - i dont know what that means ) you move to WASHINGTON ( the state of ---- )

why do you as an NR TN ( i remove I from NRI) seek match from tambram ( i don't know what she means, i guess she means TN native )

Now there is some undercurrent in this river haha..

 

[JR]

this is a great question...is all to do with your experience with the new country ( its economics, societal ideas, culture ).

Let us say you go to italy, and is always glued to tb.com, and return to your home country, then you will become that pizza - TB-PIZZA guy/gal...

I think if someone can become a TB-PIZZA from a TB, then that is indeed great!

 

[Raji Ram]

If the tambrams settled abroad are broad minded, they should just let their children choose their partners!

Why do I see many of them searching in Tamil matrimony sites first and after unsuccessful efforts, let their children choose?

 

[JR]

If the tambrams settled abroad are broad minded, they should just let their children choose their partners!

Why do I see many of them searching in Tamil matrimony sites first and after unsuccessful efforts, let their children choose?

I believe everyone has a choice to try to choose to preserve their cultural identity.

This question reaches far beyond the question of whether one has a choice to preserve their cultural identity or not.

It is about 'attitude change', trying not to stigmatize poverty/menail labour/lack of good looks/poor education, etc. The only things that need to be looked down upon are anti-social/negative/evil behavior. The rest of the folks need appreciation irrespective of their not-so-well-off social standing if they are otherwise good members of the society.

Somehow I noticed in foreign countries, this stigma is much lesser among the mindset of people. Maybe because there are more divorces/broken homes/misfortunes/diseases that carry a 'stigma' with them such as psychiatric illnesses, etc, that make people open-minded and not so judgemental of others because of their social standing.

The change comes from within, it does not imply taking drastic measures such as eating dinner with your cleaner on the same table, but atleast recognizing they have a mouth and a stomach too and providing them with the SAME meals we had and a space for them where they can truly enjoy the food.

And most importantly, it involves not gossiping around telling the next-door neighbour, "Do you know so-and-so's daughter-in-law is from poor family??", or "Do you know, so-and-so's son is not doing good in education??" and so forth..

 

[P.J.]

If the tambrams settled abroad are broad minded, they should just let their children choose their partners!

Why do I see many of them searching in Tamil matrimony sites first and after unsuccessful efforts, let their children choose?

Raji Madam

It has nothing to do with broadmindedness !!

If the boy is born and brought up there in a foreign country, the parents look only for a girl born and brought up in that country.

If the boy from India goes there for work, naturally parents look for a girl born and brought up in in India.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Jayashree,

IMHO, it is not the place you live in but your mind that makes you think all humans as equals! The house maids are given hot breakfast

whereas, we have to be happy with the left over 'thachchi mammu'! Times have changed and they are called akka / aunty by the youngsters

in the family. My maid calls me akka and her daughter calls me aunty! Cool, right? I will not mind taking her to some hotel and sit and eat

on the same table! It is only the mind set and NOT the country one lives in!

Some cousins-in-law living abroad had IC weddings and when they visit India, they have lunch / dinner only in my sweet home and

none of my other in-laws will be ready to serve them! They might do with a frown, if at all! :lol:

And...... I have seen Vicki, the robot kid shows and how much her mom gossips! :gossip:

 

[Jaykay767]

Nothing to be gained by settling abroad but a lot to lose!!

Broad Minded means giving up our rituals, traditions, culture, etc.. & liberally bad mouthing India & its problems. As though we need to learn from the PIOs, that we had/have a caste problem, cleanliness problem, etc…

Most of the Indian kids born in the west are lost causes, get into drugs, sex, dating, cars, etc… & they think that west is great!!! No clue on our culture, traditions except for first generation TBs who try hard to retain it, but they all lose it in the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP], 3[SUP]rd[/SUP]generation…

Pl read my earlier post on this subject!

Brahmin Community - Disintegrating by settling abroad !!

And what an extra-ordinary tradition, culture, religion we have, my god, it is an beyond compare, the least we all can do is to preserve it for our future generations !!

Settling abroad is the surest way to lose it all.

 

[Raji Ram]

Raji Madam

It has nothing to do with broadmindedness !!

If the boy is born and brought up there in a foreign country, the parents look only for a girl born and brought up in that country.

If the boy from India goes there for work, naturally parents look for a girl born and brought up in in India.

Dear P J Sir,

My sister in law settled abroad searched for two years to get a match form a tambram family settled in that country.

When she failed, she gave the choice to her son and he married a Jew! This is just an example!

 

[Raji Ram]

Nothing to be gained by settling abroad but a lot to lose!!...........

Dear Sir,
Earning in $$$$ is one big gain! opcorn:

What do you say?

 

[SANDHYAV]

The answer is yes and no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T69TOuqaqXI

Jaykay767 is the most closeminded
I am most open-minded

I challenge anyone for a cuppa

 

[Jaykay767]

Hi Raji –

Yes, was true in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, but today, one can make more money in India than abroad. In the west, cost of living is very high, so saving potential is lower. In India, one can live well with very less money, so one can save much more & retire faster !

Cheers,
JK

 

[krish44]

living in places other than tamilnadu whether living within or out of the country exposes one to people living by different rules and regulations based on those in majority

there.

we react in different ways when it comes to our own family .

we mostly try for what we are familiar with for the next generation . in case we do not get this we compromise and take what we can get.

 

[sangom]

To me, the answer is 'yes'.

According to my perception, Indians glorify riches and stigmatize poverty and menial labor, much more than the West.

So living abroad for sometime, the main virtue I acquired is *not to look down upon poverty, or menial labor, cultivate one's mind so as to be ready to take up a low-paying menial, blue-collar job as and when the situation arises and never, ever speak ill of those doing such jobs*.

I did do some blue-collar job while I lost my job following the post-9/11 depression such as filing, typing (data entry), etc. My good friend hailing from super-rich family in India did several babysitting jobs. We discuss even to this day, the difficulties we faced and how we empathize with those doing the same.

More importantly, foreign living has enabled me to have a very broad outlook on factors that should determine one's self-esteem and self-perception: namely integrity of character, truthfulness and empathy.

I do notice Indian movies, TV, etc cultivate some 'closed mindset' such as in glorifying the already successful and looking down upon/insulting those who are not doing that well. I think this should change first before even Mr. Modi's campaign of clean-India!

Observations?

Whether one lives in a foreign country (i.e., outside India) or in some part of India itself other than one's native state, becoming broad-minded has nothing as such to do with the living part, but has everything to do with one's mindset to accept the truth that yours is not the only glorious way of living and that every country has its own very many glorious cultures and ways of living. Normally a person who lives all his life in his place of birth itself does not get any exposure and so s/he tends to live like a frog in the well, and believes that only his/her culture is great.

 

[Jaykay767]

Frankly, what is there to learn from the west? I am not being arrogant here, I mean what can we really learn from them???

Other than science & technology, they have nothing to offer in the areas of religion, morality, culture, traditions, music etc…

In the areas of personal life, they are a complete disaster. Anything goes here..

In the areas of religion, culture, morality, they are a complete disaster…

In the areas of music, every English music is a porn… anyone who understands the lyrics, will run away….

All the other time pass issues like equality, human rights etc…, we don’t need to learn from them. As though we don’t know… LOL !!.

 

[Jaykay767]

Not to forget, lots & lots of westerners are coming to India to learn about religion, culture & tradition after having lived a debased life back in the west !! Many of these westerners have settled in India, become highly religious & want to marry our TB's, who else !! LOL !!