Delay in getting the child....

[sangom]

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sanogm, BK,

while there is no guarantee for anything in life, personally i feel parenthood is a state which one goes through to get enrichment of life experience and not to expect anything in return.

i have always believed that children come forth into this world due to our actions. we have brought them in and we bring them up. this we owe them. all through this process, we find enrichment, in giving. we give, not to expect anything in return, not because we have to. but we because we feel fulfilled.

ofcourse, roles change. we age. we infirm. our second childhood comes. can we expect our children to take care of us. is that a mandate? i would say not. if they, of their own liking, take on that responsibility, then we are blessed. otherwise, we should make arrangements for our own care.

thankfully, in this day and age, wherever we are, this is possible. God Bless.

Shri Kunjuppu,

The awareness that " we have brought them into this world due to our actions " is justified today. But think of some 50 or more years back. The ordinary "brahman in the agraharam" (like man in the street) could not be satisfied with just one son and lead a celibate life thereafter because most often the first child would be born even before the father crossed 25! If the first was a daughter, the effort for begetting a son would not stop even when the couple crossed 50 and the wife had not reached menopause. In the process there could be 8,9 or even 10 daughters born, since Family Planning was unknown except some crude and primitive methods which were often looked down by the sastras, I understand. (Even if the first were a son, the wife would be derisively looked upon as infertile if further children, at least 3 or 4 were not born to her.) The responsible parents underwent a lot of sufferings to bring up the children. In their old age they used to have nothing to fall back upon. So it was considered the sons' duty to look after their parents during their old age.

Today the scene is very different. But the psychology still lingers because unlike in the west Indian parents cannot ask their children to "look after themselves" after school education is complete; the parents have to bring them up till they get a job suited to their taste, qualifications, etc. If there is a change in outlook and we also start following the western system of asking the children to finance their higher education, perhaps this "dependence syndrome" will also vanish in two generations, I feel. But are we ready for it? I don't know

 

[sangom]

let the husband chant Purushasuktam daily

Is there any sastra support for this?

 

[kunjuppu]

sangom,

somehow there is a feeling in this forum, that western parents are different from us. i think otherwise - parents world over have the same love and affection for their children and wherever possible do help out the children in their studies. not for them to sit on their hands, and let the children fend for themselves post high school.

but i find the western society is realistic in its expectations, both ways. the children simply do not take it for granted that the parents will spoon feed them right upto marriage and post. also, the chldren in the west 'grow' up pretty fast, ie they have a sense of the reality much earlier in life than our children.

even todays, i find that our indian girls are so protected, from information, facts and realities of the world, that they are not all equipped to face reality. hence i think, we some of the wild behaviour of these when they leave home for a job in I.T. outside of hometown. அவுத்து விட்ட கழுதை story for most of them.

the parents, had they been smart enough to manage the anxities, ambitions and romantic desires of the children, starting from the teenage years, chances are that there opportunities to discuss, negotiate and evaluate issues faced in life later. instead i think, we still have a 'noble silence' policy on most topics.

how many of us (self included) can successfully negotiate our roles from that of a parent to that of a friend, when our children are in the teens? do we have to wait till the children are in the thirties for this role transformation? i don't know, but many a times i do wish i myself will simply stop being a parent lecturing my kids, and start being a friend. appears to be very difficult though!!

 

[sangom]

sangom,

somehow there is a feeling in this forum, that western parents are different from us. i think otherwise - parents world over have the same love and affection for their children and wherever possible do help out the children in their studies. not for them to sit on their hands, and let the children fend for themselves post high school.

but i find the western society is realistic in its expectations, both ways. the children simply do not take it for granted that the parents will spoon feed them right upto marriage and post. also, the chldren in the west 'grow' up pretty fast, ie they have a sense of the reality much earlier in life than our children.

even todays, i find that our indian girls are so protected, from information, facts and realities of the world, that they are not all equipped to face reality. hence i think, we some of the wild behaviour of these when they leave home for a job in I.T. outside of hometown. அவுத்து விட்ட கழுதை story for most of them.

the parents, had they been smart enough to manage the anxities, ambitions and romantic desires of the children, starting from the teenage years, chances are that there opportunities to discuss, negotiate and evaluate issues faced in life later. instead i think, we still have a 'noble silence' policy on most topics.

how many of us (self included) can successfully negotiate our roles from that of a parent to that of a friend, when our children are in the teens? do we have to wait till the children are in the thirties for this role transformation? i don't know, but many a times i do wish i myself will simply stop being a parent lecturing my kids, and start being a friend. appears to be very difficult though!!

Dear Kunjuppu,

Though I would also have liked to be a father in the traditional mold, my sons did not allow it to realize fully. due to very many factors, I had to concede their freedom and independence right from college, if not earlier. I can just cite one instance. My second son got IIT JEE selection; he was very particular in taking Electronics and computer or some such subject which he could get only in Banaras BHU. My relative who was then teaching in Mumbai IIT advised him to take whatever best he could get in Mumbai IIT but he was reluctant. I went to Benares for his admission because BHU was infamous for ragging. Another parent told me that ganja smoking is yet another habit and pointed out a shop which sold cigarettes with ganja inside. Since I used to smoke then, I requested my son not to buy lose cigarette nor accept cigarette offered by anyone else but to buy only full packets, if at all he felt he should smoke. some similar advice I gave about drinking also so that he did not fall in to any "gang" which promotes addictives.

Glad to say, my son does not smoke even now (I have also stopped now for the last many years.) and has risen high in career which makes it necessary for him to drink on some occasions since the society (London) in which he moves does not attach any stigma to social drinking.

 

[viramutho]

The best way it to trust on Ayyappa and ask your hasband to go Sabarimala for makara jothi.

 

[Hemanth]

sanogm, BK,

while there is no guarantee for anything in life, personally i feel parenthood is a state which one goes through to get enrichment of life experience and not to expect anything in return.

i have always believed that children come forth into this world due to our actions. we have brought them in and we bring them up. this we owe them. all through this process, we find enrichment, in giving. we give, not to expect anything in return, not because we have to. but we because we feel fulfilled.

ofcourse, roles change. we age. we infirm. our second childhood comes. can we expect our children to take care of us. is that a mandate? i would say not. if they, of their own liking, take on that responsibility, then we are blessed. otherwise, we should make arrangements for our own care.

thankfully, in this day and age, wherever we are, this is possible. God Bless.

kunjuppu, i fully agree with you. We look for fulfillment in life, leading an innocent young one towards good life/value, which we are enjoying now.

 

[Hemanth]

Shri Krishnamurthy,

I hope Shri Hemanth and the other couple read your wisdom coming from age and experience. Even when real orphans are told (as per legal requirements today) about the fact that they are adopted, by their parents who adopted them, and they find that there is no chance of tracing their real mother or father, I am told that for some weeks, they become unsettled. Some even start behaving "aloof", etc. So, if the child is told about its real parents, it will be very complicated affair.

Sangom,
I thank you and Krishnamurthy for bringing in the real practicals facts of life. Yes we are fully aware of the adoloscent arrogance and psychological confusions adopted children may have - some mild and some wild.

So we have to keep our fingers crossed and hope that settle down calmly just like how a newly wed-bride settles in her new home - inlaws home. So it is just love and affection that can actually pull us out of any bad situation, that may arise - there is no point in stoppping the vision of adoption fearing about an evident hypothetical situation that may or may not arise.

All i feel is that i should give a good life to one lesser privileged young child from my side!! . There is both happiness and sorrow at times - but lets face it as it comes.

So just take one step at a time and tackle the situation at that time.

 

[nnarayan26]

In case you beleive in God , and since you have mentioned Raghu is in 5th Place from Lagna in your horoscope the best solution for you would be to Perform Milk Abhishekham to an idol of Naga ( Sarpam - Rahu Bhagwan) on Aailyam Nakshatram (Aashlesha ) every month . I do not know where you are residing in India , but if you can visit Kukke Subramanya Mutt in Karnataka with your husband ( it has to be reached via Mangalore) and perform shanti for Rahu you can surely conceive. Alternatively you can show your husband's horoscope and find if he is affflicted by Pitru Dosha . Also kula deiva shanti in case Kula deivam has been ignored needs to be done. Also you can send a DD of Rs 101/ - to Garba Rakshambikai Temple ( situated near Tanjavur) and request for Ghee Prasadam which you and your husband need to consume for 48 days. I am sure you can get success god willing.

Since you hace specifically mentioned that you have visited lots of temples , but still unable to conceive , hence you need to go deep and find out if your family is afflicted by Pithru Dosham , since that can negate all positive effects of temple visits . hence kindly visit some knowledgeble astrologer or speak to some elderly who knows shastrams and who can show some guidance to you.

Regards

 

[nnarayan26]

In case you beleive in God , and since you have mentioned Raghu is in 5th Place from Lagna in your horoscope the best solution for you would be to Perform Milk Abhishekham to an idol of Naga ( Sarpam - Rahu Bhagwan) on Aailyam Nakshatram (Aashlesha ) every month . I do not know where you are residing in India , but if you can visit Kukke Subramanya Mutt in Karnataka with your husband ( it has to be reached via Mangalore) and perform shanti for Rahu you can surely conceive. Alternatively you can show your husband's horoscope and find if he is affflicted by Pitru Dosha . Also kula deiva shanti in case Kula deivam has been ignored needs to be done. Also you can send a DD of Rs 101/ - to Garba Rakshambikai Temple ( situated near Tanjavur) and request for Ghee Prasadam which you and your husband need to consume for 48 days. I am sure you can get success god willing.

Since you hace specifically mentioned that you have visited lots of temples , but still unable to conceive , hence you need to go deep and find out if your family is afflicted by Pithru Dosham , since that can negate all positive effects of temple visits . hence kindly visit some knowledgeble astrologer or speak to some elderly who knows shastrams and who can show some guidance to you.

Regards​